


Bound By Fate

by Araminia16



Series: Fated [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Baby Dragon, F/M, Gwenthur babies, Magic, Redemption, Reveal Fic, mergana - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 14:20:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 34
Words: 152,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9903542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Araminia16/pseuds/Araminia16
Summary: Sequel to Morgana's Servant. AU. Set after season 4, but before season 5. Redemption fic. Some Arwen.Camelot rejoices as it's most dangerous foe is captured and put in chains, but Merlin is finding himself drawn to her once again. Magic calls to magic and they are each other's destiny.Original work on FF.net written in 2012-2013, this version is revised slightly and edited.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Revised from original. I hope you guys have fun reading this! It was very very fun to write. Updates will be M, F.

XxOxX  
Merlin was startled from his sleep by one of the many dreams that had begun to plague him since the Fomori incident, 3 months ago.

She tasted exquisite, like apples and fresh sweet cream. Her cries and moans spurred him on. Slow, then fast, lapping at her like he was starving, like she was the only thing he needed. He looked up past the smooth flatness of her belly to her rounded, perfect breasts, her face wasn’t visible to him but he knew her eyes were fluttering, her blood red lips parted from her cries. Her hands were at his head, buried in his hair, tightening and loosening with the strokes of his tongue.

Merlin groaned softly. His dream was so realistic and now he had an issue to take care of because of it. He loosened his breeches a bit more and reached in to grab his erection, rock hard and aching. He hissed when his palm made contact and began stroking as he remembered his dream.

“Goddess, Merlin! Please! More!” she cried out. He teased her bud faster. He wanted more of her, to delve deep into her sweetness, drink it all down, that was all that mattered, pleasing her.  
He began to stroke faster, climax rapidly approaching. It was hard to keep his noises quiet as so Gaius wouldn’t come in and embarrass them both.

He could tell she was close, rocking into his tongue, hands getting tighter to the point of pain, keening, gasping, she was tightening, reaching her peak and she was utterly spellbinding. He teased her faster and faster until she hit her climax, screaming his name and shattering a glass behind them. His tongue kept moving, keeping her on her high.

Merlin gasped and gave a loud groan as he came onto his hand and in his breeches, continuing to stroke until the last bit of his essence was released. He cleaned up the mess with a spell and sat up in bed. This had to stop, these dreams. She was his enemy. She wanted to kill Arthur and Gwen and himself and hurt innocent people. This should not be happening, these sex dreams about her.

Sure, he had dreamt of these kind of things back before… he had almost seen her naked during his first days in Camelot. Morgana Pendragon was astoundingly beautiful, the kind of woman that made men go on valiant quests for and bards write songs about. But none of the dreams from before had even been so detailed. He could still taste her on his tongue, hear her cries in his ears, and feel those delightful fingers in his hair. These were too real. But he would remember sex with Morgana, wouldn’t he?   
Merlin shook his head and got up out of bed for the day. Arthur would be waiting to torture him with chores again today.

############

Morgana woke up yearning for something, no someone. He had awoken something within her that she hadn’t possessed before. Lust. She yearned for the fires of her lusts to be quenched again. Although against her nature, she contemplated taking a random villager for her pleasures, but threw away the idea almost immediately. She couldn’t control him and no one would measure up to Merlin. She wanted more of him, wanted more of that connection between them. It made her ill-tempered and even more vicious. The feelings that she was harboring were a weakness. She hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep for a very long time. Not since he left her. It wasn’t love that spurred her on, it was hate and passion. Morgana had always been a passionate and stubborn child and that fact hadn’t changed in adulthood. Soon she would have what she wanted. The Throne of Camelot…and her brother dead or in chains and… she smiled… Merlin...


	2. Prologue

XxOxX  
Morgana began to struggle towards consciousness, her mind flickering like a candle while trying to bring her back to awareness. It was odd as she never had any problem awakening before. It felt like she had been…her eyes flew open as she remembered the knights surrounding her and the sharp pain at the back of her head before darkness consumed her. She was on a rock slab, the cold leeching warmth from her shivering body. Her wrists and ankles weighted down by chains. As if this cell would hold her. She reached for her magic which beckoned her like a bright fire but hit a solid wall. She could sense her power, but not access it. Her energy pounded at the invisible barrier as slight panic began to take hold of her. Morgana moved her head and felt something around her neck. It felt cool and metal, much like the chains that held her. When she reached up to feel the collar her chains clinked and slid along the ground. She heard footsteps, “She’s awake. Send for the King.” Another set of footsteps, a door opening, and then closing. “Get up, Witch.” A male voice. “Camelot will see you burn for your crimes.” 

Morgana sat up slowly, unwilling to look weak in front of this man. Her head pounded and her vision blurred but she spoke in a clear and condescending tone, “As if anyone could kill me. I’ve escaped before and I will do it again and make sure you burn for your impudence.” She sneered at him. 

The soldier snorted and turned away from her. How dare he mock her! She was a high priestess of the Old Religion, a power to be feared and respected. Morgana was furious and opened her mouth to retort and anger him when the door opened and shut and she was met with the blue eyes of Arthur Pendragon. He walked up to the cell bars and grabbed onto them with his hands as he looked at her.  
“Hello Morgana.” 

“Arthur.”

He didn’t speak again immediately, just stared at her. “What happened to you?” his voice was soft, sad, his eyes were tired.

“I grew up.” She whispered. “Was that why you took me, chained me up? To ask me that?” 

“No. But I could not allow you to harm anyone else. The people of Camelot want to have you killed for everything you have done to them. I don’t know if I can do that. Not many of them know you are here, but once they do…” He trailed off and the warning was clear.

“What’s stopping you? Aren’t you Uther’s prodigal son? He would have me killed when I awoke, or possibly even before that.” She was growing angry at the look in his eyes and the tone of his voice. She should pity him, his hatred of magic, not him to pity her.  
“Don’t speak ill of the dead, Morgana, especially of your own father.” His voice was firm and filled with something that sounded like regret.

“Not my father! Never mine! He was a tyrant and a murderer! He deserved his fate.” She stood up and walked towards the bars, stopping a stride length away from them.

“I am not my father. You are more like him than you think.” He turned to leave, “Maybe there is nothing left for me to save. Perhaps I should not even try.” The door opened and Arthur stepped through, clicking shut behind him before Morgana could give a retort. She was nothing like Uther! He would have her kind dead and wiped from this land. She began to pace the cell. Where was Aithusa? Did they kill her? 

“Guard!” Morgana called, a sudden fear sprouting in her chest.

He didn’t look at her. “What?” 

“Where is the dragon I had with me?” 

“Arthur is keeping it in another cell. They are thinking about using it as sport, its lame and it would be easy for the dogs to kill.” His voice was filled with contempt as if he didn’t even want to be around her.

Morgana launched herself at the bars. “I will skin the flesh off of your bones and of every knight in Camelot if you so much as touch that dragon.” Her voice was cold, low and bone-chilling. 

The guard took a couple of steps back in fear, and then seemed to remember she was a prisoner. “Not likely. That collar around your neck keeps you from using your sorcery. I’d like to see you get out of here with it on.”

She backed away from the bars and touched the collar again. It was smooth with no sign of a locking mechanism. Of all the things her sister taught her and that she herself read in books she had never heard of such an artifact that blocked the use of magic. Her body was sore and the chains chafed on her fair skin. Her clothes were dirty and her hair a matted mess. There was water next to the stone bed but no food. They wouldn’t waste it on her until they figured out what to do with her. At least there was light. She shivered as she remembered the darkness in Sarrum’s pit, the despair she felt as her little dragon began to cry in pain, growing awkwardly. She tried her best to comfort her; even now she reached out to the dragon, or tried to. Despair settled into her. What if Aithusa was dead? She needed Morgana to keep her safe. Her panic level began to climb. Her baby dragon that she had failed to protect once and she couldn’t fail again. Why didn’t Arthur kill Aithusa when she was unconscious? Why keep a creature of magic alive at all? 

Morgana sat back down onto the bed, examining her chains. Why would Arthur want to keep her dragon alive? While she was silent and contemplative the guard went back to the door. 

“Now be quiet. I will not answer to you.” 

“Worried I will control you with my voice? Your ignorance will be your downfall.” Her tone was mocking. She continued to examine her chains for any signs of weakening or any way to get out.

“Quiet. Arthur will likely be sending for you soon. Best hope the end is quick.” 

“Not likely.” The Knights of Camelot would want her to suffer before she died. She only hoped that she could get away before that happened.

XxOxX


	3. Chapter 2

XxOxX  
Merlin watched Arthur as he paced across his and Gwen’s room. He was agitated after his visit with Morgana. She had always been able to rile him like no one else could ever since he had known the both of them. “I just don’t understand it.” 

“Understand what?”

“Morgana. I don’t understand how the loving girl I knew has grown up to be that…thing in the dungeon. So filled with rage and hate.” He stopped in the center of the room and looked Merlin in the eyes. “It’s like my sister is dead. It feels like my fault.”  
Merlin didn’t know how to respond, “Arthur. You shouldn’t blame yourself. Morgana made all the choices she has by herself. She has chosen this.” 

“I could have helped her. She was scared of our father. I don’t know how but I know I could have helped her.” He sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands.

“There were those in better places to help Morgana than you, Arthur.” And he regretted it now, poisoning her. He should have come out and told her about his magic because that was the root of things between them. Their common link. He should have done it at least to spare them all this pain now or perhaps it would have caused more problems in the future.

“I don’t know what to do with her. I am not my father. I can’t kill her. I want to try and save her.”

“Arthur. There is no saving her. The Morgana you know is gone. Forever.” Merlin spoke with a grim finality despite his increasingly heavy heart.

“I don’t believe that, Merlin, and neither should you. You were close to her once as well. You used to know her.” He got up again. “Maybe I will ask Guinevere. Where is she?” Arthur began to walk to the door.

Merlin caught his arm. “Arthur. She has committed evil crimes against your people. She must be stopped. Judged. You know that.” He took another breath. “And she is where she always is when you aren’t holding court. In the nursery.”

“I’m not letting her go. I just want her back. I have lost so much now with my father, my uncle, my mother, Morgana. I’m so tired of it, Merlin.” He shrugged out of Merlin’s grasp. “Trust me, Merlin.” He walked out of his room, footsteps fading down the hall.   
Merlin sighed and began picking up the room. Arthur didn’t know her like he did. The darkness to my light. The hatred to my love. The words that Kilgarrah spoke to him echoed in his head every day. This was fate, destiny. It could not change. He had to protect Arthur and if that meant going behind his back about Morgana he would do so. Finding that artifact, that collar, was lucky. The treasury was being counted and chronicled by Merlin and Gaius at Arthur’s request. Arthur had wanted to know what was being held in his kingdoms vaults. Uther had many magical items, most of which they didn’t have any knowledge or storage system for, and the King had not known how to destroy a fair few of them.

When Gaius had picked up the large necklace he had let out a sharp cry and immediately dropped the thing like it had burnt him. When Merlin picked it up the urge to throw it down again was nearly overwhelming. Even holding it in his hand he could feel the connection to his magic grow weaker. It was a Collar of Ainstrom and according to Gauis there were only 5 in existence. It was a simple large ring of gold inlaid with an onyx stone. It seemed impossible to open. When Gaius had showed it to Arthur the King had taken it upon himself to learn about the Collar. When blood was placed onto the stone in the center, the collar sprang open to be fastened around the neck. It required the same blood to open as it did to close it and could only be used three times before it disintegrated. As luck would have it the Collar that they had found had never been used. It was also a little known fact that it was Arthurs’ blood that kept Morgana from accessing her magic and that was something that Morgana could never know. He walked out of Arthur and Gwen’s room and shut the door. His feet began to move, although he didn’t know where he wanted to go he had to get some air and think about what had happened last night.

&& (Flashback)

Merlin was on patrol with the Arthur and the knights. They had been out investigating rumors of magic along with a terrible beast that was wandering the wood. Arthur had dismounted and began to walk into the forest motioning for them to follow closely. It was nearly dark and Gwen would be worried about them by now, but Arthur had a feeling they were close to whoever had been terrorizing the citizens. On foot they traveled through the forest coming nearer to a cave. When they examined inside of it there was food within and some supplies as well as a fire. Whoever had been here would most likely be back. 

“Gwaine, Leon, you two wait along those trees over there. Be quiet. We are going to see who lives here. Give them a welcome home present.” Arthur motioned for Percival and another knight to surround the cave and keep watch. Merlin stayed with Arthur. “Maybe they are just woodsmen here for the night and gone again in the morning.” Merlin offered.

“Not likely, Merlin. The villagers told us about a cave. This is a cave. It obviously houses someone. If we are wrong, then we search again. I won’t have my people living in fear.” Arthur’s tone brooked no argument as they waited. 

It grew darker with each passing minute. They had been keeping watch for close to an hour it seemed. Arthur was getting restless and impatient with each second they stayed longer. He was just about to call the knights back when Merlin heard footsteps in the woods. Arthur pulled his sword from his belt and watched the entrance as a white shape barreled through the trees accompanied by a woman’s laugh. “You are being silly, my little one.” That voice shocked him straight to his core. There was no possible way that Morgana was here. “Come Aithusa. It’s time to eat my precious one.” 

Merlin did a double take. Aithusa? Why was she here? Where was Kilgarrah? Why was his dragon with Morgana?

As they neared the cave entrance, the white dragon stopped and sniffed the air, beginning to growl. The dark clad woman drew a knife from her belt. “What is it? Who is out there? Show yourself.” As she turned to face them there was no mistaking her for anyone else other than Morgana Pendragon. Her face had haunted his dreams for months now. She was scare at the moment, fear shining in her otherwise confident and hate filled gaze. Morgana muttered a spell and lit up the clearing, which is when the knights attacked. She was clearly surprised by the number of attackers and immediately placed herself in front of the dragon, eyes glowing gold with her power as she blasted the area. Leon engaged her first with Percival at his side. She sent one of them flying, while the other continued to push her back against the cave. Arthur and Gwaine used the opportunity to quickly flank her. She was losing ground to Percival and then Leon, who had rejoined the fight. It was too risky for Merlin to use magic to help them. Gwaine had finally gotten close behind her while her attention was split between them and said, “Hello my lady. It’s time for you to take a nap.” He struck the back of her head with his sword hilt before she was able to turn around. Another knight had cornered Aithusa who was unconscious. He lifted his sword to strike her when Merlin yanked the sword from his hands with magic and ran up to them. “Stop! Stop! Don’t hurt her!”

Arthur had joined them, advancing on the dragon. “Merlin! What the hell do you think you are doing? Get out of the way.” He began to shove Merlin away.

“No! Arthur! Don’t kill it! We can use it! Think about it. We can keep it alive beneath Camelot again.”

“Yes and you know how well that worked out.” His tone became one that he used when he thought Merlin was being an idiot.

“We can use it against Morgana. She obviously cares for it. Arthur, please.” He tried to make himself sound less desperate. He was a Dragon Lord. He had to try to protect the dragon that he hatched.

“How do you propose we get it to Camelot?” 

“I don’t know. Leave it to me. It’s wounded. Get Morgana. She might wake up soon. We have to find out what to do with her. This dragon is harmless compared to her. It’s a baby and if it were going to kill us it already would have done so.”

“Merlin….” He started then sighed. “I don’t think you are thinking straight. It isn’t a pet. Hopefully you don’t get yourself killed. Gwaine would never let it go.” Arthur turned and walked out of the cave, motioning for the other knights to follow him. “Tie her up and blind fold her. Percival. Go back the way we came and get the horses. We will need them.” Arthur’s voice faded off as he exited the tiny cave. 

“Aithusa Schlaf.” He commanded her and at once her eyes drooped and and collapsed slowly onto the ground, unconscious. She would sleep until he awakened her.

&&

It had been hell getting them both back to Camelot. Aithusa was now being held in the same place as Kilgarrah had been underneath the city in chains. Merlin fed her every day even though the dragon hissed and spat at him when he came near. He had to figure out why she could not speak and why she was hurt, and most of all why Morgana had her in the first place. He kept walking through the castle and before he realized it he was at the stairs to the dungeon. What could it hurt to face her now? He had some questions of his own for her as well as some warnings. He could take her looks and sneers and words that Arthur could not. Although a great plan; there was another problem with that idea. 

The very thought of being alone with Morgana in the same room was enough to make his loose breeches seem all the tighter. Those dreams of his had not abated with time like he hoped. He kept having them, and kept relieving himself at least weekly if not more often. His body wanted her. His mind knew that was a terrible idea. Maybe he would go back to his room instead. It would be better than embarrassing himself in front of her. His feet had different ideas altogether as he descended the stairs and knew that this was a very bad idea. The guards merely nodded at him as he passed by them walking down to the dungeon door. Serving as Arthur’s servant for 8 years had its perks one supposes as everyone in the whole entire castle knew who he was and rarely questioned him anymore. “Seeing the prisoner.” He walked up to the door as he spoke.

“No one is allowed in Merlin.” The guard on the other side of the door told him.

“Arthur wants me to speak with her.”

“The King would have sent a message to us.”

“Oh that’s right.” He turned around and pulled out a blank sheet of paper and created words upon it with a whisper. “Here it is.” He turned back around.

The guard looked dubious but opened the door. “Be careful.” He stepped through quietly and turned to look at the cell. The figure inside looked small and helpless, her black dress torn in some places. 

Her back was turned to him and her chains rattled. His blood heated at the sight of her back. He didn’t know what he would do when she faced him but he was about to find out. “Hello Morgana.”

Her back straightened and she turned around to look at him very slowly. “Hello Merlin.” Her voice was dripping with venom. Her eyes flashed with something that took him aback before filling with malice, a brief flash of lust that was there and gone so quickly he might have missed it had he not been watching her closely.

This was going to be interesting. He could already tell.

XxOxX


	4. Chapter 3

XxOxX   
Arthur approached the nursery quietly. If Eliana was sleeping he didn’t want to wake her up. He opened the door and crept into the room. 

“Hello Arthur.” Guinevere’s voice soothed him like nothing else could. His agitation was cooling with each step he took further into the room. Gwen was sitting in a rocking chair beside the window holding their 9 month old daughter. The baby gargled a greeting to him as he approached. “How did it go?” She turned to face him, brown eyes filled with concern and curiosity. 

He knelt down next to them. “I don’t know what do with her. My father would have known what to do now or what he felt would be right to do to her. I want to be different than him. He had so many enemies and caused so much suffering even to those who did not deserve it. That woman in the cell was not Morgana. She looked like her and used her voice, but it couldn’t be her.” He took a deep breath. “She killed our father….Merlin said that she should be put on trial, executed. I can’t do that even after all the things she has done. Could you? She’s my sister. Part of my family.”

“Arthur. I honestly don’t know what I can tell you. I love Morgana. Loved. She cared for me more than she should. Her heart was filled with compassion and kindness. She stood up to Uther for me when he had my father killed for nothing. She went above and beyond for me many times over. I would have to see her myself to tell you what my judgment would be about this ordeal.” 

Arthur held is arms out for his daughter, who Gwen passed to him with a smile and stood up while cradling her and walking around the room. He looked down at his daughter. Eliana Pendragon was named for Elyan, who died a week before his nieces’ birth defending them against bandits along the road. Gwen was devastated and Arthur did not argue with her when she picked out the name. She was darker skinned than her father, but lighter than her mother with chocolate brown curls atop her head and bright blue eyes that shined with happiness nearly all the time. Ellie had always been a good baby, smiling and happy. She had a rounded face with dimples and looked like Guinevere more than Arthur. The knights and Merlin all adored her and even watched her on their own on occasion. Gwaine wanted to teach her how to use a sword before she could talk and the rest of them had agreed. He took a deep breath and let it out. If it meant executing Morgana to keep his daughter safe he would do it without a second thought. “If it meant keeping you and our daughter safe I would do it without question, Guinevere. I know that. But she’s locked up and currently not a threat to anyone. Maybe we can undo whatever Morgause did to her.”

“It wasn’t just Morgause, Arthur. You know that. It was Uther as well.” Her arms wrapped around his middle and her cheek pressed into his back between his shoulder blades. “Would you allow me to see her? If you really want my counsel on this I need to see her for myself. See if there is any way I can get through to her.”

At once he wanted to dismiss the idea. His Gwen was precious to him. But she had proved time and again that she was stronger than he thought she was. “I will only allow it if one of the knights goes with you. And you don’t go anywhere near the cell.” Ellie smiled up at him. “Don’t tell her about Eliana. The less she knows about our weaknesses the better.” He began to bounce the baby in his arms. 

Fatherhood was a territory he knew nothing about when Gwen announced to him 15 months ago that she was with child. He was floored and nearly fainted, a fact that Merlin never ceased to tease him about. As his wife grew large and full with his child he began to reassess his life. He questioned everything and everyone. He remembered her arguments with him about treating her like a glass jar. And even though her labor went well, he feared for her life. Many women died in childbirth every day, even queens as he well knew. When he held his newborn daughter for the first time, his world tunneled into the tiny little face of their child. It was an earth shattering experience for him as well as Guinevere and Camelot rejoiced in the birth of the princess. He still wanted a son, but for now he was content with his daughter.

“Oh Arthur, you can be so overprotective.” Her arms unwrapped from his waist and she walked around to face him. “I will do as you ask. I want to see her later today. After feeding Ellie and laying her down for her nap. No arguments.” She leaned up to kiss him and he closed the distance, leaning down and wrapping an arm around her middle. Gwen laughed and then bent down to kiss their daughter on the forehead. “Would you want to stay here with her while I go out for a brief walk around the courtyard. I need to stretch out my legs and get some fresh air.” 

“I told you we can get Eliana a nurse. All princesses have one.” 

“No. I want us to care for her as much as we can. I wasn’t raised in court like you, Arthur. I want us to do the work. She can have a nursemaid when she gets older. I won’t share her with anyone but you.”  
“And the knights, and Merlin, and Gaius.” He smiled at her.

“Well they are family, aren’t they?” She smiled and turned around, walking to the door. “Besides its good to humble you every once in a while, Arthur.” She opened the door and disappeared as it shut. Gwen wouldn’t be away for very long. She was very attached to the adorable bundle in his arms.

“All right Ellie. Da da. Say Da da. We have to get you to say my name first. Beat your mother to it.”

&&

Gwen walked down the hall and through several others before stepping outside. She took a deep breath and began to think about what she would do when she did see Morgana face to face again. The last time she had seen her Morgana had told her that she didn’t hate her, but what she would become. It still hurt her to see her best friend turn against her. Arthur was playing with fire and he very well knew it. Morgana would not get anywhere near their daughter, not while she still had breath in her body.   
“My Queen.” A soldier greeted her. She nodded back at him.

Her feet carried her through the upper town to the lower town, back to her old house. Arthur kept it pristine and no one lived there anymore. She opened the door and breathed in the air. Her nose still picked up the faint trace of smoke and metal left over from her father’s work. Arthur was home to her, but this place was too. This was her place to think. 

And she had nothing to think about. Her mind was utterly filled with the questions she wanted to ask the woman in the cell beneath them. Why did she turn against them? What made her fill with such hate? Why would Morgause take her? How could she kill innocent people? Why didn’t she love Gwen anymore? If her thoughts didn’t stop on the downward spiral they began since Arthur told her that Morgana was in the dungeon she would go insane. She had spent possibly 15 minutes in her old home, but being inside her this place wasn’t helping her sort through her emotions like it had so many times before, so she left, walking back up to the castle. It would be almost time to feed Ellie again. Her breasts were beginning to feel heavy and uncomfortable. She saw Merlin headed for the dungeon and was about to call to him when Leon stopped her.

“My Queen, where is the King?” 

“He’s in the nursery. I am going back there now. He wished to speak to you.” 

“Of course, my lady. I will accompany you.”

“Leon. I have told you a dozen times now, call me Gwen.”

“Of course, my… I mean Gwen.”

“There. That’s better.” They began to walk back to the nursery. “Is it about her?”

“No. But I think it is a mistake leaving her alive. He remembers what she has done better than anyone.”

“He still loves her, Leon.”

“I know that. It will be his downfall. Maybe you can talk some sense into him.”

“I will see her for myself before I call judgment.” 

“As you wish, My lady.” He nodded as they came to the nursery door and opened it for her. 

Arthur looked up from his seat on the floor. Ellie was sitting near him, banging a wooden horse on the floor, squealing. He quickly got up from the floor. “Sir Leon. Just who I wanted to see.”

“I will leave you men to it.” She kissed Arthur again then leaned down to pick up their daughter. 

Arthur and Leon walked out of the nursery door, shutting it and leaving Gwen with a hungry baby and her own thoughts.

XxOxX


	5. Chapter 4

This is going to be a bit saucy. Rated E for a reason. :)

XxOxX

Morgana stood up as she was unwilling to have Merlin look down on her in the cell. Her chains slid along the floor creating a tinkling grinding noise as she began to walk towards the bars of the cell. Merlin was watching her rather closely and it was not only her face he was looking at but her body as well. A slight smirk graced her lips at that. Did he remember their time in her hovel? Did he remember it fondly? She swayed her hips and smiled at him. “Come to gloat at me, Merlin? Does Arthur not have something better for you to do?” Her tone was sharp to make up perhaps for her vulnerability.

Merlin watched her move closer to him until they were no more than arm’s length from each other, separated by the cell bars. He took her in and she was magnificent. Beautiful and terrible like the sorceress queen she wanted to be without access to the magic that would make her one. The soft flesh of her breasts beckoned for his touch as well, his dreams roaring to the forefront of his mind which he had to stave off before he embarrassed himself in front of her. “No Morgana. I’ve come because Arthur cannot see the evil in your heart like I can.”

“Is that why you were staring at my chest? It’s not uncommon for commoners to desire someone above their station. You don’t have to hurt my feelings by telling me I’m evil.” Her blood red lips curved into a smirk, eyes darkened with desire of her own.

“Don’t try and distract me, Morgana. Arthur is going to have to kill you. There is no other option.” Merlin stepped back from her. Proximity was bad, Morgana was bad, and his brain knew that. His cock unfortunately did not. It wanted to feel if she was as wet, tight and soft as what he dreamed. 

“He could try and no doubt fail at his attempt. He has before.” She still played with him; even locked up in this cell she was trying to gain the upper hand.

“And you have failed every time to capture and keep the throne of Camelot. You have been beaten countless times by a servant and your brother. That really has to grind on your pride.” He wouldn’t let her beat him.

No longer taking the seductress approach she glared scathingly at him. Morgana wanted to use her powers and snap his puny neck or watch him burn. The visions of what she wanted to do with him would give him nightmares of which he would never recover. “I should have killed you long ago and should not have left it to chance. You were more resourceful than I thought for a pathetic idiotic servant boy. When I get out of here I shall have to remedy my mistake. And I shall enjoy every moment of it.”

“You won’t win, Morgana. You have no allies, no friends, you have nothing.” Despite the harsh words his tone was matter-of-fact and almost gentle.

“I have no allies or friends because Uther slaughtered them all and Arthur is following in his bloody footsteps.” She hissed at him. “My sister was my only real ally. She took me in and taught me about magic. She loved me. And you killed her.”

“You could have changed Uther’s mind about magic! You were his daughter! You could have made him see past his fear and hate of it! Instead you chose this life. Hate fills your heart and you can never come back from all the things you have done. And your sister used you, Morgana. Morgause only ever wanted to make Uther suffer. To destroy him and Arthur. You didn’t want that until you learned about your real parentage.” 

“Uther was not my father! A father wouldn’t do the things he did. Gorlois loved me more than Uther did. My ‘father’ locked me up, struck me when I spoke out of turn. I’m glad he’s dead. He didn’t even wish to acknowledge me to anyone! ”

“It doesn’t give you any excuse for the things you have done. Those things were all you. It was your choice to betray everybody.” He got closer to her, his face closer to the bars than was safe.

“I also didn’t choose to be poisoned Merlin. I didn’t choose for the one friend in the world I told my secret to betray me. You did that. This is your doing more than anyone else’s.”

Although Merlin had blamed himself over and over again he wouldn’t ever admit to it. “That is very childish, Morgana, blaming the servant boy for your mistakes.”

“You know NOTHING!” her voice grew in pitch, “I was held in a pit with no light, starved, thirsty, and for two YEARS I only saw darkness! The fact that my brother has changed nothing about his rule from Uther’s only makes my own beliefs stronger.” Her face was inches from his, her chest was rising and falling faster now with her frantic emotion.

Merlin was taken aback briefly by her confession. He wondered who locked her up for so long. How did they keep her from using her power to escape? Arthur would have to find out about it. “How did you escape?” 

“I always find a way, Merlin, to get what I want. I have one ally you haven’t killed yet.” 

Merlin knew it was Aithusa who she spoke of and went to the heart of the matter. “How did you find that dragon? What sorcery did you use on her to make her loyal to you?”

Morgana’s eyes widened and she clutched the cell bars with her hands. “Where is Aithusa? What have you done with her?” 

“How do you know her name?”

“Answer me first!” she growled. 

“No. You will get nothing from me until you answer my question Morgana.”

“She told it to me when she saved my life after I escaped from Camelot. She healed me.” Her tone quieted and her grips around the bars eased. “Now tell me where she is!”

He didn’t want to answer her. Merlin did not want to give her anything but the words came forth regardless. “She’s no worse for wear. She’s in Camelot. Why do you care so much about her?”

“She’s all I have left.” Morgana confessed quietly, not wanting to give too much of her feelings to him.  
Merlin immediately felt the urge to comfort her so he fought it down. She obviously cared for Aithusa and that was something Merlin didn’t see coming. How could the dragon he watched be birthed into the world be evil? How could she choose Morgana over him? Was there something inside Morgana that he did not see or did not wish to see? “She’s okay. She nearly bit Gwaine’s hand off when she awoke.”   
“Good.” Morgana laughed. It sounded almost normal. Her face came alive with it with her smile. Merlin found himself getting closer to her, drawn by an invisible rope to stand right up next to the cell bars, their faces separated by a breath. “Merlin, what are you….” She whispered. Before he could stop himself he leaned forward and closed the distance between their lips. His magic flared to life beneath his skin.

Morgana’s lips moved against his deepening the kiss. His hands came up through the bars and wrapped around her. One of his arms settled around her waist, the other behind her neck, pulling her closer to him against the prison bars. He felt her breasts press against his chest and he deepened the kiss, lips moving against hers, like he was starving for her. His magic throbbed and flared against the walls of his control demanding to be released into the woman he was kissing. His magic called for hers, but hers could not answer. She whimpered against his lips, and tried to wrap her arms around him, but the chains kept her from reaching through the bars so she settled for wrapping them around the bars of her prison. His erection, already at half-mast hardened to full thickness in at her whimper. He had to get closer to her, had to feel his body against hers. 

A loud noise from behind the dungeon door made them both jump, open their eyes and jerk back.   
Merlin nearly fell on his arse as he stumbled back. His magic that had come to the forefront with their embrace quickly retreated without Morgana’s touch. Morgana’s eyes were wide and her hand had come up to her lips. 

Her eyes were wide. “Why did you do that? What makes you think you can touch me like that?” She tried for harsh and only achieved breathless.

“You seemed to be enjoying it. Besides if anyone is to blame it’s you. I’m not the one with magic.” Merlin retorted.

“Yes, this collar is letting me cast an enchantment over you. Idiot.” She retreated from the bars to place herself back near the wall.

“I’ve been down here too long already, Arthur will be expecting me.” He had to find some way to get away before she noticed how excited their kiss made him.

Her eyes traveled down to his groin and she smirked at him. “Well it looks like someone enjoyed our kiss. Are you going to visit my brother with that little problem?”

Too late. He couldn’t hide his blush but he refused to retreat. “I could take care of it now. You would probably enjoy watching.”

Her face grew red. “Get out. You disgust me.” She snarled at him. 

It was his turn to smirk at her. “As you wish, my lady.” He knocked on the door, which opened and he disappeared from Morgana’s sight. 

She sat back down on the bed, trying to slow her rapid heartbeat. His lips felt so soft and pliant beneath hers. Merlin was a warm and solid presence against her. Her core was tingling and damp from their kiss and her breasts were heavy and aching for his touch. When he told her he would take care of his problem in front of her she was tempted to see if he would have actually done it, or if he would have retreated. For a few weeks after letting him go from her hovel she craved his touch, his scent, his hard body thrusting into hers. She had attempted to alleviate her arousal with her hand, but it wasn’t good enough. She wanted him to take her hard and fast, no emotions; a veritable battle of wills. Morgana would kill him that much was certain, but before she did she would wring every drop of pleasure he could give her out of him no matter how long it took. He would die in ecstasy.

&&

Merlin practically ran to his room, shut the door, and then locked it. His erection was rubbing against his trousers and gave him no relief. He had to take care of it now or else it would stay there all day. He knew this because he had tried it once before after his dreams. It took half the day before he had to relieve himself in a closet. It would have been embarrassing with Gaius present, but fortunately he was out. What was Merlin thinking kissing her? The correct brain obviously wasn’t. He wasn’t even intending on kissing her. He was intending on warning her away and figuring out how to kill her himself before she could do any damage. Kissing her was not part of the plan. He lay down on his bed, spat in his hand and reached into his trousers for his erection. He hissed softly as his palm touch the sensitive skin and began to move. Unbidden images of Morgana’s breasts and lips came to mind and how her body felt against his even through the bars separating them. It didn’t take long before his belly and groin tightened and he spilled his seed into his hand and pants. His head fell back. She would be the death of him. How could he face her again? It was beyond mortifying to lose control like that, especially with her of all people. She wasn’t the tender, loving person she had been when he came to Camelot 8 years ago. Morgana Pendragon would find a way to use this against him next time. If he visited her again at all it would be with company. He did not trust himself to be alone with her again. He wasn’t even sure what had happened to kiss her like that. His magic called to hers and that couldn’t be good. Not one bit.

XxOxX


	6. Chapter 5

XxOxX

Guinevere looked over herself in the mirror and found the woman within the glass to be strange but familiar to her. This was how she used to look before marrying Arthur and becoming more than a mere servant in the eyes of those around her. The dress she wore now was comely and made from wool instead of expensive silks and satins and special wools and fur. It was modest and comfortable and much unlike the uncomfortable but also extravagant and beautiful dresses that she wore in court. She picked up the plate of food and made her way down to the dungeons to meet with Sir Leon. When he saw her he raised an eyebrow. "Are you certain that this is what you want to do M'lady?"

"Yes, I am, Leon. Maybe this will make her more comfortable to see me like this. Perhaps she will feel less hatred towards me if she does not see the crown on my head."

"Why do you seek her approval so much? I do not understand."

"I don't expect you would, Leon, but she was once my best friend and I miss her. It is not very Queenly or very strong for me to say, but I want her kindness back. I want whatever Morgause did to her to be undone. I want the woman who defended me and kept me from the fires when my father died."

He nodded at her in his form of understanding and opened the door.

Morgana looked up as the door to the prison opened. She had hoped that Merlin had come back to play with her and was surprised at the face that was revealed by the shutting door. Instead of Merlin or Arthur it was Guinevere but she looked odd, but not terribly so. She was dressed in a servant's garb.

"Hello Guinevere." She kept her tone reserved and cautious whilst being wary of any tricks they might still yet play on her.

Gwen smiled at her. "I have brought you food, M'Lady. I thought you must be hungry after awakening and the long night you must have had. I am sorry I could not come sooner." In her hands there was a plate of bread, chicken and cheese. She was escorted forward by Sir Leon who came forward and opened the door while keeping one hand on his sword. He stepped through ahead of his charge and placed between Morganan and his Queen. The latter of the two walked through the door behind him and set the plate on the table in the cell then backed out, bowing to her.

Morgana was confused at Gwen's' behavior and that made her agitated. "What is this?" her voice was louder now. Her agitation seeped into her tone. This seemed much of a game and she did not enjoy being toyed with. She was tired of it. 

"I'm sorry, my lady. I don't know what you mean." She stood outside the door with Leon behind her.

"I will not be toyed with like some simpleton. What is your game? What are you doing?" she stood up and stalked to the door, glowering at the two of them as she came closer.

Leon stepped closer to Gwen and reached out to her to pull her back. "Morgana…."

"STOP IT!" she shrieked at them. "I know that you are queen so why do you taunt me like this? You are treating me like I do not know who and what you are! You should have just come in with your crown and looked down upon me like a commoner."

Guinevere's posture changed completely at Morgana's outburst. Her back straightened, her chin rose and her eyes took on the look of one who was comfortable and in control. She had changed even in the few years that Morgana had been away and it was shocking to the bound sorceress. "I had hoped that my dressing as a servant would endear you to me. I wanted to see if you would be more receptive to me if I was not queen. We could pretend like we were children again. I wanted to see if you would still hate me if I was not clothed and crowned as Arthur's wife. A role that I thought that you would have taken so long ago." She took in a calm and measured assessment of Morgana. "If you are going to act like this then we have no reason to speak." She turned around and walked to the door. "Goodbye Morgana."

"Wait." She surprised herself by uttering the word. She would not beg for the woman to stay. Morgana's thoughts turned to escape and who she could use to achieve her aims.

"Yes?" Guinevere stopped at the door, her back still to Morgana.

"I was surprised at your dress. I merely assumed that you were here to taunt me. I did not expect that you would wish to speak to me like a human being." Her voice was measured and even, eyes glinting in the torchlight. Perhaps Gwen's tender heart would be the way to get her freedom.

"Why would I wish to even speak to you if all you wish to do is question my kindness? I brought you lunch like I used to. I have been far kinder to you than most would and it is because of all of those years that I stood loyal to you. Arthur has also been kinder to you than he should have. You know that he is not Uther and you need to stop treating him like he is." Guinevere had turned back around and walked closer to Morgana’s cell.

"Thank you for your kindness." It was difficult to keep the annoyance out of her voice. "I am sorry. Will you stay and talk to me? Like before." She smiled at Gwen who kept a mask of indifference on her face.  
"Sit back down away from the bars, Morgana." Leon commanded her.

Even though she wished to retort back to the knight Morgana sat back down on the bed. Gwen sat down on a stool near the cell bars with Leon standing behind her. She would play along for as long as it took. "What do you wish to talk about?"

"You should eat while we talk. It has been quite some time since you have last eaten." The queen gestured to the plate sitting a few feet from Morgana.

Morgana looked at the plate, "No thank you. I don't eat anything I do not prepare myself."

"It is completely safe, so why not enjoy it? If we wanted you dead it would be in a more public display."

"It is a long story, Guinevere, and one that would bore you." Morgana thoughts turned to Merlin and that horrific day where she realized that the one person she had trusted completely betrayed her. He had given her water, pushed it on her and she should have refused it the last time. She should have wondered why he was so insistent upon it. They would not believe her now if she told them about him. "I will just go without. It would not be the first time I have spent days without food."

Gwen looked curiously at Morgana, who lifted her gaze to meet her eyes. "You lived out in the woods and you are accomplished with many weapons, including magic. You should not have any want for food."

"Yes, but that is not where I have been the entire 2 and a half years since we last saw one another." She paused and chose her next words carefully with a bit of emotion laced through them. "I spent 2 years in a hole in the ground with only my hunger and thirst to keep me company along with a small creature who had done nothing wrong save help me. No light or comfort and no magic to aid me." Her voice wavered though her heart was icy and felt as stone would while she recounted her torment. It did nothing to remain in the past. It would be easy to manipulate the woman in front of her.

"How did you escape? And why did you not use your magic. You have always been so keen to before."

"I was lucky. But let us not speak of that. Tell me of your life since I was driven out of this place."   
Morgana kept her tone light, but inside she was still seething about that day.

"Arthur and I married and I was crowned Queen. It is rather boring at times. I miss the excitement and the fun that we all used to have." She smiled at Morgana.

"It is power, though. Power that is far above your station."

"You are right, Morgana. I was born a commoner. I was your servant for years and I never aspired to have power or to use it. I expected to marry within my station for love and have a certain freedom doing it. I don't care about power. I care about doing good for the people. I care about the suffering of the land. I have no true hate for magic unless it is being used for ill. Arthur and I do our best to keep the borders secure against any and all threats."

"How can you be married to my brother and say that you have no ill will towards magic? All he has is ill will."

"That is not entirely true, Morgana. He dislikes magic because all you have shown him is how evil can use it to their advantage. Magic killed his father and his mother. How can you expect anything other than hatred for it?"

Morgana did not know how to respond to her question. "How can you expect me to believe that when he would put to death any who tried to show him anything differently?"

"I do not know, Morgana. But I do know that Arthur would listen if he found the right person to listen to."

"Perhaps." she nodded at them.

"Would you like me to go?"

"No," she found herself replying. She was enjoying the company of her old friend more than she assumed she would. Or maybe it was being alone in the wilderness with no human contact save those who disturbed her. "Stay for a little while longer."

####

Merlin sought out Arthur, who was in his chamber with Ellie. She was beside his desk on the floor and gave a delighted cry when she laid eyes on him, crawling across the room to be scooped up. Merlin obliged and scooped up the girl into his arms. He had become quite accustomed to holding a baby and had been since her birth. He was also one of the only people she had ever thrown up on.

"Merlin! Just who I wanted to see." He looked up from his papers to Merlin.

"Yes, Arthur?"

"Guinevere is down in the dungeons with Leon. I don't like it but she insisted. If she is not back in an hour I want you to go down to check on her. I don't want Morgana to upset her."

"I don't think I should be the one to get Gwen." Merlin commented, walking around the room.

"Why not? Morgana may be powerful but she is locked up and without magic. There is no need to be such a coward, Merlin."

"I'm not scared of her." Merlin argued. "Don't you have something else for me to do? Polish armor,   
scrub floors, clean your laundry maybe?"

"Since you are so against the idea I suppose I can send you to do something else." His tone was one of annoyance.

"Thank you." He was relieved that Arthur might listen to him.

"Just go and do it Merlin, but until then you have given me a list of things to add onto that as well. My laundry needs cleaning and my armor does need polishing. Oh and the stables need a good cleaning too." He got up from behind the desk and walked up to Merlin, taking Ellie out of his arms. "Get going now."

"Yes your oh-so-high-and-mighty-ness." He muttered.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing."

"I thought so."

Merlin turned and walked out of the chamber, grumbling about prats and stubborn kings when Arthur's voice sounded from inside the chamber, "You forgot my clothes, Merlin." Merlin turned around and walked back into the chamber to a chuckling Arthur. "That is how to order around your uncle Merlin."  
He picked up the basket of clothes. "Ellie, you shouldn't treat your servants like your dad treats me."  
"I treat you amazingly considering you spend most of your week in a tavern."

Merlin would need to speak to Gaius about telling Arthur he was in the tavern all the time. This was getting to be a problem again. Merlin walked out of the room and down the hall.

####

"What is it like? Having magic?" Gwen broke the silence once more.

Morgana was surprised at the question, which made her bring her hand up to the collar around her neck. She could still feel her magic like she felt her heart beating. It pulsed just out of her reach. It made her feel empty and bereft. "It feels just like an arm or leg. It is a part of you and it beats in time with your heart. It makes you feel warm and safe." Her voice was wistful and filled with longing. She turned her head again to look at Gwen. "If you could feel it…."

"I have always wondered about it, even with Uther was still King. I have never seen much magic. You speak of magic like it is your friend; like it is alive." Morgana heard the curiosity in her old friend's voice.  
"Magic chooses you. Uther was ignorant in his persecution of those who used it. It is much like banning the use of your hands or feet. It is not something to be afraid of. It is not evil and wicked. It is a tool to be used by those with the ability to wield it."

"So magic did not make you do those things? It was you?"

"Yes. I would do it again too if I could. I do not regret my actions. I did what I thought was best for my people."

"The Morgana I knew would never harm the innocent. She would not seek to kill women and children. She was full of love and compassion for her people. She stood up to Uther after he killed my father. She was willing to give her freedom and life to save my own. Where did that Morgana go? I miss her." Guinevere's voice began to waver. "I want her back."

"She can never come back. That Morgana is dead. She was killed long ago by someone she cared deeply about."

"I don't believe that. I believe that she is still down there somewhere."

Morgana shook her head and opened her mouth to reply when the door to the prison opened to reveal Merlin. 

"Gwen. Arthur wants to see you as soon as possible." He avoided looking at Morgana, who had set her eyes upon him like a cat with cream.

"Tell him there is nothing to worry about. We are just talking."

"He insists."

"Stupid overprotective man." Gwen muttered. She turned her attention to Morgana. "I apologize, but you know Arthur. I will come back tomorrow if you wish it."

"Please."

She nodded and got up from her seat, hurrying out the door with Sir Leon in tow. Merlin turned to follow them.

"Goodbye, Merlin." She purred. The door shut firmly behind him and she was left to her own thoughts.

####

Night came swiftly. Morgana's belly growled with hunger but she ignored it. Instead she lay down on the bed and closed her eyes. Sleep claimed her swiftly where she dreamed of something other than visions of death and despair.

XxOxX


	7. Chapter 6

XxOxX

Morgana awakened slowly and opened her eyes only to have the odd feeling that she was being watched. A quick assessment of her surroundings revealed that the day before had not been a terrible nightmare and she really was in the dungeon in Camelot. She mentally kicked herself for not being more vigilant and protecting herself and Aithusa better. A sound from the shadows made her eyes dart in front of her to a figure that was mostly invisible. “I know you’re there.”

A dark chuckle came from the figure who stepped into the torchlight. “Hello, Morgana.”

“Merlin?” she was confused. “What are you doing back down here? Is it morning?” Sleep had made her mind unfocused as she puzzled out why he would be down here acting like a thief in the night. 

“No.” Keys rattled and jingled as they were inserted into the lock and turned. A small click signaled the opening the cell door with a loud creak as he stepped in. 

Morgana tried to sit up but her hands were stuck near her head. She jerked the chains but they did not come loose. She tried again, pulling harder and kept her eyes on Merlin, who had shut the door again and was standing inside the cell, watching her with interest. “Leave.” She looked at the chains, trying to see where they were held at but in the darkness it was near impossible and her wrists were beginning to ache slightly from the shackles themselves. They were probably bruised by now. 

“No. And that is no way to treat a guest.” He had not made any move closer to her but she still felt unsettled by the way he looked at her. His gaze was dark with a look that could only be described as desire. “It looks like you are stuck. Would you like any help with that?”

“No, Merlin. Now leave. How did you get in here in the first place?” She asked once more and began to tug harder. It was not fear that motivated her although that is what it would look like to anyone watching her. It was a matter of pride as Morgana refused to be looked down upon.

Merlin smiled. “This reminds me of a similar situation that happened some years back, except I was the one in chains and you were the jailor.” He stepped closer to her. “Maybe I should have poured water on you to get you awake. You need a bath.” 

She bristled at his comment. “I do not smell!” She hissed. 

“I would have to get closer to see for myself.” He was dangerously close now and she contemplated kicking at him with her feet. At least they were unhindered by heavy chain.

“I’ll scream. The guards will come to investigate and how will you explain yourself?”

“You won’t scream. My presence here has made you curious. I know you better than you think, Morgana.” He put his back against the wall near her head so it was easier to keep him in her sights.

“What makes you so certain I won’t scream?” Her tone was challenging and neared a hiss.

“The look in your eye. The one you get when you are curious. Those blue eyes light up from the back and your forehead get a small wrinkle, like when one is possibly confused. You are too stubborn to call on Camelot’s guards to protect you against me. And I have no interest at the moment in killing you.”

“Then what are you interested in?” As soon as the question left her lips she realized that she already knew the answer. 

“You,” he paused and sighed. “I have been having these dreams for a couple of years now. Dreams of your body beneath mine and maybe I need them to stop. Maybe I need to get you out of my head. The only way to do that is to work it out of my system.” 

“You speak as if it is a terrible burden.” She could not keep her mild outrage out of her tone.

“Not at all. I’m just running out of material.” He knelt down next to her. “I don’t understand what is going on. I don’t know why I am so drawn to you. It is insanity. You want Arthur dead, yet I can’t stop myself. Like a moth to a flame.”

“You know what happens to a moth, correct?”

“They burn. But they enjoy the light while it lasts.” His lips fastened themselves to her own and she responded in kind eagerly. The truth was that she also desired the one man who tried and nearly succeeded in killing her. It was unexplainable and she had craved his touch ever since she had experienced it nearly three years ago. He released her lips and began kissing down the side of her chin and licked her pulse point then gave a gentle bite. His hand rested itself underneath her arm to trail down her side and back up again. She felt the heat of his palm through the thin dress. His mouth found the spot beneath her ear that he had found before and she gasped and arched her back, turning her head to give him more of her neck. Her toes dug into the bed beneath her. He grinned against her skin and released her neck. Both his hands came up to caress the underside of her breasts, flicking her nipples. She bit her lip to keep herself from making more noise. “You are so sensitive and responsive. Just like I dream of.” 

“Shut up and kiss me.” His lips met hers again and she took his lip between her teeth and gave a nip. 

“Ow.” He pulled back. “Now you are going to get it.” 

Her body was warm and heated and her core had already begun to throb for his touch. She should not desire someone like this. Her body had never heated at a kiss or look, but she melted for Merlin. 

“I really came down here to give in to my favorite thing to do to you.” He walked around her body and knelt down in front of her feet. “Open for me, Morgana.” He growled softly. “Let me see.” 

She wanted to resist him. She wanted to tell him to leave and never come back. The words rested on the tip of her tongue, but her legs opened for him. Another part of her wanted to feel the pleasure that his touch gave. It would make her feel more human. Pleasure, happiness, and human contact had been denied to her for two years and she needed this. 

 

Merlin’s hands were warm on her flesh as he pushed her dress up past her hips. His hands stroked over her legs and warmed them. He kneaded the flesh of her upper thighs so that his thumbs brushed ever closer to where she needed him the most. Finally she grew tired of it and whined, “Merlin. Please.”  
“Anticipation is the best part.” His thumbs brushed just beneath her undergarments and she nearly embarrassed herself with her half-shriek. “So needy.” His thumbs brushed against her soaked slit, “And so very wet.” His hands left her skin and ripped the side of her underwear apart to expose her to his eyes. She was as perfect as what he dreamed. “Beautiful.” 

Morgana lifted her head to watch him and met his gaze. He was hungry for her. This was what she wanted and she allowed it because this was her desire. He braced his arms on either side of her legs and lowered his head, inhaling. “Apples and cream.” He whispered and then gave a long lick. Her head fell back onto the thin pillow with a loud moan. She forgot how good he was at this. He changed his position so that his arms were hooked underneath her thighs which enabled him to bring her closer to his mouth. His erection was pounding and he rubbed it against the cell bed, to ease some of the ache. 

His mouth continued the long sweeps making sure to graze the tiny bundle of nerves at the top each time. The rhythmic stimulation made her shift her hips and moan again. Her hands jerked against the chains. She needed to hold onto something. Her blood red lips had parted and she began to pant softly. Merlin’s tongue swirled around her clit and back down. He pulled back. “Enjoying yourself? Because I am. I could do this forever.” Before she could answer he buried his face back into her folds, focusing his attention on that bundle of nerves that caused her the most pleasure. 

She gave a loud gasp and rolled her hips against his mouth. “More!” her demand was met with Merlin’s increased pace. She gave short, sharp cries as pleasure began to wash through her in waves. His mouth continued his assault while his hips had begun to move against the bed, thrusting in time with her cries. He was beginning to get light headed with the stimulation and drove her harder to her release imagining it was his cock being driven into the warm wetness of her womanhood. Morgana’s toes began to curl and her body started to tense up. The warmth and sparks coming from her core nearly consuming her. Her core began to spasm and her cry of “Merlin!” echoed off the walls of the prison.

Suddenly, as if being splashed with icy water, she suddenly awoke from the dream and eyes flew open to her body in full swing of an orgasm. Her core tightened and wetness spilled out of her. She stifled her cries by grabbing her pillow and biting down, her hand which had been next to her head began stroking her core through her clothes, which were still on. She kept jerking and tensing through it, finally stopping and relaxing. She looked around to see that there was no one there and her hands were free. Was it all just a dream? Why would she dream of him doing that to her. Her body felt loose and wonderful, full of happy feelings. She was still imprisoned, but she felt a lot better and for the moments that it lasted she would enjoy it.

###

Merlin came awake, gasping from his dream, Morgana’s flavor still on his tongue. That was definitely a new experience. He had never dreamt of Morgana as any other than she had been before. And how had he acted with her? She brought out the darkness in him and encouraged it. His erection was rock hard and throbbing. It only took four strokes to bring him to completion. He had never come awake like that before and never had he spilled his seed afterwards so easily. It was as if he was actually there with her in the dungeon. He shook his head and sat up. He absolutely had to stay away from her. For both of their sakes. 

“Merlin! Are you awake yet? We have things to do today!” Gaius’s voice came from behind the door. 

“Yeah! I will be out in a few minutes. I need a bath. I still smell like horses.”

“Make it quick. We have to get going.” 

Merlin got up out of bed and undressed, using his magic to fill the small tub in his room with warm water to wash the sweat and other things from his body and try to wash the image of Morgana naked from his mind. She was as perfect as when he had first seen her. The dirt on her face and hands had done nothing to mute the perfection beneath. He washed his face. Why was he so obsessed with her! It made no sense! Morgana is evil. She is going to kill Arthur. He had to be strong and not give in to these baser desires. The head on top of his neck would be the one he listened to from now on. After the quick wash he dried off and donned a new set of clothes then opened the door to see Gaius, who was holding a few potions. “Here! Merlin. Carry these potions.” Merlin saw a rabbit sitting in a cage on the table.

“What’s all this for then?” he took the potions from Gaius

“Oh yes! You weren’t here the last time I did this. It will be a wonderful learning experience for you.” Gaius opened the door and walked out. “Come on then Merlin.”

Merlin followed Gaius into the palace and through the halls to come to Gwen and Arthur’s room. He knocked 3 times and the door was answered by Gwen, who looked pale and tired. “Hello Gaius. I have the vial right here. She handed him a vial of yellow liquid. “Thank you, Your Majesty. I shall have the results for you within the week.” 

“Don’t tell Arthur. He already suspects something.” Her eyes flickered to Merlin. “Hello Merlin. Arthur is looking for you. He wants you to train with him and the knights.”

“You mean Arthur wants to beat on me with his sword for a couple hours.”

She laughed. “Indeed. I told him not to be too hard on you.”

“Thanks, Gwen.” She shut the door. “Is she alright Gaius?”

They began walking back through the corridors. “Perfectly alright, Merlin. Don’t worry yourself about it. She has been feeling a little under the weather lately. Now go and see Arthur. We wouldn’t want to keep him waiting for too long.” Merlin sighed and began making his way to the training grounds.

###

Another knock at the door made Gwen get up from bed as her stomach feeling queasy while she made her way to the door. Elliana was sleeping in her crib next to the bed and it was almost time for her to get up and see her part time nursemaid, Belinda, while she and Arthur held court. She had donned another simple dress before answering the door for Gaius and Merlin and wondered who else would be calling on her this early. She opened the door and was face to face with Leon. “Hello, Sir Leon. If you are looking for Arthur he is out training. I thought all the Knights were out with him.”

“Morgana wishes to see you. She gave the guards quite a scare when they came in to check on her. She demanded your presence.” 

“I thought the castle guard knows not to pay any attention to what Morgana tells them. She isn’t Uther’s ward anymore.” Gwen began to feel nauseated again.

“She was quite insistent on seeing you. But if you are feeling unwell I will address her myself.”

“No. I can go down there before we hold court. Just give me a few minutes. Belinda should be here to take Ellie to the nursery.” 

“As you wish.” He bowed and left as Gwen shut the door. She turned around to be greeted by a pair of sleepy blue eyes and messy curls. 

“How is my princess this morning?” Gwen walked across the room to pick up the recently awakened baby from her crib. “Your nurse will be here soon to give you a bath. Mama needs to go and see what your Aunt Morgana wants. You will be good for her won’t you?” Ellie smiled up at her. “I thought not.” Another knock at the door revealed Belinda, a middle aged woman with more red in her hair than grey and steel grey eyes. “Hello Belinda. Would you see to it that she gets a bath today? I can’t help you. I must go and deal with a situation urgently.”

“As you wish, your highness.” Guinevere handed her the baby and sat down to brush out her hair and wash her face while Belinda took Elliana from the room. “This will have to do. I will send for a plate of fruit. Maybe she just wants to talk like we used to. A little kindness can go a long way.”

XxOxX


	8. Chapter 7

XxOxX  
Merlin walked out into the courtyard to see Arthur talking with the rest of the knights. “Merlin! Are you ready to spar with us?” Arthur turned around. 

“That’s funny.”

“The knights thought so too. But I’m serious.” 

“That’s not so funny.” Merlin stood next to Gwaine, who was whispering to Percival. “What are you two going on about?

“Taking bets.” Arthur went over to the practice rack while Gwaine whispered, “Arthur’s irritated about something this morning. We are seeing how long it’s going to take him to beat the stuffing out of you.”  
Suddenly the good mood of the morning didn’t seem so good anymore. “Oh, well that is wonderful.”

“Percival and I think it is about Gwen. She’s been sick.”

“Gaius and I went to her room a bit ago. She looked like she had been throwing up.”

“I think she’s got another little one on the way.” Percival spoke up. 

“So we are going to need you to do some snooping while he beats the stuffing out of you.” Gwaine told him, pushing him forward and clapping him on the back while Arthur came forward with a practice sword and shield for Merlin and himself.

“Suit up Merlin.” Arthur handed him the weapon and shield, which he equipped, then assumed the ready position. 

Merlin sighed and put his shield up, bracing for the incoming blows.

“Ready?” Gwaine laughed. “Begin.”

Merlin knew he was doomed when Arthur’s sword began to move. Merlin held his own for about a minute before Arthur nailed him with a sharp tap on the leg. “I don’t understand women.”  
“What?”

“Guinevere. She’s ill or something. She’s not talking to me.” Another swing, another sharp welt on his leg.

“She talks to you all the time.” He winced and limped, then gave another swing.

“But she’s keeping something from me. I can feel it.”

“Nothing big, I hope.”

“I need to figure it out.”

“There could be an Arthur Jr. in the future.”

Arthur stumbled and Merlin tapped him on the leg. “She can’t be pregnant, Merlin. She would tell me. And that was a cheap shot.”

“Unless she is keeping it a secret to surprise you. You never know.” 

“What do you know?”

“Nothing. Nothing at all. I’m an idiot, remember.” He said too quickly.

“I don’t believe you.” Arthur’s eyes narrowed on him.

“No?”

“Maybe. You know, Merlin, I enjoy having these talks with you.” He lunged and slammed his shield into Merlin’s making him fall back on his ass. “Thanks.”  
Merlin turned his head to see the other two laughing off behind him.

“Gwaine! Suit up. You’re next.”

Gwaine stopped laughing and looked frightened for a second. “Yes, Arthur.”

“Ha.” Merlin told him as he got up and limped away.

“Don’t leave yet, Merlin. I’m just warming up.” 

His leg cried out in protest. “Yes, Arthur.”

XxOxX

Leon met Guinevere on her way down the corridor towards the dungeon. “Are you sure you are feeling well enough, My lady?”

“Yes, Sir Leon. I am perfectly alright.” As they approached the stairs to the dungeon Leon took the lead. He knocked three times on the door then waited, listening. “Marcus? Finn?” He called through the door. “Gwen, stand back.” Leon drew his sword and opened the door slowly, bracing himself for attack. “Gods!” he threw open the door and rushed in. 

Gwen stayed back from the door, but tried to see into the darkness. “Leon?”

He walked out of the door. “Back to your room, M’Lady. I will escort you there.” He gently took her arm and pulled her away from the door. She resisted and pulled back from him.  
“What is going on? Where is Morgana?” she walked to the door almost lost her breakfast, already a tenuous battle. Her hand went over her mouth and she stepped back, gagging. In front of her were the two guards lying on the floor in a pool of blood. The cell door stood wide open and a bloodied blade lay just inside the door. Both of the guards were without swords. “She still has a weapon…” the blood drained from her face and she took off running.

“Gwen! Where are you going?!” he followed her.

“The nursery.” Ellie was with Belinda. She wasn’t protected and Morgana was on the loose somewhere in the castle. “Go sound the alarm, Leon. I will be fine. Arthur has taught me how to defend myself rather well. Send some guards if you must but we need to find Morgana before she does any more harm.”

Leon looked torn for a moment then sped down another hall towards the alarm bell. Gwen passed by a few more hallways before coming to the nursery door, which was shut and there was no sign of blood or any indication that Morgana had been in this area of the castle. She opened the door to find Ellie in the little tub splashing the water about. Gwen smiled and sighed in relief. Belinda looked up at her, “M’Lady. I thought you had another matter to attend to.” The alarm bells began sounding, the noise loud and startling for Ellie, who began to cry. Gwen went over to the bath to soothe her. “’Tis alright, sweet one. Let’s get you cleaned up.” 

####

Arthur was about to engage Percival when the alarm bells sounded. He was instantly alert and discarded the practice weapons to pick up his own sword. “Percival, Gwaine! Get some soldiers and fan out, close the gates!” 

“Arthur. Not many people in the castle know that Morgana is the prisoner. We need to find her quickly.”

“King Arthur!” Leon’s voice barely carried over the sounds of the bells as he ran out into the practice yard. “Finn and Marcus are dead and one of their swords is missing.”

“How long ago?” Arthur asked.

“She hasn’t been out for long, less than 10 minutes I would say.”

“I think I know where she might be.” Merlin told them. As soon as the bells began to ring Merlin had scanned the area using his second sight. She wasn’t out of the castle or on the grounds, which meant that she had to be going after Aithusa. Morgana would not leave the dragon here, but she could not free it. The chains were impervious to any but Excalibur and Aithusa wasn’t old enough to produce a viable flame yet. 

“Then what are we waiting here for? Get moving then, Merlin.” Merlin began to run to the castle with Arthur and the knights following him. He hoped that he was right.

#####

Morgana opened the door to the cave beneath Camelot. That guard had followed her ploy perfectly. The right amount of hysterics with the right amount of cleavage worked miracles. Waking up from her dream made her realize that she couldn’t be in another cage without hope or light or food or freedom. She had to stay free no matter what. It took less than 5 minutes to get the guard in the room and less than 1 to get him close enough to the gate to stun him and take his keys and sword. Men are easily distracted by a pair of breasts. It was too bad that the second one had come in. She might have let the one on the floor live. The blood on her hands was already drying. After she got Aithusa out, she was going to take a bath for the rest of the day. She smelled of horse, sweat and blood, and she would have to find a new dress. She descended the stairs and put her hand on the collar around her neck, giving it a little tug. She would find a way to get this off. How dare they block her magic? She was a High Priestess and when she got out they would pay for their insolence. At the bottom of the stairs she took a torch from the wall and followed the path out to the cavern. Her Aithusa was sleeping on a rock, chained to it. “Aithusa, my love.” She called out softly.

The dragon’s head instantly perked up and it let out a cry joy. She stood up and flapped her wings. The chain was short, too short almost for her to get over to the ledge where Morgana stood. Aithusa jumped to the other side where the chain went taut and bumped her head against Morgana’s belly. The sorceress stroked the pale hide of the baby dragon and crooned to her. “We will be going in a moment. I won’t let you stay in darkness.”

The dragon looked up at her inquisitively and then her eyes zeroed in on the collar and with her snout she reached up to touch it. Dragons love shiny things, but when her nose touched the metal she jerked back and growled. The sorceress soothed the dragon with another stroke on her head then lifted the sword with both of hands and brought it down on the chain. Aithusa jerked back at the clang of metal on metal and Morgana had to grab onto her neck to keep her on the ledge. “Aithusa. Calm down. It will take a few moments. Use your breath. Melt it, while I try and cut it.” Aithusa turned her head and fire shot from her mouth onto the chain. Morgana waited a few moments then brought the sword down again, and again, and again. “Stop.” The flames ceased and Morgana bent down to the chain. “This isn’t possible.” The chain wasn’t even warm and there was no sign that Morgana had even struck it. Fear began to bloom in her chest as she realized that she was running out of time. They had probably already found the bodies and were looking all over the castle for her. It was only a matter of time before they searched down here. She brought the sword up and down onto the chain again. “I won’t leave you.” Aithusa nodded, then straightened her head and growled at the tunnel. It was too late, but she would rather die than be kept in a cell again. She lifted the sword and faced the tunnel with her dragon at her side.

####

Merlin and Arthur slowed at the foot of the cave. At the far end he saw the glint of steel and a white silhouette. “Morgana, come out now. There is no way out of this cave, save the entrance behind us.”

“Come and get me then. I won’t go back. I refuse to.” Her voice was accompanied by a growl from the dragon behind her.

“Come on, Morgana. You are smarter than this. It is 5 against 2 and that dragon can’t get down here.” Arthur began to get closer. “I don’t want to have to kill you.”

“That is how it has to be, Arthur. I won’t be stuck in darkness and I won’t be separated from her. Do what you must. And so shall I.” Merlin followed Arthur; the torchlight was wavering so far beneath the Earth. He could use magic without Arthur knowing it and push her off the edge into the darkness. Threat solved, crisis averted and Arthur would have no blood on his hands and maybe the dreams of her naked body against his would cease. The temptation was nearly irresistible, but as they got closer and the torchlight reflected against her features he felt pity for her. Her hair and eyes were wild; she held the sword in front of her with bloody hands. Her dress was torn and what skin he could see was dirty. It would be a mercy killing to end it now and it was a far cry from the woman that he saw the night he first saved Arthur’s life. At 16 had been stunning and worthy of a Queen’s title with her flawless skin and pale and her eyes that were clear and full of life. Now she was broken and her grip on reality and sanity was cracking. You could see it in her wild eyes. But the way that she clung to the dragon and the dragon to her made him think that maybe she could be saved, and Aithusa would be the key to it. Rather than flee immediately she came down here to get the dragon free. Perhaps it was the fact that his baby dragon was a power to be corrupted, but if that was the case why was her arm around Aithusa’s neck and the dragon trying to protect her by putting her body between them. 

“I spared your dragon, Morgana. She lives and breathes and is even getting food. I won’t harm her so long as you come with me.” Arthur got ever closer.

“Back! Damn it! Stay back!” she moved back behind Aithusa, who was growling openly now. 

“Morgana. Listen to me.” 

“I won’t go back. I won’t.” Morgana stepped back and began to lose her footing. The sword dropped to the ground as her foot left the edge. A hand encircled her arm and yanked her back against his chest away from the warm presence of her dragon. The feel of chainmail told her it was Arthur who now held her. “I won’t let you die here, sister.” She lashed out at him as more hands grabbed her while pinning her to the ground and they tried to hold her still. Figures darkened the space and a glass vial was held to her lips while liquid poured down her throat. She swallowed it because she had no other choice and within a few seconds her world went black, her dragon’s screams in her ears.

 

####

When Morgana’s body went limp the Knights held onto her for a few moments longer before letting go. Gwaine pulled out a dagger. “No. Don’t kill her. When she dies it will be a public display and only I give the order. Is that understood?” Arthur’s voice was adamant. The knights nodded and Gwaine grudgingly slid the dagger back into its sheath. The dragon was still hissing and spitting at them, tugging on her chain. “When we get her back to her cell there will be 3 guards watching her at all times. No one is to speak to her and no one is to go into her cell. The soldiers that died are those from Camelot. They should have known better than to engage her in conversation.” He picked up Morgana’s limp form and began to head back up into the city. “When she awakens we will have her brought to the city center and tied to a post. Short of death the citizens will decide what to do with her.”

Merlin was silent and followed Arthur, tucking the potion bottle away in one of his pockets. She would be asleep for a few hours at least. He offered no advice to Arthur as he stared at Morgana’s face. “She looks almost normal now.” 

“Yeah. But Morgana would never let herself get so dirty. She was always about baths and being clean and pretty dresses.” 

“How did she learn to use a sword then if she was so fragile?”

“Gorlois taught her some. It was one of the things about her that wasn’t ladylike. Father did not like her learning how to use a weapon like a sword. He was against it, but when he went to forbid her lessons she cried and begged him and told him it was the way she felt closest to her father. Safe to say when the waterworks started he was ready to let her have anything. It wasn’t until later that he was able to handle her tears.” They reached the dungeon stairs and descended, and then Merlin opened the door for him. Blood still stained the floor but the bodies had been moved. Arthur laid her gently on the bed and shut and locked the door. He sighed and rubbed his head. “I don’t know what to do with her. She is a sorceress. The law of the land says that I should kill her. She killed two good men. She has invaded and taken over Camelot twice. She is the most dangerous woman alive in the realm. Her very existence threatens the happiness and peace in the kingdom. I keep asking myself why I just don’t order her burned. She has already proven that she can operate without magic. Tell me, Merlin. I need to know because when I look at her now I see the 10 year old girl who came in with tears in her eyes as she was moved into her room after her father died, who watched me train in sword fighting for a whole month before picking up a sword and proving to me that she was going to be a whole lot of trouble. I wanted to marry her too, mostly because it was my duty at the time. She needs to die to keep us safe…”

“I think you know your heart, Arthur and I will tell you that maybe you should put her up on the stake to burn. She is utterly deadly. You have more faith in her than I do.” 

“Thank you, Merlin. Go and check on Guinevere, please. I am going to stay here until she wakes up.” He pulled a stool to the wall and sat down, staring at the sleeping Morgana while Merlin nodded and walked out of the dungeon and up the stairs.

###  
Morgana awoke to a foul taste in her mouth, groggy and nauseated. She felt like she had been thrown against a wall repeatedly and her hands were sticky. She opened them and looked down at her wrists and hands. Dried blood coated her palms and fingers and the mornings events rushed back. Her hands were still free and her wrists were bruised and chafed from where the cuffs had dug into them. She sat up to find Arthur staring in her direction. “Good afternoon. I hope you had a nice nap.”

“No thanks to you.”

“I was being kind to you, Morgana.”

“You should have let me fall.”

“I wouldn’t let you get out of your responsibilities, Morgana.”

“Of course not. You were always such a good son, following orders.”

“Not always. I believe it was you who urged me to make my own choices and not let Uther constantly rule my life.”

“He may be dead, but he still does rule your life.” 

“You are a sorceress who has killed and maimed and hurt innocent people. You are locked up for a reason, Morgana. You are a woman who has forsaken her family and friends and wishes them death and despair. No, Morgana, I am not following orders because I still have not killed you.”

“Why is that?”

“I honestly don’t know. I still believe that there is good inside of you. I have known you too long and I love you too much to give up on you. I should have been better prepared. I was lax and those two soldiers you killed paid for it. That won’t happen again.” He stood up.

“Why is that?”

“Because I am going to punish you, Morgana.” He walked to the door and opened it. “Take her to the cart.” Four guards came into the dungeon and opened her cell. She stood up and raised her arms to fight them off. They got closer and she struck out at the nearest form. She heard a grunt before 3 sets of hands were upon her, holding her against the wall with firm and near bruising force then fasting hobbles to her feet and a set of cuffs to her wrists before picking her up by her arms and hauling her out of the dungeon and up the stairs. Her struggles were getting her nowhere but she still tried to lash out at her keepers.   
“I hate you! Bastard! I will see you dead!” she shrieked at him. Arthur was walking behind them. His stare bored holes in her head but she refused to look at him as she was carried out to the castle door and placed on a cart then fastened to the stake in the middle of it. A piece of cloth came for her face and she tried to duck and avoid it but another set of hands kept her head firmly in place. When she was secured the guards took up places on all 4 corners and a horse began to pull the cart into the city. She glared ahead, even though she could not see and kept her head held high.

Arthur watched her go until she was out of sight then walked back into the castle and to his room, where Merlin was waiting for him with a formal overcoat and his crown. Merlin began to help him into his clothes when Guinevere walked into the room. She smiled at the two of them. “This should be interesting.”

“Very. How are my ladies?” Arthur asked. 

“Excellent.” She paused then got closer to them. “Will you be able to watch Morgana suffer?”

“I have to. It is my duty to the people of Camelot to see her punished.” Merlin worked the buttons to the overcoat.

“Will you be able to handle it?” her tone was serious.

“Yes Guinevere. I will be able to handle it. I was worried about you earlier you know.” His eyes met hers.

“I know. But everyone is safe.”

“I mean…I’ve been worried about you. You are sick and weak and your color is pale.” He put his hand up against her cheek.

“I’m fine.” She responded and leaned into his touch, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes. “I saw Gaius today. Everything will be fine.”

“I will let you get away with that for now, but just you watch out later.” He swept her up and kissed her.

Merlin coughed. “Well we better get going.” 

“Yes, Arthur. The townspeople will not wait forever.” 

“No they certainly will not.” He adjusted his collar and took his wife’s arm. Merlin fell into step behind them.

####

When the blindfold was removed from her eyes she was met with dozens of angry faces. Young children and elders glared at her with disgust and some with fear. The two bodies of the men she killed were laid out in front of her. She might die today after all.

XxOxX


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was missing chapter. So go back and read my chapter 7. :)

XxOxX  
Morgana glared at the citizens that now surrounded her. Her hands were tied above her head and feet were hobbled around the post in such a way that she could not pull herself free. She recognized some of the faces before her, but could not place them. The glares of the citizens and their dark words made Morgana’s heart beat faster. What was Arthur planning? Would he have her burnt at the stake after all? Being burned alive was one fear that she had not been able to conquer but the fear of small spaces and darkness had been all but snuffed inside her mind. Her attention was drawn to the whinny of horses as Arthur came from a side street clothed in royal garb with Guinevere astride her own steed next to him. Merlin was on foot between the two horses, neither leading nor following. Several knights flanked them on foot and spread out along the buildings to form a circle around the scene. Arthur and Gwen pulled their horses in front of Morgana. She stood tall and straight as she looked him in the eyes. 

“Citizens of Camelot,” he began, “We have before you a traitor to the crown and a user of magic. Morgana Pendragon is a prisoner, captured just the night before this. Her actions have caused the death of many noble and innocent people. She has captured the city of Camelot twice and plotted to murder King Uther Pendragon, our father. This morning she killed Marcus and Finn, two loyal soldiers in Camelot…”

“FINN! NO!” A woman’s cry echoed through the crowd as a girl who was no more than fifteen pushed forward, heavy with child and collapsed near one of the guard’s bodies. “My Finn! Whyyyyyy?” she sobbed clutching onto him. Guinevere dismounted her horse and went to the girl’s side pulling her into an embrace. The girl sobbed into Gwen’s shoulder. Morgana looked at them and felt a twinge of something in her heart…it felt like guilt. That was not something she had felt in a long while. She had never seen the effects of what she had done first hand like this before and to be confronted with it now was unsettling. She had no way to prepare being faced with the aftermath of her actions. After a minute of crying the girl lifted her gaze from Gwen’s shoulder and looked up at Morgana. Her eyes were red rimmed and puffy and tears streaked her dirty face. For a moment she merely looked at Morgana then her eyes filled with fury and she rose up and put a hand on her swollen belly, then pointed at her. “You did this! You murdered my husband. My child will never know its father because of you!” Before anyone could stop her she ascended the stairs then pulled her hand back and slapped Morgana across the face. Morgana’s head twisted to the side and her cheek immediately began to burn and throb. “I hope you rot in hell for what you have done.” She spat at Morgana’s feet then turned away from her to be helped down by another villager. 

Arthur cleared his throat then started again. “She is not to be killed or maimed or dealt a fatal blow, but do with her what you will.” Arthur’s voice rang out. Guinevere stood and looked wide eyed as she glided back to her horse. Merlin assisted the queen back onto her horse using his hands as a stepping stone. His expression had first been shock which had not yet faded. That girl had actually slapped Morgana and it was startling to watch the emotions play across the sorceress’s expression and for a moment his hand itched to soothe the dark red mark against her skin from the woman’s hand. 

“Why can’t we kill her? She’s a murderer!” a voice rang out.

“And a witch!” Another voice from the crowd. 

“You should let us kill her!” Almost at once the villagers began to throw rotted fruits and vegetables at her. Some of them missed, but others splattered onto her dress and neck, coating her with the garbage. The parents of children began to make a game of it to see who could hit her most. 

“It is my command that no fatal harm come to her! Her death will come when I decree it! Not before then!” Morgana held her head high against the onslaught. It was almost comical to see the woman who threatened his kingdom the most be pelted with rotten food. This was almost like the ultimate revenge for all of the times that Morgana got him into trouble when they were children. Perhaps this was too lenient; after all he had learned that to be a king meant to sacrifice his own feelings and do what is right for his kingdom. Uther had beaten that into his sons’ head from the time that he could walk. He married Gwen against his father’s wishes. He saved Merlin countless times against his father’s wishes, and he aided Morgana to get a boy out of the city that had done no harm but be born into a druid clan. He did not agree with his father’s tyranny against magic and had told him that countless times. “We shall have a famine if they get too overzealous.” He told Gwen who held back a chuckle. After about ten minutes of this punishment he gestured to his knights and he pulled his horse to exit the square with Gwen behind him, “Make sure they don’t kill her, Sir Leon. I have to prepare to see the ambassador for the treaty. She will be returned to her cell in 3 days’ time.”

“Yes, your highness.” 

Merlin followed them out, looking behind him and for a moment he thought he saw a tear run down the side of Morgana’s cheek. But it must have been a trick of the light.

####

Morgana felt the blow of every piece of fruit and every vegetable they threw at her while screaming obscenities and the names of the people that had fallen because of her. To be confronted like this was not something that she was prepared for. Their rage frightened her and her face was hurting like hell now. All she felt was anger and hate and rage against the puny peasants who now jeered at her expense. Her hands and neck were slimy and she felt the juice from the rotten fruit seep through her gown against her flesh. She was disgusted while being somewhat frightened and enraged at her situation and at Arthur. She should not have tried to escape the cell this soon. That was a miscalculation on her part. Her gaze sought out Arthur’s but he leaned over to say something to Gwen who smiled in reply. He would not look directly at her. Her mind and body were rattled from the unexpected slap. It was not the strike itself that had scattered her thoughts. Uther had struck her before when she was younger. It was the emotion and the unspeakable anger and sorrow that she saw in that girl’s eyes. She would prove stronger than this mere punishment. This would not break her, but she could not help the single tear that slid down the side of her cheek as Arthur left. Her eyes suddenly were met with Merlin’s who had turned back to watch. The deep sadness that she saw in his eyes would haunt her until well into the night.

####

That night it rained. Merlin heard the thunder and the pitter patter of rain outside the windows from his bed. Morgana was still out there he thought to himself. Arthur had wanted her to break for him so they could remake her and so he told his guards to leave her out there during the night. At least it was summer, so the rain was warm and a little rain never killed anyone. She might even welcome the rain to wash away the smell and rotten fruit and to soothe her cheek. He shook his head. What had he been thinking wanting to make her feel better? She was his enemy. The darkness to his light. There could be nothing like that between them. Maybe if he told himself that enough he would believe it. He sighed again and sat up. He wasn’t getting to sleep anytime soon. He pulled on his boots and a shirt and went to the door, listening for Gaius’s snore. It would be just like old times, when he would sneak out to go and visit Kilgarrah, except now he would visit a different dragon, one who would not be happy to see him. He crept out past Gaius who had fallen asleep on the table yet again and into the night. 

####

Morgana had never hated the rain as much as she did now. When the sky darkened and thunder rolled through the city the people scattered and Morgana expected to be taken back to her cell, instead when the rain started to pour the guards looked upon her with something akin to glee before getting underneath a roof to keep watch on her. The rain was warm and although in minutes she was soaked she could imagine that it was just a shower. She had bathed under many waterfalls since leaving Camelot. If Arthur expected her to break just because of a little rain and the cruel words of peasants throwing rotten fruit he did not know her very well. Her cheek had ceased throbbing but she was sure there would be a bruise come morning. She was half starved and dehydrated and her body would not recover from this as quickly as it should, especially with her magic locked away and out of her reach. She tilted her head up and caught some water in her mouth. It would keep her from dying and even though it was warm Morgana’s body had begun to shiver. Her arms ached from being tied above her head and her back was beginning to throb from being at an awkward angle. Arthur did not want her dead so he would have to come for her before she died. With this thought she closed her eyes and tried to drift off into unconsciousness. 

####

Merlin descended the stairs with a torch and went through the tunnel. Aithusa was sitting on a rock with her back to him, looking around. The chain jingled as she shifted around at the bright light from the tunnel. She jumped up and started to race to him, then came to a screeching halt when she saw that it was not Morgana who came to her, it was the man who hurt her mistress. She growled at him and raised her hackles. 

“Aithusa, I am not here to harm you.” At first he spoke to her in the common tongue, but when he growls did not cease he changed to the dragon tongue. “Aithusa, cease.” She stopped growling and looked at him curiously. “Do you not remember me? I called you from your egg and gave you a name.” Her head tilted further and she looked as if she was concentrating on him. “Kilgarrah was to watch over you.” 

She made a sound of affirmation at the name Kilgarrah. “Aithusa, why don’t you speak? Did Morgana not teach you?” At the sound of Morgana’s name she gave another happy cry. She limped close to the ledge to see Merlin and lay down. He spoke this time in English.

“Aithusa, what happened to your leg?” he gestured to her back legs, which were bent at an awkward angle. He knew that Aithusa could understand both tongues but could not speak either. Maybe she needed to learn from a dragon. Why the hell wasn’t she with Kilgarrah. The young, small dragon gave a sad croon and sighed then looked back at Merlin. This communication barrier was frustrating. Aithusa did not trust him enough to have him get close to her but she did wish to listen to what he had to say. “Morgana is an evil soul, Aithusa. She hurts people.” 

Aithusa growled at him and huffed her disapproval at his words then shook her head at him. 

“What do you see in her?” And what didn’t you see in me? He wondered silently to himself. Merlin conjured up a deer leg and threw it across the chasm to the baby dragon who caught it in her jaws then began to gnaw on it and tear pieces off to eat. “I will come and visit you again. And if Morgana behaves maybe she can come and visit you too.”

Aithusa nodded and continued eating her meal as Merlin turned away and trotted back up to the castle to try and sleep.

####

2 days later  
The rain had stopped on the morning that it had begun but Morgana was still cold despite the heat of the day. Her stomach had ceased to hurt her yesterday. It had been a yawning gaping hole in her middle, but hunger pains were something that she was used to by now. Her bonds cut into her already bruised wrists and she could feel the blood that had crusted beneath the rope. She was sore and hurting and she was beginning to feel ill and feverish. Surely Arthur wouldn’t have forgotten about her? The villagers continued to jeer at her and throw their rotten food at her. She smelled like garbage and probably looked no better. Her throat was dry and her lips cracked and as she looked around she saw children looking at her with distrust and a few of them were holding something in their hands. “You’re a murderer.” One of them spoke up. There was that sharp pain in her heart again at the word murderer. She saw that girl’s face in her mind again and heard her pain filled words.

“What would you know, you brat?” her voice was hoarse, defiant and dry.

“I know that you are a bad person. And that daddy says you deserve this.” And he threw the stone that he held in his palm at her. It landed on her leg and sent a sharp pain up her thigh. She looked around for the guards that were supposed to be on duty and saw no one. Several other people had stepped up to the children and instead of punishing them they were clapping the boys back and telling him that he did a good job and soon the other children began throwing their own stones. Most of them missed, but others hit her and caused a sharp pain where they hit. She was momentarily blinded by one that landed above her eye, causing her vision to darken and she began to feel blood leak out of the cut to land across her vision and the side of her face. It was warm and wet and thick. These people were going to stone her to death and no one would be here to stop them. She braced herself for another impact when a familiar voice cried out, “STOP!”

####

Merlin had been walking through the city towards where Morgana was being held. Arthur had ordered him to report to the guard to place Morgana back into her cell with food and water. He had been relieved when Merlin had come into his room to give him the order. Arthur had a noble and kind heart when he wasn’t being a prat and he hated to punish her like this. He and Gwen had watched their King have such tortured looks when the rain started and Gwen had set about trying to comfort him as best as she could even though she was also having trouble with it. They both knew that the woman on that stake should be put to death but they felt like she would still be saved. As Merlin neared the place where she was being held he saw a small crowd had gathered and at the middle stood some tall children and Morgana where they were throwing rocks at her. His pace quickened and he saw the rock fly through the air and strike her face before he could react. Blood poured out of the cut and he yelled,” STOP! By the order of the king she is not to be killed!” He stood in front of her. 

“Get out of the way, servant.” A woman jeered. “Those kids are just having a bit of fun.” 

“Fun? Teaching your children to be no better than a bully is fun?” He snapped then looked around. “Where are the guards?”

“They left a while ago.” A man spoke up. “No one is bothering with her.” 

Merlin stepped up to Morgana who was hanging onto consciousness by a thread. She was thinner than he remembered, what was left of her clothes was hanging onto her thin frame. Her condition was much worse than he remembered. Arthur had not been here since her sentencing. He could not have known she had deteriorated so much in such short time. He pulled out his knife and cut the ropes binding her arms and she slumped against him, moaning in pain. Her skin was warm and felt slightly feverish against his own. Using his magic carefully to open the chains at her feet and headed toward the castle with the unconscious Morgana in his arms. When he reached the palace doors he ordered the guard to tell Arthur that Morgana was being taken to Gaius and she was injured. He hurried to open Gaius’s door.

“Merlin! What?...” he began then looked at the woman in Merlin’s arms, “Put her on the table. Get me some cloth and warm water.”

He hurriedly set her on the table and went to start heating some water. He tore strips of clean cloth and set them next to Morgana.

“Merlin, help me get her clothes off.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Get to it. We need to see if she has any other injuries. Arthur won’t be happy if she dies now, will he?”

For a moment Merlin was torn between letting her die and helping her, much like he had been once before when she was dying from a brain bleed and that had ended badly. He had ended up causing so much more damage by trying to negate the future that he saw. Maybe he might be able to fix the hurt he wrought years ago. 

“Cover her breasts with this.” Gaius handed him another cloth. He used a knife to cut away the already deteriorating dress and covered her as quickly as he could with the cloth. Her entire body looked sick and weak. Her face was gaunt and pale, her collarbones had begun to stick out and as he revealed more of her body her malnourished state was even clearer. It was obvious that she had not been eating well for a while now. When her dirty dress was off he aided Gaius in cleaning her head wound and the rest of her body. There was a bruise from that girl’s slap that marred her face and other bruises were beginning to form on her pale skin. As they were cleaning her up, Arthur and Gwen came through the door and went to the side of the table. Gwen let out a gasp and covered her mouth and Arthur frowned and creased his brow in consternation. “The guards will be punished for their negligence. If I would have known that she was so…sick…I would not have put her out in the wind and rain. If she dies it will be because of me and that is not what I want.” He looked up at Gaius, “Will she live?” 

“It is hard to say, but underneath all of this she is still Morgana. Above all else she has a will to survive.”

“I will stay with her a while, Arthur.” Gwen spoke up, “You shouldn’t keep the ambassador to Sarrum waiting too long.” 

“Yes, Gwen. You are right, as always.” He gave her a quick kiss before exiting. 

Gwen pulled up her sleeves and grabbed a cloth. “Where is the water?”

“Here.” Merlin pulled the pot of warmed water off of the fire and set it on a table next to them. 

“I can bathe her. You two go and mix potions or something.” Gwen dipped the cloth into the water and began to wash Morgana’s face. 

Merlin took the hint and busied himself with mixing and crushing herbs, while Gaius went back to cutting open the dead rabbit on another table that he had been occupied with before Morgana’s sudden appearance.

With both men’s backs to her she lifted the cloth covering Morgana’s breasts and washed her chest. “It’s just like old times. It was simpler then…. She’s so thin. She should have eaten the food that I had brought her before her punishment. So many bruises….” Gwen murmured to herself.

“They started to throw stones at her just as I was coming to tell the guards to bring her back. I think that she would have been killed.” Merlin told her as he glanced back at the Queen. She had replaced the cover and moved to her feet.

“I know. She has done so many awful things.” Gwen murmured. 

“Do you think she should die?”

“As Queen I say that, yes, she should die for her high treason. I just don’t get how she could have changed so drastically because Morgause had only known her for a year after she left. Then another year in Camelot as her puppet. It is just not possible for her to have changed so quickly without the use of magic to sway her. She would never have betrayed Arthur or me in the way that she has.”

“And as Gwen?”

“No. I don’t want to put her to death. Only after all hope is lost will I tell Arthur to give the order.” She paused for a moment. “Did anyone whip her?”

“Not that I know of. Why?”

“It’s nothing.” Gwen said quickly covering her back up. Merlin was curious but did not press her. Who would have whipped Morgana?

“Is Morgana asleep?” Gaius suddenly spoke up. 

“Yes. I believe so.” She turned around to look at Gaius.

He took a deep breath and told her, “Congratulations, Guinevere, you are with child.” He put his bloody instruments down and smiled at her.

Gwen dropped the cloth and sat down in a chair, took a deep breath and smiled, “Thank you Gaius.” She put a hand on her lower belly. “I knew already I think. I just needed someone to tell me for certain.”

“That’s wonderful Gwen. Congratulations!” Merlin got up from mixing the poultice and smiled and walked over to give her a hug, which she readily accepted. “Ellie will be a wonderful big sister.” 

“I know. Arthur wants as many as we can have. He doesn’t want Ellie to be an only child and neither do I. You need to help me find an interesting way to tell him, Merlin. Like we did with Ellie.” She laughed. 

He chuckled with her, remembering how Arthur fainted dead away the last time, “Alright, but not now. Morgana could awaken at any time.” With her skin cleaner she already looked healthier. He picked up his bowl of herb paste and walked over to the women, and he applied it to the cut on her head. “This should keep it from festering, but with her condition I don’t know if it will be enough.”

A knock on the door interrupted them and Gaius answered it with a thank you. He pulled back from the door with a bit of cloth. “A dress for her to wear. Arthur must have sent for it.” The dress was dark purple and made of simple cotton fiber. 

“I will put it on her. Look away, the both of you.” Gwen took it from Gaius and both men looked away. 

“How long until she wakes, Gaius?” Merlin whispered to his mentor.

“Not long I would say.”

“Will she be strong enough to fight us?”

“Without her magic I say not, but there is a guard at the door and we can tie her up if need be.” They heard the rustling of cloth and the movement of Morgana’s limbs being shifted around.

“One more moment.” Gwen told them. “And done.”

They turned around to see Gwen standing beside the now dressed Morgana. “What? I had quite a bit of practice dressing her you know. Now, I must go and see to Ellie, but do send for the both of us when she wakes. I will have food sent down for her.”

“Yes, your Highness.” Gaius gave her a hug. “And congratulations.”

“Thank you.” She turned a left them with the sleeping Morgana.

“What are we going to do with her?” Merlin asked him, picking Morgana up off the table and setting her in the cot they used for critically ill patients.

“Keep her asleep for now and hope that her fever gets no worse.”

“Yeah.” He murmured while watching the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed and hoped that after one had ended the next began.

XxOxX


	10. Chapter 9

Oh and the rabbit thing is a pregnancy test: A woman’s urine gets injected into a rabbit. If one kills the rabbit then one is pregnant but the rabbit died regardless of pregnancy because they had to dissect it to find out if its ovaries were enlarged. And there is your school lesson for the day.  
XxOxX  
Merlin felt uneasy about leaving Gaius alone with Morgana, but his teacher and friend assured Merlin that he could keep her asleep for as long as he needed, although she would have to wake soon because she was dehydrated and needed nourishment.

Merlin entered the throne room silently as Arthur and a tall dark haired man were in a rather heated debate.

“The tariffs need to be lowered.” He heard the tall man demand.

“The tariffs have already been lowered for your master. They have been cut in half.” Arthur replied.

“Do you not wish this alliance? The Saxons dart across your borders even as we speak. They are going to invade your land.” He looked up and saw Merlin standing near a pillar.

“We can hold our own. I merely wish for Sarrum to be an ally instead of a neutral party which can backstab me later.” Arthur retorted.

“Even if we ally, there is always the potential for betrayal. The son of Uther Pendragon should know that.”

“Let me discuss it with my advisors and draw up new terms.” Arthur was loathe to give the ambassador what he wanted but he was right about betrayal

“Fine, King Arthur, but these will be the last terms. Sarrum will expect me in less than a week and he is expecting results.”

Arthur scowled at the smirking man then nodded. “Fine. Dismissed.”

The man bowed and exited, giving Merlin a brief look before disappearing behind the door.

Arthur slammed his fist down on the table. “Damn him! He knows that we need this alliance more than his master does. I was hoping that he would send someone less weasely.”

“You two have been going at it for 5 days now.”

“He demands lower and lower tariffs. If they get any lower I will have to be paying the farmers to keep their bellies full and their crops coming in.” Her brushed his hair back and sat down. “I need to speak to my advisors and Gwen. Was she still with Morgana?” 

“No. She was going to go and feed Elliana.”

“She still isn’t feeling well. Did Gaius tell her anything?”

“Nope, nothing.” He managed to keep his face from revealing anything. 

“Damn. Well, what did you come here for anyway?”

“To see if you needed anything.”

“Just to have these negotiations done with. If Sarrum is anything like what he has been described this will be an interesting alliance.”

“You are treading into dangerous territory, Arthur.”

“Aren’t I always neck deep in danger, Merlin?” Arthur joked.

“Always.” You have no idea. 

“Did you know that there is a rumor that Sarrum had Morgana imprisoned?”

“No, I didn’t.” this was news to Merlin. 

“Well, it’s only a rumor, but I would like to know if he did it and how it was done. There is something in her eyes that there wasn’t before, a kind of madness that can only be caused by torture.”

“I’ve noticed.” Arthur put a hand behind his head to fist his unruly blonde hair.

“There isn’t anything I need, Merlin, but come and get me when she awakens fully. I want to talk to her again.”

“Yes, my King.” He bowed and left the throne room.

####

Merlin had gone about town delivering medicines to all of Gaius’s patients. When he returned to his room, night had fallen and Gaius had been nearly falling asleep at his post watching Morgana. Merlin ushered him to his bed while he took over. She was still sleeping soundly when Merlin closed his eyes for a brief second and then promptly lost consciousness. 

Merlin’s eyes opened at the sound of thunder echoing off the castle walls. He silently cursed himself for falling asleep and slowly lifted his head. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw a slim figure at the window, watching the rain fall. “Hello, Merlin.”

“Morgana.” He eased up slowly and reached for a knife, wondering why he wasn’t dead yet and why she was still here.

“I can practically hear your thoughts, even over this din. Why is she still here? Why hasn’t she left yet?” Morgana paused and took a deep breath. “Because, Merlin, I have nowhere to go. If I left now I would still be hungry, thirsty, and deprived of my magic.” 

“But you would be free.”

She turned to him, pale in the darkness, “Free to do what exactly? You and my brother have chained me here as surely as I was chained by…nevermind. I cannot get this collar off and I cannot find out how because all of my volumes and tomes of magic are hidden by magic and can only be accessed by magic, so you see my problem.”

Merlin had eased closer to her, knife in hand, “And why haven’t you killed me or Gaius?”

“What possible advantage would that give me at the moment? Are you really that idiotic, Merlin? Yes, kill two people that Arthur values and have no hope of freedom, or let you live and have use for you later.”

“Why are you standing there by the window?”

“Enjoying the illusion of light and fresh air.”

“What?”

“Being imprisoned in Camelot is actually quite nice, you know. I get food, conversation, a warm bed, care for my wounds and fresh air and sunlight. It is so much different from my earlier imprisonment. It was cold, my hunger nearly killed me. It stank and I sat in my own filth. The darkness was maddening, but I got used to it. I preferred it to what happened when the lid of my prison came off and I was hauled up...” Her eyes were haunted, her skin got even paler, and she shivered lost in a memory. She looked so tiny, so small and defenseless in that dress. It was almost normal again. He helped her the last time she looked like that and sought to give her comfort but then it had backfired horribly.

“I’m sorry.”

She ignored him for a moment, turning back to the window and watching the rain fall. “I used to be afraid of storms, you know. The thunder would send my crying to my father…Gorlois… and he would hold me and quiet me and tell me stories about the thunder. He used to tell me that the thunder was the beat of horses’ hooves in the sky where dead warriors fought great battles and the lightning was the clash of their swords. I used to imagine those battles in my head after that and the thunder did not scare me anymore. Then my father died. The storms still unsettle me. My captor knew that. Sometimes he left the lid of my prison off and let the rainwater start to fill up my prison until it came up to my neck, when I had to lift Aithusa up to keep her from drowning.”

He stopped moving towards her and stilled, listening to her speak. It was odd to be privy to her thoughts again. “I was never afraid of storms.”

She turned back toward him, “Why am I even telling you this? Leave me be.”

“You know I can’t do that. You can’t be trusted.”

“Oh. I can’t be trusted? Might I remind you that you were the one to breach trust before I ever did. Thrusting that water pouch into my hands and telling me to drink it knowing full well that I would die if I did so. I remember looking into your empty eyes and realizing that you knew exactly what you were doing.” She took a deep, trembling breath. “Do you know what it feels like to not be able to catch your breath, to have your throat close up and know that you had done nothing to deserve it?” Her voice caught, like she was about to cry.

“You were in league with Morgause. Arthur was going to die. I had to do something.”

“At that time I was NOT in league with her. She used me as a vessel for her spell and didn’t tell me about it. I would have given my life for either one of you, but instead of talking to me, you poisoned me. It must have been such an easy thing for you to do.”

“No It wasn’t. It killed me.”

“Then we are even.” She turned back away from him. “My innocence died that day.” She turned back away from the window walked over to the bed. Merlin noticed how she swayed and nearly stumbled and fell on her way back to it.

“You need to eat and drink.”

“I don’t need to do anything. And as if I would drink or eat anything you offered me,” she lay down and turned her back to him.

Merlin walked back to his room, satisfied that for the moment Gaius was safe, his mind churning at this newer more vulnerable side of the new Morgana. Perhaps this was all a dream and he would wake up and she would still be in the dungeon. He lay down in bed and closed his eyes, dreaming of Uther’s young and beautiful ward.

###

During the day Morgana was in and out of consciousness with Gaius at her side almost the entire day, leaving Merlin to deliver all of his remedies. Each time she awoke he gave her water and a thin broth and each time she asked, “Why are you helping me?” then fell back asleep. When night descended it was a different story. 

Merlin woke up to the feeling that something was off. He got out of bed and opened his door to see Morgana at the window again, looking up at the sky. She did not acknowledge his presence in any way as he came closer to her. “Do you get up in the middle of the night often?”

Her voice made him jump and hit his leg on the table. He managed not to cry out but she did turn around and darkly chuckle a little. “You’ve always been a clumsy servant.” Then she turned back around.  
“Now answer my question.”

“Not often.”

“I’ve always been a night owl. The stars at night are calming, like tiny fires in the sky.”

“Why are you talking about this?”

“Lack of better things to talk about I suppose. The better question is: why do I keep talking to you of all people. You thwart my plans, killed my sister and poisoned me, yet I am speaking to you and I don’t understand it.” She seemed frustrated, but not about his presence. “It is a chore to walk over here and stand, even now my knees are trying to buckle under me. Why am I so weak? I wasn’t this weak during my imprisonment before.” She paused and brought her hand up to her collar, “It’s this damnable thing. My magic keeps me strong and this is keeping me weak. How can Arthur possibly expect me to get better? I’ll make him take it off. He has to take it off. I can’t stand it!”

“No, Morgana. You know he won’t do that.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” She hissed at him, then walked slowly back to the bed, “Since you won’t leave me alone then I must go back to sleep. This is the second time you have intruded upon my thoughts.” 

“This is my home, you are the intruder here. Don’t think about leaving and don’t think about hurting Gaius.”

“Too late.” She lay down in the bed and turned her back to him again.

“Why have you become such a monster?”

“I am what you have made me. Now, leave.” 

Merlin went back to his room and lay awake in bed. Women were confusing. Her mood swings were going to kill him long before she pushed a dagger between his ribs. He had never been an insomniac before unless it was Kilgarrah speaking to him so he had to wonder why. It was almost an hour before he closed his eyes and fell asleep again. He dreamed of the day when he poisoned Morgana. Her eyes haunted him even after he awoke for the day. 

####

The next day was much the same with Morgana being awake for a longer period of time, silent but watching the both of them with a predatory gaze. When Gwen came to check on her Gaius sent her away telling her to come back tomorrow. The young sorceress did not speak the entire day but took the water and broth that Gaius offered to her and even ate a piece of fruit. Merlin’s skin crawled the entire time he was in her presence, because her eyes followed him even more closely now; watching his every move. He was glad to leave Gaius alone with her again and visit with Arthur and Gwen and little Eliana. 

The little girl was learning words now. She had called Arthur, “Dada,” in front of Merlin and the other knights which naturally made him even bigger-headed than he already was. Gwen still had not told Arthur about her pregnancy and they had not had a chance to talk about how they were going to surprise him. The ambassador had gone back to Sarrum with the terms of their alliance and they were expecting to see the Lord in about two weeks’ time. Merlin continued to think that this was a mistake in the making. Someone like Sarrum could not be trusted.

That night was different than the rest. When Merlin awoke this time he nearly jumped out of his skin and reached for his knife when he saw the thin, slender figure in his doorway. She stepped forward into the light and he relaxed but did not drop his knife. She looked down at him, her eyes lost and vulnerable. “Am I a monster?” she asked him in a small voice. 

“Yes. You have become a monster, Morgana.” 

She took a deep breath and nodded as if she expected that answer, “At least I know that you will never lie to me to spare my feelings anymore. I can trust that if nothing else about you.”

“Why are you in my room?”

She looked uncomfortable for a moment as if realizing exactly where she was. “I was cold and I do not know where blankets are.”

“We don’t have any extra.”

“Can I stay with you?” the question was blurted out before she could catch herself.

“No, you can’t stay with me,” his voice came out harsher than he intended.

Her eyes hardened in an instant and she turned around. “Fine. I don’t even know why I asked.”

He felt guilty and instantly curious, “Wait.” She hated him or so he thought so why would she seek him for comfort?

She stopped, “What?”

“Why? You could have taken the blankets off of me while I slept, why wait until I woke up?”

“Forget it.”

“Please tell me.”

He heard her take a deep breath, “Aithusa.” She ground the word out.

“What?”

She sighed and shifted in the darkness. “I’m used to sleeping next to her. She is warm and soft and her presence makes me feel safe again.” Her words were halted as if she didn’t wish for him to know yet wanted to tell him.

Merlin’s lips curved into a small smile at the confession. Who knew that Morgana Pendragon High Priestess of the Old Religion was a cuddler? “Come here.” He scooted over in bed and lifted his covers. 

“You don’t have a dagger hidden anywhere?”

“Hardly. Where would I put it in this dress?” She turned around and almost eagerly got into bed with him. She turned her back to him and he covered them both up. “If I meant to kill you, you would be dead, like I told you before. Right now, your body heat is useful to me.” 

Merlin was nearly overwhelmed with the scent and feel of Morgana. Her skin still smelled of flowers even though she had not had a proper bath in days. She was thin and bony still but her curves had remained and her backside was nestled against his groin and her hair along his pillow. He watched as she closed her eyes and the soft light in his chambers hit her skin in just the right way to make it glow. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer because this moment was one that he would never get again and for tonight he could pretend that she was the old Morgana and that they loved each other. Tomorrow morning she would go back to hating him again. “Glad to be of use.”

She snorted and relaxed in his arms, she felt her magic that was still just out of reach calm at his embrace. The powerless sorceress felt safe in her murders arms. Maybe she really was insane. 

##

The next morning Merlin woke up to find Gaius tending to Morgana, who had returned to her own bed before the physician awoke. Her head wound looked much better but she refused to look at Merlin, even when he stood right in front of her. She was afraid that he would use what she told him the last few nights as leverage and look down upon her for her momentary weakness. “It looks like your wounds won’t need stiches, but you must drink. It won’t do you any good to waste away and die, will it?” Gaius began in his lecturing voice.

“Why are you still trying to make me better? Wouldn’t it make your job easier to leave me to rot?” Her voice was laced with suspicion and hate.

“Because you are injured, and my king has commanded it. As well as for the fact that I have cared for you since you were a small child. You can trust that I won’t kill you.”

“Unlike some.” She commented. That stung Merlin especially after last night, but he ignored it.

“Don’t bother sending for the king, Merlin. I have already done so. Guinevere has gone to fetch some water for Morgana.” Gaius told Merlin over his shoulder.

“You sure she should be doing that?” Merlin asked, concerned about his friend’s condition.

“It is perfectly fine for her to be doing that. Now, take that basket and deliver those remedies. I won’t be able to do it again today.”

“But Gaius,” he motioned towards Morgana, who snorted.

“Do it now, Merlin.”

Merlin sighed and picked up the basket and walked out the door, Morgana’s eyes following him until the door shut firmly behind him.

Morgana’s eyes moved back up to the ceiling. “Your head is healing well. Would you like something to eat?” Gaius’s hands left her head and she shivered from the cold. Her body was not generating the heat that it should to keep her skin warm.

Morgana sat up and a wave of dizziness crashed over her, making her vision darken. She swayed and hands were immediately placed on her shoulders to keep her steady in the bed. “You need to move more slowly. Your body is very weak.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” She put the heel of her palm against her forehead kept it there, trying to ward off the beginnings of a throbbing headache.

She heard the door open and Gwen’s voice, “Morgana? Is she alright, Gaius?” The side of the bed depressed with her weight. She resisted the urge to tell them to shove off. 

“I’ve been worse off than this before.” She picked up the apple and lifted it to her lips, which was more difficult than it should have been. As her teeth sunk into the flesh of the apple the taste filled her mouth and she almost moaned. The sweet meat of the apple was tender and she chewed and swallowed it quickly. Her next bites were faster as she ate. The week’s hunger came roaring back with a vengeance and she finished off the apple in record time, and then started in on the cheese. She wasn’t paying much attention to the other two in the room, who had been talking in low voices. When she was done she reached for the water bucket and drank half of it before taking a breath. 

Gwen was smiling at her, “Hungry were you?”

Morgana scowled and Guinevere, “What does it look like?” 

Gwen grabbed the water bucket from her. “I have sent for a bath for you. I had a feeling that you would probably want one.”

“You would be correct, Gwen.” 

“I will take care of you, Morgana, believe me. I will visit you every day until you are better.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to earn your trust back. I want to mend whatever rift Morgause tore between us. And so does Arthur.”

“Arthur isn’t doing very good job of it.”

“He is doing what he was taught to do. Uther was a very stubborn man who was set in his ways.”

“You don’t need to tell me that.” Her eyes closed and she swayed again.

“Don’t fall asleep yet. Your bath should be getting here soon and I must be going. I just wanted to stop by and see how you were.” Gwen reached out for Morgana but then retracted her hand with a look of resignation then rose from her seat on the cot and walked out the door, leaving her alone again with Gaius.

“Do you need my help to get to the bath?” Gaius asked her.

“Is it not here?”

“That one is not suitable for you. Merlin and I have used it far too much and there isn’t any soap here right now that is suitable for a lady.”

“Yes then. How far is it?”

“Just down the hall.”

Morgana turned and swung her legs around to the side of the bed and was helped up by Gaius, who steadied her. “Do you honestly believe that I will magically be absolved for my ‘crimes’ against Camelot and be a good little girl again?”

“No. I do not.” Gaius opened the door and led her out.

“Why?” 

“Because you do not wish to, therefore you will not.” He motioned for the guard to follow them and turned right.

“What if I did?”

“Anything is possible.”

“Why is it so important to him, my brother?”

“Family means the world to Arthur. He wants his sister back.”

“Well so do I.”

“Morgause was never good for you, Morgana. She used you.”

“She loved me.” Morgana sniped back.

“She knew you for two years of your life, and yet the people in Camelot knew you for longer and they loved you too.” Gaius replied, talking to her as if she were a child needing tutored.

“Do you think that he will kill me?” Morgana was unafraid of the punishment. She knew exactly what she did and what the punishment was if she was found out. This treatment was not quite what she expected.

“If it meant protecting the kingdom, then yes he probably would. But I believe that if you really wanted each other dead you would have killed him long ago. The fact that you kept him alive means much.”

“I could have killed him. I should have.” Now that she thought about it, why hadn’t she killed him all those other times? Did that make her weak? 

“Perhaps. Now, I will leave you here. You should not need my help to get back. There are clothes and a towel within. Think about what I have said. There are other ways to get what you want rather than the ones that you have employed. Remember that.”


	11. Chapter 10

XxOxX  
Morgana closed the door to the small room and pulled the laces from the front of the dress. She let the fabric fall from her body onto the floor and quickly stepped to the tub shivering from the cold. The steam rising from the water looked promising and she quickly submerged herself in the heat. The moan that came from her mouth was one of satisfaction. Now she could finally get clean. She looked over the soaps and was surprised to find that her favorite was included in the mix. Gwen must have had something to do with that. She grabbed the bottle and uncorked the lid then brought it under her nose and inhaled. Lilac and rose wafted from the open glass neck and she smiled. It was something she had missed since leaving Camelot because the soap was expensive, but Uther had indulged his ward at the time and bought it for her at every opportunity.  
Morgana poured the liquid onto a rag and lathered it up then lifted herself out of the water and began to wash. She was shocked to see the state of her body. Her ribs and collar bones were raised slightly and her stomach, flat normally, had begun to curve inward from hunger. She had lost some meat in her legs and arms and even her face looked gaunt. No one had been joking about her condition. How was she supposed to get out of Camelot looking so weak and frail? She shivered again with cold and submerged her body watching the soap come away from her skin and the dirt begin to cloud the water slightly. She sank underneath the water and came back up for air, using the hair soap on her drenched head and trying to work out the tangles. The heat was doing wonders for her sore body and bruises. With the soap in her hair she sat back against the side of the tub and closed her eyes. 

What other way was there to bring magic back? She had to fight for her people and their right to live in this kingdom and not have to hide what they were. It wasn’t right. They should be allowed to do what they wished and not be killed for merely existing. Magic was wondrous to behold. When she and her sister had gone to the Isle of the Blessed Morgause had told her that at one time the halls teemed with priestesses and magic and wonder and life, but the castle was crumbling and there was only death to be found there.  
What a mess she has gotten into. She is here in Camelot, but not as its ruler. Instead she was shackled to it as it’s prisoner. Aithusa was locked in the dungeon somewhere alone and afraid and waiting for her mistress. Tears gathered in her eyes as she thought of the little dragon. Morgana was the only one who could soothe the pain in her legs from growing wrong. She would need to work the spell again soon or her dragon would not be able to walk. 

She would use her brother’s love for her to her advantage. Even the great King Arthur was not immune to a woman’s tears. Merlin would be another matter. He saw right through her the moment she stepped foot in Camelot 5 years ago after she had been ‘captured’ by her sister. His trust would be the hardest to gain. Her train of thought came to a slow halt. Maybe she did not have to gain his trust but instead merely a place in his heart again. Morgana had already gained a foothold last night. Her body was already soiled from her time imprisoned in that hellish well so more of that would hardly tarnish any reputation she may have had. At least she knew that he would try to reciprocate if the time they spent together in her hovel was any indication. Still she shivered inwardly at the thought of actually bedding someone. It was difficult to remember the time when there was no pain in the act of sex. Her body had been used and violated so many times over and over again as she bit back her screams and her tears from the savages who raped her. As her thoughts began to spiral out of control back to the pit where they began she had to dig her nails into her palms and let the present pain bring her out of the memories where she cried and screamed at the men holding her down while threatening to cut off her dragon’s wings if she did not cooperate. She sank underneath the water and back out again to rinse off her hair. Next she grabbed the brush next to the tub and began to run it through her hair, blanking out her thoughts and focusing on the brush strokes. 

The tangles in her hair came out rather easily and she began to think on Gaius’s words. The old man was wise and he had once been a priest of the Old Religion, certainly he would know about this collar. His trust would be almost as difficult as Merlin’s especially since she would not even think about warming his bed. He was like a grandfather to her. 

Gwen would help her Morgana knew but her one servant and now sister in law was distracted by thing she did not divulge to her prisoner. Perhaps she was barren like Igraine had been and worried about giving an heir to her husband. What a twist that would make.  
A little voice spoke softly from the depths of her racing, chaotic thoughts. What if Gaius was right? What if you could come back to Camelot and be with your friends and family again? What if there was another way to liberate your people?  
Shut up! There can be no other way. She couldn’t go down that road again only to be hurt again. For now she would wait and listen. That was how she got out of prison before. It was only a matter of time before someone made a mistake. She sank down into the water again and sighed, luxuriating in the warmth while she still had it.

####

Merlin said goodbye to Gaius’s last patient and began to make his way back to the castle from the lower town. Before he went back to see Gaius and Morgana he would go and check to see if Gwen was alone so they could concoct a plan.  
His trip was rather quick and he made his way to the nursery to find Gwen sitting in her rocking chair with Ellie standing beside a table playing with a wooden horse. She looked up and waved at Merlin, who waved back. “Hello, Gwen.”  
She jerked and blinked her eyes rapidly, “Sorry, Merlin. I must have dozed off. I’ve been so tired lately.”

“I would imagine.” He laughed and took a seat across from her.

“I’m so much more tired so much earlier with this pregnancy than I was with her. It’s frustrating.”

“That was actually what I came here to talk to you about. Did you have any idea how you were going to tell him?”

“Actually, yes.” She smiled and leaned forward to tell Merlin her plan. 

####

As the water began to cool and her skin had begun to prune she sighed and realized that she would have to get out soon or someone would come looking for her. She didn’t want any soldiers or knights seeing her naked. It would bring back too many bad memories for her. Her hand closed around the towel outside of the bath and she quickly wrapped it around herself, drying her skin before the moisture would make her too cold and stepped out of the bath, drying herself off the rest of the way. She pulled on the clean undergarments and dress which was a pretty pale green and dried off her hair. Satisfied that it was mostly dry she grabbed the brush again and pulled it through her soft and now shiny dark hair. It would dry in curls and waves and that was just the way she liked it. Her hair had always been one of her best attributes. She opened the door and a guard was there to greet her with a new set of cuffs for her hands which allowed her some freedom of movement. She did not resist him and let him lead her back to Gaius’s chambers. She was surprised to find Gwen in the room as well. Their heads were close together and they were whispering and laughing. “And that is my plan.” 

“I think it’s brilliant. He will never suspect a thing. Have you told Merlin?”

Her laughter irritated Morgana. Gwen looked up and immediately hushed Gaius. What could they possibly be talking about that would warrant such privacy? “What do you think?”

“I think he will be thrilled to pull one over on Arthur.” She then addressed Morgana. “Speaking of my husband he will be here soon. He wanted to talk to you again.”

“What could my dear brother want to talk to me about? He could save us all some time and stick me back out in the courtyard.”

“He doesn’t want to kill you.”

“He will.” She said quietly.

Gwen gave her a sad smile and the look of pity in her eyes made Morgana want to scream. “I thought you would be hungry so I brought you some more food. I trust that you will eat it as I have proven that we only want to help you?” Gwen began to reach onto the plate again and Gaius stopped her.

“She will have to eat slowly until her body gets used to it.” He turned to look at Morgana, “I would say you have been without much food for at least two weeks.”

“You would be correct in that assumption.” Morgana met his gaze evenly to hide her own feeling of being off balance in this room with people that she had so many memories with.

“I thought as much.” He turned away from her and she tried to relax her now stiffened frame. How was she so tense so suddenly?

The door to Gaius’s quarters opened again and a blonde head came into view. “Is she decent?”

“No. I’ve never been decent according to you.” She half hissed to Arthur at his childish attempt at what she assumed was humor.

“Very funny, Morgana.” His droll tone echoed the exact opposite of humor.

“What do you want? Why haven’t you killed me yet?”

“Straight to the point, eh? No hello, how are you?”

She could play for a while, “Fine then, Hello, Arthur. How are you?”

“That’s better. You should have better manners. You didn’t grow up in the woods.” Arthur chided, trying to provoke her.

“No, but I was driven there.” She hissed again and took up residence in a chair on the far side of the room.

“You were a tyrant usurper. You were punished. However, unlike most usurpers you were not killed.”

“I was no usurper little brother. The crown is my right.”

“Wrong. It is my birthright. You may two years older than I am Morgana but you were not a legitimate child. This is a fact that you have suspiciously forgotten. The legitimate child inherits the crown. It’s so strange that I should even label you as such because you never were power hungry before. What changed you into such a--?” He trailed off. Not wishing to label her and give her more reason to turn from him.

“I changed because Uther refused to acknowledge me as his child, same as you. He was ashamed of me. Because I reminded him of his weakness. Morgause taught me that. I was just a stain that he saw fit to cover up when my father died.”

“Father loved you as much as he did me. You were just too narrow minded to see it at the time.” He stood next to the bed so she had to crane her head up at him. “He was a broken man after your betrayal. He was silent for a whole year. All he did when I would see him was look out the window as if heartbroken. It was almost like you had always been his favorite. He came back to himself long enough to celebrate my birthday and die that night in my defense.”

“You’re lying.” 

“Why would I lie? What would I have to gain by doing so aside from my sister back where she belongs. Think about that for a moment.”

“To torment me like you always have before. You always wanted me gone from this place.”

“Now that is a lie. I always loved you. I still do love you. Why don’t you think you are dead yet?” He knelt down next to her. “You look so weak, so fragile. I am sorry for what you have suffered. I truly am. But make no mistake. Next time you take the life of one of my people you will be killed. I am giving you one chance. Only one to prove to me that you deserve the gift of life that I am giving you. Do not mess this up. When you are well again you will begin your duties as a maidservant to Gwen. There will be a guard with you at all times and you will be hobbled and cuffed…”

“A maidservant? Is this some sort of joke? I don’t know the first thing about being a maidservant.”

“A funny twist isn’t it. You being her maidservant?” Arthur look particularly pleased with his plan, “Well, no matter, Gwen will teach you all you need to know and you will obey me in this. Remember, Morgana. Servitude or death.”

“I won’t be a slave. I would rather die.” She spat. 

“Whether or not you remain a servant remains to be seen. I love you, Morgana.” He stood back up and looked down at her. “I will visit you again soon. I’ve always valued our talks. But I must be going. I have a kingdom to run after all.” Morgana was furious at his flippant attitude towards her. When she got her magic back she would make him wish he was never born at all. He held her cuffs in his hands and used a key to unlock them, placing it back into his pocket.

Gwen got up and walked over to her husband and kissed him. For once instead of scoffing and refusing to look at them she studied their reactions to each other. Her eyes latched onto the kiss and their body language. It had been a long while since she had seen any romantic interactions between anyone. How could someone be so comfortable with another person? She hadn’t watched them fall in love, not really. Her experience of them was through a tunneled glass. She saw only what she could use against them. What she saw before her now was an innocent type of love, one that never should have been used against them. “Let’s go get ready, my husband.” He put his arm around her back and led her out. 

“What did you see between them just then, Morgana? And don’t lie to me because I saw you watching them with something akin to hunger.” Gaius spoke softly to her now.

“I saw love… I think.” She sat back down on the bed as Gaius went back over to a work table, sorting some herbs into different vials.

“What happened to you, child, that you cannot see love in front of your very eyes? That you would question love at all?”

“If I told you Gaius it would break your weak heart.”

“You will find that my heart is a lot stronger than you think.” 

She tried to look over his shoulder to see what exactly he was doing but her vantage point was poor for such things. “What are you doing?” 

“Do you really wish to know?”

“I don’t have much else to do now do I?”

He turned to her, “I am sorting herbs that Merlin and I collect in the woods. I have to dry some of them out and crush others.” He pulled a stool up next to him. “If you want you can watch me. No questions or comments or I will have the guard gag you.”  
She nodded and got up from the bed to sit down on the stool. “Thank you.”

“You were always a curious girl and I will never drive away someone who is eager for knowledge. Merlin has never been interested in my craft. I will warn you that if you use any of this without my permission or knowledge to do harm to others I will not care for you any longer. While you are here perhaps you could help me. But for today you must watch.”

####  
Merlin was cleaning up after Arthur and Gwen’s breakfast when he heard them coming down the hall. He made sure that the vial of liquid was still in his pocket. It was a harmless vial of water that had been turned purple with a few herbs. The door opened and he saw Arthur enter with Gwen being carried bridal style in his arms he was laughing and nearly tripped and fell when he saw Merlin. He was not expecting to have company in his room. “What are you doing here, Merlin?” Arthur sounded a little out of breath and sat down on the bed with Gwen in his lap and when she tried to get away he held her there. “Nope.”

“Oh. Well I was just cleaning up. With Morgana in his quarters Gaius had me deliver his medicines and I was late getting up here. Oh! And here’s yours Gwen.” He handed her the vial of colored water.

“What does she need this for? Did you find out anything? Are you sick?!” his voice kept getting higher with each sentence as he began to check her face and cheeks for fever. Merlin had to use every bit of willpower to keep from laughing. 

“Yes. I am. It is going to last for a while.” Gwen made her voice become lower and sadden.

“What has she fallen ill with? You tell me right now, Merlin!” His eyes were wide and panicked.

“Well the symptoms last for approximately nine months. It starts with the patient throwing up. It is only specific to women.”

“Will she die?”

“Soon she will have odd cravings for foods like sheep’s tongue and goat liver. She will begin to use the chamber pot more frequently and her abdomen will start to swell.”

Arthur was still clueless, listening to Merlin with rapt attention. There is no way that he can be this thick is there? Merlin thought to himself. “Anything else?”

“Her breasts will get larger and tenderer and she will begin to have mood swings. These can be detrimental to anyone in her vicinity.” Guinevere shot him a warning look.

“You said it was nine months. What happens at the end?”

“She will be in terrible pain. So terrible that she wants to die, and then she will expel a growth after many hours of labor.” Merlin was having a lot of difficulty keeping his voice serious. His ribs were starting to hurt from holding in his laughter at his friend’s thick-headedness.  
“What sort of growth?” Gwen was rolling her eyes and looking exasperated.

“Well some call it a nightmarish creature, but you already have one yourself, Arthur. Her name is Eliana Pendragon and she is going to be an older sister in about 7 months.”

For a moment Arthur looked confused then his eyes narrowed into slits. “Oh, Merlin, that is so not funny.” He deposited Gwen onto the bed then darted after Merlin with a pillow in his hand as Merlin had made a bee-line for the door. “Get back here! You could have just told me she was pregnant! You almost made me have a brain bleed or something.” He tackled Merlin to the ground and began to beat him with the pillow. “I thought there was really something wrong with her!” 

“How can you be so thick? I described everything that she went through with Ellie! And you still didn’t get it. Sometimes I wonder if you are really a King at all with a hard head like yours.” He laughed and fended off the blows. 

“Hey! Boys! Arthur get off of him.” She was holding her sides and laughing. “Really Arthur? How did you not get that?” 

“I’ll get you for that too.” He got off Merlin and darted back for Gwen, tackling her softly to the bed. “Are you really pregnant?” he asked softly, caressing her lower belly.

“Yes. Are you happy?”

“I’m actually quite frustrated at a certain woman and servant at the moment.”

“Hush. Kiss me.” Arthur’s lips descended on hers and Merlin took the opportunity to dart out of the room, still breathless from laughter and left them to celebrate in their own way.

He ran down the hall, eager to tell Gaius about Arthur’s reaction. He opened the door and stopped dead in his tracks. Morgana was right beside Gaius, watching him quietly as he tended to his herbs. They both looked up at his entrance. “Hello, my boy. I was just showing Morgana how to dry herbs properly.”

“Why?”

“Do I have to have a reason, Merlin?” she sounded condescending.

“You always have a reason for everything.” He narrowed his eyes at her.

“Oh, stop. The two of you will have to get along since she is staying here for about four more days.”

“Four days! Come on Gaius. She can’t stay here that long.”

“Why not? She is being quite civil now. You are the one acting childish.” Morgana smirked and gave him an ‘I’m the favorite one now’ look. 

“Fine, whatever. I will be in the tavern.”

“What if Arthur comes looking for you?”

“He’s not going to come looking for me.”

“It went well then?”

“It went amazingly. I will have to tell you about it later.” He walked back out the door and out to the tavern, planning to get nice and drunk before facing Morgana again. 

####-Sometime during the night

Merlin opened the door and practically stumbled inside. He had not had many drinks but he had been playing dice for a few hours now and his eyes were beginning to bother him. He headed for his room for some peace and quiet no looking over to where Morgana was supposed to be sleeping. He opened his own door and practically fell down the steps.

“Are you drunk?”

“Not drunk enough. What are you doing sitting on my bed.” He got back up and stopped in the door and was taken aback by how beautiful she looked. Her skin was clean and she had a new dress that he had not noticed when he had been back here earlier. Her hair was brushed and fell in waves past her shoulders. It was remarkable what a bath could do for someone. He could swear that he was in Camelot 7 years ago instead of now. 

“I was waiting for you.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“Well, Morgana, I don’t feel like talking.” He did a quick check around the room. His books and staff were still hidden underneath the floorboards and it did not look like Morgana had been rummaging through his things.

“Did you enjoy the tavern?”

“Yes. I won lots of money and drank lots of ale.”

“Are you going to come to bed?”

“Not with you in it.”

She pouted, her bottom lip coming out, “Whyever not, Merlin? You let me in here last night.” She wasn’t going to give up so easily.

“You were cold.”

“What if I told you I was cold again?”

“What game are you playing?”

“No game.” She got up and gestured for him to lie down. 

He walked past her, not arguing and took his shirt off. “Yeah, right no games from the wicked sorceress.”

“What are you doing?” she sounded slightly panicked for a moment.

“Taking my shirt off. I don’t sleep in one or did you not notice last night?”

“I didn’t notice.” She appraised him. Her eyes greedily took in his filled out physique. It had changed since she had last seen him without his shirt and she approved. He got closer to her and she smelled the alcohol on his breath, which made her mind flash back to Sarrum’s camp and the drunken soldiers. She shook her head to clear it and refocus and watched him get under the covers. 

“If Gaius catches you…” he warned.

“Gaius won’t catch me. And even if he did he wouldn’t say anything. I still have all my clothes on after all.” She climbed into bed with him and turned her back, nestling into his warmth as his arm wrapped around her.  
“This is the last night, Morgana. Tomorrow night you are on your own.” 

“If you say so.”

“What is your game?”

“I’m not telling you.” She smelled the alcohol again and almost vomited. She wanted to leave yet didn’t at the same time. Why was she so drawn to him now after all this and when he was being such an ass? Was it because she had gotten a taste of him? Her pull to him wasn’t this strong before he had poisoned her. “Maybe I want to thank you for saving me.”

“I also poisoned you. I think it is null now.”

“Perhaps. Now be quiet. I want to sleep.” She settled down into the bed and closed her eyes. 

The bed was small enough without the two of them so uncomfortably close. He should not have let her in the first time. He needed to figure out what her game was. He had the upper hand. She was powerless and he was not and with Arthur going on a scouting mission tomorrow he would not see her for a whole week and it bothered some deep part of him. He closed his eyes and fell asleep to the scent of roses and lilacs.

Merlin came awake during the night to Morgana thrashing in her sleep and whimpering. He could barely make out the word, “Stop.” in her mumblings. He checked the collar to make sure it was still fitted and tried to do a bit of magic while holding onto it. When he couldn’t access his power he gripped her arms and leaned over her.

“Morgana, wake up.” When she did not he said it louder and shook her a little, “Morgana. It’s only a dream. Wake up.” 

Her eyes flew open and she took a deep breath. Merlin quickly put his hand over her mouth before she could scream. Her eyes were distant and terrified. She began to struggle against him wildly. Whatever she had been dreaming about was something terrible, even for her. 

“Morgana. Calm down. It’s Merlin.” Her eyes blinked a couple of times and her struggles ceased. She came back to herself and stilled on the bed with his weight pinning her. “Don’t yell. You’ll bring the whole castle in here and I doubt that is what you want right now.” He removed his hand slowly.

“Get off of me. Please.”

He moved off of her. “Do you want to tell me what that is all about?”

“No.”

“You were terrified.”

“I said no. Let’s just go back to sleep.” She tried to turn back over when Merlin reached over and stopped her. 

“Contrary to popular belief I don’t like to see anyone suffer. It wasn’t a vision you had because that is tied to your magic. It was a memory. You had been suffering in your dream.” His features softened towards her. “It was never my intention to hurt you or cause you harm. I made a mistake. I knew it when I saw the woman I cared greatly for die in my arms.”

She stopped and looked at him and realized his sincerity. Her gaze softened and her eyes met his, “It doesn’t change anything.”

“I know.”

She moved first, turning back over and moving her upper body and face towards his. He finished the journey and met her lips with his own. Her lips were soft and tentative beneath his as they ghosted with light touches against his then pulled back and lightly touched again. This became a pattern between them like the ebb and flow of the tides. He did not try to push her and let her lead this dance between them. Morgana was enjoying the sweet softness of his lips to try and banish the remnants of the dream where the soldiers’ kisses were sloppy and disgusting and the smell of cheap ale was on their breath and clothes. Merlin tasted nothing like cheap ale now that it had been some time since his last drink and was being so gentle with her. Morgana’s heart began to beat a little faster as she deepened the kiss and pressed her mouth fully against his. The kiss was still slow and soft which was exactly what she needed. 

Merlin’s magic flared to life underneath his skin, dancing along his nerves in response to Morgana’s kiss even though there was very little about it that was sexual. Her hand moved from her side and landed on his arm, travelling up the bare skin and reached around his shoulders and neck, pulling him down so she did not have to keep herself up. He fell forward a little onto her and her chest brush against his. Her fingers running along his arm had made him shiver and her other arm wrapped around his upper back so she could keep him where she wanted him. The heat from his upper body seeped into her skin and warmed her as she kissed him harder, nipping on his lower lip. His hand that had been stationary at his side settled on her hip and began to run up her side and she immediately stiffened and jerked back from his kiss, pushing him off of her. She couldn’t do it. Even though she knew that he was not one of her tormenters the weight of his body and the remnant of the dream made it impossible for her to continue. 

The tender moment between them gone in a second and he could have punched himself. Morgana was breathing harder but her eyes had gone from soft to hard in the seconds after their kiss, “This changes nothing. And that kiss doesn’t leave this room. Do we have that clear?”  
“What did I do?” Merlin was confused at the sudden change in her mood and nodded. He was lucky that he had not gotten fully aroused while he kissed her, otherwise when she moved back into position it would have been rather awkward between them and he didn’t know what she would do to him then. 

“Nothing. Just go back to sleep. Forget that ever happened. I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s not weakness to give into your feelings.”

She lifted her lip in a snarl, “Feelings are weakness. Love is weakness. Anger and hate give you strength.”

He did not want to argue with her and instead lay back down on his side ignoring her comment. She got up out of his embrace and walked to the door. “Where are you going?”

“Back to my bed, Merlin. I don’t think I will be needing your services anymore.”

Her comment stung but he shrugged and watched the door close behind her. He knew the truth. She was afraid of feeling anything positive about anyone here. He closed his eyes and refused to think about her lips and body and how they felt against him. It was almost as good as what he dreamed.

#####  
Morgana shut the door and wrapped her arms around herself. Her body still hummed from his attentions and remembered Merlin very fondly. Her mind, however, had made her sick from the thought taking things any further than a kiss. She craved his touch and rebelled against it. The carefully constructed wall she had made around her body and heart had developed a small chip and she had to repair it before she lost everything completely. He had been so tender with her and he had tried to comfort her. She wouldn’t…couldn’t fall into his trap and let herself be vulnerable and open to harm again. It was too big of a risk. One thing was for certain. She had to stay away from Merlin and his tender eyes or she might lose herself completely. A little voice in her head whispered 'Would that really be so bad anyway?'

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So It's been a while guys. I fully intend on getting back to schedule. I was writing my book and was putting all of my creative brainpower into it. The book is finished. I'm just slowly editing it now. 
> 
> I'll be actually doing a M,W,F post from now on. And...for those of you still with me or joining in. Or know me from FF.net I asked a very specific question at the end of this. And I will be writing an after epilogue chapter just for AO3 (to be posted to FF.net later) And I will hopefully also announce my book then as well that I will be hopefully publishing to Amazon Kindle! I'm super excited! But for now! Thanks for reading I i'll see you Wednesday!


	12. Chapter 11

XxOxX

Merlin awoke to the sound of feminine laughter and Gaius’s voice. He rubbed his eyes and got out of bed to dress. With a sharp tug on the fabric he pulled his shirt above his head and put on new pants before opening the door. The sight that greeted him was an interesting one. Morgana was smiling at Gaius who had obviously just told her a rather animated story. They were eating breakfast together and Gaius had set out another plate for him. The food smelled warm and delicious despite the strange scene around it. The older man greeted Merlin with a wave but Morgana refused to look in his direction.

“Merlin, my boy, after you go and see Arthur could you go out and grab a few herbs for me? I would send Morgana but she could not do so for obvious reasons. One of which is that she is still on rest from her ordeal and the other..well…”

“Yeah, Gaius, just tell me what you need and I will get it for you before we leave.” He sat down at the table next to Gaius and tried to ignore Morgana.

“Where are you going?” she directed her question at Merlin but was looking at her food. 

“Arthur is going on a border patrol. I am going with him.” Maybe he really did upset her last night.

“But he’s the king? Why would he put himself in danger like that doing is own patrols? He has knights and soldiers for the dangerous work does he not?”

“Arthur loves his people and he wouldn’t ask anyone to do something he is not prepared to do himself Morgana. Now don’t bother yourself with Merlin’s business. You two will be spending a few hours together anyway today.” Gauis chided.

Merlin choked on a bit of egg, “What?” 

Morgana looked equally distressed. “Why?”

“You are going to show Morgana about your duties as a servant to Arthur so she can take over some of them while you are gone. You must show her around the castle.”

“I know my way around the castle, Gaius. I grew up here after all.” 

“But you don’t know any of the servants’ passages now do you? Or how to get clean laundry or where to put the dirty? Or the washroom?”

Oh yes, Arthur is making her a servant. She had forgotten. “Fine, but why can’t someone else do it?”

“Merlin isn’t going to bite you. Now some sun will do you some good as long as you do not exert yourself too much. Naturally you will not be alone with him. You will always have a guard escort anywhere but this room.”

“How…fun.” She drawled and kept eating.

“Finish eating, both of you and the sooner you begin the sooner that it will be over.”

The three finished eating in silence and when it was done Gaius took the plates and set them in a basin to be washed. The two remaining at the table eyed each other with reluctance. “I’ll show you around.” 

Merlin got up and offered a hand to Morgana. She rose without taking the outstretched palm and walked to the door. Merlin let his hand drop to his side a sighed. 

“Have fun you two.” Merlin was convinced that Gaius was trying to kill him.

With a sigh Merlin opened the door for Morgana who was greeted by a guard and cuffed again. He took up station behind the two of them as they began to walk down the hall. 

“I don’t understand why it has to be you.” She grumbled.

“Likewise.” He snapped back, and then more softly asked, “Did you sleep alright?”

“As well as can be expected.” She replied to him then focused on the corridors ahead.

Merlin spent the day showing her all of her chores that she was to tend to as a servant of Guinevere’s. She was suspiciously quiet and Merlin found that he preferred her cruel words and tone to her distance and silence. He tried many times to provoke her but she resisted all attempts at communication. He kept her a fair distance away from the nursery and only took her into Gwen and Arthur’s room when he knew that Gwen was not there with Ellie. 

They entered the room with armfuls of clean clothes. Arthur looked up from the papers on his desk to Merlin and Morgana. “There you two are. Is she behaving, Merlin?” Merlin and Morgana set about to folding the laundry and putting it away.

“What do you think?” Morgana’s voice sounded from behind him. Merlin somehow knew that beyond all else Arthur could get her to argue with him. It was as if she could not resist being the last to get a word in.

“I think you have never behaved in your entire life.” Arthur leaned back in his chair.

“Coming from the man who used to steal cookies from the kitchens.”

“Most of the cooks were too fat to catch me and you were always the distraction. Thick as thieves we were. I bet you love getting your hands dirty with something other than blood.” He gestured to the now clean clothes they were carting around.

“Blood doesn’t prune up my hands and also getting it there is fun too.” She needled him again.

“And just when I thought that I had domesticated you.” He clicked his tongue at her.

“You will never do that to me, little brother.” Though the sentiment was in jest, the last words were tinged with a mocking tone and Arthur gave a her a disappointed glance before turning from her.

“I’m finding that out.” Then he addressed Merlin. “Be ready to go in 3 hours. We are going to ride hard for the border. I need to appraise the situation before our ‘esteemed guest’ gets here.”

“I still think an alliance with him is dangerous.” Merlin advised while folding shirts.

“I know. Gwen thinks so too. But what else am I going to do?”

“I know. But still I have to continue to give you my unasked for opinon. I’ll be ready in time but for now I am going out to collect herbs for Gaius so if you need me…don’t.”

“Sure you aren’t going to the tavern?”

Merlin glared at Arthur who raised his eyebrow and laughed. “I’m never at the tavern.”

“No, never, and you never cheat at dice either.”

“You are just a sore loser.”

“Get out of here before I throw this paper weight at you.” Merlin led Morgana out of the room and back towards Gaius’s chambers.

“Who is the guest that Arthur was talking about?”

“You don’t need to worry about it.” They descended the stairs together. “Gaius?” he called out after opening the door and looking around. He saw a paper on the table that read:

I had to see to an emergency. I should be back shortly. 

He sighed and looked around for Morgana who was still by the door, still silent. “Well, Gaius is gone for the moment.

“Why?”

“He’s gone after an emergency.” 

“Wonderful.” She grumbled. 

“So now that we are alone will you tell me what is bothering you today?”

“No.”

“If it is about that kiss I haven’t had much practice and I’m sorry if I offended you or anything.”

Morgana resisted the urge to bark out a laugh. His apology made her smile inwardly, “I told you that kiss doesn’t leave the room.” She hissed at him. “And it wasn’t bad.” She admitted to him, which she then immediately regretted.

Merlin smiled slyly at her and stood up a little taller. “So if it’s not that then what is it?” 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She tried to flee past him to the door and he back peddled and leaned back against it. 

“Why not?” He arched his eyebrow up at her actions. 

She glared at him and backtracked. “You wouldn’t understand.” She wanted to stab him for his stubbornness. Why does he care about this so much?

“Try me.”

“Aithusa.”

“What about her?” he folded his arms across his chest and stared at her expectantly.

“She’s hurt. Her legs…they hurt her. And I’ve been keeping her from being in pain all the time with my magic. She due for another session with me soon and if she doesn’t get it she will be in terrible pain. I can’t let her suffer like that.”

“What happened to her?”

“I saved her from a lot more harm than you know.”

“How?” he turned back to look at her and spied fresh tears running down her cheeks. He moved away from the door to get closer to her.

“I can’t tell you that.” She watched him warily as he approached.

“Holding everything inside is not going to help you heal from whatever was done to you. And if that was what was bothering you I don’t know why you just didn’t say so in the first place.” She did not answer and he knew instinctively that this was all he would get out of her. “Tell Gaius about Aithusa and he will try to help her. He has knowledge about medicines and other things that could help instead of magic. He won’t let her suffer.” 

“Potions and remedies will do no good. How can they be as powerful as magic?” 

“I promise you that she will be helped. And see. That wasn’t so bad. Confession is good for the soul.”

She was about to retort when the door opened and Gaius walked through. “Oh! Good. You are back. I need you to get these herbs for me. It won’t take you long. And Morgana, you must be taken back to your cell. Arthur doesn’t want you getting any ideas about escaping.”

Morgana stepped closer to Merlin as if to get his protection. “I don’t want to go back down there.”

“I know, but you are a prisoner with a reputation that cannot be ignored.”

“Can’t I just stay here?”

“There’s no harm in it, Gaius.” Merlin spoke up, and Morgana stared at him, surprised that he of all people would be defending her.

“I wish that you could, child, but I have duties to attend to and you cannot be left alone. I am sorry, Morgana, but you are well enough to leave my immediate care.” The door opened again and two guards came through the door followed by Gwaine.

“Alright. Off to your accommodations. Arthur put me in charge of you until he gets back. I promise that we will have lots of fun together.” Gwaine’s words were flippant but his tone denoted something darker. 

“So they put the prettiest knight in charge of me. They do know how to treat a lady.” Her trademark sneer was back and her posture had gone rigid with no trace of the softness that Merlin had seen her develop these past few days.

“I won’t even make you work for your supper.” The two guards cuffed Morgana and Gwaine got behind her and handled her roughly out of the door. She stumbled against the steps then turned and glared at him.

Merlin stepped forward, about to say something to Gwaine when Gaius, who was in front of him shook his head. “Go collect those herbs, Merlin. You don’t want to get involved.” The volume of his voice was low and only Merlin heard him.

“I’ll be back.” He picked up his herb satchel and walked past Gaius, out the door and in the direction opposite of Morgana. He kept chanting in his head that she was not his concern and that he had to stop trying to make up for past mistakes.

####

Gwaine continued to keep a hand on Morgana’s shoulder. “Put you in a pretty dress and gave you a bath. Arthur is treating you like a guest instead of a murderer. But we both know different don’t we?”

“You can’t kill me.”

“No. I want to make you suffer, but Arthur has some sort of wish to see you good again. We both know that won’t happen.”

“You are being more malicious than I remember.”

“You are not my friend, so I can treat you as maliciously as I want.”

“You knights live by a code of honor. It wouldn’t be worth breaking it to punish me.”

“You are right about that. So you will get put back in your cell and you will eat our food and you will be guarded and watched every second of the day, even while you sleep.” They reached the prison door and the guards opened it, and then opened her cell. Gwaine escorted her in and cuffed her to the wall. He grabbed her chin in his hand and leveled her gaze with his. “And don’t even think about using your body to get out of here. Oh, and stay away from Merlin. I don’t want to see him dead or worse because you sunk your evil little claws into him.” He released her chin and she almost spat in his face. He exited the cell and locked it. “No one here to baby and coddle you now, my Lady. Have fun.” He walked out the door and she turned around and slammed her fist into the wall instead of screaming. Now she had to stay in the dungeon in the darkness with her thoughts and nightmares and a man who hated her very existence. When she got out of here it wouldn’t be Arthur she killed first, it would be Gwaine. She only hoped that she would stay untouched in her cell because she didn’t know if she would be able to stay sane if she was raped again.

###

Merlin practically ran down to the dungeon, eager to see the little dragon and to aid her if he could. If Morgana had not told him about her then he would have left for almost a whole week and she would have been in terrible pain. Her bones and joints looked out of sorts and in order to fully heal would most likely have to be re-broken. That was how Gaius fixed other deformities, however the idea of harming the baby dragon caused the center of Merlin’s chest to chill. If only he could speak to her to ask her what happened to her then he could better help both of them. He descended the stairs with a torch in hand and through the tunnel leading to the cave where he began to hear soft pained groans. Aithusa was lying down, panting with pain and keeping her limbs tucked close to her body. 

“Aithusa. It’s me.” Merlin called out and she lifted her head and gave a chirp in greeting then laid it back down. “I’ve come to help you.” At this she lifted her head and kept it there. The chasm was too large for him to jump across and on hand he knew of nothing that could help propel him across to her. “You must come over here. I know you can. I will take your pain away.”

She gave a whine then lumbered up and limped worse than ever to the chasm and heaved herself across, barely making it even with her wings to keep her steady. She sniffed Merlin then crooned at him and sniffed again. “You smell her on me do you? She’s shared my bed for a while.”Aithusa looked at him with what could be described as amused, “Well not like that!” She huffed at him again and sat down. He touched between her eyes with his hand and his head was filled with images and colors. Most were unsubstantial but the color that predominated was one of red of pain. “Is this how you talk to her?” He felt an answer of affirmation from the bond as well as a nod from the dragon. “Show me what she does.”

His head was suddenly filled with a scene that he must have been watching from Aithusa’s point of view. She was looking up at a very dirty, bloody, and crazed looking Morgana. The dragon’s agonized cries were sounding and Morgana was stroking her skin in a soothing manner, whispering an incantation: “Angsumnes béon æfreda fram þes lígdra,.”over and over again and eventually the pain decreased in her limbs. “Shhhh, little one. I’m so sorry sorry I brought you here. Forgive me.” Morgana was crying while Aithusa went to nuzzle her. The woman he saw was almost completely broken by torment. Her mind hung by a fragile thread that would snap should Aithusa perish. 

Aithusa moved her head and broke the connection. “How long does this spell that she does last last?” She connected to him again and gave her answer, “Two weeks? We need to fix you permanently. This is no way to live. I will talk to Kilgarrah he can….what?” She connected to him again. “You ran away? To save Morgana…why?” She broke the connection and shook her head. “Why can’t you tell me?”   
Connection.. “What do you mean I’m not ready?” She shifted and a pained noise came from her mouth. “Alright. Angsumnes béon æfreda fram þes lígdraca.” His eyes glowed gold and his magic flared to life beneath his skin and surged into the dragon beneath him. She sighed in relief and shifted around nudging him with her head and nuzzled his chest. He stroked her neck and cheek. “I must be gone for a little while. Gaius will be down to feed you for that time. Don’t bite him or scare him.” She gave him her sweetest eyes and hopped back over to the rock. Merlin took that as his queue to leave and gather herbs. 

####

Arthur, Leon, Percival and a contingent of guards were in the courtyard making final preparations to leave. Merlin was packing the last of his supplies when Gaius came up to him. “What do I feed the dragon?”

“She likes deer. You need to talk to her and stimulate her brain. She likes to talk.” He lowered his voice. 

“Tell Morgana that you fixed her with some herbal concoction. She’s worried about Aithusa.”

Gaius gave him a measured look, “Don’t think of Morgana while you are gone. I’m afraid that your guilt about her will distract you. I know you feel badly that she is back in her cell for what reason I do not know but you must not let it cloud your judgment about her. Ultimately, Morgana is dangerous.”

“I know that, Gaius, but maybe there is more to the story that we don’t know. I’m not saying that we should trust her with everything and let her roam about free but maybe we need to give her a chance so that if she betrays us again…”

“Maybe, Merlin. But you need to be careful. Now get going.” Merlin smiled and mounted up. Gwen exited the castle with Eliana in her arms and walked over to Arthur. “Your daughter wishes to say goodbye to her daddy.” 

Arthur smiled and reached down to gather up his daughter. “I’ll miss you, sweetling.” He gave her a kiss and a cuddle. She grabbed his neck and cooed, “Dada.” For a moment Arthur looked torn, but handed the almost toddler back to her mother and leaned down for a kiss. Gwen took the girl and met his lips with her own and wrapped her unoccupied arm around his neck. After a few moments she let go and he straightened in his saddle, “Onward. We ride!” Arthur turned his horse and started for the gate at a quick trot and the rest of the contingent followed. Merlin nodded back at Gaius and waved to Gwen and the baby then turned and kicked his horse into a canter to catch up to his king. 

“Come along then, Ellie. We’ve got to work on your words.” Guinevere bounced the girl up on her hip and strode off to the castle, “And then Mama is going to visit Morgana again. She won’t be happy that your daddy decided to lock her up again. Not at all.”

####

It was a couple of hours after Arthur had left before Gwen went down to the dungeon. Morgana was sitting on the bed again, looking at the wall. She turned her head when the door opened. Guinevere sighed and realized that they were pretty much back at square one. “Hello, Morgana.”

“Why is it that I seem to have made a home here in this cell? All I do is stare at the walls all day. It is going to drive me mad.”

“Arthur was worried that with him gone you would try something. I told him that it was a bad idea.”  
“Of course you did. And he was right. I would have tried something, but I wouldn’t have killed anyone else. That was sloppy of me.”

“Sloppy?”

“Yes. I’m not going to make any more mistakes. Why are you down here again? Arthur was buried in paperwork from what I have seen. Is I that much different for you?”

“I don’t take care of the paper work. It requires the king’s seal. I handle the day to day matters of the estate like the woman of the house does, Morgana.”

Morgana was silent for a moment. “Then you can let me out of here.”

“I cannot. But Gaius wanted me to tell you that your dragon is fine for now. He gave her something that calmed her down. He is taking over her care.”

Morgana was confused, “Who was taking care of her before?”

“Merlin. He was quit insistent about it oddly enough. Brought her food and such to keep her alive because she’s the last dragon but we all know how the first last dragon ended up. Arthur told him not to but Merlin did it anyway.” She sat down on a stool across from Morgana.

Morgana felt a spark of warmth bloom in her chest for Merlin. The man who poisoned her and thwarted her with every turn was taking care of the one thing that Morgana loved the most. He actually kept his word and that made her happy. “Thank you, Gwen.” 

“I’m glad that you are here, Morgana.” 

Morgana turned to face Gwen, “What did you want to speak about?”

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See! A schedule! Slightly later on Wednesday but It's done. See you Friday!


	13. Chapter 12

XxOxX

They had been riding hard for about a day and a half and had almost reached the border towns that were being attacked by the Saxons. For the most part there had been no discussion between the men but with the goal so close, Arthur pulled his horse to a stop at nightfall and commanded the men to set up camp. Merlin and another soldier made and passed around dinner then Merlin sat down next to Arthur. 

“Are you ready, Merlin?”

“As ready as I can be for battle, Arthur. I’m not made for this hand to hand combat.” He thought of the multiple times that Arthur had cajoled him after sparring.

Arthur snorted and shook his head. 

“What?”

“Oh nothing. I know that you know enough not to get killed. Because if you did I would have to train a new servant and that is too much work, Merlin.”

“But that wasn’t what made you laugh.” 

“No. I just remember something a young woman told me a few years ago.”

“And what was that?”

“That you are a lover, not a fighter.”

“Who told you that?” Merlin couldn’t fight the slight reddening of his cheeks in embarrassment but luckily the fire was little more than embers now and Arthur couldn’t see his reaction. 

His grin faded a little, “Morgana. After we killed that river monster sent by Nimueh.”

“You shouldn’t have tossed her back into the dungeon.” Merlin couldn’t help his sudden outburst but regardless it was something that needed to be said.

“I know…now that I think about it. The knights were going on about it and I did it to make them sod off for a bit. She’s not stupid. Morgana won’t make the same mistake twice.”

“Do you feel safe leaving her there with Gwen and Ellie?”

“In the dungeon, yes. Out and about, no. I don’t know whether or not she would hurt a child. The old Morgana would never do anything like that. The new Morgana can be rather unpredictable.” 

Merlin nodded and looked at his soup as he ate. “What are you going to do about the Saxons?”

“We are going to send them a message they won’t soon brush off. I’ll tell everyone my plan tomorrow.”

“Why tomorrow?”

“Seems better to do it tomorrow when it’s fresh and everyone is well rested, don’t you think?”

Merlin regarded Arthur dubiously, “You haven’t thought of a plan yet have you?”

“Nope. I imagine it will be something like us telling them to sod off, they not listen and we get into a little skirmish and we send them running back over the border with their tails between their legs.” 

Merlin shook his head at his friend, “Good luck with that.” He took his last spoonful of soup and grinned then Arthur’s bowl clanked into his. 

“Merlin’s washing dishes! Give him all of it!” Arthur got up and clapped him on the back, “Have fun.”  
Merlin’s glare was lost to Arthur as he turned his back and headed for his tent. “We get up just after the sun!” he told the men, who nodded as they dropped their empty bowls of food at Merlin’s feet. 

Arthur chuckled as he entered his tent and laid down to rest. Merlin fumed silently. He stood up and put all of the dishes into a sack and carried them away from camp and performed a quick spell to clean them. He would stay away a little longer in the woods to keep anyone from being suspicious. The stars shined down from the sky as Merlin looked up and for a brief moment was reminded of Morgana when she had done the same thing not nights’ past but quickly shook it off. Now was not the time to think of her. Abruptly he felt a presence in his head that was old and very familiar.

He reached for the presence in his head gladly ‘Kilagrrah!’

‘Hello, young warlock. It has been some time since we last spoke. I wish to meet with you soon. I know that you are with the King and that you will encounter soldiers on your way to the border. The Saxons know that Arthur is coming for them so they seek to take him by surprise.’

‘Thank you for telling me. I have news for you and some questions.’

‘Ask away.’

‘Aithusa is in Camelot where you were held. She stays there now and I have to wonder why. She was in your care and then I find her with Morgana instead of safe with her own kind.’

A deep feeling of sadness permeated the telepathic link ‘I was unable to watch her for long. I am not as strong as I have been. I had told her to leave to get food and I thought she would be back. She had always returned before. I had searched for her but could not find her. She was still too young to properly mind link with her.’

‘She saved Morgana from death.’

A sudden rush of betrayal and anger surged through the link, making him stagger a bit. ‘WHAT? How? What did the witch do to her? Aithusa would never do such a thing! She is not an evil creature.’

‘I know. Aithusa doesn’t see the evil in her. She still believes that Morgana has good in her and can be redeemed. Morgana certainly loves Aithusa. My Aithusa means more to her than her own life. They have bonded in a way that I did not with her even though I hatched her.’

‘It has been known to happen. For a dragon to bond with one who is not kin is an odd thing but not impossible. Aithusa is young and very impressionable. Morgana had a mortal wound you say? To see suffering like that and not respond…Aithusa must have used her Breath on the witch and in doing so developed an attachment. Communication with Aithusa would have been limited with the Witch. And telepathy could only occur if the Witch was touching her directly. It is different than a Dragon Lord who can communicate over long distances.’ Kilgarrah’s voice was still angry, but thoughtful.

‘There is more.’

‘More? Tell me then.’

‘Morgana and Aithusa were captured and held imprisoned for 2 years in a pit. There is a rumor that it was Lord Sarrum who did this. As a result they both cling desperately to each other and Aithusa cannot speak like you or I. She communicates with images and emotions. Her back legs are injured and she walks with a limp. I am not sure how to fix them.’

Silence greeted him for what seemed like forever, then ‘You need to bring the young dragon to me so I can aid her properly. I can give her the gift of speech and break the connection between the witch and Aithusa. However, This Sarrum has committed a crime against your kin, Merlin. You must seek justice for her, your sister. He cannot be allowed to roam free for his crimes against dragonkind.’

‘You can punish him as well as I. I will not be a murderer again.’

‘You know very well that I cannot leave and show myself. They would hunt me again and I am getting too old for that.’

‘What should I do?’

‘When the time comes, young Warlock, you will know exactly what to do.’ Kilgarrah’s voice faded into the recesses of Merlin’s mind. He was deeply troubled by Kilgarrah’s confession of weakness. Merlin turned back and headed into camp. Most of the soldiers were asleep except for those responsible for keeping watch. 

Merlin went to lie down onto his cot next to Arthur’s tent and closed his eyes. The Great Dragon’s words echoed in his mind and he took a deep breath. He would not dispense justice without a confession. So all he had to do was get a confession and he would see justice done.

#####

It had been two days already with Merlin gone and her recent imprisonment and the nightmares were keeping her from sleep again. The urge to hurt the ones keeping her prisoner was getting stronger. Without Aithusa or Merlin to keep her torment away she was beginning to get edgy and felt angrier at everything which only edged along the madness. Morgana jerked awake to the sound of her cell being opened and the guard dragged out by her arm before she had a grip on wakefulness. “Time to do your duties, my Lady.” The guard told her after taking up his post behind her. They had done this routine for the past two days. She saw no one except Gwen and the guard both days. Morgana took the clothes from the room, made the bed, and helped Guinevere get ready for her time in Court. How bored Guinevere must have been most of the time while being a servant. It was strange for her to be walking in her former maidservant’s shoes and the monotony of the duties assigned to her was quite calming. Gwaine still tried to rile her and get her to make the first move, but it was she who always won the battle of wits. 

In the two days he had been gone she found that she missed Merlin and that was a strange thing to begin with. Even after he had poisoned her the first time she had to fight the inner voice that urged her to go to him while she was in Camelot scheming with Morgause. When she used the Fomori on him she had expected to be done with it. The wanting of him only grew worse and she had been tempted to take him again and seek her pleasure with him over and over again until he would get out of her head. Plans changed when she was taken and tormented and physically, emotionally, and sexually abused by a madman. She shook her head and folded the sheets over the large bed. Gwen was sitting at her table looking a little sick. “Do you need anything else?”

“No, Morgana. That will be all.” She turned and smiled, “I will be down to visit you in a few hours.”

Morgana nodded and walked out of the room. She saw the guard and the urge to run came to her again like it had for the past two days. The guard then followed her back down to the dungeon and shoved her inside. Morgana went compliantly and sat down onto the bed. The collared sorceress was getting edgier being locked up for so long. With the nightmares returning and no one to keep her calm she was going to snap and it wasn’t going to be fun for anyone in her way.

A few hours later brought the visit of Gwen, who looked even worse than she had in the morning. She was walking as if she was in pain but sat down and faced Morgana with a fake smile on her face. “How are you this afternoon?”

“I’m fine. How else should I be sitting here alone? You should really think about renovating Camelot’s dungeons. Some flowers and a puzzle or two. You have no idea how mind numbing it is staring at the wall all day.” Gwen’s presence calmed her slightly, the twitchiness that insomnia and the slow descent of insanity had decreased somewhat.

“I could imagine. I’ve been in here before.” Gwen reminded her.

“I forget that.” 

“You put me here once, remember? It was when Arthur and I had that picnic. I always wondered why you did such a thing. I still thought you were my best friend.” She stopped and winced again, her hand moving to her lower belly. 

“I am sorry for that, you know. I just wanted Arthur out of the way and you were unlucky enough to get in the crossfire.” It wasn’t a lie. She found that she actually was sorry that she had put Gwen through that. Morgana paused and got up to move closer to Gwen, “Are you feeling alright?”

“Yes. I’m fine.”

Morgana knew that she was lying but didn’t press the subject. “So what exciting things did you do today?” she leaned back against the wall and crossed her arms.

“Just listened to people bringing concerns about crops or brigands or magic. Arthur usually dismisses most mentions of magic unless they bring proof. He’s not out on a witch hunt, no pun intended.”

Morgana snorted, “Not offended, trust me.”

***warning***

Gwen winced again and swayed. “I think I might need Gaius.” She murmured before doubling over and moaning in pain.

“GUARDS! Guards!” Morgana called out. She could not be blamed for this sudden illness of Camelot’s Queen.

Two guards rushed in with weapons half-drawn. “My Queen?”

“Get..Gaius.” She moaned out and both guards ran out the door. “Morgana. Talk to me.”

“What about? What’s wrong?” Morgana was surprised to find herself actually worried about Gwen for the first time in years. Without the influence of Morgause or the isolation that she had been feeling for years she found that old feelings were resurfacing slowly. Her past experiences and lust for power had dampened somewhat with her weakness and lack of magic.

“I’m scared.”

“It will be okay, Gwen. Gaius will be here any second.” Morgana was right up against the cell doors. Not a minute later Gaius had burst through the doors and taken Gwen in hand. He checked her forehead for fever and then asked, “What is it?”

“My belly.”

“She needs to go to her room. I need help. Stand up for me Gwen.”

“I can help, Gaius.” Morgana said from the cell door. “I won’t try to escape, you have my word.”

Gaius looked at her for a second then nodded to the guards who went to her cell door and opened it quickly. Morgana rushed out and took a place next to Gwen. They both lifted up the Queen from her seat and that is when Morgana saw the blood. “Goddess.” She breathed out and Gaius looked grim at the sight of it. 

“We need to move quickly. Come on my Queen.” Gwen cried out as they moved down the hall, Morgana and Gaius rushing to get her to her room. 

“What is it, Gaius? It looks like her monthly bleed.”

“That is what I am afraid of.”

“Gaius…please…don’t tell me that.” Gwen murmured from between them. 

The guards that had followed rushed in front of them to open the door to the royal bedroom and after Gaius and Morgana had carried in Gwen the doors rapid shut. “Get her to the bed and lie her down gently.” Gaius let go of Gwen and Morgana walked to the bed to lie her down. She was whimpering with pain and saying “no.” over and over again under her breath. Tears leaked out of her eyes down her face. Morgana was actually distressed at the sight and sat down on the bed next to her. She saw out of the corner of her eye a bowl with water and a cloth and used it to wipe Gwen’s head to cool it. 

“When did the pains begin?” Gaius was next to her, feeling her pulse. 

“After I woke up they were little twinges. I felt them with… so I didn’t worry, but then it just kept getting worse and worse.” she moaned again and brought her knees up. 

“Gwen, you need to lie still. I need to check you.” She straightened out and Gaius put his hands on her belly, lightly then he pressed down. Gwen’s scream of pain startled Morgana. He moved to her legs and pushed up the skirt of her dress. Morgana saw the blood that was revealed at the tops of her thighs.  
“Morgana. Get me warm water and more cloths.” She nodded and ran back through the doors towards the kitchen and grabbed a bucket of water from above the fire and ran back. Morgana tested the water with her fingertips and handed it to Gaius along with rags. He drenched the rags and wrung them out before putting some onto her belly. Morgana got a towel and set it underneath her to catch the blood. Gwen was staring up at the ceiling. 

“Gaius…did I lose the baby?” her voice was hoarse. 

“I believe you may have. I’m so sorry, Gwen.”

Morgana felt sorrow…yes sorrow for Gwen when new tears spilled out of her eyes. Before she knew it, Morgana had sat down on the bed and covered Gwen’s upper body with her own before enfolding her in a hug. She could not possibly cause any more heartache and pain to Gwen that she already was feeling. Morgana had always heard of the women who lost their babes in the womb and how terrible the pain was. Ever since Merlin had chipped her wall, more feelings had been swimming through her and at that moment it felt right to hug this woman like they used to. Gwen held tight to her in cycles when the pain began again. She cried into Morgana’s neck and rocked together. “Isn’t there anything we can give her for the pain?”

“Yes. You will need to stay here if I go and get it.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Gaius.”

She felt the bed shift and heard the door open and close again. 

“Why are you doing this?” Gwen whispered to Morgana.

“I don’t know why. I am just as confused as you are to be honest. I only know that you are hurting and I want to comfort you now. You have always been kind to me, even when I did not deserve it.” 

“I’ve missed you.” She gasped again and tightened her hold again with another cramp. When it stopped Morgana raised herself and saw that Gwen was getting pale and sweating. Her eyes were barely staying open. Morgana raised her dress and was surprised and a little alarmed by the amount of blood, but did not show it on her face when the door opened again. Morgana looked up, thinking that it was Gaius, but was entirely surprised by the woman who turned to look at her, “It’s time for your….” She trailed off on seeing Gwen and Morgana and tried to back out. The little girl in her arms looked at Morgana and smiled. Morgana felt all the blood drain from her face at seeing the girl who looked half of Gwen and her brother. She was almost a perfect mix from her dark curls and slightly dark skin to her blue eyes and smile. This was their child…and she knew now that Arthur had not wanted her to know about his daughter’s existence. 

“Bring her to me. It’s no use hiding her now, Morgana has seen.” Gwen called out weakly.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.” The woman babbled to Gwen taking her to the bed and skirting around Morgana. The little one stared at Morgana the whole time, who stared back at her. That infant was her niece, her kin, and Arthur had kept her from seeing the girl. The maid sat down the girl next to her mother, who gripped the sheets again and tried to keep the pain from her eyes as her daughter reached for her and crawled to set herself against her mother’s torso. Her eyes were bright as crystal and intelligent as they studied her mother and the new woman. 

Morgana couldn’t help the smile that came to her at the inquisitive child. 

“She’s yours and Arthur’s…A child…I thought you were unable to have children.” She replaced the cloth on Gwen’s belly with a fresh one and the Queen gave a sigh of relief. 

Elliana reached across her mother towards Morgana. Morgana brought her hand up and stroked Ellie’s cheek, and oddly enough a feeling of protectiveness blossomed in her chest. Not so very long ago she would have felt nothing for the child next to her but a blinding, searing hatred. Not so long ago, Morgana would have killed this child with barely a second thought. Now Morgana was confused by her feelings for this woman and her infant. Though she had always had a soft spot for children. Gwen was watching the exchange tensely as if waiting for something to go wrong. “I won’t hurt her.” That seemed to relax Gwen as the door opened again and Gaius steeped through and came to a screeching halt at seeing Morgana so close to the princess. He shook his head and brought the potion to Gwen’s lips and tipped it. 

“It will take hold quickly.” He turned back to Morgana. 

Gaius nodded, seeming pleased and looked at Gwen, who had closed her eyes and appeared to be relaxing. “That should slow the blood loss.”

“She was really pregnant wasn’t she?”

“Yes.” Gaius answered. 

Morgana reached for her niece who eagerly went into her arms. The girl felt so small and fragile as Morgana held her and rocked her. “The child seems spoiled.”

“She’s Arthur’s daughter. Spoiled doesn’t even begin to describe what she is. She must see something in you that we do not.” Gaius mused, “Children are usually very sensitive to emotions and can tell when someone means them harm. Elliana seems to welcome you with open arms.”  
“When is Arthur going to be back?” And Merlin. She ignored his observation for the time being.

“Tomorrow, if nothing has gone wrong.”

Morgana got up and set the child on her hip. “I feel so out of place without my magic.” It was a whispered confession, one that only made her feel strangely off balance and even a bit weak.

“Have you noticed that ever since you have had the collar on and been back in Camelot with those who love you your lust for power and vengeance has all but disappeared? You have been much more reasonable and clear headed without it. It is as if without your magic you are different.”

“Magic doesn’t change you.” Morgana argued. 

“It has the ability to change anyone, Morgana. Magic is power and power above all else has the ability to corrupt or save one’s soul if they use it. However, that thirst to murder and take vengeance upon those who have wronged you did not come out of thin air. They were put there but someone I think we both know. I know that you have no intention of staying here for much longer; Morgana and I fully expect that when you have your power back that you will turn on us again. I do not know what is keeping you this way, tempering your blinding hatred, but it cannot last forever. You fight a battle that needs to be won, but you do not go about it the right way. I never should have saved your sister when she was a baby. Perhaps things would have been different without her.”

Morgana was speechless and angry at her once-friend. “I am what my loving Father made me when he all but disowned me. Morgause at least loved and accepted me for whom and what I am. Camelot would have never done that.”

“I don’t know anyone who is more accepting than Arthur and Gwen . You fooled Uther and Arthur and all of Camelot for almost a year while working under Morgause as well as hid from Arthur for another two years after that. It was your sister who changed you and turned you against us and I don’t know how she did it. ”

“You are wrong, Gaius.” Morgana said as she turned away from him, cradling Elliana closer to her. Morgause had loved her and had done what was best for her…didn’t she?

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update on time! For those of you who read my other story Forged in Starlight I will be writing an update to that sometime this month and posting it. I promise I'll get it done. I need a refresher with a rewatch of the Hobbit. And I can't do that easily. Anyway! I'll see you all Wednesday! Life stuff got in the way. (Changed from Monday)


	14. Chapter 13

XxOxX

Merlin sat silently on his horse behind and off center from where Arthur riding with his soldiers and knights. The battle had gone smoothly thanks to the early warning from Kilgarrah. He had convinced Arthur to send a scouting party out to search for an advance party by some miracle that he had to thank the Gods for. When the scouts returned they reported to Arthur the same thing that the dragon had told Merlin and armed with their new knowledge they had ambushed the Saxons turning their own plan against them. Arthur had ordered three of the enemy soldiers who had surrendered left alive and Arthur told them to leave his lands and report back to their leader, “Tell your masters that if they invade or even set foot onto my lands again I will destroy them.” After the battle they had gone to the villages that had been invaded and Arthur had surveyed the damage and spoke with the town leaders to arrange for aid and supplies to be sent from Camelot as soon as he returned. Incidentally it was where they were headed now that the immediate threat had been taken care of.

The ride back seemed much faster though in reality it was the jovial mood of the knights and soldiers under Arthur’s command. They were loud and boisterous and singing songs and telling tales to amuse one another. Arthur for the most part stayed relatively quiet. “Why are you so silent?” Merlin finally asked Arthur as he was beginning to worry about him. 

“I’m thinking.”

“I know how difficult that must be for you.”

“That is funny coming from the man who is going to be very busy next week doing whatever task I decide needs to be done that day.” Merlin and Athur both laughed. “If you must know I was thinking about Gwen.”

“What about her?”

“Well I am thinking about the new baby for the most part. I don’t know what I want it to be. I would love a son, but I wouldn’t mind a little princess again. Eliana is so much like her mother. So innocent and sweet to everyone she meets.” 

“Do you know what Gwen wants?”

“She wants whatever I want. She is just happy that we have children. And it is strange because right now I am so happy, especially with Morgana here circumstances notwithstanding. The only thing I have to worry about now are the Saxons and I believe they can defeat them with aid.” He urged his horse into a slow canter, “Come on men, Camelot awaits.” His troops surged after him as they quickened their pace to Camelot.

#####

Morgana knew that she was dreaming because she was back in Sarrum’s camp, as she must have thinking of the night that she escaped. She knew rationally that she was still in her cell in Camelot and not here, but terror consumed her just the same. The lid to her cell lifted and the dim light from above nearly blinded her. “The men want some sport tonight. You get to take a bath so rejoice. You know how rare those are, witch.” And he was truthful. The whole time she had been here they had taken her out of this pit three times. Any other time, food was dropped from a small hole in the top. The chain on her hands jerked taut and she was hauled up by her wrists and in turn her shoulders. The abused and weakened joints nearly tore out of their sockets with the rough treatment. Her eyes darted wildly around and Aithusa gave a panicked cry causing Morgana to jerk on her chains to try to comfort the little dragon. As she was lifted higher, terror consumed her already splintered mind. “No no no no no no.” she muttered over and over again. When she reached the top she lashed out at the man holding her chain. He was grinning and looking her over. He grunted when her foot connected with his shin. 

“Bitch!” He threw her onto the ground. “Do that again. I dare you.” He marched up to her and landed a kick of his own. Pain exploded in her stomach when his foot connected with the soft flesh. “If you do it again you know what happens.” Another guard had leveled a bow with an arrow slack on the bowstring pointing down into the pit. “But I think you need punished anyway.” It was night outside and her lungs demanded the clean air. He hauled her up by her chains and kicked her towards the whipping post. Several other soldiers had begun to gather around holding tankards of ale and leering smiles at her body. Sarrum was, as always, sitting on his throne and looking bored at her. 

“Chain her up. Then you can have your fun with her. She won’t resist, will you, witch?”

Her gaze was filled with such hate and anger that Sarrum was taken aback by it. “I will kill you.” Her voice was hoarse from disuse and lack of good air to breathe. Hatred surged through her like a tidal wave and she was tempted to use her magic. It beckoned at her and she itched for its touch but then remembered her defenseless dragon. Kill him…Kill him… her crazed mind told her as the guard lashed her to the pole with her arms above her head and her back to Sarrum and his men. He ripped the material off of her shoulders and bared the pale flesh of her back to many greedy gazes. Old whip marks crisscrossed her back from the other whippings she had endured during her stay. He put his hand on her back and she shivered with disgust at his touch. Her very being rebelled at what was about to happen and what had already been done to her. 

“I’m going to have fun with you tonight.” His voice was close to her ear and his breath looped around her cheek to her nose. The smell nearly caused her lose the precious nutrients she had consumed. They were all filthy, disgusting, dirty. She was dirty, so dirty. Her grip on reality was spiraling out of her hands. The madness crept in again as the whip whistle through the air and strike her fragile skin. Voices spoke inside her head, “Kill, kill. You can do it.” Another whistle, another burst of pain. She lost count of the strokes and realized that in the middle of it she had started to cry out in her madness and agony. Her cries were answered by Aithusa who began howling for her. She bit her tongue after she heard the dragon until she tasted blood to keep herself silent. She had to stay strong for Aithusa.

“Enough.” Sarrum commanded. 

She heard the whip drop to the ground and her arms were released and she joined the whip bonelessly on the ground. Her torturer pulled her up and threw her onto a set of pallets. “I wonder if what they say about witches is true. I haven’t ever fucked one.” Terror consumed her again as she retreated back into her mind again. He pulled up her dress and unlaced his trousers as another man held her wrists above her head and covered her eyes. The scent of alcohol would never leave her. As he got into position she lashed out at him with her legs. “Hold her down!” More hands on her ankles as she struggled. “Feisty one.” She felt his cock at her entrance a second before pain shot from between her thighs like fire. All she felt was pain. Her scream echoed around them all and he grunted again as he retreated and filled her again. Tears leaked from her eyes. This was never going to end…

#####

Morgana awoke with a cry of fear and pain. Her heart thundered in her chest and she couldn’t catch her breath for the panting that had started. Would this torment never end? She stood up and nearly fell to the floor with knees buckling and her head spinning from lack of good air. Her hands shook like leaves in the wind at the end of autumn and nausea threatened to overcome her. The chained sorceress sat back down onto the bed and put her head between her knees. After a few minutes her body calmed to the point where she would be able to stand up. The nightmares were coming back again with just as much fervor as they had when she had first escaped her hell. This was especially so due to Gwaine coming in to and torment her throughout the day. He was always looking to get her angry enough that she would do something stupid. Morgana was smarter than that, smarter than a drunk pretty-boy turned knight.  
The door opened and a guard came through to unlock her cell door. “Get up here. You are needed in Queen Guinevere’s room. You will stay there until she dismisses you.”

“Why?”

“Why is not important. You will do as ordered, witch.” ‘I must not hit the guard or spit on him’. It was a mantra she had developed in the past few days. He led her out of the cell and through the castle to stop at the royal chambers. 

Morgana opened the doors herself and was greeted by a crawling baby trying to escape. Said infant looked up at Morgana and smiled at the sorceress. Morgana bent down and scooped up the little one then looked up to find Gaius who was sitting next to Gwen. “Hello. You wanted me?”

“Ellie’s nurse is ill today and Gwen is on strict bed rest for a few days. Would you want to take care of her?” Gaius asked her.

“I trust you with her. I’m having the guards bring some of her toys into this room so you can watch her here. I don’t want to be alone today.” Gwen’s voice was thin and laced with sadness. It made Morgana’s heart drop unwillingly and Morgana hated that she was even reacting to Gwen. Ellie reached up and yanked on the collar, pulling Morgana’s neck and subsequently her head down. 

“I can watch her for you.” Morgana pulled Eliana’s hand off of the collar and brought her over to the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Empty.” 

“I’m sorry, Gwen.” She laid her hand on Gwen’s shoulder and bounced her niece on her hip. The giggle that followed brought a smile to the Queen’s visage. “You still have this child.”

“I do.” She looked back at Gaius. “Gaius, will you go out and keep an eye out for Arthur? I don’t need any potions. I feel fine. The pain stopped last night, along with the bleeding.” 

Gaius nodded and rose. The door opened a shut a moment later. 

“Are you sure you are alright?” Morgana asked after she was sure he had gone. 

Gwen let out a quiet sob, “No. I need Arthur.” 

“I know. It must be difficult to lose a child. I wouldn’t know anything about it but--.” Morgana sat down onto the bed then leaned over to set her niece on the floor.

“So you never found anyone for yourself, Morgana?” she asked softly, eyes curious.

“No. No one. But someone I knew lost a child like you have.”

Gwen nodded and then lifted her gaze upward. “I never had any problems with Ellie. I was sick and tired but I carried her strongly. She came out crying. She was incredibly healthy. Why now? Arthur was talking about names…how can I…” she let out another sob and Morgana pulled up her legs onto the bed and laid down next to her. 

“It will be okay, Gwen.” 

#### (A few hours later)

The Castle at Camelot came into view over the hill. Arthur gave a laugh and kicked his horse into a gallop towards the city. Merlin followed quickly behind. It took no time at all before they reached the edge of the gates and slowed. Merlin saw Gaius at the entrance to the courtyard and he waved, smiling, but Gaius did not wave back, in fact he looked positively heartbroken as he waved down Arthur, whose eyes went wide and he dismounted in mid stride. He hurried over to Gaius who spoke quietly with him. Arthur’s eyes got even wider than Gaius’s had been and he began shaking his head and gesturing harshly as if arguing with him. Gaius put his hand on Arthur’s shoulder and Arthur shrugged him off before heading into the castle. 

“What is it Gaius?” Merlin ran up to him

“Follow Arthur, quickly. I will be there shortly.” Gaius urged him on.

Merlin took off after Arthur, who had ran towards his room and wrenched open the doors only to stop in his tracks. He saw a long, dark haired woman with her back towards him and his daughter in her arms sitting next to Gwen on the bed. Merlin caught up to him and nearly fell on his face with surprise at the scene before him. Gwen looked up at them both, her eyes puffy and red with tears. “Arthur.” 

Morgana turned around with Eliana in her arms to face the two men. “She needs you, buffoon. Worry about what happened with me later. Get in here.” She turned back to Gwen. “I will be right outside the door with Merlin. Have Arthur get me when you want her or me back in there.” She leaned down and gave Gwen a hug then got up with the baby and breezed past Arthur. “She has your eyes.” she murmured to him. He stared dumbly at her before he stumbled to the bed. 

“My love, what happened?”

Gwen took a deep breath and sobbed before the door closed behind Morgana. She came face to face with Merlin, who had figured it out in the short span of time that he spent looking into the room.

“She lost the baby didn’t she?”

“Yes.” She leaned against the wall with Eliana in her arms. Merlin joined her. “It happened so quickly. There was so much blood.” Morgana shivered in remembrance of the scene and the memories such a scene evoked from her past.

Merlin looked at her curiously, “The sight of blood has never bothered you before. Why does it now?” 

“No reason.” She kept her gaze on the infant in her arms, carefully avoiding his questing eyes.

Merlin just kept staring at her, “Did you…”

“No.” she snapped quickly. Eliana was looking around and her gaze centered on Merlin. She smiled and reached for him. Morgana leaned her over for Merlin to take the child from her embrace. 

“Sorry for asking.” He picked up the girl and settled her against him. She gurgled and played with his scarf. “Arthur was looking forward to another baby.”

“Arthur has always wanted a large family. He and I used to talk all the time about things when he wasn’t being an ass. Though I can’t remember the last time I thought about the past and felt anything but empty rage.” Her tone became softer, as if she was thinking that her own words were strange to her.

“You have been different. It’s so strange to see you…”

“What? Docile? Kind? Not trying to kill you?” she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Well, yes.” He admitted to her and lifted his hand to the back of his head. “I accepted that you hated me because I did something to deserve it. The two people in that room, mourning the loss of a child they would never know had never hurt you. I just never understood your hate for them.”

“I am starting to question that myself.” She murmured quietly to herself. Then in a louder voice, “No matter. What is done is done.”

“Maybe. I’m surprised that Gwen let you see Ellie. She keeps her so well hidden and protected even from the court.” 

“She didn’t want me to see her either and I could tell that she feared me. As well she should. I could turn on all of you at a moment’s notice.”

“How is it that you didn’t know about her to begin with? The entire realm was celebrating her birth when it happened.”

“How old is she?”

“Ten months.”

“Ten months ago I was sitting in a stinking dark pit with only my madness and Aithusa to keep me company, so you would forgive me if I have not caught up with the news.” Her tone was sharp and she refused to look at him. 

“Who did that to you?”

“It is of no concern to you, Merlin.” She reached up and traced the collar around her neck with her fingers. “You have imprisoned me within my own body. Why does it matter who imprisoned me first?”

Merlin did not push her, although he wanted to. Her behavior was getting more curious as the days wore on. It was as if a spell had been broken when she had been brought back to Camelot. That was impossible, because with Morgause’s death any spell that had been cast on her would have dissipated with her death. There was no explanation for her sudden behavior change that he could think of other than magic. “You look better.” He offered, trying to start another conversation with her if only to break the silence between them.

“I feel better. I’m clean, dressed and have company.” She still refused to look at him.

“You don’t seem happy though.”

She turned back to him, giving him a wry smile, “No. I have no access to my magic, nor Aithusa. Those are the only things that give me happiness anymore.”

“Those can’t be the only things.”

She did not reply to him at first, “Aithusa and my magic are the only things that make me happy. The only things that I love, Merlin. And you have stolen them both from me.” 

“I didn’t.”

“You know that I did what I did so that people like me would not have to live in fear anymore.” 

“I know that but violence was not the way to win this battle. If anything you keep on hardening Arthur’s heart towards magic and all those who practice it.”

“Someone else told me that quite recently. What would you know about it anyway, Merlin? You don’t have magic. You don’t know what it feels like to be repressed, unable to show your true colors to anyone.”

Merlin looked at her. So long ago they were in a similar argument. And so long ago he itched to tell her about himself. To tell her that he did understand, that they were the same. Two sides of a coin. He should have told her when he had the chance, but he did not and he could not now. Not after everything they have both been through. It is, was and forever will be too late for that confession. “Nothing. I wouldn’t know anything about that, Morgana.” 

The door opened and a teary-eyed Arthur looked at them. “Merlin, take the rest of the day off and take Morgana with you and keep her out of trouble. I expect her to be back in her cell by nightfall. And Gwen told me what you did; Morgana and I want to thank you.” He stepped out to take Ellie from Merlin and his gaze lingered on Morgana’s face, his arms twitched and he contemplated pulling her into a hug and quickly dismissed the idea. She wasn’t the Morgana she used to be and hugging her now would only hurt him more.

Ellie went to him with a squeal of “Papa!” and he couldn’t help but smile. Arthur’s lips descended onto his daughter’s head and he turned around to go back into the room. The door shut with a small tap and they were alone. 

“Arthur must be feeling vulnerable if he is letting me roam around.” She turned to go down the hall when Merlin’s reached up and grabbed her arm. His palm and fingers enclosed warmly around her upper arm and she shivered.

“He told me to keep an eye on you. So keep an eye on you I shall so you need to come with me. I have something to show you.” Morgana briefly contemplated yanking her arm from his hand and telling him to go to hell, but her curiosity got the better of her. 

“Where do you want to take me?”

“You will see. It will be fun.” He tugged her along behind him.

“How is it that I don’t believe you?” 

“Because you are overly suspicious. And if I wanted to kill you I could have done it ages ago. Everyone here is giving you a second chance that many don’t believe that you deserve, myself included.” He stopped and turned around, grabbing her other arm and staring into her eyes as he brought his face closer to hers. “Prove me wrong.” 

She nodded at him and tried to pull out of his grasp, “Fine. Take me wherever you please.” 

Merlin nodded and released her, but his face stayed close to hers, “Get up here next to me. Realize that if you try to run away from me I will catch you.” 

“You could try.” she stepped up next to him and batted her eyelashes innocently at him.

“Stop doing that.”

“Why? Are you afraid of a little teasing?” she flipped her hair back over her shoulder and gave him a sideways glance. 

“I can’t win, can I?” he sighed and shook his head. He had decided to take her to see Aithusa. The dragon missed her and he wanted to see how she acted with his baby dragon. He had faith in his kin and her judgment. He had to give her a chance for Aithusa if nothing else.

“No.” She smirked at him.

Through the twists and turns of the castle they traveled until they reached the gate to the cavern beneath the city. “Here we are.”

Morgana was silent as she stared at the gate and then looked back at him with wide eyes, “We can go and see her?”

“Is that what you want?”

“More than anything.” Came the breathy reply as she opened the gate and raced down the stairs. Merlin took off after her as they rounded the corner to the cavern. Aithusa was already up and awake and when she saw Morgana, they each gave a happy cry and Aithusa launched herself over the chasm to tackle her mistress softly to the ground, nuzzling her belly and chest. She laughed, really laughed for the first time in ages and petted the little dragon’s head. “Did you miss me, sweet one?” Aithusa nodded and sighed while relaxing into Morgana’s body. 

Merlin had watched the whole exchange with a heavy heart. How could he possibly take Aithusa back to Kilgarrah and destroy the bond between them. There was real love between the two of them, not some fake and fabricated love filled with lies. Morgana pushed the dragon off her and stood up. “You got my dress dirty, you little devil.” Aithusa trilled an affirmative before looking at Merlin and gesturing him over as well. He walked forward and she butted his stomach with her head as well. “She seems to like you.” Morgana observed a bit jealously. Aithusa was her dragon and she didn’t want to share her.

“I’ve been feeding her and keeping her company.” Merlin patted the dragon’s head while she sniffed his pockets and shirt, searching for a treat. Merlin pulled out a chunk of raw meat and held it out to her. Her snout darted out to snatch up the meat and swallow it down. Morgana laughed again. The sound made his heart grow lighter. He hadn’t realized that he missed her laugh.

“Thank you.” She murmured and he turned to look at her. She seemed to be contemplating something. And before he could ask her what she grabbed his arm, pulled him to her and kissed him lightly on the cheek. She pulled back from him and smiled softly. Aithusa gave an approving crow at them both.  
“What was that for?” Merlin asked her softly.

“It was a thank you.”

“If Arthur thanked me like that then I would be terrified.”

Morgana laughed at him, “I would be too. Thank you.” 

“She missed you too, you know. How did you two get so close?”

“She saved me twice, and I try to keep her safe. My brave little Aithusa is the reason that I escaped.”

“Will you tell me what happened?”

“No. I won’t tell you.” she turned back from him and stroked Aithusa’s head. “How long might we stay down here?” 

“Not long. Arthur may not be looking for me, but it would still be suspicious for us to linger here.”

“Oh. I see. Why would it be suspicious?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Secrets, secrets.” Her tone was distant and took her hands from Aithusa’s head, then looked down at her. “I will be back later, and I will get you out of here.” Aithusa nodded and turned away from them to hop back across the edge.

Merlin took Morgana’s hand and led her back out of the cavern. She was silent on her way back through the castle toward Gaius’s room. “Are we staying with Gaius?”

“Well I am going to see Gaius, and you must stay with me, therefore you are coming as well.”

“Joy.” She drawled.

“You don’t like him?”

“I don’t like what he has to say to me,” she had about enough of his sagely advice and if he thought to lecture her again he would find out about her dark side. 

“Sometimes I don’t either.” He opened the door to Gaius’s chambers and found the physician deep in thought while reading a book. “Hello, Gaius.”

“Merlin!” he called out and got up from his seat to embrace Merlin, who hugged him back. Gaius looked around his back at Morgana. “What’s she doing here?”

“Arthur is with Gwen and the baby and he told me to keep her company for the day.” 

“I see. Well get in here and shut the door. I was just doing a bit of research.”

“On what?” He pulled Morgana through the door gently and shut it. 

“Nothing important, just some reading.” He went over to the fire and pulled off the kettle. “I was just about to have some tea.” 

Merlin went over to the cupboard and pulled down three cups then set them on the table as Morgana took a seat on the cot beside the door. 

“How was the mission?”

“It went well. Arthur was victorious, as always.”

“And how is he doing?”

“I don’t really know. Not good I can say. He was so looking forward to another baby.”

“Gwen was too.” Morgana spoke up.

“And Gwen.” Merlin gave a small, sad smile. 

“This place has been absent of the sounds of children for too long.” Gaius came over to the table and poured the tea. Merlin took a cup and handed it to Morgana, who took it gently from him, but did not drink it. “Morgana I didn’t have a chance to thank you properly for helping with Gwen. So thank you.”

“I wanted to help her. It was no trouble.” She seemed surprised at his praise. 

Merlin lifted the cup to his lips and took a drink with Gaius and gestured for Morgana to drink hers. Morgana stared into the cup and lifted it to her lips but did not drink the liquid within. Old habits die hard and she could play around and banter all day long with Merlin, but she wouldn’t drink or eat anything that he handed to her. She sat on the bed and watched Merlin and Gaius talk to one another and occasionally including herself in their conversations. Eventually she rested her back against the wall and closed her eyes. The last thing she remembered before losing consciousness was the soft and soothing rumble of Merlin’s voice.

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See. Another chapter up on time. I'm doing so well! I'm actually have a bit of fun rereading my old work and making some changes to verbage and grammar. But anyway! I'll see you on Friday! Also. Those who read Forged By Starlight. I'm going to have an update by 3/31. Possibly earlier. But not later. :)


	15. Chapter 14

XxOxX

Merlin knew the precise moment when Morgana lost consciousness. He looked back at her and couldn’t help the twitch of his lips into a smile as he did so. Her eyes were shut and her lids barely fluttered as she sunk into rest. The most interesting thing was that her face was absent the signs of strain that had developed over the past few years after their incident. Brows lax and face smooth with a soft blush staining her cheeks and utterly beautiful in her rest. The urge to kiss her bubbled up from within and he fought it down. Knowing that he should stop looking at her for fear that he may yet lose his internal battle he looked back at Gaius, “She’s asleep.”

“Are you sure?” he whispered to Merlin.

“Positive. Why?” he furrowed his brow and tilted his head in addition to his question.

“I was doing some research. I know you have been oddly attached to Morgana lately and I have to tell you that it worries me.”

“You have nothing to be worried about Gaius. This is my chance to make things right between us. I can help her now where I didn’t before. She was my friend and she was scared and instead of listening to her, talking to her I made a stupid decision that cost everyone dearly.”

“All I ask is that you be careful. Please, Merlin.” He took Merlin’s hand in his own.

“I’m always careful.”

“Merlin.” His tone was sterner and he leveled his ‘don’t be smart with me’ look at his errant apprentice.

“I always try to be careful. Besides that, what is she going to do? Talk me to death? She had no magic here with that collar on. Speaking of which, I need to get her back to her cell. I don’t want to stress Arthur out any more than I have to right now.”

“When you get back I want to show you what I have found.” Gaius picked back up the book and Merlin noticed how much older it was than his normal tomes of magic. 

“Where did you get that one?”

“It was given to me a long time ago.” He smoothed the cover of the book and looked back up at Merlin, “Well get going. Wake her up and take her back.”

“Wake her up? She’s so much better when she’s sleeping. I don’t have to hear her snipe at me.”

“How are you going to get her down to the dungeon if you aren’t going to wake her up?”

Merlin rolled his eyes, “I’m going to carry her.”

Gaius sighed and opened up the book and began to read. He just didn’t understand his young ward. One minute wishing death upon the girl and the next wanting to hold her. 

Merlin got up from his seat and walked over to Morgana, and murmured a spell to keep her asleep so that they could avoid the potential awkwardness of what he was about to do. He smoothed her hair behind her ear then slid his hand behind her head, keeping care to not pull her dark tresses. He leaned down and slid his other hand under her legs while keeping her dress pressed against her legs. She was a little heavier than he remembered when he brought her up to his chest. Her head rested against his collarbone and shoulder and she gave a soft sigh and snuggled closer to his body. Merlin hefted her higher and opened the door with a glance. He gave Gaius a nod before disappearing through it. 

****

Morgana knew that she was dreaming, because this could not possibly be real. She was back in Camelot in her old room lying on her bed. No bruises marred her wrists; no chains were latched to the bed or fastened around her ankles. Her skin was pristine and she had no aches or pains in her muscles and joints. She lifted her hand to her throat and found it free of her collar. She gave a laugh and stretched her arms above her head and her toes downward on top of the soft bed. After she relaxed into softness beneath she gave another sigh. Dream or not, she didn’t care at the moment. This was by far better than her dreams of captivity. She gave a shiver at the thought and looked up at the canopy of her bed. Waking up in the morning was the best feeling when she was in her feathered bed. Her favorite thing in the morning; however; was to wake up to the sun and languish in bed until Gwen brought her breakfast. 

***

Merlin rounded another corner and gazed down at Morgana. Her brow was smooth and relaxed and she was breathing evenly in sleep. A smile tugged at her lips and he wondered what she was dreaming about.

***

Morgana sat up in bed and took a look at her surroundings. Everything in the room looked the same as when she was younger, innocent and still a ward of Uther yet unknowing of her greater fate. Still, she wasn’t sure what she was doing here. After all, her dreams had been dark of late, despite every attempt to make them lighter. She swung her body over to the side and let her feet touch the floor. After a few moments to gain her bearings she stood up and looked down and was surprised at her attire. It was a dress of sheer white silk without straps. The bodice was a loose corset set with golden thread and the skirt was straight and flowing, much like a wedding dress. The sleeves were made of chiffon and attached to the dress at the top of her breasts. They hung open and loosely past her knees. This definitely wasn’t one of her old dresses. It was beautiful and almost blended in with her pale skin. She looked back up at the door to her room and a feeling of urgency came over her. Morgana was never one to shy away from adventure and she wouldn’t start now. A dream that started out so well must have to stay that way.

*****

 

Morgana’s breathing changed and her heart beat a little faster. Whatever she was dreaming about must be at least somewhat interesting Merlin mused. She moved her body closer to him again. He hefted her up again and sighed. This was alot more difficult than he thought it was going to be. And they still had a lot more distance to travel. 

***

Her feet glided nimbly on the stone floor over to the door and she place a hand on the handle and hesitated briefly before pulling the door open. The hallway outside her room opened to her and she gave a nervous chuckle and the sound carried through the corridor. She stepped out into the empty hall, her bare feet making little sound on the stone floor. Although the entire castle seemed to be here she looked around before deciding to go to the throne room. 

***

Merlin nodded to the guard who looked at him strangely as he descended the stairs to the dungeon. 

****

Morgana opened the door to the throne room and stopped in her tracks as she saw Merlin standing in the center of the room. He had a white loose shirt on with golden thread at the throat. His pants were white as well with golden embroidery and his feet were also bare. “Merlin? What are you doing here?”

****

“Merlin?” she murmured as the guard opened the door to the prison cells. After the door shut behind him, he looked down at her. Her brow was creased in concentration and her hands were twitching. 

****

Merlin held out his hand to her and smiled. “Come here, Morgana.” His voice sounded distant, as if he were farther away than he actually was. Despite the warning that she sensed she crossed the room out of curiosity. As she made long strides into the room she felt the air shift and looked down at her dress, which started changing as she walked. A strange blackness bled up from the bottom of her dress. Merlin kept holding his hand out for her to take. When she was less than 3 paces from his hand the dress had changed completely from white to black. A voice whispered through the hall, “She is the darkness to your light. The hatred to your love.” Morgana looked around the room before her feet carried her the last few steps to his hand. She reached up and touched his palm with hers and her magic flared out into him like a lover’s caress.

****

Merlin opened the door to her cell and she was shifting more in her sleep, her collar had grown warm against his arm. What could she possibly be trying to access her magic for while she was asleep? 

*****

Merlin smiled and closed his hand around hers and pulled her into his embrace. Her chest was pressing against his and his mouth was next to ear. She felt his warm breath tickle her neck but didn’t try to pull away. Moist warmth caused her to shiver as his lips touched her neck and it made her sigh in contentment. 

*****

Merlin heard her sigh and watched her brow smooth over again as he got closer to the bed. She wore a small smile again.

****

His lips continued to worship her neck and the hand that wasn’t holding hers rested on her hip and began to trail upward. She sighed again and relaxed into his body. They fit together as perfect as puzzle pieces. Morgana decided that she would not be idle and moved her head upward to kiss his neck as well. She felt him smile against her neck and moved to the place behind her ear that made her knees buckle. She gave a throaty moan in response. He whispered a word in her ear and she drew back in surprise. She had heard that word before, back in her hovel those years ago. Merlin smiled again wickedly and she saw his eyes turn gold just as magic flowed down her arm from his hand.

****

Merlin was just about to set her down when she jerked in his arms and he was forced to bring her back up to his chest or drop her. She was shivering and panting, while looking around wildly. “You…your eyes…” she stared at his face and shook her head again.

“What is it?”

“No…Nothing. I was just dreaming.” Her eyes narrowed again as she took in her surroundings. “How did I get here? Why are you carrying me?”

“I took you down here and I didn’t want to wake you. Gaius told me that you needed your rest.” He offered weakly. She looked like she was going to go off on him.

Morgana took a deep breath and asked, “What did I do?”

“While you were asleep? Nothing. You said my name.”

She blushed and turned away from him, “Put me down.”

“Why? What were you dreaming about?” he gave a wicked smile that made her knees weak, but she put a scowl on her face anyway.

She glared at him, “Nothing.”

“Fine. If you say so.” Smugness filled his tone as he put her down. She swayed against him and put her hand on his chest to steady herself. His face was right near her neck again and she shivered despite the odd twist in her belly after the fact. After a moment she pushed him back away from her. To think, to breathe. In her dream his eyes had been gold. In her dream Merlin had magic and that was a ridiculous and preposterous idea. He was only a servant, not a sorcerer. After a few moments he released her completely and stepped back from her. “Are you sure you are alright?”

“Yes, fine.” She snapped and turned from him to sit on the bed. “Go, leave, I’m sure Gaius has something for you to do.” 

“Yes.” He was still looking at her with concern in his eyes. “I have to put you on the wall.”

“If you must.” She held up her hands and he fastened the lock around the middle of her cuffs. He stepped back from her again. “Now go.” After a moment she gritted out, “Please.”

“Alright.” He turned and walked out the cell door then out the prison door. A guard came back through and set a tray of food onto her table then shut and locked the door. Morgana sat in the bed staring at the tray and trying to puzzle out her dream. Her body was still tingling with warmth from his embrace and her nerve endings on her neck were sensitive from where Merlin’s dream-self had been kissing it. She lifted her fingers and brushed the collar and gave another shiver. Although she hadn’t had any urges or dreams since before she was tied out in the middle of the city this one made her body crave something she feared. Maybe she wasn’t as broken as she thought.

####

Merlin practically ran back to Gaius’s chambers. He had no idea what she had been dreaming about, but he did have an inkling that it involved him somehow. And he also had a feeling that it did not involve being tortured slowly, bloodily and painfully and he wasn’t sure how he should think about that.

He shut the door behind him when Gaius looked up again, “You got back rather quickly.”

“Nah.” Merlin walked over to the table and took a seat. “What is that book?”

“It’s a tome of the Old Religion. There are many lost arts in this book. There were only three copies of the book ever made and each of the Main High Priestesses had one.”

“So why haven’t you looked in this book before?”

“I forgot I had it, or made myself forget. It was safer that way. There is something about this situation with Morgana that made me remember that I had this in the first place. It was so buried that I had to spend three hours getting it out of storage.” Gaius chuckled and pointed to a passage. “There is a technique that can manipulate the mind. It can be used on the young, old, powerful, weak, and those who were born with magic or learn it after study. This is interesting as it can cause sudden and abrupt change in someone’s personality and disposition. But this is very dark magic.”

“There are a lot of things that can cause a sudden change in personality, Gaius. Poisoning, torture, and magic just to name a few. Or just growing older. Living in a place that doesn’t welcome you.” Merlin replied.

“Yes. I know that there are other ways to change a person’s personality. However, there is a place called the Dark Tower where priests and priestesses would take enemies to… well, you can guess. In the end taking someone to that place was either a death sentence or a place of conversion.” 

“Go on.”

“But Morgause, for all of her hatred and faults really did seem to care for Morgana so I do not believe that she would put her through such a trial as the Dark Tower. I believe that she may have used another method. This method.”

“What does ‘this method’ entail?”

“There are conditions to be met, like with all spells. The caster must have a blood tie with the subject and the subject must have magic of their own. It is so specific and so rare that I didn’t really think of it until now.”

“How rare?”

“The book details only one case that worked between brothers. The two brothers were fighting over a woman, but the details don’t matter as the end result was that one brother changed. Became something of a willing Thrall to the other, sharing whatever feeling that the other brother wished.”

“What would Morgause have to do?”

“Put Morgana into an enchanted sleep and use her own magic to amplify feelings that were already inside her, even if they were so small nothing at all would have come of them. The process would be slow and tedious and must be done when the mind was weak. When Morgana would have awoken she would have thought that all of her ideas were her own and that she had been unaltered by Morgause. Such a thing could have potentially happened but how Morgause would have gotten ahold of such magic I do not know.”

“But this is all just a theory? It is also one that fits perfectly to the situation. It can’t be that easy.”

“You are indeed right, but it is a possibility no matter how slim.”

“But the spell would have been broken when Morgause died. How would Morgana still be different if it were a spell?”

“That is the beauty of the spell. It is bound to the subjects’ magic and blood, and would not be connected at all to the caster.” Gaius turned the page and continued scanning the book.

“So when we put that collar on we would have severed the connection she had to her magic and therefore lessened the effects of the spell allowing her to revert back to her old self?”

“Essentially and very basically the answer is yes. The spell is too deep and involves too many layers and even if you can find the root of it the effects would still be there. She is forever changed regardless of the outcome and can never truly go back to the way she was before. She could have also chosen this path on her own without any help at all from anyone else. As an example you are not the same person you were a few years ago and can never go back to being who you were the first time you set foot in Camelot.” Gaius finished. 

Merlin nodded, “Would there be a way to find out if this was done to her?”

“Not that I know of currently. I am still gathering information and I would have to do more research into it however there isn’t much written about it.”

“We have to try. But if it is the case then in order for Morgana to keep herself on this path she can’t ever take that collar off.”

“Or you cast a spell more powerful than what was cast on her.”

“What would that be?”

“I have no idea, Merlin. It could be impossible or simply not exist, but we shall find our own answers.” 

Merlin sighed and put his head in his hands. “Another impossible task for Merlin again, is it? Wonderful. But then again this could all just be Morgana and there could be no spell and maybe we just didn’t know her as well as we thought we did.” 

##### 

After two days, Gaius had cleared Gwen to assume most of her normal activities. Arthur had confided in Merlin about her miscarriage and Merlin had been his shoulder to lean on. Gwaine, Leon and Percival were also told about it and had offered their condolences to her with flowers. Gwen took it all in stride, seeming to shrug off the event like it hadn’t broken her heart like Merlin knew it had. Arthur had learned long ago how to shove all of his emotions into a box and lock them away so he was acting as if everything was normal. Even though things wouldn’t be the same, they still had a healthy daughter to look after and it helped both of them immensely.

######(5 days later)

Morgana was busy helping Gwen with her hair while Merlin was across the room helping Arthur with his laces on his vest. The dark haired man had been studiously trying not watching her for the past few days. 

Over the last few nights Morgana had not had a single dream for good or ill and although she was glad for a reprieve from the nightmares she still did not like the silent nights. She caught Merlin ‘not watching’ her again out of the corner of her eye while he was tightening the laces far too tight. Arthur gave a cough and a grunt to echo Morgana’s thought. “Merlin, you are going to suffocate Arthur if you keep pulling those tighter.”

Merlin blinked once, then twice and worked to loosen the ties. Arthur nodded at her in thanks and Gwen laughed. He brought his eyes back down to the task and she could swear that she saw a blush on his cheeks. “What is on your mind, Merlin?” Gwen asked him from her seat. 

“Nothing.”

“He just can’t stop staring at two beautiful women. He’s always like that in the tavern.” Arthur scoffed and Merlin pulled tighter.

“Tavern wenches? Really Merlin you should have higher standards than that. Arthur does. Well. Now at least he does.” Morgana bit her lower lip lightly and her eyes danced with mischief.

“What do you mean?” Merlin tightened another set of cords.

“Arthur, don’t you tell him anything?” Her tone was light but her heart danced with glee at the wickedness that was about to ensue.

Arthur looked up at her with wide eyes, “You promised not to speak of it.” He hissed.

“Speak of what? What is it, Morgana?” Gwen tilted her head to look up at her, “You’ve got that look in your eye, the one you had when you are about to tell a secret.”

“You don’t need to know, Gwen, let’s go.” He tried to get up but Merlin kept a firm hold on his jacket.

“Has he gotten any better, Gwen, or does he still just fumble around like a newborn foal?”

“Better at what?”

She leaned close to Gwen’s ear and whispered loudly, “Sex.”

Gwen’s eyes went wide and she sputtered, “What?! When did you two do that?!?” her voice rose in pitch as she glared at her husband. 

Arthur tried to hunch into his jacket and Merlin just stared at the two of them, “She’s your sister! That is disgusting!”

“Yeah, well at the time she wasn’t.” he mumbled and blushed. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Gwen’s voice was still high pitched. “We used to tell each other everything.” Morgana gauged her friend’s tone and expression and found it more aghast than upset, thankfully.

“Because it really wasn’t that good to tell you the truth. It was after the whole mess with the questing beast. He fumbled around a bit while he was drunk and was done in seconds. Not much stamina, my brother. I’m not even sure if we even actually did much of anything now that I really think of it.” Her teasing tone made Arthur grunt unhappily.

Morgana looked up at Merlin and was surprised to find his eyes blazing with what seemed like jealousy, but that couldn’t possibly be it. Arthur started stammering and sputtering again, “Gwen. It didn’t happen like that.”

“Hush, Arthur.” Gwen glared at him and he stayed put. “I can’t believe that you didn’t tell me. We told each other everything.” She directed this back at Morgana.

“I was embarrassed and he promised not to tell Merlin.” 

“Well now there are no more secrets between us. I always wondered why he seemed much less interested in you after that incident. Oh, Arthur, stop doing that. I’m not angry at you.” She started to laugh softly at first, then it grew in volume and intensity, “It must have…been awful…” she gasped out between laughs.

Arthur sat up straighter, “Like sleeping with my sister. The irony now is not lost on me.”

“Agreed.” Morgana spoke up, which caused Gwen to laugh even harder until tears came out of her eyes.   
Gwen started to get her breathing under control and wiped the tears away, “I needed that. Thank you, Morgana. And by the way, he has greatly improved in his technique.” 

Both men groaned and covered their ears, “Take that rubbish elsewhere.” Merlin groaned, “I don’t need to hear about how good or bad Arthur was in bed. It will give me nightmares.”

Morgana pouted and clipped the last strand of hair into the bun on her head. “Fine. Gwen and I can just talk later. Both of us have seen Merlin naked.”

“What?!” Arthur practically shouted and turned to Merlin who darted away. 

“I haven’t! Don’t listen to her!” Merlin grabbed a pillow and held it up. 

“Arthur. Come on. We can’t mess your clothes up.” Gwen got up and snatched Arthur’s arm in her grasp. He turned around and kissed her deeply before leading her out of the room and turning a glare to both Merlin and Morgana, who was having trouble not bursting into laughter. She looked back at Merlin who was staring at her.

“What?”

“I didn’t know that you weren’t a virgin.”

“Why did you assume that I was? Because I’m supposed to be a highborn lady? How narrow minded of you.” She crossed her arms across her chest.

“It’s not that. It’s that I’ve always thought you were too proud and smart and beautiful to give your body away.” He answered simply and turned away to finish straightening up the room.

For a moment she couldn’t breathe and she merely stared at him, tears prickling her eyes. She blinked them away furiously. Her heart beat warmly in her chest, and then plummeted to the ground. If he only knew how many times her body had been taken against her will. “Why do you think that?”

“Because it is the truth, Morgana, and if anyone has ever told you any differently they are wrong.” He continued to have his back to her. 

“Even with everything I have done?” she practically whispered the question to him, anxious about his response.

“Your actions speak volumes about you, but it does not change the fact that you are beautiful and quite brilliant even though you were using your mind for ill instead of good.” Merlin turned back to her and his gaze pierced her as if he were looking right into her soul.

“How would you know?”

He walked right up to her until they were an arm-length apart and brought his hand up to her face, “I just do.” She leaned into his gentle touch for a movement and with the next breath it was gone. “Come on, we still have to take these clothes down to the wash.” He gave her a grin from which the serious mood between them evaporated and picked up a basket before heading out the door. Morgana stood there for a moment then hurried to grab Gwen’s clothes to run after him.

####

“Lord Sarrum will be here in a week.” Arthur read the message aloud to the court at the round table. “We will need to make preparations.” 

“How many men will he bring with him in his retinue?”

“Twenty five soldiers and a few servants.”

“That is too many.” Leon spoke up from Arthur’s right. “Twenty-five men could do a lot of damage inside the castle walls.”

“He’s right.” Gwen agreed, “But we won’t be able to get a letter to him soon enough. We will just have to make sure he is watched carefully, day and night.”

“Do you want us to put an extra guard on Ellie’s room?” Gwaine inquired. And most of the men at the table mumbled some sort of agreement. Eliana was a popular princess at this table. 

“Yes. Thank you, Gwaine. Now, what else would you like to do?”

####

Morgana followed Merlin in silence and it was one that he was glad of. He resisted the urge to bang his head on the door ‘Stupid, stupid! Why did I tell her that?! She looked like she was going to cry. Ugh! And I can’t believe that she slept with Arthur! Arthur! Of all people!’ He shivered again. He looked back behind him to Morgana, who seemed to be staring of into space. She had a new dress on today. It was a pale blue that reflected her eyes well, but did not seem to suit her as well as the darker dresses that she favored. She focused on his face and he turned quickly away. He opened the door down to the wash room and then placed their baskets on top of the table. The washing women smiled up at him and he waved. “Hello, girls.”

The women giggled and blushed, “Hello Merlin. You should join us down here sometime.” 

“I would but you know how Arthur is.” He shrugged and gave another cute grin before exiting the wash room. Morgana was standing at the top of the stairs.

“Are you still a virgin?” she asked, knowing about their time in the hovel although he didn’t remember it.

He was sure his jaw dropped to the floor at her bluntness, “Ummm…uh…well no.” he stammered and raised his hand to the back of his head, “Why?”

“I was just wondering. Who was she?”

“I really don’t think we should be having this conversation in the middle of the hall.”

“Are you embarrassed, Merlin?”

“A little.”

“Just tell me.” she smirked at his blush.

“I don’t remember their names at the moment.”

“Their? My aren’t you busy?” 

“Not at once.” His cheeks were certainly burning now. He could feel it.

“That’s good then. I was just starting to form some rather indecent opinions of you. Names?”

“Not important. Just women I met in the taverns. What about you, then?”

“I bedded three men willingly.”

“Three? Who else did you bed?”

“Not telling you.” She smiled at him and her manacles clinked together as she turned away from him to be guided back to the dungeon. “Come along, Merlin. Or are you just going to stare at me?”

He blinked and followed her while watching her hips sway to some invisible beat. He was confused at her behavior but he couldn’t deny his attraction to her. His urges had been sleeping as of late and he realized that he was going to be spending a lot of time taking care of himself again with Morgana being so damned tempting right before his eyes. And from the way she looked back at him, she knew it. As her gaze fluttered over him he couldn’t help but wonder what she meant by ‘willingly.’ 

#### (4 days later)

Merlin dumped the last pot of water into the bath. Gaius was out for the day doing a few house calls and Merlin had the day off while Arthur was out with Gwen and Ellie. He heated the water with his magic and stripped his clothes off. The first touch of his foot in the warm water made him sigh with relief. The rest of his limbs followed in quick suit. He shivered with warmth as it leeched into his sore muscles. Merlin sunk the rest of the way in up to the top of his chest and leaned back to enjoy the heat. He was just reaching over for the soap when the door swung open and Morgana ran through, “Gaius! Gai….us.” her eyes landed on Merlin in the tub and her eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed and he saw her tongue sweep across her lower lip as she eyed him. “Hello, Merlin.”

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one on time. So. Just so that everyone is aware I am actually reading and editing this work as it goes up on this site. There were some things that I know I wasn't entirely happy with on the original work over on FF.net. The story will stay the same. Major plot points will most likely stay the same. However there may be scene changes or dialogue changes from the original. This will not translate over to the original work on FF.net. If I change anything major with this I will leave a note about it. That being said. Updates will be Monday and Friday so I can have some breathing room with work and motherhood and all that. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! See you Monday!


	16. Chapter 15

XxOxX  
Morgana raced through the castle on the way to Gaius’s chambers. She was excited by what she had found out this morning and was eager to tell the old healer. The small chains on her wrists jingled merrily with her steps through the castle. They hadn’t hobbled her recently and for that she was glad, because it would have made far too much noise for her to slip away from her captors. And that had been a surprisingly easy venture on its own. Perhaps she would warn Arthur of their incompetence if only to witness a punishment. She saw the door to Gauis’s chamber took only a moment to grasp the hand and pull it open to burst inside the room, “Gaius…Gai…us.” She felt her heart skip a beat when Merlin, not Gaius, met her gaze with his arm outstretched to grab something from the side of the tub. 

She licked her lower lip unconsciously as she stared at oddly muscular pale arms and smiled, “Hello, Merlin.”

Merlin immediately covered himself with his arms and hunched down into the water, “What do you want?” She didn’t miss the rise in his pitch as he stared at Morgana, who was still looking at him with a mild sort of hunger, or at the very least interest. The bright gleam in her eyes did nothing to quell the sudden rush of heat and blood to his groin. He groaned inwardly and looked away from her. This was NOT the time for this. It was all he could do to hope that she decided that the door was close enough for to him and to not come any closer, because that would be really really bad for them. He regretted not letting off steam this morning and instead things had come back with a vengeance. For her of all people. He looked back up at her to make sure that she hadn’t come any closer and breathed a quick sigh of relief that she seemed to be stuck in place on her own.

Aside from the look on her face the thing that he noticed next was a dark blue nightdress that flowed over her figure and a tiny part of his mind envied the dress that it could touch her soft skin so intimately. He told his brain to shut up and tried again, “Morgana, why are you here?”

His voice seemed to snap her out of her gazing at him, “Oh…well I was intending on finding Gaius to tell him something, but my immediate plans have since changed. Would you like to know how?”

“No.”

She pouted and bit her lower lip, “But…Merlin…trust me. It’s fun.” Her pout changed to a grin again and much to his horror she turned around and shut the door. He was about to tell her to leave when he heard the lock slid into place and his stomach jumped into his throat. This just got even worse. “Now.” She was facing him again and moving forward ever so slowly. “Where were we?”

“We were nowhere. You need to leave, Morgana. I’m bathing! This isn’t proper.” His hand snatched his soap and he poured some into the water to make bubbles to preserve his rapidly deteriorating modesty.   
“Proper? Oh Merlin, we were long past proper a long time ago.” Her wicked grin was back, the one that made his cock even harder. Damnit. She was getting closer. “But since you are so uncomfortable with it I will sit here.” She planted herself on the bench near the tub and continued her visual perusal of him.

“What do you mean? You are Arthur’s sister. I can’t even tell the ways that he would kill me if he found you here.” He continued to stir the water and kept both eyes on her. This was both a help and a hindrance because the longer he looked at her the more his problem grew and if he took his eyes away she might do something wicked. And a small part of his brain told him that wicked was exactly what he wanted. 

“Arthur is a spoilsport and he wouldn’t kill you. I am, after all, the evil sorceress.” She examined her nails, as if bored. “Stop being so modest, Merlin. I’ve seen naked men before.”

“I think that you would be modest if the situations were reversed.” He decided that she wasn’t going to leave if she still thought she was bothering him, so he leaned back in the tub again and took his eyes from her. “So who were they?” 

“They who?”

“Your lovers.” He wanted to turn the tables and make her feel uncomfortable for a change. “I think you said there were three.” He dipped a cloth in the water and poured some soap on it to begin washing himself. 

“Oh. Them.” She looked back up from her nails and adopted a look of nonchalance, “Well, my brother of course, a prisoner I had in my hovel for a time was another, and Helios.” Her tone was bored.

“Helios?” he couldn’t keep the surprise out of his voice, “Why?”

“Well if you must know, Merlin, I did it to seal our alliance. He was little better than Arthur and he didn’t even see me naked. I wouldn’t let myself be that vulnerable.”

“What make you think of doing that?”

“Morgause and Cenred were lovers. Those sorts of connections can be used in a variety of ways. The first and most common is to express love,” she sneered at the word, “It can also be used to hurt and used to control those around you that are weaker of will if one wishes it. That lesson was one of Morgause’s favorites.”

“She taught you how to be a whore?” As soon as he finished talking he knew that he had just said something really idiotic.

Morgana’s eyes grew dark and angry, “My sister was not a whore and I did not enjoy my duty either, so don’t you dare judge me.” With her heated gaze still pinning him down she took a breath, “ However, despite the fact that you think we evil sorceresses have no feelings at all I think that she loved and cared for Cenred and was grieved when his part in the plan reached fruition.”

“I didn’t say she was. Or you.” His tone was of placation and perhaps apology, “I just never thought that you were one to have had lovers.” He paused to think of the third man she mentioned, “And a prisoner? What was so special about this prisoner?”

“Oh, him.” She smiled slightly and sighed fondly, “I thought I loved him once and when the opportunity presented itself I took it. He was by far the best that I had ever had.” Morgana gave a little chuckle at the look of jealousy that flashed in Merlin’s eyes. The formori really did its work with him. He had absolutely no idea that it was him that she was talking about and it amused her to no end. “So what about you, Merlin?”

He blushed and looked uncomfortable, “Well…”  
“Oh, you can’t just peek into my head and not let me into yours. That isn’t how this works.” She got up again and headed for the tub. Merlin jerked back and covered himself with the bubbles. 

“Get back to the seat!” he practically squeaked and she brought a stool over to the bath. 

“You have to loosen up, Merlin. I thought you weren’t a virgin. Other women have seen what you have underneath those bubbles.”

“What are you going to do?” he tried to turn around and look at her but she sat down behind him and if he were to turn around she would get an eyeful of what he did not want her to see. He sighed and stayed put.

“Wash you.” She grabbed a washcloth and put some soap on it, “Now tell me about these women.”

“Why do you want to know?”

“I’m curious.” Her voice was way too close to his ear, but he was afraid to look at her. He felt the washcloth touch his neck and he stiffened as she began to rub softly. “Woman number one.”

“Barmaid. Arthur got me really drunk and threw her at me. I really don’t remember much about it except waking up in the stables naked with a strange woman next to me. I haven’t been able to look her in the eye since.”

Morgana laughed softly, “Poor girl. Second woman.” Merlin began to relax into the feel of the washcloth rubbing soothing circles against his sore muscles and skin. “That’s the spirit, Merlin.”

“Second woman was another servant. She wasn’t drunk and it was okay. Nothing spectacular…well I mean the sex was great. It just didn’t feel like I would really remember it for the rest of my life.” The washcloth was now rubbing further down his back, her hands were massaging the soap and warm water into him and he groaned then leaned forward. 

“And the third?”

“I lied about that.”

“Why?”

“Because two conquests don’t sound as promising as three.”

“Nonsense, Merlin, women think it is wonderful when they can teach a man about how to be skillful in bed. But some women don’t like their men to come to their beds inexperienced. It really is a no win situation at times. When did you have all these conquests?” she continued massaging him lower. Her hands were submerged beneath the slightly soapy water and she was enjoying this far more than she should. She wanted him to trust her even if she intended on betraying him again after she figured out a way to get this collar off. It was the first reason for this. The second was her desire to stop having her nightmares. The longer that she dwelled in darkness, cut off from those who could make her burden lighter the stronger they came. If he could make her feel happy and safe all the time then she would not dream of her captivity. The softer her touch grew the more relaxed he became in her hands and it felt powerful and it brought about a sense of control so she knew that she could stop at any time if she wished it.

“After you took me from Camelot and put me in that hut and tried to make me the instrument of your revenge.” His roughed tone was oddly relaxing to her and she needed to hear it again.

“Oh? Really?” Her hands kept their path under the water against his flesh. His body still felt the same to her even after three years and it was remarkable that one could have changed so little in body yet so much seemingly in spirit. The only difference she could tell was that his shoulders, and waist held more muscle than before, but still so very soft elsewhere. Every day it surprised her how much lighter her heart felt since coming here, since being around these old faces again. Albeit coming here to begin with was rough and she made some errors in judgment along the way but every few days Merlin took time from his day to let her see Aithusa. It was such a small thing, something he did for her and made her feel more at ease around him as if he was really trying to help her and make up for his betrayal. And right now she had nothing to worry about. Everything was perfect, aside from her cell but hopefully that would soon change as well. Merlin’s next words were enough that her musings came to a dead stop as if hitting a stone wall.

“Well I wasn’t really brave enough until the dreams.” Merlin murmured while he sank even more into the water and relaxed into her stroking palms.

“What dreams?” Morgana whispered to him and leaned closer toward his body in interest.

“The ones where I hold you up against a wall and take you, where I taste you, and where I can feel your skin against mine and I wake up hard and unfulfilled.” He said it so softly that she barely heard him at all. 

Morgana stilled her hands in shock, “What?” How could he have remembered? No one remembered when the Formori controlled them. Her actions must have affected him deeply for his unconscious mind to bring the memories back while he slept. She grinned and realized that she had been his first and he didn’t even know it.

Merlin sighed and slowly came back to his own mind with the slow realization that he just told the woman that was his virtual enemy that he had dreams where he was bedding her. His back straightened and he stammered, “Forget that I just said that. It’s nothing.” He took a deep breath, “You tricked me.” 

“I tricked you?” she sounded amused and took her hands from the water. “Well if I tricked you then why is this here?” She leaned forward and her hand shot underneath the water only to be stopped by Merlin’s hand. He gripped onto her shackled wrist and pulled her downward over his shoulder. She blushed but met his gaze evenly. 

“What did you think you were doing?” He asked roughly and his dark blue eyes drilled into hers. 

“Nothing.” She tried to pull away and although his hand was wet and slick he held fast to her wrist. “Let me go.”

“No.” his thumb stroked over her wrist in a soothing motion that made her body heat while he kept his gaze on her. “You come into my home and lock yourself in to try to tease me. You enjoyed making me squirm so now I will enjoy making you squirm.” His thumb kept moving while he was speaking and made her shift uncomfortably as the heat from his thumb traveled through her and settled in her belly. 

“Merlin, please.” She whined and tried to get out of his grasp again but closed her eyes and leaned closer to him.

“Do you want get away from me?” He spoke lowly and right at her ear and shivered again at the rough timbre of it. She felt him grin and he let her go. “Well then, you can go. But remember Morgana, both of us can play this game. I may be a novice at it but you always underestimate me.” Then just as she started to pull away from him he turned his body and put his hand on the back of her head and brought her down for a kiss. It wasn’t a gentle, careful, chaste kiss or even a loving caress of lips. He kissed her like he was going to devour her soul. One of his hands came up out of the water and grabbed onto her side just under her breast and tried to haul her into the tub with him and his kiss grew more insistent. Morgana brought her hands up and shoved him backwards so he released her. She stumbled back from the sudden loss of contact and instantly she was furious with him. He was breathing heavier but his eyes burned. “You should go, Morgana.” 

“How dare you!” she snarled at him. How dare he touch her without her consent? He didn’t have any right to put his hands on her.

“How dare I what? Kiss you? It’s a little hypocritical of you to get angry at me for kissing you. All you are is a damned tease, Morgana. You send me all these signals then when I decide to play around with them you push me away.” He took a deep breath and reached for his towel, uncaring if she saw what was underneath. “Stop leading me on if you intend to do nothing about it, Morgana Pendragon. One minute you want me and the next minute you act mad. And I can’t stop from desiring you no matter how terrible of an idea my brain tells me that it is. Pick one!” he stood up from his bath and wrapped his towel around his midsection. “Stay here while I get dressed. I will be out in a moment.”

Morgana watched him get out of the tub and walk to his room. He had filled out a lot since she had last seen him and she appreciated his back and legs as he walked away. Her interest in him only served to confuse her yet again. She sat down at the table and put her head down onto it. The cool wood did much to calm her. What did she want? Her mind remained jumbled from her captivity and from the many things that she had done over the years. She wanted her blessed numbness back because it was a gift to be rid of all of those pesky emotions like guilt and suffering and pain. It was better when all she felt for her friends here was hate and the desire to be Queen. ‘But why?’ A small voice echoed through her mind. ‘What is the point of all of this revenge? Uther is dead and Morgause is no longer here to hold your leash.’ Shut up! She put her hands over her ears to try and block out the voice inside of her head. She was dirty, filthy, and broken it was no wonder he thought she was a whore. 

While Morgana was in the next room Merlin pulled his shirt on and some breeches, his ‘problem’ had lessened in the wake of his anger and for that he was grateful. What in the world was her problem with his kiss? He didn’t try to force himself on her and he had only tried to pull her in as a joke. He opened the door and saw her hunched over while muttering and holding her ears. “Morgana?” Merlin hurried over to her. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He pulled her hands down from her ears and cupped her face between his palms while looking into her eyes.

She looked up at him and her green eyes were too bright and filled with unshed tears and the words were tugged forth as if by a spell and she couldn’t stop them, “While I was a prisoner many terrible things were done to me and for so many days and nights I begged for death. You should have killed me when you had the chance. Death would have been better than the darkness and pain.”

“Who hurt you?”

“The starved me and whipped me. I never thought I would escape.” She was whispering now while he held her. 

“Who hurt you, Morgana?”

She blinked a few times and straightened while the glassy look in her eyes faded. She focused on him then and the anger funneled back into her, “I don’t want your pity or your understanding. I’m a monster and a tease and I am sorry. Every time you get near me I feel different. Confused. Sad. Happy. It wasn’t like before when we were friends and I don’t understand why it has changed now. All I know is that you make the nightmares better and I’m tired of being tired.” She shrugged out of his grip and looked around as if looking for her escape route again.

He turned placating despite feeling very confused on his own at her sudden mood swings and broken explanations, “It’s alright. I’m sorry I kissed you without your permission. I won’t do it again unless you ask.”

“Confident, are you?” Unbidden and despite the maelstrom of emotions that she had experience in such a short time she gave a short grin.

“Always, now what were you going to tell me when you came here in the first place?”

“I came to tell Gaius that I don’t think that Gwen lost the baby.”

Merlin raised an eyebrow at that, “And what would make you assume that?”

“It’s been nearly two weeks since she bled and she keeps having symptoms. She’s weaning Ellie from her breast but her breasts are only getting larger instead of smaller, she keeps getting sick throughout the day and her belly is firmer than it used to be. She stopped bleeding the night that she started and she goes to the chamber pot twice as much as she did before. Aren‘t those all symptoms that come with pregnancy?”

Merlin’s forehead creased as he considered her words, “Well yes, but that could mean anything.”

“Just tell him. What if he could give her something to help the baby? It has to be weak.” Morgana reasoned.

“I don’t want to get their hopes up just because you have a hunch, Morgana.” The tone of his voice irritated her, like he would go along with it just to supplicate her, but not take it seriously. 

“What if it’s not a hunch? What if I’m right?”

“It’s a long shot at best, Morgana.” 

“Then don’t tell her. Merlin, I know I’m right.” She grabbed his hands in her own and looked up at him.   
“Please.”

Merlin sighed and nodded just as a key entered the door lock and it swung open. “Merlin, what is Morgana doing here?” Gaius entered the room with an empty basket of potions and set it down near the door. 

“Morgana has something she wants to ask you about.”

Morgana took a deep breath before saying, “I don’t think that Gwen lost the baby.” 

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one down. A few more changed words and revisions. Hope everyone is enjoying this. I'll see you Friday!


	17. Chapter 16

XxOxX

Gauis sat back in his chair and gave Morgana a look of disbelief, “You saw what I saw, Morgana. You saw the blood. It’s highly unlikely the child survived. It would be cruel of us to give her hope again then take it away.”

“So let’s not give her hope. We won’t tell her. Certainly there is some way you can check. Though I’m not sure why I care, why I’ve been thinking such things but I do and I have and I can’t stand it.”

“She’s right, Gaius. We don’t have to tell her that what you are checking.” Merlin added from his spot behind her. 

Gaius looked pensive for a moment, but then nodded, “Fine. But you can’t be there, Morgana.”

“Why not?” 

“If we are going to do this then we can’t make her suspicious, can we? Merlin and I have always worked together since he has lived here. You being along with us—it would not be business as usual.” 

“I’ll make sure to tell you if we find out anything, but for now you need to get back to wherever it is you go during the day.” Merlin turned to look at her when a knock sounded at the door. 

“Gaius, I was told that Morgana is here.”

“Come in, Leon. She’s in here.” Gaius hefted up from his chair, “We were just about to go and check in on the Queen.”

The door opened and Leon stepped through with a chain in his hands, “If you won’t say with your guard Morgana, then Arthur is going to stop letting you out of that cell. I really don’t see why he does it anyway.” Leon connected the chain from her hands to her feet while Morgana gave him a bored look.

“Well, you lot were never that bright.” 

Leon glared at her and gave her chain and sharp tug which jarred her forward. She stumbled then righted herself quickly before following behind him out the door, sparing a quick glance back at Merlin, who looked thoughtful and pensive. Morgana had no time to puzzle this out before the door shut in her face and she was face to face with an angry knight, “Percival, Gwaine, and I can’t wait to see you step out of line again, Princess. You won’t just be outside on a stake; you will warm the people of Camelot in a blaze fueled by your death.” 

Morgana narrowed her pale green eyes on him, “That isn’t likely to happen, Leon, no matter how much you crave it. I have no plans on dying any time soon.” 

“There’s a betting pool, you know, about how long you will last here.” Leon pulled her forward again toward the dungeon. 

“Oh? How is that going?”

“Well half of the guard said you wouldn’t last the week, and the longest anyone has predicted is a month.”

“I’m over halfway there, so I suppose your betting pool will have to expand.”

“Not by much. I doubt you will be here for much longer, especially with the guest that we will be entertaining. He’s a snake. Arthur won’t have you make him look weak.” 

“What guest is that?” 

“You’ll see.” He replied as they descended the stairs.

#####

Merlin followed Gaius through the halls of the castle toward the nursery. It was most likely where she would be this part of the day. “So what do you want me to do?”

“I want you to use your Sight to check for a life force.”

“Life force? Like a spririt or something? What would that have to do with a baby?”

It’s not something you would know much about nor is it anything I would have taught you. I do not possess the skill to do it myself though it would make diagnosing pregnancy much easier if I did.”

“So what do I look for?”

“A glow. Gwen will have one herself and if she holds no child within her womb that will be the only one you see. If she does, her child will have one itself, possibly of a differing color.”

“So why haven’t you tried to have me do this before?”

“That is not where your skills lie.”

“So what is this then?”

“Alteration for the most part, clairvoyance, which is something that Morgana possesses strongly, and it takes a bit of skill to see each individual one and recognize it as a person. You will have to be touching her skin to see if her womb holds life but if you hone your skills you would be able to do it from a distance.” Gaius continued down the hall. 

“So I touch her and then what?”

“Use your sight, but not your eyes, feel her life force and visualize it.” Gaius knocked on the nursery door.

“Come in.” Gwen’s voice was muffled by the thick oaken door. 

Gaius opened the door and walked in while being followed by Merlin. “Hello, Gwen. I wonder if you have a moment for me to perform an examination on you.” Inside the room Ellie stood next to a table with wooden blocks on it. She looked up and smiled at the two men walking in and abandoned her blocks in favor of crawling towards them.

Gwen sighed but nodded, “Did Arthur send you? I swear he treats me like glass most of the time. I feel fine.” She looked tired to Merlin who spotted shadows underneath her eyes. 

“No, but I thought it best to make sure you are in good health. Now, drink this. It will make you sleepy but only for a short while then you will be well again. It is a concoction for stamina. I want you to lie down as well.”

Elliana pulled on Merlin’s pant leg and made an authoritative noise as if demanding that he pick her up. He rolled his eyes, “Gwen, Arthur is rubbing off on her. She’s starting to give commands.” 

Gwen laughed, “She will definitely be good at that.” Merlin bent down to pick her up and turned his back to Gaius and Gwen to stare down at his best friend’s daughter. He heard Guinevere get up from her seat and walk over to the small bed located next to the playpen. Merlin closed his eyes and placed his palm on Ellie’s warm and rounded cheek. He concentrated on the baby in his arms until he felt the warmth from her cheek spread through his hand. He channeled his power and opened his eyes slightly. Ellie had a subtle glow framing her face and hair. It was a pale yellow much like a young chick. He marveled at it and she reached up to his eyes, staring at them intently. He knew they were golden now and he was surprised that it didn’t scare her. Her own blue eyes were shining happily up at him, “Dada!” she looked around and spied Gwen around his shoulder, “Dada!” it was another demand. 

“She’s getting mouthy again, Gwen.” He took his hand off of her skin and the glow ceased almost immediately then felt his magic recede.

“Set her down until we are done, Merlin.” Gaius gave a vial to the Queen, who drank it without much hesitation. 

Merlin put Ellie down next to a small wooden castle and joined Gaius near Gwen who had just closed her eyes as the sedative took effect. The physician started at her head and neck, feeling her scalp and skull with gentle hands. Merlin watched Gaius as he traveled down her body with a doctor’s focus. When he got to her abdomen Gwen winced as he palpated her lower belly softly. It was still sensitive, but firm.

Merlin reached up and touched Gwen’s brown with his hand then closed his eyes. He took a deep breath in and out and concentrated while his magic came to the forefront. It took a few moments until the warmth traveled up his arm and he opened his eyes. Gwen’s aura was stronger than her daughters, but was diminished from her fatigue. It shone warm lavender and somehow suited her perfectly. He looked down from her head, her chest, right down to her belly and concentrated while sending a thread of magic to the spot to amplify the signal if there was anything there. He waited for a few seconds and sighed. There was nothing. Except…then there was faint outline rose up from her belly, so tiny and weak that it was hardly noticeable. It was a darker purple than Gwen’s own aura but so diminished that he was afraid for the tiny life within. He lifted his hand from her forehead and face Gaius. “It’s there. But it’s so much weaker than hers.”

“You’re sure?” 

“Yes. Positive. She’s still pregnant, but I don’t know for how much longer.”

“I will tell Gwen and Arthur. She will have to rest and I will need to do a more thorough check on her. You did well, my boy. I will stay here until she wakes. Go and get Arthur and bring him here if he isn’t in court.

####

Arthur looked up from his desk at the knock on his door, “Enter.” 

The door opened and Merlin poked his head in through, “Arthur, Gaius wants you in the nursery with Gwen and Ellie. He’s got something to tell you.”

Arthur put down his work and got up quickly to follow Merlin, “What does he want?”

“He has some news for you.” Then at Arthur’s tired look, “It’s not bad.”

“You’re sure? I don’t think I could handle any more bad news this week.”

“Positive. Everything is great.”

“That’s something at least. The Sarrum will be here in 3 days and I still haven’t gotten everything ready for his entourage.” The King lifted a hand and placed it at the back of his neck, fingers curling in with what Merlin could only think of as frustration. “I need to send a guard to meet them and lead them here and a whole host of other things.”

“I don’t envy you.”

“Yes, because the hardest thing you have to do all day is pick up my laundry. I don’t know why anyone would want this job.” 

Merlin patted Arthur on his back, “Everything will work itself out. Just you wait.”

Arthur sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I’ll hold you to that.” They walked into the room together where Gaius was helping Gwen to a sitting position and Elliana was crawling speedily towards her father.

“Dada!” Arthur bent down and swung her up onto his hip. Ellie gave a squeal on the way up and started to babble to Arthur almost immediately as if telling him all about her day. 

“So what news do you have for us?”

“Sit down Arthur and I will tell you both.”

####### (For the sake of moving the story forward to the really epic parts we get to skip 3 days)  
With the news that Gwen still carried their child both King and Queen had been in high spirits for the past few days even with the impending arrival of their guest. Guest chambers had been furnished and prepared for the arrival of The Sarrum and Morgana still had no idea who they were about to welcome into Camelot. The lady in question was in the process of lacing up Guinevere’s corset. “So who is it that is coming today?”

“Has no one told you?”

“No. I’ve asked and asked but no one has actually told me what is going on.” Morgana was incredibly frustrated with the lack of day to day knowledge and it ate at her that she wasn’t important enough to be told about the guest.

“Well, Our Guest is the esteemed Sarrum of Amata. And I don’t think he should be here.”

Morgana’s hands froze in the midst of their task. She felt the blood drain from her head and her vision swam while her heart iced over with terror. Gwen turned around as soon as she felt her stop and gasped. “Morgana!” She stood up and grabbed onto the sorceresses’ upper arms. “Come sit down. You look pale as a ghost.” Gwen quickly led the chilled Morgana to her bed and sat her down on top of it. Her hands were like stone cast mid action and she only stared forward blankly and unblinking. Morgana had begun to take quick and short breaths in and out. “Morgana, what’s wrong?” She knelt down awkwardly in front of Morgana and shook her gently. She moved her hands up and down Morgana’s arms to try to warm the suddenly ice-cold skin. 

Her mouth moved and the word,” No.” Came out in a whisper over and over. Gwen was starting to become frightened of Morgana’s strange behavior. Her hands began to shake and tears gathered at the corners of her eyes. 

“Morgana. Talk to me. What is wrong? Why are you so afraid so suddenly?”

Her head snapped up when she said his name and her eyes focused on Gwen, “Nothing…Nothing.”

“I don’t believe that. You wouldn’t have fear like this for no reason. It’s true, isn’t it? Is it the name? Sarrum.” Things clicked together quickly for the queen then, “He captured you and held you. That’s where you’ve been.” Her voice was gentle and Gwen moved her hands to encircle Morgana’s. 

“I can’t. I can’t.” Morgana moved closer to Gwen and her voice dropped to a whisper. 

“He hurt you. Didn’t he? Or someone did. I saw the whip marks. I also know that a woman does not fear a man for no reason. Someone has hurt you in other ways. I can see it in your eyes.” Her tone was still gentle, but firm. 

“He did awful things to me. There was no light and no sound except from my baby. My Aithusa. I was always hungry and thirsty and dirty. I had no happiness…no light…no kindness while he tormented her at the bottom of our well. Her screams of pain wake me up at night.” Her eyes focused on Gwen’s. 

“I’m so sorry Morgana. How was it that you had become so?”

“I was stupid and I let my guard down. They surrounded me and knocked me unconscious. When I awoke they drugged me and kept me bound and blindfolded. I heard my Aithusa near me when the men poked and prodded at her. I wanted to slit their throats and watch them die slowly. I couldn’t use my magic as I was too lightheaded and foggy and I did not know anything about my surroundings. I knew when we got there though…because I could feel the change in the air…I felt the men around me grow restless and I heard his voice….” She shivered and more tears poured from her eyes. She shook her head and tried to shrug out of Gwen’s grip, but she held firm. 

It was important for her to talk to someone. Morgana couldn’t keep it all in. This was part of her healing…this was the pathway to how Gwen would get her friend back. “It’s only you and me, Morgana. You can trust me.” 

Morgana resisted for a few more seconds before swallowing thickly and nodding before beginning again, “I felt his hand on my face. I felt his hatred before they forced my mouth open again and poured a potion into it. My mind was so groggy. I felt detached from my power, my magic…but the pain brought my body back. I couldn’t use my magic and I was defenseless in a place with men.” She shut her eyes and continued while shaking like a leaf, “They held me down while their leader yanked my dress up to my belly…and…he…took what he wanted from me. Over and over again he laughed at my pain and suffering then threw me to his lackeys for hours. I was hurt and bruised and bloody and broken while they laughed.”   
Her voice grew menacing and cold, “I finally pulled my hand free and threw them back and heard their skulls crack on the walls. The sound brought me such joy. I had power again. I yanked the blindfold off and blasted the area with lightning. You don’t know how it feels Gwen, to have such power at your beck and call. I moved through the pain and stood on my feet about to destroy them all when I heard her tiny cry. He had my Aithusa in his grasp and held his knife to her body and demanded I stand down or he would kill her. I made a move for him and he stabbed her shoulder. Her cry of pain stopped me while the remaining soldiers grabbed me and held me down again. He threw me into this well and tossed my tiny dragon in after me. If I hadn’t caught her then she would have died.” Morgana’s voice had returned to normal and her eyes had gotten clearer as she spoke but her skin was still ice cold. “He hurt her over and over again but didn’t touch me again until I escaped.”

“How did you survive?” Gwen’s heart broke for her old friend and she wiped away the tears that had run down her cheeks.

“You can’t let him here. He’s more of a monster than I am. Do you want him around Ellie? Around that unborn baby? I couldn’t save my….” She stopped and grabbed Gwen’s shoulders, “He can’t find me. He can’t know I’m here. He’ll kill me. They will hurt me over and over again. I can’t!” She pushed Gwen up out of the way and paced the room like a caged animal muttering to herself. 

Gwen stood up and tried to grab her again to sit her down, “Morgana. Arthur won’t let anything like that happen. We will protect you. He won’t find you.”

Morgana stopped and lifted her gaze to Gwen again. Gwen saw a broken and vulnerable girl for a moment. One who was terrified and needed someone to care for her. She often had those looks after her dreams from before all of this when her father wasn’t her father and her friends hadn’t betrayed her and Gwen had always cared for her then as she would now. “Stay with Ellie in her room. Sarrum won’t look there and I will have strict orders for the guards to keep him from there. Trust me. You do trust me don’t you?”

“No. I don’t trust you, but I do know you and I know that you won’t let anything happen to your child. I’ll go. Please…please don’t let him see me.” Gwen walked up to Morgana and embraced her in a warm hug. At first Morgana stiffened, but then returned the embrace. 

“Do you feel better?” Gwen asked her quietly while she released her from warm embrace.

Surprisingly enough Morgana felt like a small weight had been lifted from her heart and it felt nice in a way. As if she was freer by a small margin. She was still terrified but it was less now.

“Yes.” 

“Go, he should be here shortly. Lock yourself in with your niece and get to know her. She reminds everyone so much of Arthur in the way that she acts.”

“What? Like a spoiled prat?” Morgana smiled slightly.

“You should hear how she orders Merlin around.” Gwen smiled at Morgana and led her to the door. “Now, I’m going to meet my husband at the entrance to the castle. I’m glad you confided in me, Morgana. It felt like old times.”

Morgana nodded and headed for the nursery while the small chains on her hands clinked at her fast pace, reminding her of her captivity though free as it might be.

#####

Merlin greeted Aithusa with a call and a wave. The summoned dragon loped over and jumped across the chasm. She landed awkwardly next to Merlin. He gave her a rub on her head and sighed. He handed her the venison leg and she sat down next to him while gnawing on the bone like a dog. “I don’t know what to do.” 

Aithsua entered his mind with a question.

“There is someone that will be here in a little less than an hour and I don’t know what to do.”

Another question.

“It’s Sarrum.” 

Merlin winced as pain assaulted his mind along with fear at the name. She had stopped eating her dinner and whimpered up at him.

“He won’t be looking for you. You will be safest down here. I wouldn’t let him hurt you again, sister.”   
Aithusa seemed satisfied with his answer and resumed eating her dinner. 

Merlin leaned against the cave wall and watched her eat, “How did you get away?”

Merlin’s mind and eyes were overwhelmed with a scene. ‘Aithsua watched Morgana being hauled up by her chains leaving her alone in the hole. The little dragon stretched out in the hole and shivered immediately missing the warmth from her mistress. The left the lid to her cell open and it hurt her eyes even though it was night. Aithusa had become accustomed to the long darkness of the pit. That was all there ever was, just darkness and soothing words and warmth from her mistress and hunger. All of the sudden she heard a scream and heard the crack of a whip. Over and over the whip fell and soon she smelled blood. It was her mistress. What was happening to her mistress? Aithsua got on her back legs and was instantly assaulted with pain. She whimpered but tried to climb the walls. Her friend needed her, her mistress needed her. Morganas cries echoed down the hole and she whimpered in shared pain. At a word from the hated one the whips stopped and Aithusa got down from the wall, eagerly awaiting Morganas return to her and when it did not happen she grew confused and agitated. All of the sudden a scream like she had never heard echoed down the pit and Aithusa flattened against the ground. Her Morgana was in danger. Anger infused her tired and malnourished limbs and she snarled. Heat grew in her belly and spread through her body. She snorted and a flame and smoke came from her snout. Aithusa marveled at the fire and shot a ball of flame at the chain while instantly melting it. The baby dragon pushed off the ground onto the wall and heaved herself up from the pit quickly. She jumped onto the guard at the top of the pit and bit through his neck while tossing him aside. Her legs screamed in pain but she had to keep going. She snarled and breathed flame on the nearest men. Her tiny roars of rage made Merlin feel proud until she whipped her head around to find Morgana on her back with a man on top of her and her dress wrapped around her waist….’

Merlin pulled himself out of the vision and his knees nearly gave out. He blinked rapidly and put his palm on his forehead while attempting to banish the images of what looked like Morgana’s rape from his mind. A spark of outrage began deep within his chest at the image of her so vulnerable. He closed his eyes and saw her tear-streaked face with her eyes alight with agony and madness in his mind. She was filthy and her dress was soaked darker black with her blood along with the stone beneath her. The man atop her was laughing and enjoying her pain while he violated her. Tormenting a woman was what these monsters thought of as fun and Merlin’s fists clenched with his growing outrage at the pain that his dragon and Morgana felt. Aithusa had to hear and see what Morgana went through at such a young age even if she did not understand how significant it was and she endured more pain and torture than anyone he had known. He looked at her back legs which were gnarled and twisted and his anger grew. Aithusa’s pained cries echoed and rattled within his mind over and over again like a macabre song. No wonder Morgana acted the way she had with him and their kisses. She feared him or at least what he could do to her in her present state. It was no small wonder how she was still sane after all of her ordeals.

Aithusa lifted her head again and chirped at him warily and he realized that several rocks in the chasm beneath them had begun to quiver with his anger and power. He forced himself to relax his fists and his mind and the stones quieted, “Sorry, Aithusa.”

He would be more careful with Morgan from now on. He had seen women who were hurt like she had been back in his village but back then he had only been a boy with a dreaded secret and not a man who would make a real difference. No woman should be afraid like that, ever. He stroked Aithusa’s head. No one harmed his kin without consequences and soon he would show The Sarrum how badly he erred. “He’s coming. And I will take vengeance for you both. I promise you that, Light of the Sun.” 

She nodded at him and her approval coarse through his mind as well as a thirst for blood that he was surprised at.

“He will pay with his life, my dear, sweet little one and he will know fear and despair before he dies for hurting you and Morgana.” Merlin kissed her head and set off for the stairs back up to the castle. His mind was beginning to be filled with the makings of a plan and the side of his mouth curved up in a smile filed with malice and promise of pain. Morgana wasn’t the only one who could cause pain and misery to her enemies.

###

Morgana entered the nursery to see Belinda shrink back from her with Ellie in her arms. Even now it filled her with power and pleasure to see the fear in her eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“The Queen sent me here to stay with the baby while they got ready for the guests’ arrival. You can stay or go. It does not matter to me.” Morgana walked over to the window and sat in the rocking chair next to it.

“Why? You’re a murderer and you won’t get near her.” 

“That’s where you are wrong. Not about the murderer part. But she trusts me to stay here with her only child.”

“I highly doubt that.” She sneered. “If you wish to stay here then you can take care of her. I’m not staying here with you.” Belinda set the infant down in her playpen and stalked out. “How could she care for you after everything you’ve done?” the maid opened the door and slammed it. Eliana jumped at the noise and started to cry. 

“It’s okay, little one. Your aunt is here.” Morgana glided across the floor to the playpen and picked up her niece and cradled her to her chest. “Eliana, eh?” The infant smiled up at her and cooed. “You are such a pretty little girl you know.” Morgana had always loved children. They never judged you and loved unconditionally. An ache started in her chest as she thought of little Mordred. Where would he be right now? Was he even still alive? Would the years make him forget her? Morgana hoped not because one day she hoped to see him again. 

“Dada!” she called, “Dada!” 

“Your dada is busy right now. Let’s work on other words. “I’m your aunt Morgana. Your parents probably told you all sorts of things about me. I am going to tell you that they are all most likely true.” She sat down in the rocker and stood Eliana up on her thighs. Her tiny palms gripped Morgana’s fingers tightly she babbled again. “So how are we going to pass the time, sweetheart? I know. I’m going to tell you a story, little one.” Morgana began to rock in the chair, “Once upon a time there was a girl who was very beautiful who came to live in a castle because her father had just died in battle…”

####

Merlin found Arthur whispering to Gwen at the front of the castle. They looked as if they were in a heated debate about something when Merlin got close to them, “Why did you send her there?! She’s alone with our daughter you know!”

“Who’s alone with Ellie?”

“Morgana.” Gwen told him, “And she’s fine. Morgana loves babies. She was always partial to them and I doubt she will be of any harm to her.”

“Let’s fight about this later. I think The Sarrum is nearing the gate.” Merlin interrupted them. 

“Men! At your stations!” Merlin took up his post by the door away from Arthur and Gwen went inside of the castle to ascend to the battlements to watch in silence while the knights also formed a phalanx near their king. Gaius, whom Merlin had not seen took up a spot next to Arthur. The clip-clop of hooves along the road in front of them grew louder and louder as they neared. 

Merlin’s eyes narrowed at the figure at the front of the convoy. The Sarrum was atop a dapple grey horse garbed in heavy ceremonial armor. His face was stoic and impassively cruel and Merlin immediately hated him. The dragon within him screamed for vengeance and retribution and it took a lot for him to remain stoic and calm behind the royal couple. This was the man who tried to kill his dragon and who hurt his Morgana.

Merlin watched him as he had stopped his horse in from on Arthur looked down on them like he was a god and it made Merlin’s anger flare to life. He barely whispered, “Wer,” to startle the horse. It worked magnificently as the stallion reared up on his hind legs and attempted to throw Sarrum off. He grabbed onto the reins and wrestled the animal down with the help of two servants.

Arthur nodded and stepped forward, “I greet The Sarrum of Amata. I look forward to our alliance and offer you a room and use of our castle for you and your soldiers and tonight offer you to join us for a feast.”

“Yes. Arthur and might I say that the last time I saw you, that you were 10 years old and Uther had held a tournament in your honor.”

“I fight my own tournaments now.”

“Well we shall enjoy putting you to the test.” Sarrum dismounted and handed the reins to the servant to his right. 

Arthur motioned for Merlin to step forward, “My servant will show you to your chambers for your time here. I hope they are to your satisfaction.” 

The Sarrum grunted and Merlin led him through the doors to the castle. He kept his head down and strode quickly to the guest chambers. He opened the door for Sarrum to walk through but the man stopped and gestured for his servant to enter first. The brown haired man strode in and nodded to the Sarrum who also walked in. “Leave us.” He commanded Merlin, who all too readily shut the door and began to walk back to the castle doors. 

####

The Sarrum sat down on the bed and gestured to his servant. “Take stock of the castle and its defenses and report back to me before this feast they intend to have.” The servant nodded and fled quickly out the door into the castle hall. He spied a woman dressed in plain clothes who was muttering to herself angrily and he walked towards her. 

“Stupid witch. How dare she kick me out of her room. Think’s she has any rights here, any say at all.” She stopped talking when she spied Sarrum’s servant.

“What’s wrong? Such a beautiful woman such as yourself should not frown so.”

“Aren’t you the charmer? But it’s nothing.” She brushed her hair back from her eyes.

“Nothing? Well, I came in with the Sarrum and was wondering if you would show me around the castle so I can better serve him.”

She looked at him dubiously for a moment but nodded, “Of course. Come with me.”

“Who were you talking about earlier?”

“Our prisoner. But she isn’t really. She’s the sister of the king and he’s coddling her. Her and the beast she brought with her.”

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. The Sarrum. He'll get what's coming to him. But not until later! I'll see you Monday!


	18. Chapter 17

XxOxX

Gauis watched Merlin pace back and forth from one door to the other. The agitation from his young charge was palpable and even was beginning to make him feel just a bit on edge. The day had since grown dimmer and the smell of fine food wafted from the depths of the castle kitchens. Ever since Merlin had come from his meeting the Sarrum he had been pensive and quiet and the pacing had started about a half an hour ago. Finally Gaius couldn’t take it anymore. “Merlin, Stop pacing. What has been bothering you?”

Merlin halted halfway between both door s and took a deep breath before looking back at Gaius, “That…man…if you can call that monster a man.”

“I know the Sarrum rules his kingdom harshly and you have perceived him doing terrible things, but he is only here for a few more days and then we never have to see him again. If you are contemplating doing anything reckless and dangerous I suggest you stop your thoughts right now.” 

Merlin’s eyes grew darker, “Do you know what he’s done?”

“Merlin…”

“He tortured them, Gaius. Aithusa and Morgana. Aithusa was only a few months old and she was taken by that monster and tormented for no other reason than she existed. I called her from that egg. She was mine to protect and care for and I failed her. She’s deformed and mentally scarred and she’s so young. So young compared to the number of years that she will live if left alone. Kilgarrah is hundreds of years old, Gaius. She will have to live with everything she has been through for hundreds of years. If he even comes near her I will defend her, regardless of anything anyone says.”

Gaius took another breath and tried to reason with him, “I understand that you feel the need to help Aithusa, Merlin, I do. You would risk too much by going after him.”

“No, Gaius, you don’t understand. Every bit of Morgana’s and Aithusa’s fate rests on me and my stupid decisions. I saw things in Aithusa’s memory that make me shiver in disgust. With Morgana I can understand why he locked her up. She was and still is dangerous and deserved punishment for the hundreds of lives that she has taken in her mad quest for Camelot and magic, but I wouldn’t have wished what she suffered on anyone. If he gets his hands on either of them I don’t know if their minds will stay intact. Gaius. I feel so confused about her.”

“Who?”

“Morgana.” He closed his eyes a moment and took a deep breath before opening them again. “It’s like she’s back to who she used to be, or someone like it. Quick witted with a sharp tongue and she’s not afraid to use it either. She’s not spouting death threats or going after anyone I care about and it’s actually nice. I know it’s only temporary and I shouldn’t get involved but I feel this pull towards her that I can’t explain and don’t want to fight against.” Merlin finally stopped his pacing and sat down near Gaius.

“Merlin. You know what I am going to say and I know you won’t listen. Don’t make yourself vulnerable to her. Morgana is not the same person she was. She will never be that person again because like all people her experiences have changed her. I miss who she was as well. But please, Merlin, don’t get involved because in the end it will only bring you heartache.”

“Maybe you’re right, Gaius. But I can still be kind to her for as long as she is here. It’s who I am.”

Gaius nodded in reply, “Maybe you can. But for now you need to get ready for the feast. Arthur will expect everyone on their best behavior.” 

Merlin got up from his seat and disappeared into his room before shutting the door. If the Sarrum put one toe out of line, Merlin would see justice for his kin done. He was, after all, the last Dragonlord.

####

Gwen and Morgana both laughed as Ellie shrieked and beat her toy sword on a pillow. Being in the nursery all day had done much to take her mind off of the arrival of the Sarrum. Gwen had returned a while ago and both women had talked about many things, including the baby that rested in her belly. 

“How many children did you want?” Morgana asked Gwen after they stopped laughing.

“Well my parents only had Elyan and I, so I would be happy with two. I think it is important for children to have siblings because it teaches them so much about how to talk to other people and gives them someone to rely on.”

“I think so too.” Morgana thought often of her sister and even though it was she who struck the final blow and killed her and Arthur flitted through her thoughts but his relation to her was brushed quickly aside. “Do you want a boy or girl?”

“Arthur wants a son, though secretly I think he would be thrilled with another girl. He loves Ellie to pieces and spoils her quite rotten.”

“Dada?” Eliana looked around at the mention of Arthur’s name but when she didn’t see him she went back to terrorizing her pillows and stuffed toys. 

“As you can see, she is quite attached to him as well.”

As the day went on Morgana could smell the delicious food coming from the kitchen, “He’s having a feast isn’t he?”

“And a tournament, but no one knows about it yet. Any occasion that allows the boys to drink, eat and swing swords around is one that Arthur tries to make happen as often as possible.” Gwen laughed and crossed the room to pick up her daughter. “I can’t have you stay here the entire night and I can’t have Ellie in the dungeon so you can watch her. She is going to have to go to bed early tonight, but maybe if you like you can come back tomorrow and watch her after you attend me.” 

Morgana’s eyes brightened at the prospect of not having to stay in the dungeon. She refused to fully admit that the prospect of watching the child was also quite alluring. “Of course.” 

“Good. I was hoping you would say that. And I will bring you some food from our festivities after it’s over. They cook far too much anyway.” 

“Do I go back to the dungeon?”

“Yes. For now. But first I need to get ready for the feast. Do you want to help me?”

“I will do anything to stay out of that cell, Gwen.” She smiled at the Queen and followed her out of the nursery towards her room. Ellie was babbling nonsense in her ear and looking back at Morgana. Gwen opened the door and Ellie gave a loud shriek as Arthur scooped up his daughter and gave her a kiss.   
He nodded at Morgana with a smile and set Ellie down on the bed, “Now you be good.” Ellie gave a serious face and nodded. 

“With you as her dad? That’s like asking water not to be wet.” Morgana quipped from the doorway before shutting it behind her.

“Now isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black?” Arthur put on his crown and examined himself in the mirror. 

Morgana sniffed and stood behind Gwen at her vanity where she had taken a seat. “Where are the pins?”

“Here.” Gwen handed them over to Morgana who proceeded to brush Gwen’s dark brown hair. 

Morgana could not help but notice that Arthur was looking their direction rather intently. “What?” She said brusquely to the blonde headed King.

“I’m just watching.” He held up his palms in surrender. “It sort of reminds me of old times. Except in reverse and I still cannot wrap my head completely around it.”

“Well you should. You are the one who arranged this as penance.” Morgana finished placing the last pin to Gwen’s hair. 

“Sarrum will be waiting for us soon. I’m having Percival take you back to your cell. Be good.”

“Aren’t I always?” she winked at her brother and he couldn’t help but smile.

####

The hall was brightly lit, smelling of meat and mead and filled with the low buzz of conversation. Sarrum bit into a bit of meat while watching the hall with concealed interest. Arthur turned to him, “Are you enjoying the feast?”

“The food is good.”

“Good. Good.” Arthur responded as he tried to make conversation with his potential ally.

Gwen looked around Arthur to Sarrum, “I have heard interesting things about your kingdom.”

“Such as?” The Sarrum gave the Queen a cold stare.

“I have heard that you have a mighty army. And that your allies and enemies are both few in number.”

“It’s better that way you may find.” The Sarrum sighed and leaned back, “I did have one enemy who escaped me.” He took another bite of meat, “In fact, she was the only one ever to do so. Would you have any idea who that person might be?”

“There are rumors, of course, but I know little about whom you’ve imprisoned and what you do with them. My concerns are larger than one little prisoner.”

“So you do not know that I kept Morgana Pendragon prisoner for two years? Her and that beast she kept as a pet.” He took another bit of food, “I assumed that is why you came to me for an alliance, besides the old ties that bound your father and I.”

Little did any of them notice that Merlin had crept close to listen while serving the nobles and knights their food and drink.

“As I stated before. The rumors abound. How did you manage it with her powers?”

“She has a weakness, that one. It’s that beast she keeps. I used the dragon to keep her docile. She was my crowning achievement. The biggest magical threat the kingdom has known since the Great Purge.”

“Where did you keep her?” Arthur was very good at keeping his political mask on. He had gotten better at it since the first days of his sudden reign but inside he was slowly beginning to regret his choice of potential alliance.

“The witch was kept at the bottom of a well while chained to a wall with her beast. Morgana never changed in size you see but soon the dragon grew too large for the small pit. The only thing that I savored more than the dragon’s cries was the screams of the witch as she begged me to release her.”

Gwen hid her revulsion and anger towards him well as she asked,” And how did she escape?” her smile was coated with false interest.

“It was a lapse in security, no more. She would still be in my care if not for a simple mistake in the guard. I so did enjoy her…..GAH YOU STUPID SERVANT!” At the mention of their torment, Merlin had come closer and purposefully knocked into the Sarrum with a pitcher of wine and felt the brief satisfaction of watching it spill across his fine clothes like blood. He hid his smile and tried to put on a look of apology.

“Merlin! Watch what you are doing. Clean it up.” Arthur commanded loudly but secretly applauded his servant and friend for timing.

“I would have you flogged in my kingdom. Stupid servants.” He snarled Merlin began to dry and wipe up the mess of the red wine on his clothes.

“Sorry. So sorry.” He handed the Sarrum several towels and cleaned the mess up off of the floor.

When most of the wine had been cleaned, Merlin stood back up and bowed to them. Arthur sighed, “It’s so hard to find competent servants.”

“You should have him disciplined for his clumsiness.” He went back to eating his meal.

Gwen had trouble containing her smile and caught Merlin’s eye. He winked at her and retreated to the kitchens. “Arthur, my King, were you going to announce that competition soon?”

“Oh, yes, that’s right. Sarrum, how would you like a friendly sport between our men?”

“What kind of sport?” he intoned drolly.

“I suggest a tournament between Amata and Camelot. A friendly contest between future allies in your honor.”

“I don’t need a tournament in my honor, Arthur, but this idea would be agreeable at least. Let’s see if your men actually know how to use a sword.”

“I was hoping that we would compete as well.”

“And why would I do that?” 

“I thought you said you would enjoy putting me to the test. Why not the day after next?” Arthur wondered if his tone ever changed.

“Alright, boy, let’s see if Uther’s son can best me. I look forward to it.” He took another bite of meat while the wheels of his mind began to turn.

****

‘Morgana knew that she was dreaming with all the certainty in the world because she was staring at herself and Merlin. It was the day that she died albeit the descent into the abyss was brief but no less terrifying. She watched Merlin pour the poison into the flask and hand it to her while she refused. Then watched him as he handed it to her again and pushed her into drinking it. If she hadn’t been so scared she would have thought it strange and questioned him. The one thing that she remembered was being so tired and weary and scared and trusting…oh so trusting. She didn’t believe that he would hurt her and she had paid for her naiveté. It was painful as she watched herself take a drink and felt the effects of the hemlock just as her past self. Her airway began to close and felt herself struggle for breath as Merlin pulled her into an embrace tears beginning to fall down his cheeks and hers.’

Morgana shot up in her bed and inhaled deeply, released her breath and did it again still fighting the effects of the dream. Her hand lifted to her neck and felt her collar. The chains on her hands rattled and slid across the stone and she suddenly felt someone watching her. The torchlight in her cell was weak and her vision was still blurred from her sudden awakening. “Who’s there?” she demanded and a small and secret part of her wanted to replay her dream from her first night in Camelot, where Merlin had wrought pleasure from her body and mind. A shift of cloth on stone brought her attention to the side of her cell. “Face me.” 

“Oh Morgana. Such bravado for one in chains. But you were always like that, weren’t you?” His voice made her throat dry up and her heart stop in her chest gripped by an icy feeling. Her hands began to shake and a cold sweat broke out all over her body. He stepped into the light and regarded her with a cold expression. “Nothing to say now then? But I want to know where you’ve been while away from my tender care. Is that beast still with you? Did she die from her deformity?” His grim grin fired her blood.

“Don’t you dare talk about her!” She hissed and felt her heart bump from a slow and sluggish pace to a turbulent pulsing from within. 

“And what are you going to do if I do? I’ve missed you, Morgana. You were my finest acquisition, witch.” He put his face up next to the bars and continued to look at her. “I don’t know how Arthur caught you and he won’t tell me, but I’ve heard enough from the servants around here. He’s trying to rehabilitate you, but we both know that isn’t possible. You can’t redeem being a practitioner of magic. It’s like a disease spreading from person to person and has to be extinguished by destroying the plague carrier.” 

“You are an ignorant bastard. You know nothing and you will continue to know nothing.” Her anger had begun to drown out the mind numbing fear and her hands clenched as if imagining how it would feel to have his neck beneath her palms. 

“I will teach you a lesson about respecting your betters, bitch.” He shook the bars and released them. Morgana jumped and started to shiver again. “Maybe one of your guards will let me in and we can have fun again, or maybe someone will show me where that dragon is so I can finish the job I started in the well.”

Morgana shrieked and flew to the bars in a rage. Her chains jerked her back before she could reach them but she yanked, “Don’t you touch her you filthy bastard!” Morgana’s fear had shifted completely to rage. He couldn’t hurt her again. Not Aithusa. Morgana would kill him if he even laid eyes on her again. 

“I look forward to breaking you again. And I will find that dragon and take you back to that well that you had such wonderful memories in. You escaped because of a lapse and that shall not happen again.” He looked her up and down with lecherous eyes, “I look forward to enjoying you again.” 

Morgana began shrieking in the language of magic at him. She was rapidly losing her grip with lucidity with her rapist and tormenter so close and threatening Aithusa again. He couldn’t touch her again. She would kill him. Kill him. Watch his blood coat her hands, drink in his agony as he had hers. 

“Maybe this time I will cut out your tongue. You can dress a heathen like a queen but she will still be a beast at the heart of her.” His eyes gleamed with an unholy light, an obsessed light. He reached for the keys on his belt, “Lucky for you I have a set of keys right here. The guard didn’t seem to mind me taking them.” 

Morgana went dead quiet and backed up. Her eyes were large and round when he lifted the keyring. “No. No.” she whispered to herself, “Stay away from me!” 

Sarrum moved to the cell door and put the key in the lock. The click of the unlocking mechanism of the door was like a death knell and her heart dropped to her feet. Just as Sarrum began to open the door the door to the dungeon opened to reveal Gwaine clad in his night clothes and carrying a sword that rested at his side.

“What are you doing here at this hour?” Gwaine demanded looking from the terrified Morgana to the Sarrum standing at the door. “I heard screaming.”

“No business of yours, knight. Now leave us.” The curt dismissal grated on the knights nerves.

“It is my business what goes on in the dungeons of Camelot, just like it is the King’s business. Now, what were you doing here?” His gaze traveled from Sarrum to Morgana and he noticed her wide and wild eyes, the cool sweat at her brow and what seemed to him like…fear and rage rolling off of her in waves.

“Just visiting your prisoner. My former prisoner.”

“She isn’t your prisoner. She’s ours and you have no business being here. Leave her alone.” 

“Your insolence is trying, knight. We were just visiting.”

“Then why does she look as if death has come to her? She’s clearly terrified of you, which I admit is no small feat.” Despite the fact that Gwaine had tried to bully and threaten her, for which now, seeing this, he knew was not a noble act and certainly not one a knight should have been party to. 

“She has every reason to be terrified. Why is she dressed as a lady when she should be in rags and tied to a post? She is being treated as a guest rather than a prisoner. Uther would never have stood for his son being so charitable and weak.” 

Gwaine strode to stand right in front of Sarrum. “Say what you like about me, but don’t ever insult my King. And don’t question the way he treats his prisoners. Do not mistake compassion for weakness and that is clearly something you know nothing about. This is not your city and she is not your prisoner so leave her be. I’ll be taking those keys now.” Gwaine held up his hand palm up and glared at the Sarrum who returned his stare with one equally as cold.

“This isn’t over.” He put the keys in Gwaine’s outstretched palm with a glare. 

“Oh I think it is.” His palm closed around the keys, “Guard! Take the Sarrum back to his chambers and make sure he is comfortable before leaving.” 

Sarrum strode past Gwaine and slammed the door shut behind him. The knight sighed and put a hand through his hair while letting the strands spill across his face. He turned to the cell and opened the door. Morgana was sitting against the wall pale as ice with her green eyes filled with fear and a deep sort of rage. He wondered what had been done to her to make the quick-witted, wicked, and ambitious woman into this terrified little girl. She watched him move warily as he strode towards her and knelt down beside her. “You alright?” 

“Why did you help me?” It was little more than a whisper but she had already begun to relax with the Sarrum gone.

“You were in trouble.” He shrugged.

“But you hate me.”

“True. I do. And the other knights and I have realized that we haven’t been acting like knights and more like bullies to you. Arthur taught us better that that.”

“But why did you help me? It can’t all be because of your knight’s code.”

“At first I wasn’t going to, and then I saw the look on your face. You were terrified and helpless. As much as I don’t like you, I couldn’t let it stand. Knights code and all.”

“Chivalry isn’t dead then?”

“Not a chance. So are you alright?”

“Better now.”

“Good. He won’t bother you again.” He got up and locked the cell door, “Sleep well, Morgana. And just so you know I’m still going to expect our battle of wits in the morning when I get you. Don’t disappoint me.” he winked at her before disappearing through the door.

Morgana breathed a sigh of relief and surprise at Gwaine’s sudden change of attitude towards her. When he appeared she had believed that he would let Sarrum do what he pleased. The knights distrusted her most of all and had treated her thus. She didn’t expect to be accepted or cared for by them and felt nice. She always had a respect for Gwaine ever since she put him to battle against Helios’s men. She admired his form and his fighting prowess, but now her respect toward him was growing ever so slightly. Morgana got up from the floor and crawled into bed but sleep was far from her grasp. She wouldn’t get hurt again.

##### (Next afternoon)

Arthur and Sarrum were at the round table discussing the treaty, “You want what along with our bargain?”

“I want to know why you have Morgana as a guest instead of a prisoner.”

“What business is it of yours how I treat her?”

“Your father would have had her burned by now for her sorcery.”

“I am not my father. And who are you to dictate the way I rule my kingdom? I heard about your incursion into the dungeon. Those guards who let you in will be disciplined accordingly but you had no business roaming around my castle without an escort.” Arthur knew that this obsession with his sister had to be nipped in the bud before it got out of hand and all of the work that had been put into getting her back would be in vain.

“I thought I was your guest and could go anywhere I pleased.”

“Not in the middle of the night unescorted in my dungeon. Stay away from my sister. I don’t know who told you she was here but I will find out. She is my prisoner in my dungeon and she will stay there. Now, back to our negotiations.”

“What about the beast? Where is it?”

Arthur’s patience was growing thin, “What beast?”

“The dragon.”

“We don’t have a dragon, only Morgana, now back to the treaty, please.” 

The Sarrum knew the dragon was in the castle, he only had to find out where it was. “Yes.”

“Alright. The trade routes here and here…”

#####

Merlin followed Arthur as he came out of the small room where Sarrum and he had been negotiating the treaty. Arthur looked pensive, “Did it not go well?”

“No, the treaty went fine. Is Morgana’s old chamber still empty?” 

“Yes? Why?”

“I’m thinking about moving her there.”

“Why?”

“She hasn’t tried to kill us yet and she is great with Ellie. I think that deserves a little reward. You catch more flies with honey and all that.”

“That’s not everything.”

“That Sarrum has a strange preoccupation with her and I don’t want her in the dungeon anymore. Gwaine said that she was terrified of him. I’ve never known Morgana to be absolutely terrified of anyone or anything. He must have done some terrible things to her. More than he let on about at the feast. I don’t like it.” 

Merlin’s nails dug into his palms, “Do you want me to get them ready?”

“Not yet. Let me talk to Gwen about it. Although I am sure she will say yes. There will have to be some changes made to the locks but it shouldn’t take long.”

“Alright. Send for me when you need me.” 

Arthur rested a hand on Merlin’s shoulder, “Don’t worry. I will. Find Morgana. She should be with Ellie in the nursery. I told the guards not to let anyone in and they will follow my orders.” 

Arthur opened the door to his chambers and Gwen looked up from the papers at his desk with a smile, “Hello love.” 

“Hello, love.” He leaned over the table and kissed her, “I have something I want to talk to you about.”

#####

Merlin opened the door and found Morgana resting in the rocking chair with Ellie on her chest sound asleep. She looked up at him with her pale green eyes and gave him a small smile, “I would come over to you but I’m a bit preoccupied.” He noticed that she had dark circles underneath her eyes and her face was paler that usual. Merlin entered the room and shut the door. 

“I can see that.” He crossed the room and sat on the window sill. “Did you have nightmares again?”

“You could say that.” 

“You look tired.”

“How observant.” He did not miss the way her voice dripped with sarcasm.

“You don't need to snap at me. I only want to help.”

“I dreamed of the day you poisoned me if you must know. I was utterly innocent and you took it upon yourself to kill me. I trusted you with my secrets and my life and you betrayed me.” She took a deep, cleansing breath before she started yelling and she didn’t want to do that, “However, I have decided to put that behind me for now.”

Merlin felt that tugging in his chest that signaled guilt, “Do you dream of it often?”

“I used to. Every night it would happen over and over again. The feeling of not being able to breathe as you held me and cried. Now I dream a different nightmare.” she looked away from him.

“I heard that you had a visitor last night.” 

“Don't, Merlin. Don't mention his name, don't get involved.” She warned him and turned back to him with her eyes flashing with too many emotions to count.

“I want to help.”

“I think you have helped enough.” she resumed rocking the infant and kissed her head.

Merlin let the subject drop for now and smiled down at the tiny girl. “She seems to like you.” 

“I know.” He saw her eyes light up and a grin grace her features; “It seems unreal that Arthur and Gwen have a child of all things.” 

“I thought the exact same thing. Believe me. Arthur fainted when he found out.”

Morgana's head rose and she looked up at him, “He did what?”

“Fainted, dead away.”

Merlin felt his heart skip a beat when she started to laugh and smile. He smiled back at her and she adjusted Ellie on her chest. “Did he really? I mean. Just fainted.”

“Gwen and I still tease him about it.” 

“She's a good queen.” The sentence came without warning and her brows drew together as if saying that surprised her. 

“She is.” He agreed.

“She loves Arthur so much that it makes my heart ache. They have such a rapport with each other and it goes so much deeper than I thought at first. It is the kind of love that every girl dreams about.....What?”  
Merlin kept staring at her like she had grown a second head or something equally as disturbing.   
“Nothing.” 

“You think it is silly of me to want to fall in love? The great and powerful wicked sorceress who has murdered hundreds and betrayed her own family. I know what you think of me and you are right to do so.”

“I don't think it is silly to want to fall in love, Morgana. This is just such an odd conversation for us to be having right now.”

Another chuckle, “I guess so.” She closed her eyes and leaned back in the rocking chair. He took this opportunity to see her. She didn't look much older than she had when she left Camelot. In fact with her eyes closed she reminded him of that young woman with kindness and compassion in her heart. It was her eyes that made her look as if she had lost all sense of reason. Her midnight black locks fell softly in waves around her face like a dark halo that was only accentuated by her pale skin. She really was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Freya had been pretty, but not like the captive sorceress in front of him. “You're staring at me. I can feel your eyes on me.”

“Sorry.”

“Don't be. No woman ever gets tired of people thinking she is beautiful.” She opened her eyes again and looked at him, “This isn’t a social call. What brings you here?” 

“Arthur. He heard about your incident in the dungeon last night from Gwaine. He was going to talk to Gwen about moving you to your old room so you are hidden from him.”

“My old room? With all of my old things?” She couldn’t help the surprise that leaked into her question.

“Yes. It has been pretty much untouched since you left. Neither Arthur nor Uther could bear to go in there. It will be locked from the outside and you will have two guards posted outside at all times. Only Arthur and a few others will have the key to it. You will be allowed to sleep there until he leaves at least.”

“It’s something at least. An upgrade from the dungeon.” He watched her brow furrow, “What did Gwaine say to you?”

“Only that Sarrum was busy terrifying you when he rescued you.”

“Rescued. Hmph. I had a handle on it. He is going to hold that over my head isn’t he?”

“Oh yes.”

Morgana looked away from him then stiffened and turned her head sharply to look at him. “He’s going to try to hurt Aithusa. You must keep her safe. Merlin. You must keep her safe.” She reached for him with her free hand and looked him in the eye, “Promise me you will keep her safe.” She urged him.  
“She won’t be harmed in my care, Morgana. I swear. I won’t let him touch her.” His tone darkened and for a moment she was chilled to her very core as she stared into his eyes that seemed to be bottomless. She had seen those eyes before…in a different face… of age and power that did not reflect his young face…. A noise from the baby in her arms broke her concentration and she turned her gaze to Ellie. When she looked back up at him he had resumed his relaxed position on the window sill all evidence of the power she saw was gone. “Do you mind if I sit here with you for a while?”

“I don’t mind, as long as you keep quiet.” 

Merlin nodded and set back against the wall as he stared out at the courtyard. If Sarrum wanted to get to Aithusa or Morgana he would have a nasty surprise waiting for him.

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one up on time. I'll see you all Friday.


	19. Chapter 18

XxOxX

Merlin was sitting with his back against the cavern wall and Aithusa’s head in his lap. The back of his head rested against the cool stone wall and his eyes were at half-mast while the torchlight made shadows dance on the wall opposite to them. One hand rested on the dragon’s leathery warm shoulder while the other idly stroked her small head. The emotions that danced at the back of his mind told him that she was pleased. He was also happy at how quickly she had taken back to him. Morgana had not seen her since the day she kissed him, although the little dragon asked for the sorceress every time he came down to see her. Maybe after the Sarrum was gone he would bring her back down here. Right now it wasn’t safe and he had to protect this little dragon first above meeting her desires.

“It’s almost time for me to go for the day, Aithusa.” He sighed and Aithusa lifted her head up while she crooned before pinning his chest with her snout as if to tell him no. He chuckled lightly and patted the side of her neck. 

A sound from inside the tunnel caught his attention. It was like the scrape of metal on stone but no one else was allowed down here. Aithusa’s head snapped up and she growled and back off of Merlin to crouch down behind him. “How…sweet. That monster is like your pet.”

“How did you get down here?” Merlin stood quickly from the ground and moved to be in front of the dragon while staring off into the half-darkness ahead of him. The dimly lit tunnels outlined the cruel face and bare head of the Sarrum as he came closer to them. 

“I’ll admit that it took me a while, but I had you followed and as I suspected you brought me to the beast.” Aithusa’s growling was steadily increasing in volume and beginning to bounce off of the cave walls. 

“I’ve already told you once that you are not allowed here. And the dragon is here by his command.” 

“No?” I’m the Sarrum of Amata and I can go anywhere I please, boy. Now leave us. This beast and I have a history and I would like to get reacquainted with it.” 

“No.” Merlin brought his gaze while to pin the madman and kept Aithusa mostly out of his sight. The darkness and anger that he kept buried deep rapidly climbed to the surface. His inner logic had begun chanting ‘Don’t be stupid, Merlin. Don’t be stupid.’ 

“What did you say to me? I said move, boy, or I’ll have you strung up and punished for disobeying your betters.”

“I said, leave, now.” Fingers curled into a fist and his nails dug into the meat of his palm.

The Sarrum’s gloved fist flashed out and he was too close to avoid the hit. A shout of pain spouted forth and he hit the cave wall with the force of the blow. His vision wavered and he tasted blood as he heard a roar of fury and heard the jerk and rattle of the chains along with the scape of claws on the cave floor as she tried to launch herself at the man who struck him regardless of the fear he knew she felt. “Arthur is too lenient with his servants. Oh look, I’ve upset the beast.” He saw the Sarrum out of the corner of his eye get closer to the dragon.

The anger that had been steadily climbing at seeing the one who tormented his kin and Morgana suddenly boiled over. His vision flashed red and he looked up at the weak man in front of him. It would be so easy to get rid of him right now. Just to use a little bit of his power to end it. No more nightmares and no more pain for anyone. He began to reach for his magic to send him flying over the edge to his death when a voice echoed from above them. 

“My lord Sarrum? The King is looking for you.” The Sarrum stopped and sighed then with a look of promised pain to both Merlin and Aithusa he turned on his heel and walked back up to the castle. 

Merlin growled at the loss of his prey and was tempted to follow him, to make him suffer… but with the sudden danger gone his thoughts came to a screeching halt. His anger started to hemorrhage out of him and he sagged against the stone wall. Aithusa limped over to him and put her head in his face to sniff at his wound. Had he really been thinking of killing that man? Just to murder him in cold blood? ‘He hit you first. It would have been self-defense.’ No…no. He wouldn’t become a murder like that. 

Not in front of Aithusa at least. Not in Camelot. Nowhere that it would be followed back to him, but did he really have the stomach for it? Merlin was sure now he would have only punished the Sarrum for harming his kin before, but now it had become personal to him. That kind of man should not be allowed to walk the earth unscathed merely because he had no one to challenge him. He felt Aithusa’s magic begin to heal the open wound on his head. She was able to close the open gash on his forehead and the gash on the inside of his cheek before she stopped with a huff. “Thank you, Aithusa.” She nodded and licked his cheek before padding away to her rock. She should have been stronger than that and it worried him that she seemed so much weaker than she should be. As a dragon she should have near infinite stores of magic to draw from, but healing him was tiring to her. She healed Morgana from the brink of death younger than she was now. He would find answers soon, but for now he had to get back upstairs before he was missed. 

###

Ellie crawled over to Gwen and began to whine and sniffle at her feet. The infant sat back onto her bottom and rubbed her eyes grumpily. Gwen smiled down at her daughter and lifted her up onto her lap then leaned them both back in the rocking chair, “What’s the matter, baby?” 

“She’s getting fussy.” Morgana observed form where she had been folding her niece’s blankets and clothes. 

“She’s cutting more teeth and it’s her naptime. This isn’t even as bad as it gets. When she was a few months old she developed colic, or that was what all the maids with children told me. She kept the whole castle awake with her screaming. We took shifts with Merlin, Gaius, and even the knights to hold and rock her because she refused to be put down at all. Luckily it only lasted a month and she was back to normal again.” Eliana rubbed her eyes again and began to chew on her fingers while her cry started to grow in volume and pitch. Gwen kissed her daughter’s curly haired head and patted her back while rocking back and forth. 

“Wouldn’t Gaius have something for her cutting teeth?”

“That’s actually a brilliant idea, Morgana. Do you think you could go down to see him and ask for me? When she gets like this it’s either me or her..D-a-d-a who must hold her.” 

 

“Arent’ you worried that I would take this opportunity to run?”

“No.”

Her quick answer surprised Morgana and she tilted her head, “Why do you say that?”

“You still need us to get that collar off and you won’t leave without Aithusa. Besides, that, Ellie would miss you quite a bit if you just picked up and left.”

Morgana smiled down at the little one in Gwen’s arms, “You really think she would?”

“I’m positive about that.” Ellie’s cries and struggles grew in intensity and Morgana headed for the door to hurry down the hall. She reached the physician’s quarters quickly enough but when she raised her hand to knock when the sound of two male voices stopped her fist mid-air and she leaned in to listen. 

“Merlin, what in the world were you thinking taking him on like that? You could’ve been killed.”

“So I should have just let him hurt her? I won’t let him get away with that while I can protect her.”

“Hold still. He hit you pretty hard didn’t he?”

“That hurts, and he did,” there was a pause, “You know, Gaius, I thought about ending him, permanently. It would have been so easy for me to do it you know.”

“Killing the leader of another kingdom? You are smarter than that, Merlin and you aren’t a murderer.”

“Am I? Two sides of the same coin and I do have that black spot on my record you know.” 

“Don’t say that.”

“All I could do was think of his victims. Aithusa and Morgana and all the other ones that I do not know the names of and I thought I could do it for them. They deserve a bit of peace and a cure for the nightmares.”

“But not from you. You can’t give in to your darker impulses or you will lose yourself in vengeance and evil. That is not your path. You aren’t destined to be like someone else we both know.” 

Morgana was bewildered by the conversation she was hearing. They were speaking so strangely and she felt as if she were coming in on the end of a long conversation. But there was this feeling in her chest. A sort of lightness or perhaps one of flattery that he would think of her at all in any way that was positive. She lifted her hand again and rested it on the door. 

“She is only like that because if me. Maybe her being here again is destiny as well. A chance for us to get it right instead of so terribly wrong. All of us.” Morgana lifted her hand and knocked on the door and the voices went quiet. She needed to get back to Ellie and Gwen, not eavesdrop on Gaius and Merlin. 

“Come in.” Gaius called out to the door.

Morgana pushed the door open and peeked through, “Gaius, Gwen wanted to know if you had anything for Ellie. She’s cutting teeth.” 

“Oh, yes of course, Morgana. Come in while I mix something up. I was just tending to Merlin. He got into a fight with a door and it outwitted him.” 

“With the way Merlin is I wouldn’t be surprised.” Merlin had his back to her and Gaius had gone to the side and was mixing a potion. “Are you alright?” She prodded gently.

“No worse for wear I suppose. How do you like being in your old room again?” 

“It’s odd, very odd, but nice. I found my old clothes. See?” When he turned to look at her she gasped at the dark purple bruise in a rather familiar shape under his eye. She walked quickly to him and knelt down. She spoke in a hushed tone, “He struck you didn’t he?” Merlin nodded and Morgana brought her fingers up to touch the bruise gently. “He knows where she is. You have to move her.”

“I thought I sensed you out there. Ow much did you hear? And it’s locked. No one but Arthur and I have the key.” He winced at her probing and she dropped her hands from his face. 

“If you won’t move her you need to stay with her. Less than I wanted but more than I should have.”

“Why?”

“Trust me. He will hurt her.”

“He can’t, Morgana.”

“Merlin, listen to me.” she hissed. 

Before Merlin could retort Gaius rejoined the two of them and held out a small potion for Morgana to take. It was dark amber in color and warm, “Give her a tiny sip and it should help with her pain and discomfort. It will make her fall asleep as well.” Morgana stood up and Gauis led her gently around Merlin and patted her back while giving her a gentle push to the door. Morgana took the hint and glided to the door before opening it. She looked back over her shoulder to Merlin, who was still staring at her. Morgana gave him a measured look before disappearing behind the door as it shut. She walked back down the hall and back to the nursery. She could hear the cries of an angry baby even down the hall and it only grew louder as she neared the door. Opening the door brought it all into sharp focus and Gwen looked up at her with relief and a tired grin.

Morgana crossed the room and lifted up the vial, “Gaius said it will make her sleepy.” 

“Good.” Gwen handed Eliana to Morgana and opened the bottle, “How much?”

“A tiny amount should do.” Morgana adjusted the crying baby in her arms and Gwen sniffed the liquid before tipping a little bit inside the corner of her daughter’s mouth. Ellie closed her mouth in surprise and swallowed the potion. “There now. It should be all better. Your aunt Morgana got you something to make you feel better. That’s it, little one. Just relax.” She crooned to the baby as she calmed down.  
“I need to go, Morgana, but you should be fine for a while. It’s still morning yet and there is a treaty to sign. Arthur wants me there to double check everything, but we shouldn’t be too long. The Sarrum is set to leave after it is signed. He hasn’t bothered you since the first night has he?”

“No, Gwen and thank you for my old room back.” 

“You catch more butterflies with honey then vinegar.”

“I think you forget sometimes that I’m not docile. I would still be your enemy if I didn’t have this collar on.”

“Before we captured you, I would agree. Right now I wouldn’t be so sure, Morgana.” Gwen pushed open the door and disappeared behind it leaving Morgana to her thoughts. The sorceress looked down at the sleeping child in her arms and wondered if she was getting weak and docile. A few weeks in this place was making her lose sight of what she had been fighting for, wasn’t it? What if she never got this collar off? What if she was forced to stay like this forever, like a pet? Morgana began to pace and adjusted Ellie in her arms. Would Arthur do that to her? Maybe she would try to leave here soon, very soon. Even if she loved the little one in her arms it wasn’t enough to sit on the sidelines and watch others live their own lives while she was trapped in a life she didn’t want cut off from the one thing which connected her to her lost sister. The one thing that made her happy.

####

Gwen arrived in the hall and sat next to Arthur who was discussing the last of the treaty with the Sarrum. They both looked up at her arrival, Arthur with a smile and the Sarrum with his stone face, then back down. She sat down next to Arthur and beside Leon, who gave her a quick smile, “Are the terms agreeable to the Sarrum and Amata?”

“I believe so, King Arthur. Let us sign and be done. Amata will offer aid if Camelot goes to war against the Saxons, as will Camelot come to the aid of Amata if the same happens.”

“My Queen. If you will come and read this as well. We need a witness from both sides.”

Gwen stood and leaned across the space in front of her husband who stayed protectively over her. She read and re-read all the terms to spot any deception within the contract, finding none she gave a nod. The Queen grasped a quill and lifted it from the inkpot to place her signature on the line. After it was done, Sarrum’s advisor came and read the contract in quick order before signing as well. “To Peace between our kingdoms.”

“To peace.” The Sarrum placed his signature on his line and Arthur. They clasped each other’s forearms as was customary and Arthur turned toward Gwen and quickly assessed her. The shadows beneath her eyes and exhausted visage told him much, “Ellie being difficult again? I promise I will spend more time with her soon. It’s been exhausting these past few days.”

“She’s cutting teeth at the moment, Arthur. And before you ask, I feel fine.” Arthur had been obsessively preoccupied with her health and the health of their unborn child. Gwen had not had any more pain or discomfort since her miscarriage scare and for that both of them had been grateful. Gwen looked over at the Sarrum who was deep in conversation with two of his men. “I still don’t trust him.”

“I know.” He whispered back to her, “And now with the treaty signed I will leave you to your preparations. I hope this alliance to be a fruitful one.” The Sarrum nodded and left with his men. “Now, let’s go take a nap. I’m exhausted.” Gwen laughed but didn’t argue with him as they headed for the doors, “Leon, make sure our guest gets underway with the least amount of difficulty possibly would you?”

“Gladly, Sire.” He bowed to the royal couple and walked out the door ahead of them. Arthur took his wife’s hand and led her down the halls with laughing eyes and smile made her heart soar.

### (some time later)

Merlin finished polishing the last of Arthur’s armor until it reflected his face in the metal. He put it back on the stand then sat back down on the bench. Morgana’s words preoccupied his thoughts and paranoia was not long to follow. The gate was locked, but he hadn’t thought of reinforcing it with magic. Would Sarrum be that stupid as to try anything with the dragon? A voice at the back of his mind said yes. He raised his hand to his eye and prodded it gently then winced. His head was throbbing since being backhanded this morning. He should have taken something for the pain earlier but didn’t think that it would have bothered him quite as much as it was. He was still quite angry about the whole situation and it simmered beneath the surface much like warm coals that could be ignited into a blaze with provocation. He lifted his head up as the horn that signaled Sarrum’s departure sounded. Merlin got up from his seat and decided that he had to go and see Aithusa and make sure she was still well. It took no time at all before he reached his destination to find that the metal door to the cavern was wide open. He broke into a run down the stairs and nearly broke his neck. He spied blood and smelled burnt human flesh before he saw her. Aithusa was sitting on the rock in the middle of the cavern trying to pull out an arrow imbedded in her shoulder with little success. Two others arrows were near the bottom of the rock with blood still on the arrowhead. At the sound of his footfalls she growled and got into a defensive position, but instantly relaxed at seeing Merlin. She didn’t look too injured, “Are you alright?”  
Aithusa nodded and got up to limp near the edge for him to examine her. Each mark on her hide made his panic and anger raise a notch. He clenched his fists and growled as his rage sparked to life in a blaze that would burn everyone he came across, “I’m sorry, Aithusa.” 

She stared into his eyes and nodded while showing him the three men that came to torment her. She burned two of them and threatened them until they ran back to their master. He raised his head and took a deep breath before calling out in the dragon language to Kilgarrah. His yell shook the cavern around him, “Dragon! Heed my call! Find the one called the Sarrum and we will take our revenge on him.” 

He felt Kilgarrah rise to answer his call as he melded his mind to the Great Dragons’. He saw Aithusa pull out the last arrow and blow a healing breath onto her skin. Watching her heal herself did nothing to cool his anger as he turned away from her and headed up the stairs to the old tunnel to get out of Camelot. Sarrum could not have gone far from the castle and it would take no time at all to catch up to him.

#####

Morgana was walking back to her room after a long day in the nursery when the castle began to shake. She leaned against a wall until the rumbling passed and headed down the corridor toward her room. Merlin passed through a corridor ahead of her at a near run. It was peculiar enough that at the junction she turned in the direction she saw him pass and found it empty. Her curiosity got the better of her and she followed down the same corridor that Merlin had jogged through and heard the barest of scraping noises as a statue resumed its place against the wall. She found the statue and felt around for a release. What could Merlin possibly have to do behind a statue in a secret corridor? Her finger sunk into the notch and the statue moved from the wall to reveal a small corridor. She looked around before ducking her head and entering the dark space. It was a slow process of her fingers on the walls and following them while listening for the sound of pursuit and of Merlin’s boots on the stone floor. Her chains moved very little while she followed the tunnel in the pitch blackness. This had to lead somewhere.

$$$

Merlin had used his magic to see through the penetrating darkness and the walk had not dampened his anger and only gave him time to think on the most logical way to end the bastard. He felt Kilgarah at the back of his mind, “They are in the forest, Merlin. Not far from where you are now. Just follow my presence and give me the command to attack.” He pushed open the gate and tore away some of the foliage that had grown there and then shut the gate. He had a feeling that he was being followed but merely attributed that to his anxiety about this whole damned situation. He moved through the forest silently and quickly and he couldn’t help but think of what Arthur would say if he saw him now. Well, first he would try to kill him because at this moment he could feel his magic roiling through him in waves and his eyes reflected the state of it. He looked up at the sky, which had been for the most part clear and saw storm clouds beginning to roll in behind his steps like an army. Lightning began to flash and thunder sounded. It was not long before Merlin’s magically enhanced senses spotted the small guard and the Sarrum at its head.   
He smelled burned flesh and spotted two men who had bandages around their hands from Aithusa’s fire breath. He saw red and lightning struck the ground near them, sending the horses into a panic. He signaled Kilgarrah to begin. Lightning flashed and thunder rolled again to disguise the roar and descent of the dragon before it was too late to spot him. Fire rolled from his open mouth and surrounded the horses and men. The effect was predictable as most of the horses immediately bolted and unseated their riders. Several of the men died from the heat and Merlin watch it all impassively concealed in the brush while the dragon devastated Sarrum’s forces. He watched the leader of Amata rally his troops and try to fight off the dragon. Even as Kilgarrah picked up men off the ground and dropped them to their deaths. Merlin didn’t notice when rain started to fall and temper the flames that the dragon created. The Sarrum fired an arrow directly at Kilgarrah and Merlin stopped it with at thought in mid-air and sent it into the body of one of his men. He cast another bolt of lightning down near the men and sent them flying. He sent a command to Kilgarrah to leave the rest of the men to him and the dragon roared but flew out of the range of fire and back to wherever he stayed. Merlin stepped out of the brush to face the remainder of Sarrum’s men.

Unbeknownst to Merlin, Morgana had been watching from another vantage point as a dragon spat fire on the Sarrum’s men. She was astounded at the beasts size and power and thought proudly of Aithusa who would be just like that when she was older. The rain had come out of nowhere as had the lightning and overcast of clouds. Morgana had begun to look around for Merlin, as she was positive that he had come this way. Where else would he have gone? Another flash of lightning lit up the forest and she saw the dragon depart and before she had time to wonder why Merlin stepped out of the foliage and faced the remaining soldiers. His face was a mask of indifference and she felt power seethe around him. The lightning cast sinister shadows across his features and she caught a flash of gold in his eyes. But…he couldn’t…there was no way. She shivered and watched the scene in front of her unfold. He was going to get himself killed.

“Look. It’s that servant. Let’s gut him.” Several of the men that were left unsheathed their swords and charged at him. Merlin lifted his hand and sent them flying out in all directions as they crashed into tree trunks and each other. One landed unmoving near Morgana. Morgana was frozen and kept staring at Merlin. Her eyes were wide and she shivered in her wet clothes but couldn’t feel the cold, only shock. 

“So Arthur’s most trusted servant is a sorcerer? How unexpected, but your magic won’t save you from persecution. Don’t just stand there, men. Kill him.”

“You have committed crimes against me and my kind, Sarrum of Amata. And that cannot stand. I told you to stay away from Aithusa. And you ignored me.”

“And what are you going to do, boy? An arrow will kill you just as a blade will. Charge.”

The men that were still able to stand charged as a unit and were blasted back again with lightning that came from his hands. In the last charge The Sarrum had vanished into the shadows. Morgana finally snapped out of her trance and looked down at the motionless man in front of her. It was no trouble for her to lean over to grab his sword and slide it to her underneath the brush. She began to make her way toward Merlin while skirting the edge of the burnt out parts of the forest. Thoughts churning now as she began to react to the sudden revelation that had been presented before her. 

“Sarrum! Come out and face me, coward!” Merlin raised his hands to the sky and sent out several balls of light to illuminate the clearing. “Brave enough to hurt those who cannot defend themselves, but not when you have someone who can kill you.” Too late Merlin turned around and the Sarrum came out from the shadows behind him to hit the back of his head with the pommel of his sword. Merlin pitched forward and hit the ground on his hands and knees.

The Sarrum kicked Merlin in the ribs and rolled him over to step on his chest. Merlin’s vision swam and he tried to throw the man back but couldn’t focus long enough to target him. “No boy, but you should be smarter than that. And now, for your insolence and your witchcraft I will be more than happy to exact punishment. Say goodbye, Merlin.” Merlin tried to throw him off again as the Sarrum raised his sword for the killing blow when a sound behind him caught his attention. “What?”

Morgana thrust her sword through plates in the armor at The Sarrum’s back with a quick and practiced ease. He looked down stupidly at tip of the blade that rested in the center of his chest. She leaned in to press her chest against his back to drive the sword even deeper, “Struggle. Please struggle. It makes it better for me.” Merlin watched the emotions play across the Sarrum’s face, from surprise to anger to the realization that he was going to die. “I do hope you enjoy this. For days, weeks, months I had to listen to her in pain. I had to experience agony and madness and darkness. I had your filthy hands on my body and I want you to know in your last moments that it was me who killed you. Morgana Pendragon, bastard sorceress daughter of Uther Pendragon.” She twisted the blade inside of his chest and savored the sound that it made as it shredded his heart and lungs. Merlin watched him gasp for air, “This is for Aithusa.” She pulled the sword out and Merlin scrambled out of the way as the dead King fell forward onto the ground. Merlin was speechless as he stared up at Morgana. There was a triumph and madness to her gaze as he looked at the blade soaked with bright red blood. Her eyes were wide with wonder as she brought it up and placed a finger in the red serum and traced patterns in the gore before looking back down at the Sarrum, “He’s dead. I killed him.” The maddened look in her eyes and the grin that she had on her face made Merlin back pedal and stand up. Morgana’s gaze snapped up to take him in and he saw fury spark to life in her bright green eyes. 

“What are you doing here?” Merlin accused and forced his feet to stay where they were despite every instinct telling him to run.

“I could ask you the same question, Merlin.” She tapped the blade, “Why would the king’s servant be out here in the rain and wind away from the castle on a mission to kill his newest ally?”

“I can explain.”

“I’m sure you can. I’m sure that you would feed me lies right to my face about how you were out here for herbs for Gaius and just happened to stumble upon the carnage. I’m sure that my idiot brother would believe you.” Fury, was it fury that made her tone so cold? The blood on the blade still glistened wetly on metal as she brought it up to place the tip mere handsbreath from Merlin’s heart.

“Morgana.”

“Shut. Up.” He went rigid as the blade shook in her hand. “So how long have you had magic? And don’t try to deny it. I saw the whole thing.” She walked around the Sarrum’s dead body and kicked him with the sword still pointed at him, “How long, Merlin?”

“Morgana.” 

“How long?” She screamed and kicked the body over and over again while rain pelted her body.

“My whole life!” Merlin shouted back at her. Ashen. It was the only way to describe the color that Morgana’s face took on at his confession, “I’ve always had it.” He whispered.

“Always?” It was a hollow answer as she stared past him, then looked back down at the body. A mask of rage enveloped her features and she brought the sword up from where it had fallen slightly. Her entire body shook and she swayed on her feet before stepping toward him with that sword still pointed to his heart. 

Merlin backed up until his back hit a large tree trunk and he felt the blade press uncomfortably into his breastbone. It hadn’t broken through his clothes but the threat was enough. “Always.” She mumbled again and looked up at him with wide eyes and in a voice that broke his heart, “You _lied_ to me. You could have helped me…” Merlin tried to get closer to her but the blade prevented it and she showed no signs of letting it drop, “You could have helped me. Instead you shoved a bottle of poison down my throat. Don’t even think of trying to touch me.” 

“Morgana, please, just let me explain.”

“No. Stay away from me.” 

“You need to come back to Camelot.” He reached for her again and she pressed the blade into his clothing. Cool sharp metal met flesh and he stilled again. Would she kill him now? Or try?

“Don’t tell me what I need to do. Does Gaius know?” A quiet question despite the situation.

“Please.”

“Does. Gaius. Know?” She pressed through gritted teeth. The rain had stopped now and the clouds were beginning to dissipate as quickly as they came.

“Yes.”

Morgana shrieked and drew the sword back from him then swung it in a wide arc. The metal sunk into the bark next to his head with the force of her strike and stayed there. “I was so alone, Merlin. So alone. And you never said a single word to me. Not one. You saw how I struggled. When the witch finder came, when my nightmares…when everyone fell asleep in Camelot and you did nothing. Nothing, Merlin.” Each word was halted, grinding and from shaking lips.

“I wanted to. Please believe me. I did. Morgana…”

“ **Shut up!** I don’t want to hear any more of your lies.” Merlin closed his eyes with regret as she backed up from him. She was going to try to run and he couldn’t have that.

“I’m sorry, Morgana, but you can’t leave. Slǣpan.” Morgana’s eyes rolled into the back of her head and Merlin caught her as she collapsed, “I’m so sorry, Morgana, for everything.” He laid her down onto the ground and caught the rest of the bodies on fire along with some of the forest. It would burn out before it did too much damage, but the deaths would hopefully be blamed on the fire or maybe even bandits. Merlin picked Morgana back up and headed back for the castle. He felt as if the weight of the world had just been rested on his shoulders. All of their progress was for nothing now. She would hate him and now had a weapon of knowledge to use against him. Why does nothing ever go to plan?

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. No update next week. I'm working on my book as a professional editor will be having a look at it soon and I want to try to do some more work to it before she does. There will be an update 4/9/18 though so keep an eye out. I'm bad at multitasking with written works. I'm already doing two of them simultaneously and my plot bunnies really want me to do a Deckerstar fluffy one shot. Darn Muse.


	20. Chapter 19

XxOxX  
Merlin awoke to the sound of Gaius knocking on his door, “Get up, Merlin. You are going to be late.”

“Fine. Coming.” He groaned out and sat up while swinging his legs over the side of his bed. He reached over to his bedside table and wet the cloth he found there with water to wash his face.

####

It had been two weeks today since he had brought Morgana back from the forest. The castle had been in an uproar with the fire on the horizon and the storm that had come from nowhere with Morgana nowhere to be found. He had distracted the guard at her door long enough to open it and set her down in the bed. Her hair and clothes were still damp, but it would have to do for now. After covering her up he had to dart out and relock the door. By that time the castle alarm bells started to sound, signaling the escape of a prisoner. So Merlin had to set about finding Arthur and Gwen to tell them that she had not escaped. It took some convincing to the both of them that she had been in her room. To lie to them about what had really happened. One day he wouldn’t be able to keep up with all the untruths he had told to his closest friends. It would come back to bite him much like it did with Morgana. 

During that night he had resolved to see her early in the morning to try to explain to her why he hid his secret from her. He would tell her everything. And with that notion in mind he fell into a restless sleep. Morgana awoke the next morning, but instead of things going to plan, which they never did anyway, Morgana utterly and completely ignored him. She looked right through Merlin and acted as if she didn’t hear him while he spoke. Naturally this irritated him because he was trying to repair the damage he had wrought with her from last night and years ago with a skin of water. He would have preferred her rage to this cold indifference. He wanted her to scream and rail at him and want to hurt him because it would have been better than for him not to exist in her eyes.

As for the Sarrum, his body had been found a couple of days after his death by at patrol. It was deemed a brigand raid and the bodies had been burned and rained upon. The body was returned to Amata and as of yet no consequences to his actions had befallen them.

It wasn’t long before Gwen and Arthur noticed Morgana giving Merlin a cold shoulder and even asked him as to why when they had been at least getting along fairly well before. Merlin merely shrugged and said something noncommittal to them both. She would have to speak to him eventually. She couldn’t keep him out forever. He had even told Gwen that she should go and see Aithusa, but Morgana refused to be around him so in the end she had gone downstairs and visited her dragon under the direct supervision of a guard.

###

Merlin got up and dressed, ate and was at the door to the royal chambers in less than 30 minutes. It would be another awkward silent day between the two of them. The chamber would be filled with the chatter of Morgana and Gwen with one another and Arthur even if he decided to join in, but the moment that Merlin spoke to her, she glared and clammed up and would not speak for a while after. He had learned not to talk to her or around her. 

Merlin knocked on the door three times then opened it to find the two women at Gwens’ vanity chatting away, Eliana still sleeping in her crib, and Arthur up early at his desk with his hair and clothes still mussed from sleep. A plate of food sat on the desk, half eaten while Arthur looked at several papers. 

“Arthur. Finish your breakfast, Merlin’s here.” Gwen chided Arthur as he looked up from his work to nod at his servant.

“Oh! Hello, Merlin.” Arthur picked up his plate and took a few more bites out of it before setting it down. “I want the green shirt today. I was thinking of going hunting to relax a bit. What do you think about that?”

“As long as we don’t kill any more unicorns I think hunting would be a good exercise.”

“You can be sure I will never to that again. That was mess. I was thinking deer, or maybe boar.”

“Yes, because slaughtering innocent animals is great stress relief.” Gwen told them sarcastically and out of the corner of his eye Merlin saw Morgana smile.

“Definitely. Glad you agree. You should try it sometime.”

“I don’t think so. Too many memories.” 

“Why is Ellie still asleep?” Merlin looked over at the little one who was normally the first one up out of the three of the royals.

“She had a big day yesterday. She did something quite exciting for a little princess.” Gwen turned to smile up at Morgana, who smiled back. Merlin wondered an infant could do that was exciting.

Merlin pulled out the green shirt and jerkin as well as some leather hunting pants from Arthur’s wardrobe. He saw Morgana begin to lace Gwen’s dress up. “That dress new?”

Gwen looked down at her dress, “No. I wore it when I was pregnant with Ellie. My other dresses are starting not to fit me anymore.” Gwen rested a hand on her slightly protruding lower belly. The dress was cut like her others but with more give at the waist for a growing child.

“It suits you.” 

Gwen smiled at him, “Thank you, Merlin. Oh, look, the little princess is waking up.” Merlin turned back to see Ellie starting to move around in her crib.

“I’ve got her.” Arthur said as he finished his plate and got up from his desk. He walked over to the crib and bent down, “Come here sleepy angel.”

“Dada.” Came the garbled and sleepy reply as she was lifted from her crib and nestled herself into Arthur’s embrace. He cuddled her and kissed her head before walking over and laying her down on his desk. 

“Merlin, grab me a nappy for her.” Arthur pulled off her old diaper and put it in its basket to be washed. Merlin opened Ellie’s cabinet and pulled out a fresh cloth diaper and tossed it to Arthur along with a wet washcloth. Arthur cleaned up Ellie who had begun looking around the room with her bright blue eyes. When she was all clean Arthur rearranged her bedclothes and stood her up on the table. Ellie’s knees bent and straightened in a bouncing motion as Arthur held her up with a smile, “I bet she’s going to walk for me too. Isn’t that right, Ellie?”

“Dada.” She nodded and squealed as he set her back down on the floor. “Will Belinda be here to pick her up to wash and dress her?” he directed at Gwen.

“No. She quit.”

“Quit? I thought she loved this job.”

“Her father is ill in another village. She went to tend to him. Morgana is her nanny now.”

“Morgana?!”

“Worried I will turn her against you?” Morgana replied wryly, “Come on, Arthur. She absolutely loves her aunt Morgana. Don’t you sweet one?”

Eliana looked up and she moved her lips silently before saying, “Gana.” 

“What!” Gwen said exasperatedly. “First you and now Morgana. She better say mine name soon.” 

Morgana on the other hand had the biggest smile on her face and a look of triumph on her face as she stared at her dumbstruck brother, “Oh, yes, your Aunt ‘Gana loves you much more than your dada.”

Arthur glared at Morgana and picked up his clothes. Merlin followed him behind the screen to help him get dressed as the two women laughed.

###  
A few hours later Merlin and Arthur were out in the forest. Merlin had gotten much better over the years at keeping silent while his best friend hunted. He had learned to read Arthur’s body language to tell him where to go and what to do. It was a ritual and although Merlin did not particularly like hunting it was one thing that Arthur and he did together most of the time. Arthur took a right and notched an arrow in his bow. Merlin sighted a deer not far from where they now stood. He stood up slowly and pulled the arrow back as he assumed his archery stance and kept the arrow just under his eye. Arthur took a deep breath in then out and released the arrow. The bowstring made a small twang as it snapped back into place and both of them heard the thud as it hit the deer along with a dying bleat. Arthur usually always made quick and clean kills. “Ha!” he proclaimed as he started for the deer while Merlin followed with supplies to dress and clean the deer before he carried it back. Arthur knelt down next to the deer and Merlin wasn’t far behind when he pulled out the leather-bound cleaning kit and unfolded it to set it next to Arthur. They set about cutting the deer open and beginning the process of dressing it.  
“I can’t believe Morgana stole my daughter.” He grumbled quietly.

“She didn’t steal her, Arthur.”

“She said Gana. Morgana has a nickname! How is that possible? She’s been here for what, a month? Guinevere and I have been around her forever and so have you for that matter. Morgana just waltzes in there while being a prisoner and Ellie instantly loves her. She’s evil!”

“Six weeks. Morgana has been here for six weeks, not four. Ellie wouldn’t have attached herself to Morgana if she was evil. Or at least not totally evil.” 

“That’s another reason why I don’t want her around my daughter. I keep trying to tell Gwen that but she’s like all women. She doesn’t listen to me when I know I’m right.” 

“Are you jealous?”

“Jealous? Of Morgana? No. Not even.” 

“You are. You’re jealous. How can you be jealous?”

“Hey Merlin.” Arthur eyed him dangerously.

“What?”

“Shut up.” Arthur sank his gloved hands into the deer underbelly and began to pull out its innards. Merlin always hated this part. “Actually Merlin now that you’ve brought it up let’s talk about Morgana, shall we?”

“I don’t think we should.” He handed the smaller knife to Arthur.

“Oh but I think we do, Merlin. Let’s talk about what you did to piss her off. Because she’s absolutely furious with you. You should see the way she stares at you when your back is turned. I know what that’s like. She’s done it to me a few times.” 

“How does she stare at me?”

“I thought you didn’t want to talk about Morgana.”

“Just tell me.”

“Fine. Fine. There is one thing I know about Morgana and that is that no matter what she always speaks her mind even when it got her in trouble with our father. Especially when it got her in trouble with father. The fact that she is not speaking to you says volumes about how angry she is with you. Now the real question is: What in the world did you do to make her so angry? It must have been something big.”

“I don’t know.”

“You have to have done something.”

“I may have lied to her.” He confessed slowly.

“About what? I know Morgana is sometimes prone to overreacting, but a simple lie wouldn’t make her so angry.”

“It’s not important. She will get over it.”

Arthur laughed, “You don’t know my sister very well, do you?”

####

Morgana was sitting on the floor holding the tiny hands of her niece as she stood up on her two little feet with her back to Morgana while facing her mother a couple paces away. She looked around Ellie to Gwen who nodded, “Come on Ellie come over to Mama. If your papa wants to make this a competition we can make it a competition.” Ellie bounced on chubby legs and squealed while leaning forward and taking a step. Morgana smiled at her niece. Over the past two weeks her mind had been filled with questions and her heart had been heavy with confusion and underneath it all a seething anger that was filling her up day by day. The only relief was when she was with Gwen and Ellie just like old days. Seeing Merlin only stoked the fire and made her want to scream at him, but Morgana had only grown more cunning and patient with time despite her less than ideal experiences. Her silence made him feel worse than her rage she knew. But she also wanted answers to her questions. She wanted to know why he hid it from her when he could have been helping her. All of those terrible things that had happened to her never would have happened if he had been to her what she wanted…what she needed.

Morgana started to lean forward with Ellie as she started to take a couple of steps forward while keeping some of her weight on Morgana’s hands. Gwen leaned forward and held out her hands. Morgana pulled her fingers gently from Ellie’s grasp and she took two independent steps before falling forward into her mother’s arms. “Good job! That was such a good job, Ellie! We’ll show your daddy won’t we?” Gwen set her daughter back down onto to floor facing Morgana and she stared to walk towards her aunt with a smile and again took two steps before falling into Morgana’s arms this time. 

“We don’t want to make her too tired do we?” Morgana set Ellie in her lap who immediately set out to get back onto the floor. Morgana let her go and watched her crawl away to her toys. Morgana stood up from the stone floor and walked over to help Gwen back up. 

“I won’t be able to get up off the floor in a few months.” She sighed and put her hand against her lower back. 

“What’s it like?”

“What’s what like?”

“Being with child.”

“Oh. Well I’ve been told each time is different. I was only sick with Ellie for about a month. I had a backache from about my fourth month until I delivered her. Gaius told me it was because of the way she had set herself. As for the actual having a little person inside of you it feels odd. When they first move it feels like butterflies in your belly until the baby gets bigger then you can feel them kick or feel different body parts pressing on different places. You have to go to the chamber pot all the time when you get closer to the birth. With Arthur he was always obsessed with where she was and which direction she was facing. But to get to the real point it’s the most wonderful thing in the world.” Gwen paused and gave a little knowing smile. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason. I was just curious.” Gwen sat down in the rocker and Morgana took up her place on the windowsill. 

“Morgana…were you?”

Morgana’s eyes went wide and she shook her head furiously, “Me? No. Not me. 

“Who?”

“It’s not important.”

Although Gwen was curious she let that subject drop in favor of a new and much more interesting one, “What did you two have a row about?”

“Who?”

“You and Merlin.” Gwen paused and looked triumphant, “Before you try to deny it I can tell he did something because of the look in your eyes when I said his name. So out with it. It’s been two weeks at least since you stopped talking to one another. Talking about it with a friend might help you. At least I would like to hope that you can count me as a friend again.”

“I would too. But I don’t want to talk about him.”

“You can’t ignore him forever.”

“Oh yeah? You just watch me.”

“He cares about you.”

“Don’t give me that, Gwen. If he cared about me he wouldn’t have lied to me.”

“So he lied to you?”

Morgana clenched her teeth together and let out a deep breath. “Yes, but it’s not important.”

From across the room they heard, “RAWR! Dada! as she smashed her toy sword against the blocks that scattered across the floor. 

Both women shared a laugh and Gwen turned back to her, “If it’s not important then why is it bothering you so much. You aren’t even speaking to him. Even when you were angry at Uther you always yelled at him. You never kept your anger to yourself and now you are angry at Merlin and not speaking to him. He didn’t lie about something unspeakable did he?”

“Nothing quite so terrible as you might think but it mattered to me.” 

“If it mattered to you then it might be as terrible as I think.” 

“If only.”

“Well I hope whatever it is can be fixed. Things aren’t always as bad as they appear to be. Especially little baby dragons that are not at all like the stories say they are.” Gwen had changed the subject almost flawlessly and Morgana was inclined to let her.

“You liked that did you? Aithusa loved Ellie. I think everyone loves her. They were both fascinated with each other.” It had taken quite some convincing to have Gwen go down there in the first place and even more to have her bring Ellie.

“So what did he do? You have to talk to him eventually.” And back again to the subject at hand. Morgana knew it wouldn’t last long. 

“No I don’t.” she crossed her arms over her chest.

“Morgana.” She chided before continuing, “I bet he feels bad about it too.”

“Alright, Gwen, have you ever had anyone lie to you and I don’t mean some sort of tiny lie, like they ate the last sweet roll or something. I mean something that if you had known could have changed your life forever but didn’t tell you about it and lied constantly. How would you feel?”

“Hurt, betrayed, confused. What could have been so important?”

Now Morgana was in a position of power. She could tell Gwen that Merlin had magic. She could out him to his friends and watch the chaos unfold, but she decided against it because she wanted her answers first and she would never get them if he was imprisoned or dead or the like. “I can’t tell you.”

“Keep your secrets then, but you should talk to him. It might surprise you.”

Morgana turned to stare out the window and her eyes landed on Merlin and Arthur who had just returned from the hunt with a good sized deer. “Speaking of him…”

###

Merlin separated from Arthur at the castle gate with the deer draped across his shoulders wrapped in cloth. He headed down for the kitchens and waved at the butcher who gestured for him to lay the deer across the cutting table. “I suppose you will be wanting to take a leg to the beast?”

“I would be wanting.”

“Fine. Eats well, that beast.”

“She does.” The Butcher cleaved through the meat of the hindquarter to sever the leg for Merlin to pick up. “Thanks.” He grabbed the bloody leg and darted from the kitchen to where Aithusa was kept. When he got down the cavern he heard the rattle of chains and as he walked into the light he saw Aithusa start to come down the rock then come to a halt when she saw Merlin, an almost disappointed look on her face.

Merlin stopped at the edge, “What’s this then? I bring you a present and you look like that.”Aithusa looked at him bashfully and he tossed the leg to her, “It’s fresh, all bloody, just how you like it. Now what was that look for?”

Aithusa shifted her mind to Merlin’s and showed him a scene from the day before. The first thing he saw was Morgana and the accompanying joy that came with the little dragon seeing her. She sensed others behind Morgana and peeked around. Her senses and nose told her that they weren’t a threat. Morgana would never bring her anyone who would hurt her. “Come on Gwen. She won’t hurt you.” Out of the shadows he saw the Queen’s face and in her arms the tiny bundle that was Eliana. Both mother and daughter had wide eyes as they slowly approached the dragon, who extended her neck and pulled her chain taut while sniffing her newcomers. 

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. You don’t bite, do you? Well, you don’t bite those who are nice.” Aithusa nodded and kept watching them.

“How do I greet her? Like a dog or horse or something.”

“Of course not! She’s a dragon, not a house pet.” 

“Sorry. I don’t have much experience with this.”

“Just come up to her, extend her hand to let you sniff her and tell her your name and who you are.”

“She understands us?”

“Quite well actually. She can’t talk though. I think that she should be able to, but she doesn’t now. But she makes noises and the like to tell you what she wants.” Another nod from Aithusa.

Gwen got in sniffing range and extended her hand slowly. She smelled of fear, a lot of fear, but also curiosity and a kind heart. “Hello, Aithusa. I’m Guinevere, Gwen, how are you today? This feels silly.”

Aithusa snorted and rolled her eyes but bowed to her then her eyes fastened onto the other thing in her arms. Ellie was reaching for the dragon with wide eyes and a smile of wonder. Gwen got closer and allowed the dragon to sniff Ellie, who reached down and petted her snout.

“That’s Eliana. She’s Gwen’s offspring. Baby.” Morgana told the dragon who turned to look at her in confusion before sniffing the tiny human again. The confusion and curiosity made Merlin laugh. The dragon seemed incredulous as she looked between Gwen and Ellie as if confused that humans could really be so tiny. “Don’t look like that. She’s little, like you were when you hatched.” 

“She really understands.”

“Yes. And she is quite gentle. Here.” Morgana plucked Ellie from Gwen’s grasp and put her down next to the dragon on the cave floor. 

Ellie looked confused before putting her hands on Aithusa’s hide and hitting it softly with her fists. 

Aithusa had brought her snout back down to sniff Ellie again and the soft breaths from her nostrils tickled the back of Ellie’s neck. The shrill giggle that erupted made Aithusa jump and then sniffle again. Morgana and Gwen started to laugh with the little girl.

“I see now. Morgana brought you a little snack.” Aithusa’s eyes went wide and her outraged emotions made Merlin chuckled. “I only meant it as a joke you know. Did you have fun with her then?”

Aithusa nodded.

“Well I’m sure that Morgana will bring her down for you again.”

Aithusa posed him a question after giving him an image of Morgana then himself then putting them apart when before they had seen her together. 

“Oh. Well she’s angry with me.”

Why?

“Well she didn’t know I had magic. I kind of lied to her.”

Confusion at the word Lie came from Aithusa.

“Like if I told you that I had another snack for you and I really didn’t. Something like that.”

Merlin got a grumpy reply from Aithusa as if that would be very mean for him to do.

“It’s not a very nice thing that is for sure. I just don’t know how to make her forgive me.”

The image of Aithusa with her deer leg.

“A present? Not likely. I already gave her one when I let her see you more often. She doesn’t even want to talk to me. What else do you think I should do?”

Aithusa shrugged and went back to eating her meal. 

“You aren’t a lot of help.”

A snort.

“Well you know her better than I do it seems.”

Another snort.

“You really aren’t being helpful.”

She huffed and her shoulders moved up and down like she was laughing at him.

“That’s mean you know and you are really a cheeky thing aren’t you?”

She gave an affirmative trill before getting up and climbing back up to the top of her rock. His smile faded as he stared at her twisted and gnarled back legs. 

“Why haven’t you even tried to heal your legs?” the question came unbidden before Merlin could stop himself.

Aithusa looked back at him then down at her legs and concentrated.

“You could heal yourself before and you healed me and Morgana, why haven’t you tried to heal yourself?”

A sudden and sharp pain stabbed into his temple. Merlin cried out and put a palm to his head.  
“It hurts you? How can that be?” Merlin gave a moment to think about it. “If they have grown like that would you know how to set them back properly? It would be a bit like rebreaking them if you were wrong.” 

A nod came from the dragon then an image of Kilgarrah then of herself.

Merlin was confused. “What?” 

She tried again. ‘Not same.’

“How did you speak like that?” 

Aithusa shrugged but seemed excited by this new development.

“Not the same? Do you mean that you don’t know how they look? Or how they are supposed to look.”  
She nodded.

“Then why hasn’t Morgana…oh right…she wouldn’t know much about it either would she?” 

Suddenly an image of Morgana and Merlin came into his head, the one of them kissing, then a question.

“Why don’t I kiss her? Are you trying to get me killed?”

‘No.’ 

“You talked again. Real words in my mind instead of images.”

Aithusa nodded in triumph and then showed him the image again, as if she was urging him to go and do that. 

“So your plan is for me to kiss her, then what?”

Happy feelings flooded his brain. 

“So you think me kissing her will make me forgive her?”

‘Yes.’

Merlin smiled at her, “And what happens if she get even madder?” 

Aithusa snorted. ‘No’

“You are a mad little dragon. You know that?”

#####

Morgana rubbed her eyes and headed for her room with her bodyguard trailing behind her. Arthur never let her out of his sights now it seemed. She was always being followed everywhere she went since killing the Sarrum but he had no idea it was her that had done so. Her lips curled up at the memory and her heart beat faster as she thought of her hands around the hilt of the sword as it plunged into his chest. She rubbed her wrists, which had been free of her manacles for about a week after telling Gwen how difficult it was to sleep in them. As her room came into view the guard beside it opened the door and she walked into her old room. The door shut and she heard the click of the lock behind her. The window was locked too and there was a guard right beneath her window. She didn’t have anything sharp in her room to be used as a weapon and they provided her with two sheets. It was and wasn’t the same as her old room, but it was much better than her small prison cell despite the accompanying memories. Morgana crossed the room to sit at her vanity and let her hair down from where she had pinned it. 

“Morgana.” A voice came from near the window and a shape detached itself from the darkness near her curtains.

Morgana covered her mouth to muffle her startled cry and she jerked up from her seat. The stool tumbled over on its side and made a loud noise on the stone floor. She looked to the door and expected the guard to come bursting in at the noise. When no guards came she looked back at the shape and quite quickly realized who it was. “What the hell are you doing here in my room?! Get out!”

Merlin came into the light and crossed his arms over his chest, “You are finally talking to me?”

“Get out.” She growled, “Guards!” when no answer came she called louder, “Guards!”

“I made it so that no one can hear us in here, mostly because I think it may get loud.”

“What are you intending?”

“For us to talk. You keep avoiding me. I have things to explain to you.”

“I don’t want to hear your excuses. I don’t care.”

“Oh but I think you do, Morgana. I think you care very much about my answers.”

“You want to talk? Let’s start with this.” Morgana closed the few paces between them in a few quick steps and slapped Merlin across the face hard enough to make her hand immediately sting and start to throb but she ignored the pain and glared up at the man in front of her.

Merlin reeled back and the surprised look on his face nearly made her laugh. He placed his palm on the side of his face where she had struck him and rubbed, “That make you feel better?”

His tone made her want to hit his other cheek as well. How dare he come in here and want to speak to her. Hiding in here like some sort of criminal or stalker, either put her on edge. “Oh yes, but maybe I should try it again just be sure.” She leaned forward and he brought his hands up in a placating gesture. 

“This isn’t how I imagined this going.” He muttered.

“No? Then what exactly did you expect? That I would welcome you in my bedchamber at nightfall with open arms?” She snapped and crossed her arms over her chest.

Merlin’s cheek had just begun to throb in time with his heart after, of course, the initial explosion of pain. Merlin mirrored Morgana and crossed his arms over his chest as well. No need to appear weak to her. “I didn’t expect to be attacked. I only want to talk. You haven’t even let me explain.”

“Explain? Well then, start explaining. Start with how long you knew about my magic and let me think I was crazy, or how you poisoned me, or how you have been keeping it a secret from Arthur, or how you have betrayed your own kind. Go on. Start talking.” 

Maybe this wasn’t as good of an idea as he originally thought. “How about you ask me something. I will answer any question you like.”

“Maybe I don’t want to talk about it. Maybe I just want to slap you again.”

“Be reasonable.” 

Immediately after he uttered those words he regretted it because her back stiffened and the anger flickering in her eyes roared to life, “You did not just tell me to ‘be reasonable’ did you?”

“Sorry. Sorry. I’m an idiot. I know how you must be feeling.”

“And how is that?”

“Hurt, Betrayed, Confused, Angry. And you have a right to be. After all, you told me about your magic when you were scared of it and needed a confidant and I tried to be a good friend, Morgana, I did.”

“And we both know how that ended. All the things that happened to me easily could have happened to you and right now our roles could have been switched.

“I know that better than anyone, Morgana and I wanted to tell you about my magic, but Gaius told me not too and I was so young and so reliant on everyone else that I listened to them and I shouldn’t have.”

“So you had Gaius to help you understand your power and for a long time I had no one. And you didn’t think that it would come back to haunt you?”

“I sent you to the druids!”

“And we got them slaughtered! Why couldn’t you have just told me! I could have stayed here! I wouldn’t have made all the choices I had made if I had someone here to rely on! I had nightmarish visions every time I closed my eyes at night. I set fire to my room. And all the while you and Gaius acted as if I was completely mad. I was terrified that I was going to be put in chains and you and he watched me as I fell.”

“I never wanted to make you feel alone. I tried my best!”

“Your best wasn’t good enough. Not nearly good enough! And what would happen if I told Arthur your little secret? What do you think he would do to you? You’ve only got one of these.” She pointed to the collar, “So would he just put you to death?”

“I can’t let you tell him. He’s not ready for magic yet.”

“Yet? What do you mean, yet? It’s not like you have some grand plan that started with you becoming a servant.”

“Not exactly, but Morgana you can’t tell him.”

“And what would I get out of my silence?”

“Morgana.” He warned.

“No, Merlin. I’ve suffered terrible things. I had nightmares and dreams and felt alone and lost. You caused my sister’s death and in the end I’ve suffered unimaginable pain.”

“I’m sorry.”

“That’s all you have to say for yourself? Sorry? It’s a wonder why the hell you are even here if all you have to tell me is that you are sorry! There has to be another reason. There’s always another reason. What is it?” she stalked up to him. 

“I’m not trying to hurt you or deceive you.”

“Too late on both counts. Why does it matter to you if I won’t speak to you? You hate me as much as I hate you.”

“I never hated you, Morgana.”

“What?” 

“I never hated you. I feared you, desired you, respected you, protected you, healed you, and hated what you did, but not you.”

His answer caught her off guard and she hated that, “I hate you, no matter what you have done or will do.”

“You should. I’ve hurt you.” He kept sounding so reasonable and she just kept getting more irritated.

“You can’t just come in here after all of this and tell me that you care about me.” Morgana admitted to herself that she sounded whiny but it couldn’t be helped.

“That wasn’t my intention either. I’ve thought a lot about it and there were so many times where you could have killed me. It would have been only too easy to slip a blade between my ribs or harm me with your power but you kept on giving me chances to escape.”

“Stop. Stop right there. I left you in places where the odds would be impossible for any normal mortal to survive. I never intended for you to escape.” 

“So you must feel something other than a seething hatred towards me too.” Merlin reasoned.

“I loathe you.” She hissed.

“It’s different now because know my secret we are on even ground again.”

“Hardly on even ground.” He was getting closer to her. She could feel the heat from his body even at half a pace away. She gestured to her collar.

“Work with me and I will show you things that Morgause never could. You can’t just go head to head with Arthur and expect results. You always said that he was a better man than his father so let him prove it. There is always another way. We can bring magic back to the realm without violence and bloodshed.”

“I can’t trust you.” Her anger slowly began to turn to a new emotion.

“You don’t have to trust me. Just talk to me again.”

“What if I turn on you?”

“Then I was wrong about you.”

“Would you want to take that chance?”

“Yes.” He was closer now and her anger and irritation had taken a backseat to her curiosity. An alliance with Merlin would be beneficial to her now, especially if she could get him to help her get this collar off. 

“Good.” Morgana closed the distance between them and placed a gentle kiss on his lips in an attempt to throw him off balance. “Sealed with a kiss then?” 

Merlin pulled back and stared down at her. “I thought you hated me.” He tried mocking but it came out quite flat.

“Hate is such a strong word.” She bit down on her lower lip and smiled up at him with a mischievous look. “This is going to be rather interesting, don’t you think, Merlin?” New plan. Her feelings of anger and hate could be thrown to the wayside for now. After all revenge would age like a fine wine, would it not?

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm a day later. LIfe happens but I'm here now. I also forgot this chapter was one of my longer ones so it took a while to edit and change a bit. Anyway! I should have another chapter up as usual on Friday! See you then!


	21. Chapter 20

XxOxX

As Merlin made his way to Morgana’s chambers two things came to mind. One: that he was starting to seem like some sort of criminal hiding out in a woman’s room until she came back to it. Two: Morgana would not manipulate him this time like she did before. At the moment there were no guards at the chamber doors as they did not come on duty until Morgana had come back to the room for the night and said door was easily unlocked with a spell. Getting out of the room would be tricky, or at least it had been two days ago when he was last in this room. He entered her room and sat down onto the soft bed and found it criminal that his was so lumpy and he was by far better than Morgana.

Even though he had essentially broken the ice with Morgana last time he was here he had made virtually no progress in gaining her trust back. He had been lucky so far as Morgana had not told Gwen or Arthur about his secret but it was only a matter of time until she did or demanded his aid in getting her collar off. 

Merlin had been quite angry when he realized that even though he had gotten her to talk to him she had just fallen back on her old ways of dealing with people. Manipulation and seduction. He also knew that he had handled the situation badly and quite out of his normal character. Morgana always had a way of making him tap into his darker side and that was not what he wanted. Tonight would be different and it shouldn’t be long now until she got back to her room. He heard the sound of chainmail and the thud of the spears as her two guards took up residence in front of her door. 

###

Morgana could barely keep her eyes open as she made her way back to her room with yet another guard following her. Gwen had told her to get some rest and for her to take the day off tomorrow. Morgana knew that she wouldn’t because she had little else to do the entire day except stare at the four walls of her pretty prison cell. She dreamed of Sarrum and pit and of Merlin but those were the worst of all. She couldn’t wait to get to her room and sink down into her bed and try to get some sleep. As they neared her room the guard at the door brought out her key and unlocked the door. He passed the key to the guard who was flanking her for him to lock. Morgana had watched this ritual since she had been put back into her room. She opened her door and stiffened in surprise at seeing Merlin sitting calmly on her bed. Before the guards asked any questions she entered her room and shut the door before rounding on the man sitting on her bed. “Why are you here, Merlin?” She meant to sound angry and threatening, but to her own ears she sounded as tired as she felt.

Merlin was obviously taken off guard by her demeanor. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“I don’t want to talk, so leave.” There. That was better.

“I had this planned out perfectly, you know, what I was going to say to you.” He got up from the bed and moved to let her sit down.

“Then say it and go. I’m tired, Merlin.” Morgana moved to the bed and sat down at the edge.

“What’s wrong?”

“I said I was tired you idiot. Are you here to lecture me? Perhaps to hold it above my head about how high and mighty you are with your powers and just how powerless I am without mine? I would rather not hear it.” Still yet she did not yell or hiss at him like she maybe wanted but the words were no less kind.

Merlin had been expecting a fight and had prepared for one, but he had not prepared for a perfectly docile, if cranky Morgana. “No. I wasn’t. I thought you might have questions since we spoke last.”

“Spoke? Is that what you call it? And I don’t. Not one question. The answers you would give me would hardly be comforting now.”

“I was going to tell you everything.” He dangled the carrot before he brain caught up with his mouth.

“Starting when?” 

“You didn’t exactly make it easy for me to talk to you last time.”

“Forgive me, Merlin. Betrayal tends to make a person a bit cross.” Proper venom laced her words this time.

“We didn’t solve anything.”

“I wasn’t aware we were trying to solve anything last time.”

“You wouldn’t be, would you?” he paused then took a deep breath, “And now we are doing it again. I didn’t come here to argue.”

“I don’t feel like arguing. What were you going to tell me?” She pushed herself back into the bed until her back rested against her headboard. 

“Why are you so tired? You shouldn’t be having any visions.”

“Has it ever occurred to you that I can have nightmares too? I prefer the visions to the things that I dream about.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” This conversation is definitely something that Merlin did not prepare for but found himself asking nonetheless.

Morgana laughed, “Oh, Merlin.” 

“What?”

“Do you really want to talk to me about my bad dreams?”

“I could.” He shrugged.

“No. I’m not letting you inside my head. Tell me what you were going to tell me so I can go to sleep.”

He decided to start from the beginning. “You know that I was born in Ealdor. I never knew my father when I was growing up. I didn’t meet him until much later and that was really something I didn’t prepare for either. From a very young age I was doing magic. Small things like moving objects mostly. When I came to Camelot my mother told me not to reveal my magic, especially here. Uther would have me killed. In fact the in the first few minutes of my arrival he had that man burned at the stake.”

“I remember that day. I remember that even then I couldn’t watch it happen. Then that man’s mother sought revenge against Uther for her son’s death. I could hardly blame her. Uther had done so many unspeakable things to his subjects. As I recall that was the first time you saved Arthur’s life. You used magic then, didn’t you?”

Merlin glanced at her, “Yes. I did.”

“Keep going.” She commanded. This would make as good of a bedtime tale as any.

“I saved Arthur’s life again at the Tournament where the Valiant was using an enchanted shield to kill his opponents.”

“And I threw him the sword that allowed him to win.” She smiled slightly at the memory. It was a good and happy memory so she let the feeling that it evoked wash over her.

“It would take hours to tell you everything, you know.” 

“Keep going.” 

“When the water was making people ill I saved Gwen’s father even though Gauis told me not to interfere. I didn’t mean for her to be thrown in prison though. A lot of things sort of backfired in the early days. I actually thought you had seen me use magic then too. When you thought I liked Gwen I was actually terrified that you knew, but then so relieved because I didn’t have to keep it secret.”

“But you didn’t. We keep coming back to this, Merlin,” she paused and suddenly a look of comprehension lit up on her face, “The fire. You used the torch that Arthur held and killed the creature for him. It was right there in front of me and I didn’t see it.” Merlin watched her lips thin and her eyes narrow, “I should have seen it.” Morgana focused on him, “I didn’t tell you to stop.” She blinked sleepily. 

“I was poisoned by Nimueh. When Bayard came to Camelot with the two chalices she poisoned the chalice that Arthur was to drink from and told me of it knowing that I would drink it and die leaving her to exact her revenge on Arthur while he was unprotected.”

“Arthur saved you and I told him to go and ignore Uther’s command.”

“You did that a lot.”

“I did. Gwen told me that she kissed you when you were well again.”

Merlin had the decency to blush, “She did.” 

“Did you enjoy it?” She sounded genuinely curious and Merlin felt no harm in answering

“A pretty woman kissed me. Of course I enjoyed it.”

“Continue.” 

“Lancelot. I forged his seal of nobility for saving my life.” Speaking his old friend’s name sent a sharp pain through his chest. “Lancelot knew about my magic and he kept my secret until he died. He was a good friend.”

“Lancelot was a good man and an amazing warrior. Strangely enough as it sounds I respected him.”

“Is that why you raised him from the dead to torment Arthur and Gwen?”

“No. I regretted that he was a shade of his former self. I got what I wanted in the end though. Gwen was banished from Camelot and at that time my vision of her becoming Queen did not come true.”

“You were so selfish.” He stated darkly.

“And you are a hypocrite.” Morgana fired back at him.

“You hurt the people that you loved over and over again when they didn’t deserve your hate. You told Arthur many times that he was a better man than his father. You were infatuated with him. You loved Gwen like a sister and she took care of you ever single night when you were having your visions. I don’t know of anyone who loved you more than she did. And you loved her too.” 

“Gwen took what was rightfully mine.” The words were angry but lacked her usual conviction. 

“Why was it yours? It was never yours to being with and you never cared about becoming Queen until you learned Uther was your real father.” His voice had risen in volume. 

“And he didn’t admit to it! Even when we were alone together after I was healed he didn’t even admit it to me. He was ashamed that I existed and at that moment he had to pay for denying me. I deserved to hear the truth from his lips. Even if it was just between us and no one else would have to know. And then I realized after Uther’s denial that Arthur was in the way of the destiny that I was born to.” Her eyes had taken on a dark gleam as she stared at the space in front of her.

“What do you know of destiny?” 

“I see the future, Merlin. Or at least I used to. Now I just see visions that my mind torments me with.” 

Morgana’s heart was racing and her breathing had quickened with her agitation. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly in an effort to control herself. “There must me more. Tell me.” Despite her upset she tempered a yawn with her hand.

“I think I should stop for tonight before we start yelling at one another like the other night.”

“I’m fine.” She snapped even as she brought her hand up to her head. A headache had started to bloom behind her eyes when she and Merlin had begun sniping at one another. She was exhausted but she needed to know everything. She wanted everything out in the open. 

“You aren’t fine. You need your rest.”

“Stay. Keep talking to me,” she didn’t want to go to sleep alone and didn’t want to sound desperate even though she was still slightly agitated at his accusation.

Merlin sighed and looked outside the window. The guards left three hours past midnight and did not return until it was time for Morgana to rise in the morning. Morgana did not need to know that but it would be tricky to get out of the room when the guards were still on duty so Merlin settled into a chair and started again while looking outside the window. “Edwin sent that beetle into your brain to trick Uther into letting him close. He made you ill to cure you and did the same to Uther. I used magic to save his life knowing that he would kill me if he knew. As you know I saved Mordred from Uther’s men even though I could not save his guardian. You were always so protective of the boy. I miss that Morgana. The one who cared more about others than herself.”

Morgana’s eyes were drifting closed and she murmured softly, “Sometimes I do too.”

Merlin did not let on that he heard her but continued as if she hadn’t spoken at all. “Sophia...the woman who came with her father was a sidhe. You saw her try to drown Arthur and you were right. She tried to kill him and because you told us about your vision we saved him. You helped people with your visions even though we kept the truth from you to protect you. If you knew that you had magic you would have been so afraid of Uther. You were afraid of him. You have to understand that, Morgana. Until the day you were poisoned I tried to help you as best I could.” He glanced back at Morgana, worried that she would yell at him again when he saw that her eyes were closed and her chest was rising and falling with the slow deep breaths that signaled the beginning of sleep. Merlin realized that she must have been exhausted and something at the back of his head warned him that this was not right. She shouldn’t be so tired after a few sleepless nights. She had so many of those years ago and she functioned well enough back then. He got up from his seat and walked over to Morgana while being careful not to rouse her. The collar around her neck both beckoned him and warned him away as he looked at it. The gem at its center was black as a starless night and the circle of gold was still shiny and unblemished. It truly was a thing of magic. There had to be more information on such a powerful magical artifact. He made a mental note to add that to things he had to start looking up in his spare time. Merlin made a motion with his hand and her shoes slipped off of her feet gently and landed softly on the floor. Morgana shifted in her sleep and after a moment got quiet again. He let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding and looked back out the window. It would be a while until he could leave yet so he sat down in the chair. He started running through spells in his head to pass the time knowing that tomorrow he would be exhausted from staying up half the night inside of Morgana’s room.

####

Merlin woke up the next day as tired as he had been when he went to bed. He had the day off today luckily so even as he was tired it didn’t matter. Gaius had gotten him up at the same time and told him to deliver a few remedies so he could go collect more herbs in the forest. Merlin had offered to collect instead of deliver his potions but Gaius had told him no. Delivering the potions hadn’t taken him long and he decided to go to the library to start his research. He needed answers and he knew that the only way to get them was doing the work himself. 

He entered the library and said hello to Geoffrey, the court librarian who gave him a smile and wave, “Was there anything you needed, Merlin?”

“I need access to the restricted books. It’s for Gaius. He wants me to do a little bit of research for him.”

“You know those books are locked away for a reason, Merlin.”

“I know.” But he gave a sheepish smile and a shrug.

“Fine.” He sighed, “Here is the key. Don’t linger too long and you better tell Gaius that he owes me.”

“I will. Thanks.” He took the key and headed for the books on magic. When he entered the cell that contained the magical tomes he nearly choked on the amount of dust they had accumulated and was disheartened when he saw the nearly bare shelves. Uther would have burned and destroyed what he could in his initial rage. These tomes must have been located somewhere else in the library otherwise they might have met the same fate. Gaius’s books were helpful as well but maybe he would find something else here first before going back to search through the many tomes the old man had in his possession.

Merlin reached up and pulled a tome down from the bookshelf. He opened it up and scanned the pages. Seeing nothing overly helpful he set it aside and pulled down another tome, then set it aside. It began a long process of looking through the different books on magic. A couple of hours went by before he found something interesting. 

_“I’ve been studying the five circlets deemed the Collars of Ainstrom, who as far as records show was a powerful sorcerer. They are all golden in color with a smooth surface and no locking mechanism. They each have a single black stone in the center that gleams with an unholy light. So far only one of the collars has been activated and only with the death of the wearer can they be re-enchanted to do the bidding of another. Ainstrom used one of these collars to imprison a rival. The rival was well and truly just like a mortal man and first his health was well and he could access no magic though the rival had been born with innate power. However nearly six months into his imprisonment the rival began to weaken and eventually died. One assumes from being cut off from his magical essence but that is only a hypothesis and has not yet been tested again.”  
Court Scribe Gronthine_

Merlin reread the passage again and looked though the accounts of this Gronthine to see any more mention of the Collars but found none. His discovery only increased his curiosity and made his worry increase. The Collar may kill its wearer. Merlin thought as much but to see it on paper made him edgy. Hopefully Morgana would come around quickly and he would not need to worry about it. Merlin set the book aside and was about to pick up another when he heard a commotion down the hall. He walked out of the cell and Geoffrey hailed him, “I didn’t know you were still back there, Merlin. There is a commotion in the courtyard. I heard something about Arthur.” Merlin’s eyes widened and he set the keys on the older man’s desk before running through the castle to get to the courtyard. The sight that greeted him as he stepped outside both stunned and impressed him. Down in the courtyard Morgana was facing off against Arthur. They were circling one another slowly with their swords in one hand and the other in a ready position at their sides. They were nearly identical in the way that they moved. Merlin approached the training ground slowly and took in the scene. Nearly the entire castle was surrounding the pair silently. The knights were close enough that they could intervene and far enough away that they gave the pair room to maneuver. He saw Gwen holding Ellie near the outer ring. She was smiling and watching them raptly. Merlin reasoned that somehow Gwen had talked them both into it but now it looked as if it were personal. The crowd gave him room to move through and he took up a place next to Gwen and Ellie. Gwen looked up at him and whispered, “They’ve been like that for a minute or two.”

“How did they get like that in the first place?”

“I decided to go for a walk with the baby and Morgana. She has been looking rather tired lately and I thought fresh air would do a lot of good. When we got out here she was happy just watching the knights train and talk with me, then the boys started taunting her playfully. A few choice words were exchanged and here we are now. Morgana promised not to hurt him too badly.”

“Aren’t you nervous?”

“A little, but she can’t kill him with the practice sword so he should be safe.”

“Aren’t you worried about her?”

Gwen laughed and turned her attention to the siblings who were still circling each other. Merlin watched them both closely and a few moments later Arthur tensed and the battle began. Both of the Pendragon children were skilled with a blade and their dance was nearly spellbinding in its own right. 

Blows clanked off the swords as they parried and blocked one another’s strikes. They were both smiling as they fought as if this was the best thing in the world.

Morgana blocked another blow; “Getting rusty Arthur?” she taunted him while smiling. Her dress flowed out from her body as she moved to the side. Adrenaline was pumping through her body and it gave her a high like she hadn’t had in a long time. She was actually having fun sparring with Arthur.

“I just wanted you to think you had a fighting chance.” Another block from his side.

“Remember all those times I used to beat you? This will be another one.” Morgana feinted to the side and tapped him on the side with her sword sharply.

Arthur hissed in pain and brought his sword down on her thigh. Morgana yelped and they separated. 

“You cheated.”

“Me? I’m just better than you, brother.” Morgana teased and rubbed her thigh where he struck with her free hand. Morgana suddenly became aware of her audience and one member in particular. Merlin was watching her raptly and she bit her lip and turned away from him. There were times that she actually thought she might enjoy his company and other times when she hated him. She wanted him closer and wanted to push him away. She still needed answers and Merlin was the only one who could provide them so for now he was necessary.

“As if you were better than me.” he turned his attention to the audience. “You want us to go again? Best two out of three?” The last comment was directed at Morgana. 

She smiled and lifted her practice sword, “Of course.” 

####

Arthur and Morgana were breathing hard by the end of the session. A dress was not ideal to fight in and Arthur had not been in a real fight in a few weeks and was not in as good of shape as he had been previously. Arthur threw his sword on the ground and Morgana’s quickly followed. Her thigh and side were both sore, “You cheated. There was no way you could have beat me.” Morgana’s eyes flickered to Merlin sitting at the sidelines.

“Don’t feel bad, Morgana. I’m the best swordsman in the realm.” Arthur heard a chuckle and a snort from behind him. He turned around quickly and pegged the knights with a death glare. They all stood up a little straighter, but were still smiling. 

Gwen carried Ellie to Arthur and he bent down to kiss his wife then take his daughter into his arms despite the protest his body gave. “You did well, Arthur. And so did you, Morgana. It was always like this between the two of you. Fighting tooth and nail until there was something you both agreed on.”

Morgana felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to find Merlin at her side, “You alright?” 

“Fine.” 

“Good. There’s something I want to tell you.”

Morgana dropped her voice to a whisper and leaned into him, “And what would that be?”

“Not here.”

“Fine.” She pulled back from him and turned her attention to Gwen, “We should get back inside. You need to rest, Gwen.”

“In a moment, Morgana.” She kissed her husband again leaned up on her tiptoes to whisper something in his ear. Arthur’s eyes widened then he smiled slyly. Gwen rested on back on her feet again and winked, then took Ellie from Arthur and began to walk back to the castle. 

Arthur’s eyes followed his wife until she disappeared into the castle. The crowd has mostly dispersed at this time and he turned his attention back to Merlin, “I love that woman. Now, Merlin since you are here, you can hold the shield.” Merlin sighed and trudged over to the weapon rack.

“Don’t feel bad, Merlin, Arthur will take it easy on you. It looks like he has something to look forward to tonight.” Gwaine raised his eyebrows suggestively and lowered his voice, “And so do I.”

Merlin rolled his eyes and shoved Gwaine aside as he straightened up with the shield.

“Oh come on, Merlin. I know it’s been a while since you have had a woman. Maybe you should come to the tavern with us. You know you want to.”

“You’re making him blush. That is adorable, Merlin.” Arthur teased while Merlin glowered at him. 

“Shut it. I have plans.”

“Better plans than a tavern full of drunk and eager women?” Gwaine countered.

Merlin was tempted. It had been a long time since he had been with a woman. “No, but not everyone can be as lucky as you, Gwaine.”

The other men laughed, “I know and it’s a curse looking this good. It really is, Merlin.”

Merlin rolled his eyes again and followed the men while laughing as he thought about the fact that he was going to meet a woman of a sort that night. But it probably wouldn’t end as well as Gwaine or Arthur’s night.

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more Mergana stuff next chapter guys! And another update for Monday! Wish me luck when my editor picks up my book. It's making me nervous.


	22. Chapter 21

XxOxX

Gwen smiled down at her daughter as she crawled speedily around her nursery. The Queen lifted her gaze back up to Morgana who was buzzing with more energy than she had shown the entire week. Strangely though she was favoring her leg as she moved about the room trying to make herself busy. “Morgana. What are you doing?”

Morgana’s head snapped up and she focused on Gwen, “Me? Nothing.” 

“Would you like to do something for me then?” Gwen prodded again. She knew that Morgana was still edgy from her exercise and if she was going to get Ellie down for a nap any time soon she would need Morgana’s energy out of the room. 

“What? What should I do? What can I do when I am followed day and night by guards?” Her tone was bitter and words curt as she spoke to Gwen.

“Those are only a precaution, Morgana. But what I want you to do won’t take long and certainly won’t need a guard. I trust you.” Gwen knew her restlessness and quite frankly she wasn’t surprised that Morgana’s moods varied so much anymore. 

Morgana’s eyes softened at her old friend and she felt a little foolish for snapping, “I know and you shouldn’t. What is it you want me to do?”

“Go to Gaius and ask him for something to help with Arthur’s soreness…and yours as well. You beat each other with those training swords quite hard you know.”

“I’m fine, Gwen, and Arthur will be too. He’s a man. Men don’t complain about those kinds of things you know.” But Morgana was secretly thrilled that she had given Arthur a sound enough thrashing that he was sore as well. 

“Morgana. Go.” She gestured to Morgana’s leg and her limp as she went from one side of the room to the other. 

It was a chance to roam about the castle. Morgana would be foolish to put up another argument and her leg did feel a bit more painful than she would like. “Fine. I will be right back.”

“Take your time. Arthur won’t be here for another hour or so.” Gwen waved her away and Morgana turned on her heel and headed for the door. Guards were absent at the door and she looked back at Ellie and Gwen. “Go.” 

Morgana headed down the hall after shutting the door. Free from Gwen’s gaze and the surprisingly absent guards she rubbed her side where the wooden sword had struck her and continued to favor her right leg as she made her way down the hall. Her blood was still pumping and the exhaustion she had been feeling these past few days had evaporated like smoke in the face of some actual entertainment.

####

They had let Merlin go after a few rounds and he had made his way back up to Gaius’s chambers to wash up. When he entered the physician’s quarters they were empty, but there was a note on the table. Merlin picked it up and read it. Gaius had gone to deliver a baby in the city and would be back sometime today hopefully. He also told Merlin to hand some of his herbs to dry while he was away. Great. More work. 

Merlin grabbed the string Gaius used to hang most of his herbs and set to work wrapping and placing them with the others. He heard a knock at the door then heard it open. “Gaius isn’t here right now. He’s in the village.” 

“That’s too bad. I suppose you will have to help me then.” Morgana’s dulcet tones came from behind him and he straightened in surprise before turning around slowly.

“What are you doing here?” Merlin looked inquisitive and cautious as Morgana came into the room and shut the door behind her. As she came further into the room he saw her limping and remembered that during their little show Arthur had struck her leg rather firmly if memory served. 

“Gwen sent me here to get some salve for my bruises as well as some for her to put on Arthur. I was hoping for Gaius. But it is a nice change for us to be meeting in broad daylight instead of the dead of night in my bedroom. People might talk about it you know.” The last sentence came out in a teasing tone. 

“Worried?” 

“Not in the least. You are the one who should be worried about your virtue. After all I am the evil sorceress and you are the lowly servant who would be spellbound by me,” she paused, “But we both know that’s not true.” 

Morgana’s eyes danced with mischief and she got closer to him. “Feeling alright, Morgana?” Merlin was happy that she seemed to have regained her energy overnight. “I found out something about the collar that you should know.”

Green eyes met his and grew serious, “What?”

“That it will kill you if it is left on too long?”

Morgana’s eyes widened a fraction, but she only nodded in response to his revelation, “I thought as much. How long do I have?” Inwardly she was worried, but she kept her face impassive for the most part. 

Merlin was disconcerted at the way she dismissed his research, “A year. Does that bother you?” Her reaction was not one that he would have had if the circumstances had been reversed but she hasn’t had sufficient time to process his sudden proclamation. 

“Not at the moment. A year is a long time away.” Morgana sat down near him and crossed her legs. 

“Now, can you do anything about my bruises or are you just useless after all this time with the court physician?”

Morgana had an uncanny way of getting underneath his skin with ease, “I’m not useless.” He muttered before pulling down a small bowl filled with a honey colored paste, “This will help. You just have to spread it over the affected area. It will make the bruise heal faster and decrease the pain.” He moved closer to her and held it out to her. Morgana stared at the small pot in his hand and got that look in her eyes again. 

“Show me.” She wanted to make him uncomfortable, but not because she wanted to see him blush…that wasn’t it, but because it would amuse her.

“What?” Merlin wasn’t sure he heard her correctly. 

“Show me what to do. So I can show Gwen.” Her tone was serious but Merlin couldn’t help but be cautious. 

“Why? You should know how to put on a salve, Morgana. It’s not difficult.” He said the last bit in a condescending tone. 

Morgana’s eyes flashed, “I want you to show me, Merlin. Or are you too cowardly to get close?” she smirked at him and lifted her chin in challenge, “And I want you to tell me more of your story.”

“Don’t you need to get back before Gwen misses you?” He didn’t like where this was headed. His gut told him to send her away quickly.

“She told me to take my time.” Morgana brought her nails up to eye level and inspected them as if waiting for him to do what she asked. 

“Of course she did.” He took a deep breath in and out, “Fine. Where do you want me to put it?” His logical side was screaming that this was a bad idea, but Merlin was also curious about her intentions and that fact was in her favor.

“Good boy. And right here.” She slid her dress up her right leg all the way up to her hip. Her pale thigh was mottled by a dark purple bruise in the shape of the training sword. 

Merlin’s mouth went dry as he eyed all of the flesh that Morgana just bared to his eyes and he immediately had to quell his arousal. It was just skin…only skin. He chanted in his head over and over again. He knew her game now but if he backed out she would only mock him and Merlin wouldn’t let her have the upper hand in this test of wills.

“Well, what are you waiting for Merlin? Go on.” Morgana’s heart had begun to beat faster. It was reckless and exciting to tease him like this. That bastard Sarrum was dead and she needed to forget her torment and stop her nightmares. She needed to feel like a woman again, a powerful woman who lived by her own laws and her own choices. Not a prisoner, not a sorceress…not a victim, merely a woman and she knew that Merlin could do it for her as he did once before.

He could feel her eyes on him as he lowered himself to his knees next to her bare thigh. “It looks like it hurts.” He took the lid off of the pot and put it next to him. He gingerly dipped his fingers into the pot and scooped up a small dollop of the salve. He eyed her thigh and took a deep but quiet breath. Being so close to the woman he dreamed about was a little more than he wanted to suffer with today.

“It will stop hurting when you put that on, right? Don’t forget to tell me a story.” Morgana felt one warm hand rest on her knee and she held back a sigh. She was watching him with a predatory gaze. The sorceress bit her bottom lip and smiled down at him. What a sight he was down on the floor next to her bare leg. His shoulders were broader now than when she had last been near him so intimately. Arthur had done well with him and it only peaked her interest in seeing more of his form under his clothes.

“What do you want to hear about?” He held his hand back from her thigh and tried to control his breathing.

“You are stalling, Merlin. It’s not difficult to put a salve on. Didn’t you just tell me that? And I want you to tell me about when we went to Ealdor with you.” 

Merlin gently touched Morgana’s thigh with the salve. He let out a breath he hadn’t been aware he had been holding and started to rub the bruised skin gently. Morgana relaxed into the chair and sighed softly at the feel of his hands against her skin. “I honestly couldn’t believe that you and Gwen had gone with me and when Arthur showed up I was even more surprised. The only thing magical about Ealdor was when you were unable to start the fire I did it with my magic. I also fought with it…at the end when my friend Will died. I made the wind that won the fight. Arthur was so close to finding out about me. He wasn’t ready for it then though and Will took the blame from me. He was a good friend.” It was easier to touch Morgana when he had his mind on other things. He dipped his hand in again and smeared more of the salve onto the bruise ignoring the softness of her skin and the way her thigh muscles relaxed under his touch. 

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why couldn’t you have told Arthur then? Everyone would have known. Me, him, Gwen...”

“Everyone tells me constantly that my magic is a secret to be guarded at all costs. Even though I was his friend and yours and Gwen’s telling him then would have destroyed our relationship. I know it. We weren’t so close then and now I don’t want to tell him because it could ruin everything between us. It’s so frustrating to want something so much but aren’t able to do anything about it.”

Morgana laughed softly, “Oh, Merlin. I know much about that.” Merlin dipped his hand in the salve again and rubbed it into her leg. The rational part of his mind told him that he had enough salve when he dipped his hand in the second time and a third was unnecessary. The hand that was resting on her knee moved up on her leg and that hand was rubbing the top of her thigh in time with his right.   
Morgana sighed in relief as the pain in her leg decreased under Merlin’s careful ministrations. A warm and liquid feeling had started from her leg and was slowly flowing through her limbs, along with the slow burn of arousal in the pit of her belly. She felt his other hand drift up her leg and start to massage it as well. She closed her eyes and bit her lower lip softly and rolled it under her upper teeth. Adrenaline from her sparring with Arthur made her more daring. 

Merlin knew that he should stop and that she was fine but he didn’t want to. “Does it hurt anymore?” His voice had deepened now and he cleared his throat to hide it.

“Yes.”

“Where?”

“Everywhere.” She sighed out. 

“We shouldn’t be doing this.” 

“Why not?” she murmured almost in a whine.

“It’s not right. You aren’t ready.” The compulsion to touch her soon became all he could think about. His left hand trailed higher on the inside of her thigh and it caused her thigh muscles to contract and her arousal to grow. 

Merlin had ceased trying to keep his own arousal in check and his erection was currently pressing against the seam of his pants. His heartbeat was pounding in his chest and he shifted around to get more comfortable. He moved his fingers on her upper thigh in circles. The warlock suddenly thought about what it would be like to taste her smooth flesh. He leaned closer and inhaled her delicate scent of roses and lilac. 

“I can be. All you have to do is go higher.” She argued in a whispery, throaty voice and her hand came to rest on his shoulder and her fingers dug into the flesh she found there. 

Her touch had brought the young wizard back to the present and he blushed. Merlin blinked and brought his mouth away from her thigh with some effort. He brought his right hand away from her silken skin and clenched his fingers into a fist to keep from continuing his journey up her smooth pale flesh. He had to fight this hold her body had over him. She was getting over something very traumatic and here he was being a lecher and taking advantage of her. His left hand was still stroking her thigh and he looked up at her face to see her eyes closed and her lips slightly parted. Her chest rose and fell with quick and shallow breaths. He dreamed about her like this. He fought his urge to touch her again and brought his other hand down to his side, “It’s done.” He sounded hoarse again and cleared his throat.

Morgana opened her eyes and blinked several times then looked down at him in disbelief. “Done?” She was slightly flushed with arousal and he knew that if his hand had gone higher he might have found her ready for him and his erection pulsed with eagerness and he held back a groan. She was going to kill him. “You can’t be done.”

“One of us has to keep a level head and as much as I would have loved to take you up on your offer I can’t.” 

“You can’t?” her tone had lost that aroused and breathy quality and started to gain one he knew very well, anger. She stood up quickly and looked down at him with eyes that were both aroused and angry. Why couldn’t he continue? It wasn’t like she wasn’t beautiful or desirable.   
Not to be in a position of least power Merlin stood up and looked down at her, “I’m not going to have sex with you on the table with your dress pulled up past your waist. I won’t treat you like some common whore, Morgana. Not after what you had been through.”

“What do you know about what I have been through?” she was angry now and it had doubled now that she had been denied her pleasure. 

Merlin realized now that he should have just kept his mouth shut. “Nothing.” It would kill her if he knew what had happened to her in the Sarrum’s captivity.

“Tell me.” she growled out and reached for him again.

“I don’t know anything.” He stepped back out of her reach.

“Then why would you say that?”

The door suddenly opened and they jumped further apart as Gaius walked through the door. He was surprised to see both of them together and he quickly assessed both of them. “What’s going on here?”  
“Nothing.” Morgana hissed as she bent down to pick up the bowl of salve, “I was just leaving. Thank you for the salve.” She narrowed her eyes at Merlin and nodded to Gaius before turning on her heel and walked out the door.

“You’re welcome.” He called after her and heard the door slam. 

“What was all that about?” Gaius set down several instruments he had in his arms before looking up at Merlin.

Merlin sighed, “Nothing.” His arousal had not been as dampened as he had hoped even with Gauis there and he walked back up to his room, “I have to use the chamber pot. Be right back.” He disappeared behind his door and locked it before looking down at himself, “Great, now she’s mad again. Look what you got us into.”

#####

Morgana stalked her way back to the nursery in a foul mood. What did Merlin know of what she suffered? Gwen is the only one who knew anything about it and she wouldn’t tell anyone...would she? Her body was still warm and unfulfilled from Merlin’s touch and it made her edgy. Morgana took a deep breath before going inside the room. Gwen looked up from her rocking chair and brought her hand up in a shushing motion. Ellie was cuddled on her mother’s chest and asleep. Morgana smiled at the two of them and some of her previous agitation relaxed in the soothing presence of mother and child. “Did you get it?” Gwen asked her quietly while watching her. 

“Yes.” Morgana knew what she must look like to Gwen. Her cheeks were hot and she was sure they were pink with arousal and anger, her eyes were narrowed in anger and her stance was guarded and stiff. Morgana tried to relax her stance and sat down in a chair opposite Gwen and set the small bowl with salve onto the table next to her. 

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Morgana.” Her tone was lecturing, so much like a mother and it made Morgana’s lips curl slightly in a smile.

“I saw Merlin and he upset me.” Upset was an understatement.

“Upset you? I thought you two had reached some sort of understanding.” Gwen continued to rub her daughter’s back and looked at Morgana with concern.

“We did.” Or so she thought. Why didn’t he want to continue things with her? She wasn’t diseased. There was nothing wrong with her….maybe he…no…he couldn’t know about that.

“Then what did he do?”

“Gwen, did you tell anyone what I told you about my imprisonment?” It came out harsher than she intended and she looked at the sleeping child in Gwen’s arms to make sure that Ellie hadn’t awoken.  
Guinevere’s eyes widened and she shook her head, “No. Never. It’s not something one brings up in polite conversation. Or any conversation for that matter.” 

“Are you sure? You haven’t told anyone?” Her tone was quieter but one could only tamp down the sharpness of their tone so much.

“Why? Did Merlin find out? Is that why you are upset? I swear I haven’t told a soul, Morgana.” 

“I don’t know.” She paused and looked at Gwen. Morgana was feeling a bit unbalanced and she thought to try something, “May I go down to see Aithusa?” 

“Yes. Of course. Not much is going on here. Arthur should be here in a bit. I will send a guard for you when I need you again.” 

Morgana nodded and got up again. She needed Aithusa…she needed the calming presence of her dragon. 

####

Not long after Morgana left Arthur walked through the nursery door. Warmth suffused her chest at the sight of her husband. Arthur smiled at her and made his way over to them quietly. He gently picked his daughter off of he’s wife’s chest and transferred her over to the crib. Ellie’s eyes blinked open for a moment then she settled down into sleep. He walked back over to Gwen and held his hand out to her. Guinevere reached up and took his hand and pushed herself up out of the rocker with her other. Arthur pulled her closer and kissed her. The Queen wrapped her arms around the King and he hissed in pain. She released him and gave him a chiding look. “Let’s see then.” 

Arthur took off his shirt with a wince and Gwen saw the bruise on his side along with the one on his upper arm. “It doesn’t hurt.”

“Yeah. Of course not. She really gave you a beating didn’t she?” 

Arthur chuckled, “Looks like it doesn’t it?” 

“Luckily for you I have something to help you.” 

Arthur grinned, “What would that be?” 

“Not what you are thinking, that’s for certain.” She extracted herself from his embrace and turned away to get the salve. 

“And what am I thinking?” he grabbed her hand and pulled her against him again, and she looked up at her husband and gave him a coy smile. 

“This is not the time or the place for that.” She pulled herself away from him and lifted the bowl in her hands, “Now quiet. You don’t want to deal with a cranky princess do you?” 

Arthur pouted as she started to rub the salve onto his bruises. The relief was nearly instantaneous. “We can be quiet.”

Gwen smiled and ignored him. “Stay still.” 

“You know you want to.” He leaned down and whispered in her ear and she swatted at him. 

“You are impossible.” She finished putting the salve on his arm and sighed in defeat. “You have twenty minutes and you better not wake her up.”

Arthur grinned and picked his wife up and spun her around. “Deal.” He said before kissing her and making his way to the small bed in the nursery.

#####

Aithusa perked up immediately at seeing Morgana standing on the ledge. She jumped over the chasm and knocked Morgana back into the wall gently while sniffing her and rubbing her head against Morgana’s belly. Any last traces of anger and arousal vanished instantly and she was smiling and rubbing the small dragon’s head, “My Aithusa. How are you?” 

She snorted at Morgana and rubbed her head against her belly again. She sniffed Morgana’s lower belly and sneezed then sniffed at her thigh. She looked up at her mother-figure questioningly at the strange smell of the salve and the smell of Merlin against her skin. “I was injured.” 

It was harder for Aithusa to speak to her mind to mind since her collar was put on but it wasn’t impossible for the dragon. A picture of Merlin flashed inside of her head accompanied by a question. She felt agitated at seeing his face, feeling his denial of her and what she wanted. “He put the salve on me to help me feel better.” Since her dragon seemed to have affection for him she made her reply as nice as she could.

Aithusa gave a happy trill and sat down in front of Morgana. 

“Aithusa. I have an important question for you. You like Merlin as much as you do me. Don’t think I haven’t noticed. What is Merlin to you?” 

Aithusa sighed and looked up at Morgana “Kin.” It was like a horn blast through her mind. 

“You said a word! A word! My sweet Aithusa!” Morgana was overwhelmed with her little dragon’s progress. And after a moment she processed the word that Aithusa had given her with confusion. “Kin? What does that mean? He’s mortal. Human. He’s not a dragon.” Merlin had so many secrets didn’t he? Morgana would have fun extracting every single morsel of secrecy from him. 

Aithusa snorted and gave Morgana a jumbled bit of images that Morgana could not process. “Stop, Aithusa.” The images ceased immediately followed by “Kin. But not.” Again Morgana hugged the little dragon, still unbelieving that in all this time it was now that she actually spoke with words rather than feelings and images. Morgana definitely wondered why she spoke now instead of earlier in her life.  
“But what does that mean?”

Aithusa was getting increasingly agitated and her tail started swishing back and forth, “Kin, But not.”

“Fine. Fine. It’s fine. Let’s just sit here together, alright?” Morgana slid down the wall and rested her head on Aithusa’s shoulder.

The dragon sighed in contentment, and then flashed Morgana a picture of the forest and a sense of longing.

“I know. I want to be free again too, but don’t worry we will be soon.” 

A picture of Merlin again and Morgana kept her agitation in check at seeing his face. 

“Maybe. Do you talk to him as well?”

“Yes.”

“About me?”

“Yes.”

Morgana wondered what they could have possibly been talking about while she wasn’t here and a small part of her became very worried very quickly about what he could know about her. She would find out soon enough.

Aithusa shifted restlessly against Morgana and Morgana got a glimpse of Aithusa’s gnarled back legs and guilt instantly assailed her. She reached down to touch the limbs and Aithusa snorted at her. “Do they hurt now?”

Aithusa shook her head. 

“I want to fix you, my sweet Aithusa. You don’t deserve to be in such pain all of the time.” 

She nodded again and nuzzled Morgana’s cheek.

“That is the next thing I will do when we get out of here. Find a way to fix you.”

Aithusa showed Morgana a picture of Merlin. 

“I’m sure Merlin will help if you want.” Morgana had started to become jealous of the bond that the dragon and Merlin seemed to have. Aithusa was hers first, not his. That servant was getting under her skin and the only thing that made her happy about it was the fact that she could also get under his.   
Aithusa trilled happily and flapped her wings, causing Morgana to laugh at the dragon. “Do you want to play?”

Her white head turned to Morgana with a glint in her eye and snorted in affirmation.

####

Hours later Morgana kissed her niece’s head and smiled down at her in her crib. Around her niece she felt so at ease and so much happier than she did when she went outside Gwen and Arthur’s room or the nursery. Eliana smiled up at her and looked at her with such trusting eyes, “Gana.” 

“I have to go for tonight, sweet one. See you tomorrow, Ellie.” 

Ellie waved bye before Morgana turned around and started to put out the candles in Gwen’s room. “You are so good with her.” Gwen said quietly and leaned into her husband’s shoulder. Arthur pulled Gwen closer and kissed her head. 

Morgana looked at the exchange and something akin to warmth filled her chest. “So Arthur, how are you feeling?”

“A little bruised and battered. I forgot how good you were with a sword.” Arthur stretched his arms out and she saw the bruised welt that decorated his upper arm where her sword had struck him. It satisfied a darker part of her to see him in discomfort no matter how seeing the two of them together made her feel.

She smiled at him, “And don’t you forget it. I am going to go to bed now. Was there anything else?”  
“No, Morgana.” Gwen told her and Morgana put out the last candle. 

“Guard. Please escort Morgana back to her chambers.” Arthur called out and the door opened to reveal a nameless guard. Morgana sighed quietly and walked out the door. She knew that Merlin would be waiting for her and it made her nervous and angry and coupled with that her side and her thigh had started to hurt again a few hours after Merlin had applied that salve.

Along the way Morgana passed by Gwaine, “ Morgana.” He called out to her.

Morgana stopped and turned around to look at him with no small amount of suspicion. “What is it you want?”

“Oh don’t get all haughty now. I just wanted to tell you that I was impressed on the field today. You were really quite good against Arthur.”

Secretly Morgana enjoyed the praise but outwardly she just nodded, “Thank you. Maybe I could teach you a couple of things.”

“Don’t get too hasty. Arthur did beat you.”

“Or maybe I let him win to spare his pride. You men get touchy whenever a woman bests you at anything. Good night, Gwaine.” She waved at him before turning around and resuming her walk to her room. Let him think about that.

All too soon she was escorted to her door and it was unlocked. The guards handed off the key and opened the door to her room. She stepped through without a second thought and her eyes narrowed on Merlin sitting at her vanity. The door locked and Merlin opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Morgana. “I spoke with Aithusa today. She had some very interesting things to tell me. So now you can clarify some things for me, Merlin.”

Merlin was caught off guard, “Like what?”

“She told me that you are kin. What exactly did she mean by that?” By the look on Merlin’s face she knew that she had found out something very interesting. 

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. It's all I got. This week at work was more exhausting than usual due to one of the ladies I work with taking the week off. I almost forgot it was Friday so I edited and read a chapter around 10pm. I should. Should. Have a the next one up by monday. No later than next Friday though. 
> 
> Things are heating up. :)


	23. Chapter 22

XxOxX

Merlin opened his mouth, paused, and then closed it again. Morgana seemed to have this sense or perhaps knack for surprising him constantly. When he had come here he was intending on apologizing for what had happened earlier and tell her that it wouldn’t happen again. A certain part of his anatomy had protested but he hadn’t listened much to it before now so there was no reason to start now. But instead she had come in demanding answers to questions that he wasn’t ready for. He didn’t intend on telling her anything about his being a Dragonlord until much later if he did at all. The more knowledge she had about him the more she could use against him if this rehabilitation didn’t work. Lying to her now would only make him pay for it later when she learned the truth. He tossed around several scenarios in his head each was worse than the last. He finally decided on a neutral subject, “You went to see Aithusa? That should have made her very happy.”

Morgana knew that he would try to deflect and she would allow him to do so for now. It was all about playing her cards the correct way, “Oh yes. She was thrilled.” Morgana leaned back on her bed and watched him.

“Good. Good. I’m glad. She doesn’t like being down there alone.” Merlin felt guilty enough about keeping the small dragon chained beneath the city but it was the only way to keep her safe for now.

“Then why must she stay down there? You could let her free. She told me that she misses the forest. If you care about her and you are really her kin, whatever that means, then you should allow her freedom.” Morgana argued.

“I can’t. There is too much at stake. I would rather have her unhappy beneath the city for the moment then captured and killed outside of the city. I am keeping her safe here.” 

“Much like you and Arthur are keeping me safe here and under your watch?” Morgana looked at him with an arched eyebrow.

“No. You are dangerous. She is not.”

“And why is that? She’s a dragon is she not? Dragons breathe fire, kill livestock, and bring destruction.”

All valid points, which Merlin had to give her but, had the sense to argue his point. “That is not all a dragon is. They are majestic, beautiful and wise creatures that deserve our respect, not merely beasts that kill for pleasure or for selfish aims.”

That jab was directed at her she was sure. “I didn’t say that she was a mindless beast. I would never say that about her. I knew her power and beauty for myself the first time I saw her.”

“When was that?” Merlin was genuine curious as to what point after he had left her in Kilgarrah’s care that she had absconded from his side to the woman in front of him.

“After Helios was killed I fled the castle and was mortally wounded and about to die when I saw her. She was a beautiful white creature the size of a bird, but I felt her power and I knew her for what she was almost instantly. She brought me back from the brink of death and from that moment on she had never left my side.”

“I wonder why she chose to do that.”

“What do you know of her?”

“Aithusa is not evil, merely young and naive. She is not a creature of cunning and deceit, so I wonder why such a pure dragon would save you.”

“Maybe she saw something worth saving within my soul that you so damned when you fed me that poison.”

“Maybe.” He mused but did not engage her attempts to get him riled up about the first terrible point between them.

“You do not think that there is good in me?”

“I believe that there is good in everyone. Some merely choose to ignore what their own feelings tell them about right and wrong and decide to commit evil actions like murder and rebellion.” 

“You think I am one such as that?”

“I know you are.”

“That hurts, Merlin. And I thought we were starting to get along.” Her tone was flippant but Merlin felt the underlying bite beneath them.

He knew where this was headed and he had to stop the conversation before it got out of hand and they were arguing again. “It’s true.”

“You can’t tell me that in all of your time here in Camelot you have never done anything evil or malicious?”

Merlin pursed his lips and looked away from Morgana. “We aren’t talking about me.”

“You are the one who changed the subject.” She crossed her arms. “I wanted to talk about what Aithusa said about you.”

“Then we should talk about that.”

“But this subject is much more interesting. Let’s talk all about your sins while you sit up on your high horse and lecture me about mine.”

“I haven’t killed innocents with my actions.” At least he never aimed to have them hurt. But unbidden images of Freya, Lancelot, and the druids that died because he sent Morgana away from Camelot…his father. Pain lanced through his chest and he hid a wince.

 

“Not once has someone died because of you? Don’t lie to me. I see it in your eyes. No you may not have killed anyone directly, but it doesn’t erase the fact that innocent people have died for you or maybe because of something you did.”

“I did not go looking to kill people. I want to help them.”

“You are looking at the world as if it is black and white with no grey area. You look at the fact that I killed people. Innocent people in your opinion, but you dismiss the fact as to why I did the things I did.”

“Your reasoning doesn’t matter when you kill innocents. You are merely a murderer.”

“You have killed people before too. You had your reasons to justify the killing, and I have mine.”

“Morgana---.”

“I’m right though, aren’t I? It’s all about perception.”

“You killed them because they were in your way. Mindless slaughter makes no sense and in truth Morgana we could argue about this all night. Morality is not something you can just explain away. Kingdoms go to war because of issues of morality.”

“I do what I do because I believe that I am right and good and those who oppose me are wrong and evil. Is it wrong of me to want freedom to practice something I was born with? Everyone is guilty of some crime in their lifetime. No one is truly innocent.” Morgana’s hands and arms shook with fine tremors as she got more and more worked up from their conversation.

“Are you listening to yourself? You sound like…nevermind. I’m going to stop this conversation right now and I want you to think about what you are truly trying to accomplish above all other things. At the heart of you I want you to know what you want. It may surprise you.”

“I know what I want. But if you insist on withdrawing from our debate then you can answer my first question.” She was still agitated from his accusations.

Merlin leveled his gaze at her and contemplated lying to her and telling her he knew nothing of what Aithusa had spoken or tell her another lie or another but decided ultimately on the truth. She already knew he had magic so even if she got free and came after them again he would have to be even more prepared for her attacks, “I am a Dragonlord.”

“What?” Came the reply after a couple of moments. “You are a what?”

“I’m a Dragonlord. Haven’t you heard of Dragonlords?”

“Yes. They were a group of men who could tame dragons back in the days when the Old Religion was still at its peak. I also know that Uther had them exterminated.”

“Dragonlords are mortals who share souls with dragons. They are brothers to all dragonkind. The ability is passed from father to son and can only be accessed when the father dies.” He thought of his father again. The man he only knew for a short while before being killed at the hands of Cenred’s men. “My father was a Dragonlord and when he died he passed his ability onto me.”

“I thought you were raised by your mother.”

“I was. I met my father after the incident when you left.”

Morgana barked out a laugh, “Oh, Merlin.” Incident. That was what he called her murder. An incident.

“Fine. After I poisoned you the Great Dragon beneath the city got free. He proceeded to then destroy Camelot and kill all within its walls.”

“I remember Morgause and Cenred talking about it very vaguely. Arthur killed the dragon did he not?”

“Not exactly. Arthur and I went to go find the last Dragonlord beyond the borders of Cenred’s kingdom. He was in hiding. Before I left Gaius told me that Balinor, the Dragonlord was my father. When we got to his hiding place he refused to help us at first. I knew him to be my father but he did not know me because he left before my mother knew she was pregnant with me. I told him I was his son before he was killed. He died in my arms.” Merlin realized his eyes were starting to water and used the back of his hand to brush the tears away, and looked at Morgana out of the corner of his vision. She was sitting forward in the bed listening to his tale so he went on, “He told me everything I needed to know about facing Kilgarrah, the dragon, and so I did. I told him to leave and never return.”

“If he was killing innocent people why didn’t you kill the dragon?”

“Because at that time he was the last of his kind, just like I was so we had this bond I didn’t want to break. I couldn’t bring myself to kill again.”

“What about Arthur? He obviously doesn’t know anything about this.” Which was yet another piece of information that she could use against him.

“No he doesn’t. He believes the dragon to be dead. He doesn’t know about my father either.” The ‘and it will stay that way’ went unspoken but the words hung in the air between them. 

“One day all of this deceit will catch up to you, Merlin. You know that.” 

“I know.” He ran a hand through his hair, a nervous habit he had developed. 

“What does this have to do with Aithusa?”

“I am a Dragonlord. It allows me to speak to dragons in their own tongue, command them, and hear them. Aithusa is special because I hatched her. I rescued her from the temple where her egg was kept. I took her and called the Great Dragon to me and called her from her egg.”

“How?” This new knowledge fascinated her. The idea of hatching a dragon with merely a word was ludicrous. 

“I named her. Aithusa. It means Light of the Sun in the dragon tongue. She was supposed to be a symbol of hope for the coming days. Things never turn out the way we plan thought, do they?”  
“You named her?” Morgana’s tone was incredulous and she suddenly felt jealous of the bond that Merlin and Aithusa shared. Aithusa was her dragon. Her light. 

“Yes. And it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.” Soft longing blanketed his tone. “And when she was born we thought she was a boy.”

“A boy? Some Dragonlord you are.” She snorted. “But she wasn’t with you or the other dragon when I saw her. She was alone. If you are a Dragonlord then why did she come to me? Why didn’t you protect her?”

“I didn’t know. I assumed she was with Kilgarrah and it wasn’t until later when I found out she wasn’t. I failed her and I feel so guilty about that, but I can’t let it rule me. She is here now and I will help her however I can. I am going to help her learn how to speak and fix her broken back legs.”

“I heard her speak inside of my head. Real words. Not images. She has never done that before. Is it because of you?”

“Maybe but I don’t get how you can understand her. Only Dragonlords are supposed to be able to.”

“She saved my life. Maybe that is the reason.”

“I intend to find out.” 

Morgana was silent as she processed the information that was just presented to her and a thought occurred to her, “Is that why you killed him?”

“Him?”

“The Sarrum. I could never think of why you would have such a craving for his death. He had done nothing to you save insult you and I did not assume that you would have taken such drastic measures simply for your pride. And revealing yourself to him in such a way was stupid. You were asking to get yourself killed. It was sloppy and you should be glad I was there to save you.”

“Yes. I know it was stupid. I threw all of my training out of the window. I should have done everything better than I did. He tried to go after her again on my watch and I couldn’t allow it. He tortured her and after Aithusa showed me the night that you escaped I couldn’t allow him to go free knowing all the things that he had done to the two of you. It was terrible to see the suffering.” After a few seconds he saw Morgana stiffen out of the corner of his eye. He turned to look at her and saw she had gotten even paler and her eyes widened in such a way that it was comical. He realized that he had just admitted to knowing about her rape and he knew he had to talk his way out of it, but as he looked at her he knew that she was not going to take it well at all.

“What…what did you say?” her voice came out in a whisper. Her mind was racing and playing back his sentences. He knew. He knew about it.

“I saw that you were tortured by Sarrum.” He tried to backtrack, “Aithusa told me that she was used against you.”

“No. That is not what you meant.” She was quickly shutting down save the shame, fear and anger. 

“I didn’t see anything, Morgana. Calm down.” He kept his tone neutral as he attempted to soothe her.

“How do you know there was anything to see?” Morgana was horrified, “Leave. Leave right now. I don’t want to talk anymore. I don’t care what I wanted to know. She told you didn’t she? She wouldn’t betray me like that unless you manipulated her to do so.” The words came out in a jumble but he understood her.

“Morgana…”

“Get out! Get out!” She shrieked, “You are just like them. You probably think I am some filthy whore don’t you?” She jumped out of the bed and came toward him. 

“I don’t think---.”He was cut off by Morgana striking him across his face in anger.

She was separated from him by a few inches and towered over him with a wild look in her pale green eyes. Her skin was ghost white and the shadows beneath her eyes were even more pronounced. She was quivering with fear or rage he couldn’t be certain but he knew that he had to calm her down. “I didn’t want you to know. No one can ever know.” Her breaths were shallow and fast and her eyes were distant and filled with fear and rage.

“Morgana! Listen to me.” he stood up and she shrank back from him. 

“I wanted you. No wonder you denied me. You wouldn’t want to sully yourself with me again would you?” Her words were clipped with an undertone of the fury he knew so well.

Merlin briefly wondered what she meant by ‘again’ but had only a second before her eyes grew hard again and she swung at him. He caught her wrist in his hand and towered over her. “Don’t hit me again.” He growled out. “And don’t tell me what I think.” 

She looked surprised at the fact that he stopped her hand, “I know what you think.”

“Listen to me right now.” He got closer to her face, “And don’t even think about it.” He warned her before releasing her hand. She snatched it back to her chest and glared at him. “I was horrified at your treatment and I wouldn’t have wished it on you or anyone. Aithusa told me because she wanted me to help you because she loves you. She is mine to protect and mine to make happy so I went after him to avenge the both of you. I don’t think any less of you for it. You are a strong willed woman and you didn’t let your experience break you apart. You are brave and brilliant and found your way out of a terrible situation. But you were still affected by it. And you know, Morgana, I could have taken what you offered to me earlier in the day but I didn’t because I didn’t want to hurt you. It would have hurt you because you haven’t come to terms with it. You shove it to the back of your mind because you don’t know how to deal with it. You will stubbornly tell yourself that you are over it when you aren’t. We are here to help you and the next time you come after me with that hand of yours and try to strike me you won’t like the outcome.” He sighed and watched the anger leech from her and her eyes cleared and focused on him while letting her shoulders relax. “I don’t think you are weak. I would be a fool to think so. And I don’t think you are a whore. Next time, think about that. I’m going now and I will see you tomorrow.” He turned around and murmured a few spells before opening the door and closing with a click and lock. 

Morgana felt drained as she sat on the bed. She was over it, wasn’t she? The answer was obviously not if her behavior was any clue to her current mental state. Mortification lit her cheeks and she felt incredibly embarrassed by her actions fueled by irrational fear and passion as it were. It wasn’t like he waved it in front of her face. And he had known about it for quite some time and hadn’t told anyone about her imprisonment and she acted like a rabid animal and hit him. Morgana thought she had more control than that. She let her fear rule her and that was unacceptable. He could have had sex with her earlier and it might have been what she was craving but would she really have lost it later after the fact? He knew about it and he denied her because he didn’t want to hurt her. A long forgotten feeling sparked to life in her heart. It was fondness for Merlin the servant boy and his kind ways. Merlin was right about one thing. She needed to get over it somehow before she tried again and try again she would because slowly but surely he was finding a way to get around the walls she carefully constructed around her heart and soul like he did before so long ago. 

####

Merlin was tempted to go back in to her and make sure she was alright but he didn’t. She would not thank him for it later. His cheek was still throbbing from her slap. Why did she have to hit him? And why did his plans always go awry. Nothing ever worked out how it was supposed to. He had put the guards in a brief sleep to slip out unnoticed and he was making his way back to his room. He understood her reaction because it was understandable. She had been traumatized and like anyone who had something terrible happen to them she had struck out and he expected it. He wondered what she thought of him and what she meant by again. He had never had sex with Morgana. He would certainly remember it if he had…wouldn’t he? 

His cheek continued to throb and he opened the door to Gaius’s chamber and slipped in quietly. He crossed the room and opened his own door then shut it, while letting out a slow breath in relief. This would be the last time he went to her room. He didn’t need to complicate things between them any more than they already were and he didn’t need to be caught exiting her room. Before the poisoning being seen leaving her room would have resulted in a beheading. As it was she was a prisoner and an enemy of Camelot and being seen leaving her room would be equivalent to treason. He undressed and settled beneath the covers. Only time would tell how their relationship would develop in the coming months. Maybe he could save her this time, but only if she wanted to be saved.

#####

A man sat on a throne and in front of him were three men all bent on one knee. “Rise.” He said and all three of them stood up to look at him. They were the finest assassins he could find. “You understand what I wish of you?”

“Yes, my Lord.”

“A thousand gold pieces for the one who brings her to me, dead or alive. Camelot must pay for what they did, even if they deny their part in the Sarrum’s death.” 

The three men nodded and bowed again before leaving the hall. The man smiled at the space in front of him. Oh yes, they would pay. 

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look. I'm on time. Woo! It's a bit shorter of a chapter but there's a bunch in it as you saw. There won't be much more in the way of secret telling for a while. Emrys and all that. But we are working our way up from a slow burn so woo. 
> 
> I'll be updating as usual on Friday. See Ya'll then.


	24. Chapter 23

XxOxX

It had been a week since Merlin was last in Morgana’s room. Every night when she was being walked to her room, or rather her comfortable prison cell, she half-hoped to see him sitting on her vanity chair and every night he wasn’t there. He had stayed true to his word so far and had not spoken to her save a good morning and a good night or when he was asked to do something by Gwen or Arthur. He was perfectly cordial and perfectly irritating. Any little progress that had been made in whatever kind of relationship they were developing had been put on hold quite firmly by the distant Merlin. Though the time distant did give her some room to think and contemplate his words. He hadn’t been the villain when he had accidentally let slip his true knowledge of her circumstance. In fact, if she had not caught the slip she was sure he might have taken it to the grave. He was sickeningly good in some respects. In spite of the knowledge that he kept so many secrets and that he foiled her plans every time she came up with one her dreams, when they weren’t nightmares, were of him. She craved his light, his kindness and it made her feel weak. To crave such things like a child would. The knights and most of the staff had been kind to her as well after she had started being less abrasive to them. Ever since Merlin had told her that she had issues that she needed to work through she had visited Aithusa nearly daily and just talked to the dragon. 

Aithusa merely listened to everything she said, every hurt and every betrayal with kind and patient eyes locked onto Morgana’s face. She cried and shook and admitted her multiple rapes to the little dragon even though she wasn’t sure if Aithusa had a reference for such things and the nightmares started to get better. She poured out her heart to the dragon and told her never to tell anyone else but knew that she didn’t need to ask. Morgana knew though that Merlin wouldn’t pry into her soul by using the dragon to get her secrets now. He knew them all. Aithusa had felt terrible about the whole incident between them and apologized over and over again. Morgana had told her that it wasn’t her fault and forgiven the dragon without a second thought. Strangely enough the sorceress was starting to feel weaker, more vulnerable, and thoughts of that consumed and terrified her. The collar around her neck was a heavy weight, a tolling bell telling her that she only had so long left before the absence of her magic killed her.

###

“Morgana, could you get a fresh nappy for Eliana?” Gwen’s voice floated across the room and she was brought out of her dark thoughts.

“Of course.” Morgana got up from her seat and made her way to the cabinet. She grabbed a fresh diaper and a cloth to clean the child up with. There was a bucket of fresh water next to the cabinet and she dipped the cloth into it and wrung it out before bringing both items over to Gwen. 

Gwen took them from her with a smile and proceeded to change her daughter’s bottom half. Ellie was kicking her feet and wriggling on the table that Gwen had set her on. Morgana smiled down at the girl and Ellie smiled back then brought her hand to her mouth and started to gnaw on it. “Thank you.” Gwen replied as she expertly fit the new diaper back onto her daughter’s tiny form.

“It’s fine.” Morgana replied and put her finger into Ellie’s hand. Ellie closed her small fist around it and the warmth from the child started to replace the chill that her earlier thoughts had brought about.

Gwen finished up with the changing and threw it into the basket which Morgana would take out later in the day. She looked up at her friend as she straightened up her daughter and lifted her up to stand on the table. “You’ve been distant lately almost like your mind is in another place.” The Queen observed while scrutinizing Morgana’s expression.

Gwen had always known Morgana relatively well and had been able to spot for the most part when something was wrong with her, “I’m fine. I’ve just been thinking a lot lately.”

“About what? If you don’t mind me asking?” Gwen set Ellie onto the floor and she crawled off towards her toys. Gwen sat down on the cot in the room and Morgana stayed standing near the window.

“You don’t want to listen to my problems, do you?” she looked back at her old friend.

“I do. I listen to everyone’s problems every day. So tell me, what have you been thinking about?”

“Aithusa, my magic, my experiences, Arthur, Camelot, the throne, Morgause, You, Merlin, everything. I don’t know where to start.”

“You must have a lot of time to think during the day and night. Arthur always has you under guard. I’ve tried to tell him that it isn’t necessary but he doesn’t listen. I think that if you really wanted to hurt us you would have done it by now. It’s like you are a whole different person now then you were before. You are different even from the Morgana I grew up with.”

“Thank you, Gwen, for trying to help me. I didn’t say that enough when we were younger did I?” Her voice was quiet and introspective. 

“I knew you loved me and you said it plenty. But let’s start with me and work our way out shall we?” Gwen put a hand on her slightly rounded belly and rubbed it softly.

“You? Mostly I can’t believe that you let me into your life so easily again. After everything I did to you and all that you suffered because of me.”

“There is no use in holding grudges against people. Grudges only darken your heart and seep into everything you do. I was angry at you for a long time though. Angry that you could betray us so easily, like we hadn’t known each other for years. I never could understand why you hated me so much.”

“It wasn’t you I hated—well not at first but after a while it was. I hated the fact that you were taking my birthright and that I saw you becoming Queen. It didn’t matter to me that you were happy or that Arthur was happy or even that you might be a great ruler. I just wanted the throne and after I was deposed and Morgause injured I started hating you for betraying me.”

“There is so much darkness in your heart, Morgana. There used to be so much light and joy.”

“I now wish that I was happy again and that I was at peace, but that will never happen again. There has been too much blood spilled for that to ever happen again.” Morgana heard Ellie babbling and smiled again. 

“You can be happy again. You know…the reason I let you around Ellie was because of the way you looked at her when you first saw her. There wasn’t a shred of hatred in your gaze, surprise, shock, yes but not hatred. You always loved children and I knew that Ellie could perhaps bring out something besides hate from you. It so far seems to have worked as I can see now you are happier when you are here with her.” The little girl had that effect on everyone. 

“Children are different. You can be whoever you want to them, teach them whatever you wish, and babies love so innocently and purely and unconditionally. I could be her Aunt and not be Morgana, the witch who seeks to destroy Camelot.”

“Have you changed your mind about us then?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you still want the throne? Do you still wish to kill us?”

“Yes and no. The urge to hurt you is much lessened. Before it was like an instinct, a loud one. Now it’s a whisper, like a thought that I might have had at one point that is mostly forgotten but ticking at the back of my mind like it has always been there.” 

“I have long thought that the reason you turned against Arthur and I was because of magic. Maybe it was.”

Morgana grew defensive at her passive accusation, “Morgause cast no spell on me. She wouldn’t do anything like that. We were sisters.”

Gwen decided to back off of that topic for now, “I know. What was she like then, Morgause?”

Morgana paused a moment before answering, “She was my sister and she made me feel accepted and loved no matter what I did. She never made me feel ashamed of my power and she always encouraged me. She taught me everything I knew at the time about magic. I didn’t feel alone with her.” Morgause had been her only ally and family after Merlin had poisoned her. Although she had put her mission to destroy Uther first she had always had time for Morgana and had poured all of her knowledge into Morgana with a single minded purpose. Near the end she had gotten fanatical and pushed herself more than she should have in her condition and that is when Morgana knew it was the end for her. Thinking of her sister opened up old wounds, wounds that didn’t need to complicate the situation. 

“Maybe if things had been different I might have liked her.” Gwen offered.

“There would have been a lot of things that could have been different. So many things…” Morgana murmured. “I would have still left Camelot even without my sister. I didn’t belong here under Uther’s thumb.”

“He was a hard man. I took care of him after you left. Arthur took over ruling the kingdom while Uther wasted away thinking of you. I never knew if it was your betrayal that destroyed him or the fact that you had magic and you were his daughter.”

“You cared for him? Even after all the things he did to you?”

Gwen nodded, “I did it for Arthur, not because I was fond of the man. And I didn’t have you to care for. He wasn’t as bad as everyone says. He was a broken man long before you betrayed us.”

“I told you before that it was never you and Arthur I wanted to hurt, not at first. I told Morgause about Uther’s confession and she told me that I had a right to the throne. At first I didn’t want anything to do with Camelot. I wanted to be far away from the place that had hurt me so much. It took days, weeks, even for my mind to change from one idea to the other.”

“Oh, Morgana….” Gwen sighed and shook her head then looked up at the woman next to the window, “You always talk about me and Arthur as people that you didn’t want to hurt, but Merlin was your friend too. He was onto you when you came back from your year with Morgause and he was always suspicious. I always wondered why that was. What happened between the two of you that made you so hateful to him?”

“It’s a long story and it’s one I can’t tell you yet. Just know that he hurt me and I want to hurt him back.”

“I remember that you used a Fomorroh on him to try to get him to kill Arthur. He was rubbish at it. It was actually quite funny how many times he failed. I don’t think you were expecting that outcome when you used it to control him.”

At the mention of the Fomorroh Morgana’s cheeks heated slightly as did her body. Oh the wonderful things he did while possessed by that creature of dark magic. “Oh yes. It didn’t go quite to plan, but I kept trying. You know me, stubborn.” Her lips quirked upward as she looked at Gwen.

“You and Arthur are both so stubborn. Even when one plan fails you have another and another. You both never give up.”

“You never give up either, Gwen. You are so certain that I can be good again. In all this time I don’t think either of you have asked me if I want to be here again.”

Guinevere looked at her daughter then back at Morgana realizing that she just assumed that Morgana would have wanted this for herself. “It was either this or your death or we just keep trying to kill each other. Aren’t you tired of it? It’s a never-ending cycle of violence. I don’t want that for my daughter or this unborn child. I have them to think about now.” Gwen rubbed her bump, “I didn’t want Arthur to have the guilt of having to kill you and I thought that this was the best solution for everyone. I believe in second chances. This may yet come to haunt me and I know that I would feel guilty and angry at having given you this chance for you to throw it away. Would you really go back to what you had before?”

“I miss my freedom, especially after being held prisoner for so long. I traded one dark and dank prison for another with gilded bars. I have nightmares every night that don’t have anything to do with my visions. I can’t use my magic and I can’t see Aithusa whenever I want. I can’t walk alone or even go outside without an armed guard. I feel even less like myself than I ever have before.” Despite her attempts at manipulation it was the truth.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Morgana. I don’t know how to help you. I can’t let you go and I don’t know how to rid you of your collar. I can only offer you the kindness and love that I always have and hope that it helps.”

Morgana smiled again at Gwen’s kind but empty words and looked out the window just in time to see Merlin disappear beyond the city gates on horseback. What could he be doing?

#####

Merlin had given Morgana some space during the week. He wanted her to come to him. He was tired of going to her and asking her for forgiveness. He had apologized enough and even though he hated what had happened to her he wasn’t going to be there for her to hit every time she lost touch with reality. Things were better when he slept. When he dreamed everything was perfect with her. Things were how they should have been a long time ago. He dreamed of her body beneath his, soft and warm and supple as they moved together. He dreamed of the day he changed their fate forever. Those dreams left him cold when he woke up. One thing was certain though, he needed to stop chasing her and let her figure out what she wanted to do before he would even try to foster a healthy relationship of any kind with her. 

Gaius had taken the opportunity to give him some chores to help keep his mind busy after attending to Arthur for the morning. The knights and he had a meeting at the round table today and although Merlin could have been there they were only talking about border patrols and the like. Merlin had left and Gaius had happily taken advantage of any free time he had to send him out in the forest to pick herbs. He did love to be inside Camelot with his friends but sometimes he just wanted to be alone in the forest to practice his magic. It was always risky to do anything with his magic but time and experience had made him more cautious and more knowledgeable about where he could go for solitude. He urged the horse he was on faster across the meadow towards the forest. When he reached the edge he brought the horse to a walk and plodded into the forest for a bit before dismounting and tying the horse up. “Stay here. I’ll be back.” The horse snorted in reply before lowering her head to rummage through the leaves and wood on the ground. 

Merlin set off to look for the herbs Gaius told him to gather. Recognizing them was easy but it was starting to get colder with winter setting in and the herbs were less and less. The winter so far had been quite warm, but Gaius had told him that snow would soon be here and the temperature would drop quickly so he had to get the last bit of fall herbs that he could before that happened. 

It took him even less time then he originally thought to collect all the herbs he could find and even some that weren’t on the list. He checked his pack and closed it before walking to find the glen he used to practice in. It was nearly a perfect circle and there was something otherworldly about it. Merlin could never figure out why or what it was but he always felt more at ease when he was in it. 

The sorcerer’s steps were quiet in the foliage and he found the glen easily and set his pack on the outside of it. The grass was drying and the forest had lost most of its leaves but the sense of power had not left the forest with the winter months. Merlin stood in the center and used his magical sight to scour for anyone who might be watching him. Finding no-one he sent to work and sat down in the middle of the glen. Instantly his breathing became deeper and slower. He started to relax his muscles starting from his head and worked his way down until his body was completely relaxed. Meditation was something he read about in one of his books and he found that it helped his concentration and memory when he was trying to cast spells. “Blóstmede.” He waved his hand and felt the magic enter the plants in front of him. The instantly started to appear greener and after a few moments small blooms appeared on the vines. Merlin smiled then said, “Ádrúge.” The plants that look so beautiful moments before started to wither and die right before his eyes. Such power over life and death was dangerous. He was about to cast another spell when a voice startled him. 

_“Hello, Merlin.”_

_“Kilgarrah!” He looked around briefly to make sure the dragon wasn’t out and about in broad daylight so close to Camelot. “Where are you?”_

_“Nowhere close to you, warlock. I need to speak with you and I could not wait. Where is Aithusa?”_

_“She is safe underneath Camelot.”_

_“Why have you not brought her to me? You are a Dragonlord and are charged with her safety and protection. She needs to be with her own kind, not a prisoner beneath your city.”_

_“I’m going to bring her as soon as I can. I can’t just get a dragon through the city without anyone seeing her. I’m caring for her.”_

_“It will be easier for me to come to you. I’m sure you can think of something.”_

_“Are you sure? I mean, getting a dragon into the cavern was a challenge. I can command her to come, but she cannot break her chains.”_

_“We need her quickly here and we need to break her bond with the witch, however it came to be.”_

_“We need to fix her legs. Shouldn’t she be able to do that herself?”_ Merlin avoided the subject of Morgana altogether. He couldn’t separate them. Doing that would destroy her. When the time came he would just have to command the dragon to do his will and not sever the bond. 

_“Yes. She should, but she hasn’t had anyone to guide her on how to use her magic. She is a creature that cannot exist without magic but without a teacher there are only certain things that she can do on her own.”_

_“I bring her here to you and you will help her? What happens after that?”_ Merlin knew that the old dragon sometimes didn’t tell him the whole truth or merely used information to his own gain. 

_“I would take her with me.”_

_“And if I didn’t want you to do that?”_

_“Why wouldn’t you? I can care for her.”_

_“Like you did the last time? I seem to remember her leaving with you and showing up with Morgana with scars and badly formed back legs.”_

_“I was careless. It won’t happen again.”_

_“I will think about her leaving with you. If she wanted to she would come right back here and you would have lost her again.”_

_“You are not the only one with control over dragons, warlock. I can exert my will over her and she will obey me.”_

_“Until she becomes stronger than you. You have taught me much in the years I have known you and have lied to me too. You won’t hold her for long if you force her to stay with you. You have to make her want to stay, give her something to look forward to.”_

_“Sometimes, Merlin, you are wiser than your years and sometimes you are naïve. You will meet me outside the city in a week’s time.”_

_“And if I can’t be there?”_

_“You will.”_ And with that last statement Kilgarrah’s presence vanished from his mind.

Merlin took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Sometimes being Emrys, and the last Dragonlord and apprentice to the Court Physician exhausted him in more ways than one, not to mention the task of friend, confidant and son as well. Merlin grabbed the bag at the edge of the clearing before heading back to his horse and to Camelot. The day was starting to get colder with the promise of frost in the days to come. He was in no mood to continue his practice session now. 

#### 

“Morgana. Would you like to take a walk alone for a while? No guards, no eyes watching you?” Gwen asked her after she came back from her time with Arthur in court.

Morgana couldn’t help the suspicion that instantly leapt to life in her mind, “Why?”

“I’ve just been thinking about what you said. We need to let you have some freedom if only to see what you do with it. Guards will be posted at all the exits like normal and you will need to be back here before nightfall.”

“What does Arthur say about this?”

“Arthur isn’t the only ruler of this kingdom. I take responsibility for you, not him and I say that you can go for a walk.”

Morgana smiled at Gwen’s reply. The woman in front of her had really come into her own as a Queen. She was confident, commanding and kind and was so different from the girl that had come to be her own personal servant when Morgana was young. “I go and see AIthusa alone. What makes this different?”

“You see Aithusa under guard. The guard is in front of the only exit and keeping you in. You won’t be escorted or watched at all save when you near an exit.”

“Don’t you need me here?”

“Not right now. Arthur and I are going to meet with the kitchen staff and the castle servants to make preparations for Ellie’s first birthday.”

“First birthday? Has it really been that long?”

“You’ve been here for nearly two fortnights. Her birthday is in less than half of one. It will be interesting to see if the nice weather holds up, but it will most likely snow before long.” Gwen picked up her daughter and swung her up onto her hip. 

“So I can really leave here and no one will stop me?”

“You still can’t leave the castle, but yes. I’ve already told the guards.” 

Morgana stood up and walked over to the door then lifted her hand to the knob and pushed the door open. She looked back and Gwen, who waved along with Ellie then set off down the hall with a mission in mind. 

####

Merlin opened the door to Gaius’s chambers and saw the old man working on a potion. He looked up and gave the young man a brief smile, “You weren’t gone as long as I thought you were going to be. Did you get the whole list I gave you?”

“There were some that we already gone from the colder air but I got most of them.” Merlin lifted the pack off of his shoulder and started to empty it onto the table while sorting the herbs into different piles. 

“It looks like you managed to get the most important ones.” Gaius watched his ward carefully, “Is something bothering you, Merlin?”

Merlin finished emptying the satchel and sat down at the table, “Kilgarrah spoke to me. He wants me to get Aithusa out of the city in a week.”

“Merlin…”

“I know. I know.”

“How will you manage that when there will be nobles from all over coming to Eliana’s first birthday?”

“What?” Merlin looked at his mentor with surprise. “Is she already that old?”

“I remember it well. It was a snowy day and a cold one. Gwen had an easy labor. But yes, she will be one year old in just two weeks’ time.”

“I need to get her to him. She has such pain and she isn’t happy here.” Merlin knew that the festivities would make things harder in some ways but much easier in others. It could prove opportunistic. 

“Why now? Why didn’t you just leave her when you captured Morgana?”

“I wanted to know about her. The last time I had seen her she was newly hatched. Then I find her with my enemy. There were a few things I need filled in.”

Gaius merely shook his head, “You always do what your heart tells you.” 

“Sorry.” But he wasn’t. Not in the least bit.

“It’s not a bad thing, Merlin, but you need to start using your head more.” 

A knock sounded at the door and Merlin got up from the chair to answer it, “I wonder who it could be.” He mused before opening the door slightly and was surprised to find just the person he was trying to avoid, “What do you need?” he asked in a barely neutral voice.

He watched her eyes narrow slightly, “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Who is it, Merlin?” 

“No one.” He replied back to Gaius then turned back to her, “Why? And where are your guards?”

“I will explain if you come with me.”

“Why?”

“I just want to talk to you.” 

“Then tell me what you want here.” He crossed his arms over his chest and regarded her with suspicion.

“Please, Merlin.” She made her tone as soft as possible and added a soft look for good measure.

Merlin was caught off-guard by the plaintive request and he nodded back at her before turning to Gaius, “I will be right back.” Morgana stepped back from the door and Merlin exited the room and shut the door behind him. “Where to?” 

“This way,” Morgana set down the hall and Merlin followed her wondering why she came to him now and what she possibly would have to say.

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look. A wild chapter has appeared. That only happens when my muse gets to do a happy dance. She happy dances when she gets reviews and kudos. *wink wink*
> 
> Aside from that there will still be a chapter on Friday. Think of this as a bonus.
> 
> Merlin is still pretty young and eager to please. He might grow out of it. Maybe. Anyway! Enjoy!


	25. Chapter 24

XxOxX

Morgana led Merlin down the hall and he followed her while silently wondering if she was going to do something terrible to him. He observed her back and her dress looking for any bulges or obvious signs of a weapon. _Maybe she just wants to talk with you._ Yeah and maybe she wants to finish what she started back in her chamber. This is what she had done to him…made him paranoid about every action that she took; every step that she made while he kept a close eye on her. Not because she haunted his dreams and made him crave her even when she wasn’t so close to him. She was his enemy and his destiny and it was something that neither of them could escape. That was why he was staring at her backside as she walked slowly through the castle, and it was not because she was stunningly beautiful and increasingly more mysterious with each passing moment. And now that she knew he had magic he could use it against her without fear of repercussions. 

Morgana felt his eyes burn into her back as she walked and tried to find an empty room. Her own room would be too public, and too well watched for her to just walk into with him. It was difficult remembering the rooms to the place she once called her home for many years. It was risky enough bringing him with her so publicly. Although he was watching here with what she could only guess was suspicion having him so close was wreaking havoc with her emotions. Her nightmares were disappearing and being replaced by happier dreams but these new dreams always felt fake and unbelievable, like an illusion. What she dreamed was not a perfect world of happiness; the images that her mind supplied her unconsciousness with were not what she wanted. It was a child’s fantasy and nothing more. 

She saw the room she was looking for and quickly opened it. Merlin followed her inside and stood next to the door as she closed and locked it. Morgana turned around and faced Merlin alone for the first time in nearly a week. His eyes were intensely blue and locked on her while he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall as if completely at ease with their situation. He couldn’t fool her. His eyes darted from her and to the door then back at her as he put on an air of nonchalance and power. This was not Merlin the servant, this was Merlin the warlock, the one who stood up to her in a way that few would dare do even powerless as she was and that impressed her.

“So you’ve brought me here. What do you have to tell me here that you couldn’t have in the hall?”

Morgana was intending to tell him many things in this room but the words never left her mouth but as she looked at him she began to think of other things. Things that was dangerous and dark especially in her current state. He looked so confident and handsome in front of her with his hair tousled and the hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth. He had a light and a happiness around him that called to her and made her want to bask in it. Instead of speaking she closed the distance between them and as he started to step back from her she lifted her and quickly to the back of his head and pulled him down for a searing kiss. She could tell he was surprised by his sudden stiffness but it rapidly faded as he tried to pull away from her. Morgana would not be gotten rid of so easily and she placed her hand on the back of his head while pushing him against the wall. He could overpower her easily if he wanted to; the fact that she wasn’t yet disentangled from him was a small victory for the woman. She felt his body against hers and she reveled in his warmth and the way his chest and abs were pressed against hers. His lips were soft and pliant and she coaxed him to reciprocate her kiss. 

For a moment he was unresponsive but she felt the tiniest move of his mouth against hers and she knew that she had him. His arms wound around her back, one against the lower curve of her spine and the other rested between her shoulder blades. His hands tightened on her and pulled her closer as he started to devour her. She let him take her mouth greedily and rolled her body against his. He pulled her tighter and their lips parted for the briefest second before meeting again full force. She made a small noise against his mouth and his hands started to travel to her sides making her shiver with heat and cold as goose bumps arose from the movement. She could feel her heart beating rapidly in her chest and felt his as an echo against her breast. His eyes flew open and the narrowed as he set his hands on her hips and pushed her away from him with enough force to make her stumble back a few paces. He was breathing harshly, his pupils were dilated and the hunger in them was enough to make her want to fasten her lips to his again. When she tried to do so he held up his hand to her. “No, Morgana. I thought we discussed this. There wasn’t supposed to be any more of that.” 

She was still riding an adrenaline high and wanted more of him, “We did discuss it. You said not until I have dealt with it. I dealt with it and now I want you,” the words came out breathy as she struggled to regain control of her rampant heart. She needed to feel his warmth….but she was in here for a reason her mind supplied. And it wasn’t to do this. Morgana brushed her inner logic away in favor of her hormones.

“How can you be ready after one week?” his voice was rough and thick and it made her shiver in anticipation. “It takes months...even years for some people.”

“When I want something I am determined to get it no matter what. You should know that better than anyone.” With her eyes she dared him to come for her. She knew that this was not what they should be doing. They should be talking, easing into it, but Morgana didn’t want easy. She wanted hard and fast from the man in front of her and she would get it, consequences be damned. “And I know you won’t hurt me.”

“I can’t.” He murmured more to himself than to her. His nostrils flared and she saw his struggle to keep his hands at his sides because he kept clenching and unclenching them. She saw the effect that her kiss had on him and the corner of her lip curled upwards. She looked away for one moment and when she looked back at Merlin he had crossed those few steps and his lips descended on hers firmly and passionately. His control was fraying little by little and it hadn’t taken much for him to lose himself to her. Inside he felt guilty for taking advantage of her but she had made the first move so anything that came of this for her sanity he could not be held responsible for. His dreams were eating him alive. He wouldn’t take her now…at least not here, not where there wasn’t a decent bed to lie her down on but he would give her what he could here and now in this room and maybe he could think again and they could talk without all of this distraction. 

He tossed common sense out of his mind and focused solely on the woman in front of him. She was eager and soft against him, eager to kiss and touch him. Her hands roamed down his chest greedily while one of his rested on the side of her neck and cheek and the other splayed on her back. He used his power in their position to pin her against the wall. His lips left hers to descend on her neck and she gave a sharp gasp and dug her nails into his shirt and sides. The heat between her thighs was only getting hotter and the feelings more delicious. He growled against her neck and pulled his upper body from hers so he could place his hands on the undersides of her breasts. He managed to have a look at her face even from his angle. She was flushed and her eyes were dark with pleasure while her lips were plump and reddened from his kiss. Morgana saw a brief flash of indecision in his eyes among the lust that swam within them and pulled him down for a gentler kiss. Gentle? Where had this gentleness come from? She didn’t care about him and his feelings. Did she? 

Her chest was tight even as her heart beat faster and her body demanded to feel more of him against her. The look in his eyes and the gentle caress had her backtracking, the steamroller of hormones that had galloped through her body lost momentum with each breath. They had to talk as much as it pained her to admit it. She wasn’t afraid that he would hurt her. It was that he would feel guilty about it later because he was a romantic. A lover, not a fighter and this setting was far from romantic. He gentled his touch and his lips against hers and she placed both hands on his chest to still his movements. Merlin pulled back from her and looked down at her with dark eyes filled with a mixture of lust and concern, “Did I hurt you?” Came out roughly and she clenched her thighs at the soft rumble of his voice.

Morgana couldn’t help but smile slightly, “No.” he was so concerned for her well-being that it touched her heart again and she hated it. Things were easier between them when she wanted his demise more than anything else in the world. The fact that she didn’t was also concerning to her. Where did her priorities go? Was she becoming weaker here in Camelot? She pulled herself back from the downward spiral that her thoughts had taken her. “You were right. This is not the time or place for this.”

His expression darkened and he pulled back from her. “Morgana,” he growled, clearly upset, “You can’t just get me all worked up over and over again just to see me squirm.” He turned away from her and started to walk to the door. “I’m so tired of your games. I try to be nice and you still act the same way you have before.” He threaded hands through his hair with his back turned to her.

She understood his upset, because she knew what it felt like to be denied but she had to stop him from leaving, “I wasn’t trying to play a game, Merlin. I thought it was what I wanted, but I… think it would be a poor idea.”

“I told you, Morgana. Didn’t I tell you that all of your problems can’t possibly be solved in a week? And I fell for it.”

“That’s not the reason I stopped. We have to talk about things before we throw ourselves into an even more complicated situation then we already have.” It was logical and clear headed of her to think of the future and it was a positive step in the right direction.

His back was still to her and she heard him take a deep, cleansing breath, “Like I am in any shape to have a meaningful conversation now. I imagine this over and over in my head in different scenarios all with you in the center. I can’t even look at another woman now. You are starting to drive me mad with your red lips, your eyes shadowed with mischief, the face of an angel and the soul of a devil.”

Those words were poetic and affected her in more ways than one, “You looked at me with such guilt and I didn’t want you feeling that way about what we were doing. I acted on instinct at first and I’m sorry.”

The apology more than anything she had said served to calm him, because it surprised him. He turned back around to face her. His heartbeat had started to calm and his blood was beginning to cool. It allowed logic to rise to the forefront of his mind, “What?”

“I’m sorry for doing what I did. For teasing you like I have been. I’m sorry for hitting you in my room a week ago. I was feeling vulnerable and I struck out. You hadn’t told anyone. You didn’t hold it above my head, you were a gentleman and I think that if you had not accidentally slipped up I never would have known about it. I was wrong to do it when you have only been trying to help me.” The words came out in a rush. It was difficult for her to admit she was wrong but it was important that he knew. 

Merlin tilted his head at her and was processing her admission. “Thank you.”

“Are you alright?”

“More alright now than I was a few minutes ago. Did you bring me in here to tell me that you were sorry before I kissed you like a savage?” The blush on his cheeks was unmistakable even in the lower light that the room provided.

“Yes.”

“Then I have something to tell you as well. I’m taking Aithusa out of the city.”

Her first reaction was happiness, then as his statement went through her mind, “You? Not we?” And that troubled her.

“You can’t leave the city. I would never be able to explain it.”

“Are you going to bring her back?”

“I don’t know.”

This man had a knack for making her angry, “How can you not know? Won’t Arthur be a little upset at the fact that his dragon is missing?” 

“I’m going to take her to see Kilgarrah, her mentor.”

“She won’t stay with him. She will only escape again then where will the two of you be?”

“He says that he can fix her back legs. She wouldn’t be in pain anymore and he can teach her to speak.”

“I don’t care. She is staying with me.” It was selfish of her, but that dragon was her only weakness and her greatest strength and she couldn’t let him take her away. 

“Be reasonable. She isn’t happy here all cooped up.”

“But she is happy with me.” Morgana said morosely.

Instantly Merlin’s guilt could have eaten him alive on the spot and he started to give in, “How would I take you with me? Arthur has guards everywhere.” Because Aithusa was in fact happier with Morgana then she was with Merlin no matter how strange he thought it was. 

“I know that you know secret tunnels leading from Camelot. Take me through one.”

“But I don’t know how to get Aithusa out of the city either.”

“How did the last dragon escape?”

“He flew out from the top of the cave.”

“So what is the problem exactly with getting her out?” Her tone was exasperated as if she was talking with a child.

Merlin looked pensive. Why didn’t he think of that? “I guess there isn’t one.”

“And what is that dragon doing ordering you around? Aren’t you a Dragonlord? Aren’t you supposed to be ordering him around? You have so much power, Merlin and you never even use it. You are too worried about what other people will think of you.”

He got defensive,” It’s better than everyone hating you. I don’t have to swing my power around like it’s a great big sword. Magic isn’t a toy, it’s a powerful force and it should be used only when necessary.”

“Necessary? We have a gift. It’s not a curse and it’s not to be feared.”

“But it shouldn’t be used without knowing the consequences.”

“Gods, you sound like Gaius preaching about the dangers of magic. I think you are uncomfortable with your power and that’s why you don’t use it.” Morgana crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against the wall to watch him.

Merlin opened his mouth and shut it again, “I’m not uncomfortable with my magic. I know it can be used to help people.”

“I think you are. I think that even though you have it and you aren’t afraid of it, so many people in Camelot and where you grew up were afraid of it and it has affected you. You have been all alone here for the most part and without anyone to share your experiences with. To be so alone can be a curse.”

She sounded so reasonable at that moment and a part of him agreed with her, “It doesn’t matter. One day Arthur will bring back magic to the kingdom. It will just take time.”

“You have the patience of a saint, Merlin. That is all I can say about you. And it’s even more amusing that you believe that above all else. My brother won’t change his mind with a snap of your fingers…well he could but you wouldn’t do that to him.” 

“I’m not like you.”

“Would being more like me be so bad? I know what I want and I go after it with everything I have and I always get what I want.”

“Almost always.” Merlin intoned. “After all, Morgana, you are here, captive, powerless and forced to obey those who you seek to destroy.”

“But maybe this is exactly where I want to be.”

Merlin chuckled, “Always so stubborn…”

“Stubborn is better than letting people walk all over you.”

“Better than being selfish and hurting the people who care about you.” His reply was full of challenge.  
“When did you get so bold?” With every reply they were stepping closer and closer to one another.

“I’ve grown up. I’m not the naïve little servant boy that I was years ago.”

“So you have.” She bit her bottom lip and gave him a mischievous look that heated his blood all over again.

“Morgana.” He warned, “We are bad for each other. You know that.” 

“We can be bad together you know, Merlin. You and I can run away from here with magic at our command. It would be amazing.” She leaned closer to him and rose up on her feet so their lips were mere centimeters apart. “You know you want to.” 

Merlin started to bend down to kiss those sinful lips of hers when he heard a muffled shout of, “MERLIN! WHERE ARE YOU?” He jerked back and looked around hurriedly. Arthur’s voice was like ice cold water thrown over his entire body. His best friend would kill him if he found Merlin in a locked room with his half-sister.

Morgana could have killed her brother right then and there. So close. She was so close to getting him to start back from where they left off earlier. She gritted her teeth and glared at the door. “He has impeccable timing, doesn’t he?” She ground out and realized that she wasn’t going to get him to stay with her. 

He looked apologetic but he was hurrying to the door, “We can talk later.”

“Talking wasn’t what I had in mind.” She mumbled to herself before, “He has you trained well. He yells and you run to him. Don’t you get tired of it?”

Merlin glowered at her before he unlocked the door and rushed out to see what Arthur wanted. 

Morgana shut the door behind him and put her back to it. She could have screamed in that moment. She was so close to having him in her clutches. Morgana curled her fingers into a fist and dug her nails into her palm. She hated it here. Maybe it was paranoia and maybe not but she felt herself getting weaker by the day. The key to Merlin was getting back into his heart and when she was there she could ask him how to get this collar off. Getting free was always going to be at the forefront of her mind but now she wanted more than that. She wanted what she saw in Camelot every day. She missed being close to people, sharing in their joy and sorrow. Morgana took another deep breath before turning back to the door and opening it. She still had a while before she had to be back at the nursery and she wasn’t going to waste it sulking because of a plan gone awry. 

####

“MERLIN!” He rounded the corner and saw Arthur, who immediately pointed at him. “Have you seen Morgana?”

Merlin panicked for a second…he knows. He knows. “No I haven’t seen her. Why?” It was a lie, a terrible lie. He couldn’t very well tell Arthur he was cavorting with his sister like some tavern wench in a locked room intending to do wicked things to her. Oh no. That would be bad. Lying was best here.

“Gwen let her loose on her own. I love my wife but sometimes she irritates me. Morgana is a criminal, a prisoner and she let her loose in the castle.” Arthur put a hand on his forehead and rubbed it, “Are you sure you haven’t seen her?”

“I think I saw her walking a while ago.”

“Good. Good. The guards will stop her if she tries to leave.” 

“Was that all you needed?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Gwen has me helping her plan Eliana’s birthday celebration. It’s going to be three days long. Three days in the cold of winter. Women are completely mad. The kitchen staff are already preparing for it. There is going to be jugglers, and performers in the great hall. She wants me to move the round table… and of course I am but she’s just driving me mad. Our daughter won’t even remember it. Be glad you don’t have a wife, Merlin. Women are nothing but trouble. But heaven help me I love that woman.” He patted Merlin on the back, “Are you going to go with us to the tavern tonight? You look a little strained.”

Merlin could have laughed at that. Strained wasn’t even the half of it. But maybe a night at the tavern would be just what he needed. “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

###

Merlin entered the tavern later that night and he was greeted by a bunch of really happy drunks, “Oy! Merlin! Come have a round wi’ us.” 

“Not tonight, gentlemen.”

“I know that look. He’s looking for a lady friend.” Catcalls and masculine hoots came after that sentence and Merlin smiled and rolled his eyes.

“Well that shouldn’t be too hard.” A hand clapped him on the back and Gwaine shoved a mug full of ale at him. “We can both look for a wench.”

Merlin took a drink of the ale and looked around, “Where is everyone else?”

“Late, as usual. Arthur has to talk the Queen into letting him come. She’s getting really moody about his boy’s night out lately. Leon’s over there and Percival is…..somewhere.” he gestured with his mug and the liquid sloshed over the side and hit the floor. Gwaine was already well on his way to drunk. “Come on! We have dice over here. You need to win us some more money! Drinks for everyone!” A huzzah came from the entire tavern and Merlin let Gwaine lead him wherever he wanted. 

####

Morgana couldn’t help but be pleased by the way Arthur was begging Gwen. “Please, love. I never get to do things like this anymore. Everyone else is probably already there.”

Gwen had her back to him, but her face to Morgana and the woman was grinning ear to ear at her husband’s whining. “And you aren’t likely to get many more after this one arrives.” 

Arthur wrapped his arms around her middle and started kissing her neck, “Please.” 

She squirmed in his grasp and tried to push him away. “Fine! Fine! You’re so spoiled. Go. Have fun with the boys.”

Arthur grinned like a child getting a new toy and kissed Gwen, “I have to beat Merlin at dice. I swear he is cheating.” Arthur took off out of the door and shut it behind him.

“Those men are my favorite people in the world besides you and Ellie. He’s going to come back stone stinking drunk like he does every night they do this. It’s poor Merlin that has to drag him back and often he is even stumbling around too.”

“Do they go often?” Morgana had Ellie in her arms and was bouncing her as she played with the collar around her neck. 

“Once in a while they all go. They all gamble and drink and the knights spend the night with a few tavern wenches.”

“But does Merlin?”

“No. Not really anymore. I worry about him sometimes. It sometimes seems as if he is older than his years, instead of a man just starting out. He’ll drink and gamble but not take up the girls on their offers and the one and only time I went he has a lot of women offer.”

That irritated Morgana, “Do you know why?”

“No. I suspect that he’s not that experienced. Arthur tells me he is but Merlin is the kind of man who would want to marry a girl rather than bed her. He’s so gentle and kind. Today though Arthur said he looked a little wound up. I wonder why.”

Morgana could have grinned from ear to ear, “No idea.”

“He’s usually so calm. It would have to be something big.” Gwen suddenly looked at Morgana intensely as if she suspected what was happening but the look faded as quickly as it came and was replaced by her trademark kind face.

Morgana was just astounded at the fact that not even Gwen had caught onto the fact that Merlin has magic. “What do the people think of their king drinking in the tavern?”

“Arthur is very much a people’s king. He is quite unlike Uther in some aspects and so much like him in others. Both he and I think it is important to know your people, so he does.”

“The people love you.”

“We try.” She put her hand on her belly and smiled, “I can feel her move.”

“Do you think it’s another girl?”

“Perhaps but I would be happy with either honestly. Arthur wants a boy as you well know.”

“Of course he does. And I suspect that he would choose a boy over a girl for the throne.”

“I wouldn’t let him do that. The one who is best suited for the throne will get it whether it is Ellie or another of our children. It will be fair.”

“That is an excellent idea, but what if it doesn’t happen that way?”

“I don’t know. It’s a long time from now so I don’t want to think of it. My Ellie is far too small right now.”  
Eliana looked at her mother at the mention of her name, “Gana.” Morgana kissed her niece on her head and passed the girl to Gwen. 

###### (An hour passes)

Arthur tossed the dice on the table, “Beat that.” Then took a drink of his ale.

Merlin arched an eyebrow and picked up the dice. He brought them up to his mouth and blew on them the same time he enchanted them, “Seven.” Then proceeded to toss them onto the table. Seven looked Arthur in the face and he growled, “You aren’t getting paid…for a long time.” Another drink.

Merlin took a drink and looked around. Gwaine was surrounded by 3 women and was loving every second of it. He had already seen Percival head upstairs with a woman of his own and Leon was over at the next table regaling a tale to a bunch of very drunk patrons.

“So I slass’d it wif my sword and it died.” Leon slurred out and Arthur sat down next to him, “Yeah. Slashed it. Merlin! Merlin! YOU tell it.”

“You are so drunk.”

“You aren’t drunk enough.” Silvia, a waitress told him and handed him another ale and Merlin watched her walk away.

“Pstssst. Merlin. You should go after her.” Leon told him rather loudly.

Merlin fought back a blush and took another drink, “Not my type.”

“I’m starting to think you are a little meh-eh.” Arthur gestured with his hands. 

“What?”

“He means that you likes boys.” Gwaine slurred on his way to the door with the three women holding onto him.

Merlin choked on his next drink, “NO!” he half shouted. The alcohol was starting to take effect. “I just don’t like red heads.”

“Or blondes…or too tall or too short, or brown eyes.” Arthur named them off on his fingers and took another drink.

“Shove off.” He grumbled at his friend.

“No you shove off.” 

A voice was at his ear, “I wouldn’t mind if it was you, ya know.” She was right next to him and she was very exposed but he wasn’t affected. Not one damned bit. He should have been. She was pretty enough and he had drunk enough ale to make her even prettier but his body remained dormant.  
“Thanks, Sil.” He took another drink and sat down with the boys to enjoy the rest of the night.

####

Morgana awoke to a knock on her door. She looked out the window and saw that it was still dark outside with no evidence of dawn any time soon. She got up and opened the door to find Merlin. He was disheveled and smelled of ale and he looked at her with a hungry look in his eyes. “I want you.”

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. It's time I get off of my slacking backside and start up again. I've been in a bit of a downswing of depression and played some video games and generally felt sorry about myself for a while. I'm still a bit depressed but I'll get over this hump and onto the next. So I'll be posting another chapter either friday or saturday, whenever I feel less like I'm an overworked mom and wife and have a bit of me time.


	26. Chapter 25

XxOxX

It had been a week since he had woken up in Morgana’s bed half naked and with one hell of a headache. At first he was confused by the scent of lilac and vanilla and the comfortable mattress with soft sheets. He had thought it was a dream until the cool morning air from an open window drifted gently over his chest. After sitting straight up and looking around in morticiation he looked around the room and tried to remember what had happened during the night. It wasn’t much after about the fifth drink but he did remember talking with the knights and taking Arthur to his bedroom while he was stumbling drunk…he remembered heading to Morgana’s room and then nothing. 

He had thrown his shirt on and raced back to his room while not caring if anyone saw him then washed up quickly and put on a new set of clothes. When he had arrived at Arthur’s room for his shift that he was somehow actually mostly on time for he had seen Morgana and almost instantly blushed down to his toes. She looked at him with a mischievous glint in her eye and a hint of satisfaction in her smile. This naturally had made Merlin even more anxious about everything and at her but when he tried to talk to her she had brushed him off…for the whole damned week! Tonight was the night he was going to take Aithusa to Kilgarrah and he didn’t know when or where Morgana had wanted to meet him. His temper had been short this entire week because of his memory loss, his stress, and the incredible amount of sexual frustration caused by one wicked, evil sorceress. 

####

Morgana was enjoying watching Merlin suffer far too much. He alcohol laced memory had clearly suffered and it delighted her. She wanted him to come to her and ask…no beg to be told if anything happened between them. Naturally she had given obscure hints which only seemed to feed into his frustration. It had been a week and she had avoided him like the plague while toying with him. She had seen the power and the darkness inside of him and she wanted to see it again. It wasn’t like she didn’t know that she was playing with fire but tonight was the night she was to go see this Great Dragon Kilgarrah and she wouldn’t be denied. 

####

 _ **Provide me with a distraction so I can get out of my room. I will tell you everything you want to know after you get me out.**_  
Morgana

Merlin looked over the note again. She had slipped it into his pant pocket earlier that day while she was walking with Eliana. The affection that the almost one year old had for Morgana was endearing but also worrisome in a way. The winter wind set a chill to his skin covered in threadbare clothes as he sat in the courtyard and observed the comings and goings of various individuals. Nobles had begun to filter in from other kingdoms and provinces. The guard was working twice as hard to keep the city safe and they checked and rechecked the credentials of everyone coming into the city per Arthur’s orders. Nothing would spoil his daughter’s first birthday. 

Unfortunately with all this extra traffic it would be tricky to get them both out unseen. He had already had a conversation with Aithusa and she was reluctant to go along with the plan. She was worried about what Kilgarrah would tell her and she didn’t want to go with him anymore than Morgana wanted her to go. He would have to figure something out. The command that he would give to both dragons would have to be precise without any loopholes that the older dragon could exploit. Aithusa was part of Morgana for better or worse. They were good for one another which Merlin was loathe to admit. Aithusa made her better somehow and more like her old self. If he was to admit to himself the real reason behind everything it was that he wanted her back to the innocent, kind, naïve ward that she had been years ago. After some thought he decided that making her back to the way she had been was foolish. Everyone changes with age an experience. Now he wasn’t sure what he wanted from her. He was starting to care about her again and it he admitted that it would hurt him if she betrayed him. _But you already betrayed her_. His subconscious reminded him and he told the inner voice to shut it. Merlin leaned back against the cool stone and took several deep breaths. The cool air filled his lungs and prompted another small shiver.

“Merlin? What are you doing out here in the cold?” He was surprised to hear Gwen’s voice to his left. He sat up from the wall and turned to see the Queen walking toward him. Merlin jumped up from his place on the ground. He gave a quick bow to her in case there was anyone watching then straightened.

“I’m just thinking. Did you need me for anything?”

“No. But you will catch your death out here.”

“Then what are you doing? You’ve got two people to worry about getting sick with.” He gestured to her belly.

Gwen laughed and rubbed her abdomen. “I haven’t been out here long. Don’t tell Arthur. He’s already worried sick about me.”

“Secret’s safe with me.” He laughed and held his arm out for Gwen to take, “And I wouldn’t be a very good servant if I let you walk around by yourself would I?”

Gwen accepted his arm and looped hers through it so they walked arm in arm and they set off again, “I know he is just trying to take care of me but sometimes the man takes it too far.”

“Does he? Maybe he is just worried that one day he will lose you. His mother died in childbirth. I’ll bet he never told you how scared he really was after the news about Ellie sunk in. Gaius had to mix potions for him to relax until you gave birth to her. He was terrified that he would lose you and your child and become a bitter man like his own father.”

“But his mother died because of magic.”

“Maybe. Or maybe she would have died either way even if she could have conceived him without magical help.” Merlin was tired of everyone blaming magic for everything. Sometimes magic had nothing to do with the terrible things that happen to those we love or hate. 

“Maybe. But Arthur and Uther are very different men. Father and son they may be but that doesn’t mean Arthur would become his father, not with you around.”

“What do you mean? 

“You are his best friend and although sometimes he doesn’t show it he cares for you very much and he would be lost if he didn’t have you.”

“You make him sound so romantic. Maybe I should get him flowers or something.” Merlin joked and Gwen laughed and pulled him closer.

“Oh, Merlin. What would either of us do without you? You have such a good heart.” 

“You would both be lost without me.”

“Yes. We probably would.”

“So why are you out here? Don’t you have a little one to take care of?”

“Morgana has it well under control. She’s more of a blessing than I ever thought possible.”

“Aren’t you worried that Morgana will hurt her?”

“At first I was, but I think that Morgana attached herself to Ellie much like she did with her dragon. They are both completely innocent and love unconditionally. She needs that more than she will ever admit.”

“Do you think she can change?”

“Everyone is capable of change, Merlin. Do I think that she can be good again? No. Not completely. And I know that sounds a bit harsh but you and I both know that she will never be the same person she was. There is far too much memory and bad blood to ever go back to what we were. We will have to make new memories to join with the old ones and heal some of the wounds on both sides.”

“You sound pretty optimistic about that.”

“What is this sudden interest in her? It’s strange that she has been interested in you as well.”

Merlin cleared his throat, “What?”

Gwen gave him a secret smile, “You can ask but I’m not going to tell you everything, Merlin. I will tell you that I approve very much even if my husband probably won’t. I used to think that you were the perfect man for me. Kind and gentle and adorable, but after Arthur almost died…” She cleared her throat, “It was after I started noticing him that I noticed how you two sometimes looked at each other.”

“How was that?”

“Yearning even though neither of you would admit it, not that you could. You were a commoner and she the daughter of a king, although named his ward at the time. You also tried to spy on her naked on your first day in Camelot. Oh yes, don’t look so surprised. We servants notice everything.”

“Arthur used to think that I was visiting her in the night.” Merlin blushed slightly at the mention of his first day.

“He did? When?” Gwen looked at him incredulously.

“Before the druids had her and then even after. He told me not to see her again because nothing can come of it. I think that he was talking about more than Morgana and I.”

“Sometimes he gets those wiser moments but they are still yet few and far between. But now we are happy and the kingdom is prospering and there are no real threats save the Saxons and they are being held back now.” 

A guard opened the door and they stepped inside together. “What about Ellie’s birthday?”

“I have so much planned for my little girl. Jugglers and entertainers, and Arthur’s double and triple checking everyone that comes in. We have had far too many imposters for my liking you know.”

Merlin chuckled. “I agree.” 

Gwen stopped and turned around to face him while meeting his gaze. She spoke quietly and took on of his hands into her own. “I want you to know that you should follow your heart. No matter where it leads you. Trust yourself. Don’t make second guesses, don’t make quick judgments and use your head when it comes to Morgana.”

Gwen released his hands and turned again to link her arm with his, “I will.”

“Good. Now take me back to the nursery. I think I need to rest a while.”

######

Morgana was sitting comfortably in the rocking chair with a book in her lap as she stifled a yawn. She had been feeling more tired lately and knew that she shouldn’t be going out tonight but she needed to anyway. Out of the corner of her eye Ellie was playing with several toys excitedly. Gwen had left only a few minutes ago so she was surprised when she heard the door open and saw a blonde head peek in. Arthur’s eyes zeroed in on her sitting in the chair and then he looked around the room, “Where’s Gwen?”

“Not here.”

“I can see that. Hello little one.” Ellie had heard the door open and sped over on her hands and knees toward it and her father. Arthur scooped her up before she could make a mad dash out the door and kissed her head. “Where has she gone?”

“Out for a walk she said.”

“It’s good to see you here again.”

“In the nursery? Did I have a child that I don’t know about?” Sarcasm blanketed her tone.

“No. I meant here in Camelot. Not trying to overthrow me and kill everyone.” He shot back at her and stepped into the room.

“Who says I still won’t kill you and take your throne?”

“Oh I fully believe that you still could. I believe that if you had wanted to leave you would have by now.”

“Oh but you have my dragon, don’t you? How could I leave without her?”

“It’s called insurance. Gaius informed me that your dragon is the last of its kind. The very last and if I were my father I would have slain it and been done with it.”

“Yes, Arthur, you are so kind and benevolent. I should sing your name with praise should I? For being a decent human being, I think not.”

“Why do you always have to be so damned hostile? I shouldn’t even be talking to you.”

“Why not? Can’t you lower yourself down to my level?” Morgana couldn’t help the way that her hackles rose when he came closer.

“There you go again, Morgana, putting words in my mouth. I’m not here to hurt you. I can’t even talk to you because it hurts too much. I see you every day and it’s like my heart is being ripped in two. You were…still are my sister and I loved you with all of my heart and you betrayed me and killed father. I can’t even face you for fear that I will get attached again. I don’t want you to betray me again and have that wound opened again.” He paused and took a breath, “Gwen thinks I should spend more time with you though. Get to know you again but I just can’t.”

Morgana stared a long while at her brother before responding, “It wasn’t my goal to hurt you. It was my goal to depose Uther and have you as king until I knew he was also my father. You think it didn’t hurt me to see your face after you had taken Camelot from Helios and me. I’m sorry for the suffering I have caused you. I must admit that you were never supposed to be alive to suffer though. I wouldn’t have had to look at you and know what I had done because I knew that you would have been a better king than Uther, but I thought I would be a better Queen then you.”

“Do you still think that?”

“I don’t know.” Morgana was a little shocked at her answer. The truth of things. 

Arthur pursed his lips then with a mild look of surprise, “Maybe I will come and see you sometimes between my duties and training. I miss the fun we used to have.”

“The adventures we used to go on.” She added.

Morgana laughed and the door opened to reveal Gwen and Merlin smiling and walking arm in arm. The queen was surprised to see Arthur in the nursery with Ellie, “Good to see you both here.” It pleased her that they were speaking to one another.

Merlin detached himself from her and bowed to Gwen, “Good day, my Queen.” He told her grandiosely, sparing and quick glance at Morgana.

“Ah! Merlin, don’t go just yet. I have something I want you to do.” Gwen took Ellie from Arthur and gave him a quick kiss.

“Go. Order him about. You know you love to.” She pushed her husband out the door.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Later! I’m tired.”

“Do you need anything.” He was instantly on alert.

“Go. Now.”

Arthur sighed and left the room. The door closed and locked behind him.

Gwen turned to Morgana, “So what did the two of you talk about?”

####

It was a couple hours past noon when Merlin finally was able to get away from a command happy Arthur and his regular duties to see Aithusa and tell her about the plan.

He descended the stairs and ran down the long corridor until Aithusa saw him and gave a happy trill.   
“How are you doing then?”

 

“You might have to stay with him. He’s a dragon. He knows what is best for you.”

Aithusa made a sound of disbelief and growled at him.

“Quiet. No doubt Morgana will have a few choice words to say about it. Now I am going to unlock the shackle around your leg and when I give the signal to you I want you to fly out through the top. Can you do it? Are you strong enough?”

Aithusa puffed out her chest. _“Yes.”_

Merlin chuckled and patted her on the shoulder, “Good. Now I command you to stay put until I tell you to leave. It won’t be for a few hours, alright?”

Aithusa nodded and Merlin bent down with the key to her chains. He unlocked the brace around her ankle and Aithusa danced around happily after it clanked to the floor of the cave. She gave another happy trill and head-butted his chest before jumping awkwardly over to the other ledge in the cave. 

_“Yes.”_

“Good girl. I will see you later tonight.”

####$

Morgana awaited Merlin in her room after the guards took her back for the night. She heard the door lock and went to the bed after pulling out a cloak and putting on some shoes, as well as changing her clothes. She exchanged her nice dress for a tunic, leggings, and boots to go through the woods.The shoes felt a little strange on her feet as Morgana usually went without shoes during the day, a habit she developed during her imprisonment in Camelot. 

She didn’t know when he would come for her but she did hope that he did indeed come for her rather than leave her behind. She was putting a lot of faith in him that was uncharacteristic for her. There was a book on her bedside table so while waiting Morgana would read and watch the moon rise and fall in the sky. She didn’t have to wait long however, because after about an hour she heard a great clamor in the hallway and heard the rustle of chainmail and the sound of swords being drawn before they faded off away from the door. Morgana arose from the bed and walked over to the door which unlocked right before her eyes. As it opened she saw Merlin’s visage underneath a cloak. “Gelíobisen.” He murmured, his eyes flashed gold and he waved his hand in front of her then pulled her out of the door. Although she was curious as to what he did, she decided to keep her questions to herself until they were out of ears reach of the guards. He was silent as well as he pulled her along and it was a couple of turns until they stopped in front of a statue. “Ǣtýne.” A moment passed before the statue moved slightly to make an opening that one person could fit through at a time. Merlin descended first before he pulled Morgana through the tight fit. “Beclýse.” And the statue moved back to its original place with only the slightest noise which plunged them into darkness. “Forbærne.” Was said into the silent darkness and a light sprang to life in his hand, illuminating the walls and figures in the impenetrable darkness. “Keep close.”   
Morgana was quite frankly stunned into obedience. He was much more skilled and knowledgeable about magic than she had ever thought possible and his appeal to her only doubled. He had power…so much power and skill and he was wasting it here as a servant boy. No wonder she could never kill Arthur. Merlin acted like an idiot most of the time but at other times he was older and wiser than his years. “What did you do back in my room?”

“I cast an illusion of you sleeping in bed. No one will know the difference unless they try to touch it.” It wasn’t long before they reached the end of the tunnel. He repeated his words and led her through, then closed the door. Merlin looked up at the night sky and shivered in the chill. He took a deep breath before roaring out in a language that she didn’t understand but yet was vaguely familiar, “Draka! Ellos imena!” That sent shivers down her spine and heated her blood. Such power in his voice…then he turned to look at her with his sheepish grin and pulled her along. 

“What did you do?”

“Called her in her own language. She has to follow my command if given in her own tongue.” 

“Can you teach someone how to speak it?”

“No. You are born with the knowledge or you aren’t. It’s what makes a Dragonlord different.”

Before she could question him further she heard a shrill screech and a giant white flying form was jetting towards them. Aithusa landed awkwardly a few feet away and stretched out her wings before shaking off and taking a few deep breaths. The little dragon turned her head and trill happily at Morgana then started limp hopping off into the forest. Morgana set off after her with a chuckle and Merlin shook his head and gave a sigh before trotting off after them.

He caught up with Morgana after a few minutes with Aithusa trotting awkwardly ahead of them. “She seems happy.”

“She is very happy, but who is this dragon we will be seeing?”

“Kilgarrah. He was the last dragon before I found her egg.” Merlin gestured to Aithusa who was happily limping in front of them, snapping at the trees with her teeth. 

“And he wants to take Aithusa then?”

“Yes. He has a right to her.”

“Don’t we have a right to her? She is cared for and loved by me as well as you, what makes his right greater than yours, the one who birthed her?” 

“He is the last of her kind. He has so many secrets and knowledge that he has to pass down to her.”

Morgana only shot him a glare, “You sound like some priest worshipping his god. This Kilgarrah is still only a dragon and you are a Dragonlord. You can command him but he cannot do the same to you. He is your slave but he acts like he is the one holding the whip. Why is that?”

“I relied on his knowledge and wisdom during the time before you had left Camelot and after I let him go I still relied on his knowledge and experience. He helped me with my magic like Gaius did.”

“And he almost destroyed Camelot and killed you and many other people.”

“Yes. He did.”

“Then why are you so subservient to him. Why not just tell him how it is going to work?”

“Because I don’t want him to be my slave. I want him to be my friend! I’m not like you, Morgana. I don’t want unlimited power. I don’t want this destiny.” His tone was one of irritation and exasperation.

“So you would want no power? To be like them? Merlin if you were like them you would never have known Arthur or Camelot. You told me once before that your mother sent you to live and learn from Gaius. I think she did it so you could learn about your power from someone who practiced the Old Religion.”

“That’s not why.”

“But would you have ever come to Camelot? Or would you have wasted away at some farm while your life passed you by? You might wish for normalcy, Merlin but you never would have been happy with that life.”

“What about you?”

“Magic made my life so much more complicated, but I learned more about myself from discovering it than if I had stayed the oblivious ward of my bastard father, Uther Pendragon.” 

“Because your hellish visions were so soothing.” Merlin’s wry reply quirked at her lip.

“I helped you countless times didn’t I with my visions? Countless times, if I may add, where you acted as if I was going mad instead of telling me that my dreams were real.”

“I’ve told you before you were so scared, Morgana, so utterly terrified of your dreams that if I had told you the truth you wouldn’t have been able to handle it.”

“You still could have. You should have. I was stronger than I looked back then too.”

“I’m not going to argue with you here and now.” 

“Will the dragon know me? Like he knows you?”

“Yes.”

“Are you certain?”

Merlin’s eyes grew shadowed and he nodded at her with the strangest look on his face, “And you will not like what he has to say about you.”

“What? What has he to say about me?”

“Quiet.” They walked into a clearing and he kept her at the edge before shouting in the dragon tongue at the sky. Morgana couldn’t understand the words but felt their pull even as she was wearing the collar around her throat.

Less than a minute later a shadow stretched across the clearing and the beat of wings signaled the arrival of the great beast. Morgana was in shock and awe of the dragon before her. Was this what Aithusa would be like in many years? 

Kilgarrah tucked his wings onto his back and looked down at Merlin and Aithusa. “Hello young….” He swung his head around and his eyes bored into Morgana where she was standing, then whipped back to Merlin. The dragon’s nostrils flared and he snarled, “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING BRINGING HER HERE?!” he bellowed at Merlin. Aithusa hissed at him and dashed to Morgana’s side and danced agitatedly by her. “How dare you bring the witch here? How could you not kill her while she is vulnerable?” Kilgarrah’s nostrils begun to smoke, “If you can’t kill her, Merlin. I will.”

Merlin took a deep breath and shouted in the dragon tongue, “You will not harm her! I command you!”

Morgana was unfazed by the dragon’s ire and soothed Aithusa by stroking her neck and back slowly, “It’s alright, girl. Merlin didn’t bring me here to die.”

“I told you that she needed to die. I told you that she was dangerous and that she could never know her power and you bring her here? With the little one?”

Merlin didn’t even have a chance to speak because he heard Morgana in a low and montone voice, “So it was you.” 

“Morgana, don’t….”

“Oh no, Warlock, let the witch speak. I’m interested in what she has to say. So tell me, witch, what is on your mind then?”

Morgana flipped back her hood to reveal her face and she looked up at the dragon with her cold stare.   
“Why?”

“Why did I want you dead?”

“Yes.”

“Because prophecy decreed it so, Daughter of Uther Pendragon.”

“What do you know of prophecy?”

“I know that you were destined to betray them. Your birth was your curse.”

“Doubtful.” She continued her monotone, “You see, beast, you and I share the gift of prophecy it seems. You see one future and I see another.”

“You little seer only dream the future, only dream possible futures where I can look into the void and pluck them from the air. You should have died the day that I escaped.”

“But I didn’t, no thanks to you.”

“Why blame me when it was the wizard before you who gave you the poison.”

“But he never would have done that without your urging. I even see the way he is with you now. How long did you influence him? How long did you make him your vessel to exact your revenge against us?”

“Revenge? You think I am so low as to seek vengeance against a mortal man?”

“Don’t act as if you are better than the rest of us. You are old and cunning and bitter from your imprisonment. I was only down in the pit with Aithusa for two years…how long was it for you to be the plaything of Uther? Above vengeance? I think you merely disguise it more cunningly than I.” The monotone was gone, replaced by a slow, dark and introspective tone, “You wanted him dead for daring to imprison you…for daring to kill your kin…and you saw the perfect opportunity in a boy who needed guidance and a perfect opportunity to destroy him through his children.” 

“Morgana, that’s not it. Kilgarrah has only ever helped me.” Merlin interceded, but still, something about it bothered him because even though he didn’t want to admit it. Her words actually made some sense.

“Oh, Merlin, Sweet Merlin, he might have done just that. But he turned you against me long before I did anything to deserve it.”

“I don’t see what this has to do with anything, Dragonlord and I suggest that you let me have Aithusa before the witch can poison her any longer.” Kilgarrah turned back to Merlin.

“I’m not done with you yet,” Morgana hissed.

“But you are. And you have no power here, not with that around your neck. Slave.” He taunted her. 

“Kilgarrah! Cease this. You told me that you would heal her and you shall do it.”

Morgana snarled under her breath and anger flickered in her eyes while she looked up at the dragon who dared to meddle in her life. “Fine.”

“I shall heal her, yes, but you must bind her to me.”

“Bind her to you? She is free to come and go as she pleases. You will never bind her, do you understand me?”

“She is the last dragon save me. I want to keep her safe, because the witch has obviously not.”

“And where were you when she was crying out in agony? Where were you when we were captured and tortured?!” she shrieked at the dragon, “At least I tried to protect her. You have done nothing save ruin my life!” 

“She left me. I assumed she would be back. Two years is but a blink of an eye compared to the vast age she will achieve.”

“But now she is injured and broken. Fix her or I swear I will find a way to destroy you without him.” She pointed to Merlin.

“You do not frighten me,” the dragon put his face down to her level; “Your threats mean nothing.”

“But mine do.” Kilgarrah lifted up his head to stare at Merlin, who was looking at the dragon with a shadowed gaze.

“Yes. But you see her; see the witch for what she is?”

“Heal her. Heal Aithusa.”

“After you give her to me.” The dragon countered Merlin.

“No. She stays with me.”

All through the conversation Aithusa was standing between Merlin and Morgana looking pensive and distressed. They were talking about her as if she wasn’t standing right there before them. Talking about handing her off like some gift. She let out a distressed call! _“Stop!”_

At once the conversation ceased and they looked down at the dragon. “She can speak?” Kilgarrah sounded surprised.

“A little.” Merlin told him while he bent down next to Aithusa.

Morgana looked horrified for a moment before joining them. “What’s wrong?”

Aithusa growled and flashed them images of the previous arguing along with her agitation and fear.

“We didn’t me to frighten or upset you, sweetling.” Morgana crooned, her anger at the older dragon had been put to the side in favor of soothing the younger dragon.

“This is how she speaks then?” Kilgarrah observed. 

“How about instead of arguing about it we ask her what she wants to do.” Merlin concluded while looking back and forth between Morgana and Kilgarrah. “She should have a say in her future.” 

“She is too young to make decisions.” Kilgarrah again and Morgana was about to lose it with the dragon. He had a lot to answer for. About as much as Merlin did. 

She looked up from the dragon to see Merlin looking pensive and torn. All that power inside of him and he still kept the same traits she came to enjoy before her poisoning. “No she isn’t. She will make her decision and you will follow it, even if I have to make you.” Merlin addressed Kilgarrah.

The dragon nodded having lost the battle with him, “As you wish.”

“So what do you want to do? Do you want to go with him or us?”

“Before you answer, fledgling, Merlin and the witch,” Aithusa hissed at him with his addressment of Morgana, “will not be able to teach you the things that only one dragon can teach another. I will heal you, but you will not learn how to speak, nor use your power to its fullest extent. Understand?”

Aithusa nodded and continued to look pensive. _“Both.”_

“Both? What does that mean?”

“How are you able to hear her with that collar on? It should dampen any magic.” Kilgarrah put his snout closer to her and Morgana resisted the urge to strike out at him. He inhaled the air around her and pulled back quickly, “That is impossible.” He looked to Merlin, “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

Merlin narrowed his eyes at the dragon, “What? What have I done now?”

“Nothing. It is a conversation for a later time.” Kilgarrah continued to stare at Morgana and she heard his inner voice worming about in her mind. She shut him out but kept him at the fringes, _“What do you want?”_

_“How did you make him do it? He’s spoken a special word to you, witch and I will know how you’ve manipulated him to do so.”_

_“What word?”_

_“You know it. But you cannot say it because you do not know how. You’ve corrupted him, witch, used him and he recognized you as his even still.” A pause and the feeling of amusement pushed at her mind. “But he does not know and you are surprised that I know…. What an interesting thing.”_ Kilgarrah retreated from her mind and she focused back on what Merlin was saying.

“…Maybe she could stay with us for a while and you for another time. We could switch her off from month to month maybe. Or week to week. That way she can keep us with her and can learn from you. I think that would make us all happy, don’t you?”

“Fine. That is fine.” He sounded smugly satisfied at the knowledge that he stole from her head. “Now step back from her and let me heal her.

Morgana stepped back anxiously from her young charge and watched her. “What about her learning to speak?”

“I will teach her how in my time with her.” Kilgarrah replied.

Merlin was curious as to his sudden personality change as well as the anxious look that started on Morgana’s face but he would ask her later about it. 

Kilgarrah began murmuring in the dragon language and blew a breath onto Aithusa. Aithusa immediately started to shake and quiver. Morgana stepped toward her and was instantly immobilized by the dragon, “Don’t.” The little dragon was enveloped by a pale yellow light that started at her head and started to go down her body. Each place the light touched was instantly a brighter white, looked better and as it reached her wings they grew larger and the webbing grew thicker and shinier, reached her haunches and then her back legs where it rested and when it descended into the ground two brand new white perfect dragon legs were revealed. Kilgarrah released Morgana and she flew to Aithusa’s side. 

The dragon was shaking herself out and looked at her body proudly, _“Thank you.”_ She said to Kilgarrah and moved cautiously at first; trying out the new back legs and when there was no pain with her movement she ambled awkwardly up to Kilgarrah and butted his chest with her head. The elder dragon touched his nose to her rump and she turned back to them, again moving awkwardly without the limp. She flew between the two mortals standing away from Kilgarrah and Morgana realized that she was crying as wet tracks ran down from her eyes at seeing her dragon healed. She smiled up at Merlin who smiled back. 

“She will stay with you this week to acclimate to her healed legs. I shall be here for her in a week’s time.” Kilgarrah took off and flew quickly into the distance. 

As soon as the dragon was gone Morgana pulled Merlin toward her and kissed him. It lasted a few seconds before she pulled back, “Thank you.”

“Aithusa. Go back to the cave. We will visit with you soon, alright?”

Aithusa nodded and ambled awkwardly into a run before taking off and flying low to the tree line.

“Aren’t you worried about her?” Morgana was anxious to see her dragon in the light and it showed in her tone.

“She will be fine. Now you owe me an explanation.” Merlin was not worried about Aithusa, eager as he was to see her uninjured. 

“Fine.” Morgana chuckled, “On our way back. That illusion you cast won’t stay forever.” Morgana started making her way back to Camelot and Merlin followed her.

“What happened that night? Other than I made a fool of myself while I was drunk.”

“You want the truth?”

“No, I want you to lie to me.” 

Morgana smirked, “Fine. The truth is that nothing happened. You stumbled into my room, drunk and tried to grab me but missed by quite a margin. And even though you aren’t very quick I eventually made my way to bed and you followed me and not less than a minute after climbing onto it you were snoring.”

“I don’t snore.”

“You do a little. So I decided to fool with you a bit and took off your shoes mostly because they were filthy and then your shirt for fun. I thought it would be fun to make you worry and it was.” 

“No it wasn’t.”

“It was.” She teased. 

“Did I say anything?”

“Nothing of consequence. I knew you were quite drunk so nothing you said made much sense anway.” 

Morgana thought of the conversation in her head, the one that she could not tell him.

_“I love you, Morgana. I always loved you. And I hurt you and I didn’t want to. I wanted to hold you closer forever and tell you everything all the time. I was sad when I saw you with her…didn’t you love me too?”  
“Merlin….you’re drunk. Get out.”  
“No! Tell me!”  
“I loved you once! I did and then you killed me! How was I supposed to love you then?”  
“We can love each other now! You can be the same person!”  
“I can never go back, Merlin.”_

#####$

It took them less time to reach her room than she assumed it would and she was surprised to find the guards absent. Merlin took her by the hand and led her back through the door and dispelled the illusion of her sleeping in the bed. “Sleep well, Morgana.” Merlin turned to leave and Morgana caught his wrist.

“You don’t have to go right now. You could stay.” She bit her lip.

“No I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because when we are alone certain things that shouldn’t happen tend to happen.”

“Would that really be so bad? To give in?” She wouldn’t beg him to stay.  
“I am not going to bed you.”

“We don’t have to do that. There are other things we could do.” But she knew he wouldn’t. He was too good…to noble to stay with her even if he wanted to. He would be afraid of everything, including what her brother would say if he found them together. “No clothes come off and nothing too intense. Or even just a bit of closeness.”

“Morgana…” he sounded torn, “We shouldn’t.”

“Why? We are both adults aren’t we?”

“Because you are my enemy.”

“I don’t have to be you know.”

“What did you want to do?” he was giving in. Triumph was nigh.

“A bit of fun for both but I will not have you bed me. Not yet. I know you want my body as much as I want yours.” 

Merlin’s hand formed a fist that tightened. She saw the conflict in his eyes even as they were downcast from hers. 

She walked closer to him and put both of her hands underneath his chin and brought him to eye level. “Please. I’m so tired of being alone and I want to thank you for letting me keep her the only way that I really know how.” Words wouldn’t suffice and she could think of no action that he would take to heart or even that she could do to thank him. He wasn’t her lover, or even her friend but something perhaps a little similar to them both.

Merlin brought his hand up and rested it on her lower back to pull her closer and placed a kiss on her lips. It was sweet and gentle and her body flared to life as if he had devoured her instead. Her hands that were on his chin had moved to rest on his shoulders. He pulled back from her and looked into her eyes. He seemed satisfied with what he saw because he smiled and she would be damned if something didn’t flutter to life between her belly and chest. Morgana,with her hands on his shoulders stepped backward and Merlin followed until she hit the edge of the bed and she kissed him again. He placed his hands on the backs of her thighs and lifted her up with a grunt then leaned forward. She locked her arms around the back of his neck and pulled him down with her. He moved to brace himself on his forearms so he didn’t crush her and rested his body on top of hers with one knee bent. He pulled her shoes off with magic as well as his own and they made a soft noise on the stone floor. They kissed again with more heat and she shifted underneath him, gliding her body against his. Merlin made a soft noise and pulled back to start ravishing her neck. Morgana closed her eyes in bliss and surrendered herself to him as his soft lips glided over the sensitive skin of her neck. Her hands were gliding softly down his back and felt the play of his shoulder blades under his clothes, but she wanted to feel more of him against her. 

Morgana lifted her leg and wrapped it around his thigh and knee then used her core muscles and shoulder to switch their positions. Morgana could have laughed at the look of surprise on Merlin’s face but she was too preoccupied with her new position of power to do that. She smirked down at him and moved her hips to settle down more securely against a certain part of his anatomy that had recently made an appearance. Merlin’s eyes were dark with desire and he watched her with slightly parted lips. Morgana bent down and kissed him again while keeping her hands on the top of his shoulders to steady her. Merlin’s hands found her hips and he kneaded the muscle and bone with his fingers soothingly. They would have plenty of time for more things later. With each new movement he deepened the kiss and his hands kneaded her hips more roughly while moving her harder on top of him. She moaned as he hit a particularly sensitive spot and her nails dug into his shoulders. She decided that kissing him in this new position was getting rather uncomfortable and she straightened so she could focus on reaching her peak. The movement of her hips started to speed up and she knew that she was getting more and more aroused with each movement because tiny sparks were running through her body where they were grinding and getting stronger with each stroke. 

Merlin couldn’t believe that he was even here let alone that Morgana was riding him. Her long black hair curled over her shoulders and her lips were plump from his kiss. Her eyes were hooded and dark with lust. Even though she wasn’t wearing the beautiful dresses that Merlin loved she was brilliant in her tunic and leggings. Each movement was making him harder and more focused on their actions and less on the second thoughts he was having. His magic was back again, running over his skin and making all the feeling seem more intense as if the feeling from his groin was tingling all over his body. He groaned and pulled her down to grind harder against him. Morgana gave a strangled cry and her hips started to roll over his faster. She started to pant softly and her eyes were at half-mast locked onto his. Merlin realized that he had yet to feel her breasts and lifted his hands off of her hips, which caused another whimper and she had to slow down to adjust before speeding up again. It wasn’t as hard or fast without his help, but he didn’t want this to end too quickly.

Morgana was irritated that he moved his hands because now she had to move on her own, but she was quick to forgive him when his heated gaze rested on her chest and his palms cupped the undersides of her breasts and lifted them. Another spark of energy and pleasure radiated from his hands on her breasts to her core and she whimpered with wanton need. His hands massaged the orbs in his palms and she continued to move on top of him, each movement of her hips and his hands bringing her closer to orgasm. His palms moved to her sides while his thumbs continued to stimulate her aching nipples. She cried out again as he used his hands to push her harder onto his manhood and he groaned again and lifted his hips up to aid their race toward ecstasy. Her nails dug into his shoulders and the ecstatic feeling at her core wound tighter and tighter and she went faster and faster until she started to reach a plateau. Morgana tried to go faster and harder but her pleasure couldn’t crest over the rise and she started to whimper in pain. Merlin quickly rolled her underneath him and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he thrust against her, providing that little bit of stimulation that drove her over the edge and into heaven. “MER-” she shrieked but quickly bit down on the muscle at the middle of his neck and shoulder to stifle the noise and she continued to cry out and moan while her body convulsed beneath his.

Merlin cried out when she bit him and it sent him over his own edge as he kept driving against her body over and over again. He heard something shatter but paid no attention to it. His face was buried into her neck giving her kisses as he held onto her. He whispered into her ear the word that she should remember but it was washed away with the waves of euphoria. She whimpered then relaxed but he drove into her again and she tightened back up with a muffled cry, convulsing again. He groaned and lifted his head up to kiss her gently before rolling them onto their sides so he didn’t crush her. She was panting and covered in a light sheen of sweat and she couldn’t be lovelier. Light green eyes locked on him and a small smile twitched to life on her face. She burrowed into his chest to relax and rather quickly her rest turned to sleep, exhausted from the events of the day and the drain that she had been feeling as of late. Merlin pulled her closer and kissed her cheek again before lying there with her, at least for a little while. He would have to wake her up so she could change and he could leave but that could wait.

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we get to the smutty steamy stuff. More of everything to come! 
> 
> Also. If you have enjoyed my writing thusfar I am also writing an original work, a book if you will. And I will be publishing it sometime late June/early July. It will be the first of a trilogy and as my editor and betas read it I will be coming up with a title and summary for it and giving updates as they become available for that. I hope that at least some of you pick it up and enjoy it. :)  
> In the meantime I will continue to put out updates on this story as often as I can.   
> Thanks!


	27. Chapter 26

XxOxX

It had been one week and Morgana felt like she was going to leap out of her skin at any moment. In their one brief interlude they hadn’t touched flesh or kissed but each day that passed was making her nearly mad with wanting of him and she couldn’t explain it. He was her enemy…he had tried to kill her and he constantly stood in her way but at the same time she felt something else for him, something that she didn’t dare even think about for too long. 

Tonight was the first night of Ellie’s birthday, not that the infant would remember it, and everything had to be perfect. There was going to be a tournament hosted for the day and many knights and nobles had already taken up residence in the castle which had meant that Morgana had to stay locked up in the nursery only to leave when night fell and no one else would see her. It made for some lonely and introspective time, enough time for her mind and body to rise to a fever pitch despite the soothing presence of the young princess in her constant care. She had not been to see Aithusa in nearly five days because of these visitors. Her sweet Aithusa had look better than she had in a long time especially since her legs were now perfect and in no more pain

#$#$#$#

Merlin was going to go mad… if not for the nearly insane amount of work that Arthur had him doing for preparation for Ellie’s birthday then he would have already gone to Morgana again and that was something that he couldn’t do. It was embarrassing fantasizing about her like this when she probably did not do the same for him. It was bad enough that he had given in to her once and had rutted against her like some kind of brutish animal. She probably didn’t want to see him again at all. It was also good that tonight was the night that he was to take Aithusa to Kilgarrah. She had been doing magnificently after her healing session. She was like a whole new dragon running around in the cave. But tonight was Ellie’s birthday…one of three whole days to celebrate the heir to the throne. Merlin would be expected to be there to facilitate things so he would have to be quick but there were many things that had bothered Merlin since speaking with Kilgarrah the last time. The dragon had acted strangely before…too strange for his liking and he gave in far too easily to Merlin’s demands. The things that had been said had worried at the back of his mind all week long. As well as some things that Morgana said…some things that didn’t make sense and who better to ask than Kilgarrah…who would be bound to tell him the truth. Even if some of the things that Morgana had accused him of made sense and that had bothered him more than he realized at first. 

$#$#$#$#

It was easier than it should have been to sneak out of the castle with all of the guests and the guards and it was even easier to cloak Aithusa to keep her unseen as she flew down to him. “How are you doing?” The early morning sun did nothing to keep him warm in the cool winter air. He thought it would be better to get her out before nightfall and the even colder night.

_“Good.”_

Aithusa’s vocabulary had been improving steadily even without much interaction from Merlin or Mergana. She was perfecting one word answers in her sing-song telepathic voice, but had not uttered any words with her voice yet and it still worried him that her voice might never be heard. He had many things to question Kilgarrah about and tonight he had decided not to take Morgana with him. At the state he was in he would never get to Kilgarrah if she was next to him. The obsession he had with wanting to taste her skin…Merlin had to stop his train of thought before it got out of hand. She responded so greedily to him that it wasn’t hard to add to his fantasies of her. 

_“Okay?”_

“Yeah, girl, I’m fine.”

_“Upset?”_

“No. I’m not upset.”

_“Wrong?”_

“Nothing’s wrong exactly. It’s just that Morgana drives me mad but its nothing that you should worry about.”

Aithusa let out an amused chuckle and they continued walking. Merlin was surprised to see the large shape of the dragon already waiting for them in the clearing. He was laying on the soft grass dozing when Merlin called out to him, “Kilgarrah. Are you alright?”

The dragon lifted his head and snorted, “Hello, young warlock. Aithusa. Did you bring the witch this time?”

“No. I thought it would be better if she stayed in Camelot.”

“Good. I’ve noticed that there are many lights on in the city this eve.”

“It is Eliana’s birthday tomorrow. The entire realm has come to Camelot to celebrate.”

“That child will have a great future, young Warlock. However my musing are not what you have in mind are they? Now, I can see you have questions, Dragonlord.”

“I do. And I already knew that Eliana would have a wonderful future. I don’t need to know anything else about it. ” Merlin then paused to try to phrase his question.

“Then ask. But be careful. You might not want to hear the answer.”

“Why do you want to break the bond between Aithusa and Morgana? And why do they have a bond at all?”

Kilgarrah shifted and took a deep breath, “The reason they have a bond at all is because Aithusa saw a pained soul and wished to heal it. Her will was selfless. She saved Morgana’s life and so it enabled them to have a rudimentary bond. And before you ask why I did not tell you sooner it is because you did not ask and I would not have told you even if you had because the witch was here.”

“Is that why you gave in so easily, because she was here?”

“Partly, yes, and partly because I wished it.”

“Was what she said true? About you only were using me for vengeance?”

“You were young and impressionable and I imparted what wisdom I could to you. Yes I wanted revenge, warlock, and yes I might have used you to get it. But I do care for you a great deal and I have always counseled you and protected you. I didn’t use you anymore than those around you did to guide you.”

Kilgarrah’s words irritated Merlin certainly, but at least he didn’t try to deny his involvement in everything. “Did you turn me against her because of your agenda?”

“The witch turned you against her; do not try to blame me for that. It was her actions that caused her own fate, not mine.”

“Alright. What about…when you smelled her? What was that about?”

“I wasn’t smelling her, I was sensing her magic, her aura, and her power even trapped like she is. That collar is a spectacular tool.”

“She doesn’t have magic while it is around her neck. You shouldn’t have been able to sense any magic at all. I can’t.”

“No, Warlock, she does have it. It runs through her veins just as it does yours and mine and all creatures of magic. She is unable to access it, but her magic is still just as powerful as it ever was. Her lack of magic will be her downfall because without it she cannot survive.”

“But what did you mean about what she had done?”

“You are a warlock, a sorcerer, a dragon lord, and a man. You have bound yourself to her fate.”

“You told me that once before when I saved her.”

“But you have done more than just tether your fate to hers.”

“How?”

Kilgarrah chuckled with amusement, “Young Warlock… have you taken her to your bed? Joined with her in a mating dance?”

“No! I haven’t…. And I don’t think it is any business of yours who I take to bed.” Merlin blushed. 

“As you say.” But his tone was doubtful. “I think it is all rather amusing. You don’t know what she has done? Or what she did.”

“What is that?”

“You have bedded her before. I can sense it; otherwise she wouldn’t have the aura she does. You let her trap you, Dragonlord, and you will realize that I was always right about her and that you should have killed her long ago with the poison.”

“What aura?” He decided not to argue with the dragon for now about slaying her.

“What aura indeed? Why don’t you ask the witch about it?” 

Merlin was agitated enough, “Why don’t you just tell me!? Why make it a riddle?”

“Because if I tell you everything you will never learn, Merlin. I will not feed you information that is right in front of you. Ask the witch. And remember everything you have ever told her, and then ask me again what it means.”

Merlin knew that he could just command the dragon to reveal everything. It was in his power to do so. But Kilgarrah knew that he wouldn’t. He would be stubborn until he was forced to not be. It was in his nature, which is why Merlin was alerted the last time they had met. “Fine. But I need to get back before they miss me.”

“Come along young one.” Aithusa snorted at the older dragon and leaned into Merlin.

_“Why?”_

“Because there are things you must learn.”

“Remember what I told you about her. Don’t break her bond with Morgana and don’t try to control her.”

“As you wish.” Kilgarrah tilted his head at Merlin and rose up from his position to stretch. He still sounded smug.

“When will you have her back?”

“When I have decided that she should be back.”

“A week?”

“Or two.”

“One.”

“Is that a command?”

 **“Draka, tetudros manu kesta.”** (Dragon, come to me when I command)

“As you wish.” Kilgarrah flapped his wings once, twice, and then took off and Aithusa took off after him. 

_“Bye.”_

_“Not for long, Aithusa. We will miss you.”_ Merlin responded.

$#$#$##$#

“Morgana. How would you like to go to the tournament today?”

Morgana looked up from changing Ellie’s diaper and looked at her old friend with surprise, “What?”

“No one will know if we put you in a cloak. And since it’s cold outside no one will question it. And I think you deserve some fun. You’ve been looking rather stressed and tired lately. Some fun is definitely in order.” Gwen rubbed her belly, which had grown quite a bit in the past few weeks. 

“What about Arthur?”

“He suggested it,” At Morgana’s dubious look, “No! He did. He wanted you to see him in action I think. What do you say?”

“I would love to actually.” She finished dressing the birthday girl in her finest light purple dress and lifted her onto her hip.

“Gana!” The girl cried happily and hugged her.

“Excellent. It will be in a few hours. I will come and get the both of you when it is time.”

Morgana smiled back at her friend, “Looking forward to it.”

#$#$#$$#$

Ryle looked at Sven and Ridan, his brothers, as they entered the city. They were impersonating entertainers and had decided to come during the busiest time because not all the guards could check everyone at once and once they were in they set up at the tavern in town. “When should we strike?” Sven spoke quietly. He was always the most impatient of the trio.

“Not today. It’s too public, too many people.”

“Tomorrow is the feast. They will be wanting the ‘entertainers’ to entertain them.” Riordan voiced. 

“Yes. Excellent.” Ryle nodded. “Get comfortable and rested up for tomorrow then, brothers. We will get our bounty yet.”

#$#$#$#$#

The tournament came and went and they had given the nobles a good show despite the chilly temperature. No one questioned the cloaked figure holding the princess because they were all too preoccupied with the knights and the joust. The day that everyone was looking forward to was the feast. The kitchens were busy preparing the feast for everyone, noble and peasant. The smells that wafted through the castle made Merlin’s mouth water. He had not yet had a chance to speak with Morgana and hopefully that would change by tomorrow when the visitors to the castle would be gone. He was positive that she had not gone down to see the little dragon or else she would have found him by now. 

$#$#$#$#

Merlin laughed at the antics of the jugglers next while standing next to Arthur. Ellie was quite besotted with the lights and colors of the great hall as well as the noise and excitement. The girl was in her mother’s lap clapping and squealing with joy. Arthur kissed his wife’s cheek and kissed his daughter’s head before clapping. He stood up and the hall quieted, “Today we are here to celebrate my daughter’s first year of age. So we share in the bounty of the kingdom! Everyone is allowed here today! Everyone from noble to peasant to enjoy and pass good fortune to our daughter Eliana Pendragon.” A cheer was heard from the tables. “Eat, Drink and feast! And bring in more entertainment.”

#$%$%$%

Morgana was sentenced to her room for the night because of the feast. There would be too many people…too many eyes that could see her. She had brought suffering on the heads of many people in Camelot and other realms for it to be safe for her to come to eat at the feast. She had a plate of food that Gwen had made for her and given to her before the festivities. The food was good but Morgana had ceased to have much of an appetite lately. She set the plate down on her bedside table and went to the door. She knocked on it three times and stepped back, expecting it to open, but when it did not she knocked again and tried the handle. The door clicked and swung open the tiniest bit. Morgana was surprised to see the door actually open and she could only stare at it. Her hand went to the tiny crack and opened it up a bit more and she peered out into the hall. There were no guards anywhere. They must all be at the feast she quickly decided. But it was stupid of them to leave her door unlocked no matter how busy they were. She contemplated merely staying in her room because she was so tired, but why would she stay when she could explore? Morgana crept out of her room and shut the door behind her. The feast would be going for another hour or two and no one would be looking for her or so she hoped.   
Morgana walked softly down the corridors just happy to be free of her room for once, but she wasn’t stupid enough to try to escape…not until she had Aithusa, gotten her magic back and had solved this insane attraction to Merlin. 

#@#@#@

Ellie started to get fussy in her father’s arms a couple of hours into the festivities. She rubbed her eyes with her little fists and started to whine. “I think she’s getting tired.” Arthur put over his chest and patted her back soothingly, “Merlin would you take her to Morgana’s room?”

“I can get it.” Gwen told him, trying to push her chair back.

“No. Stay here for a little while longer. Morgana can tend to her. The night is young yet.”

“Sure.” Merlin reached for her as Arthur passed her over his head. He cradled the princess soothingly and started to walk out of the great hall when a girl from the kitchens stepped in front of him.

“Let me get her. I can take her there for you,” The blonde girl offered. “After all, you might need to stay here.”

“You know where she is supposed to go?”

“Yes, Merlin, I heard that she is to go Morgana’s room.” She sounded slightly breathless and looked like she had been crying.

“Is there something wrong?”

“No. Nothing. This is just my first big feast and it’s a little overwhelming. I mostly just asked so I could get away for a moment.”

Merlin thought there was something off, but the girl had been one of his friends in the castle. She was a kind girl who had spent time with Merlin from time to time. He passed Ellie to her. “Alright. Don’t be long.” 

Merlin watched the girl go with Ellie and took his place back at the table, “That was quick.”

“Veronica is taking her.”

“Veronica?”

“Yeah. She’s got blonde hair, short, she’s a kitchen girl. She looked a little overwhelmed and I’ve spoken with her from time to time. Ellie will be fine with her.”

“Maybe I should go.” Gwen started again.

“She will be right back. If you want I can go after her and make sure she ended up in the right place.”

“Would you?”

“She’s fine, Guinevere.” Arthur told her.

“Thank you, Merlin.” Gwen ignored her husband. The warlock nodded and gave a wave before heading off to find the girl. 

$#$#$#

Sven grabbed the girl’s wrist and yanked her toward him with the child in her arms. “Don’t be screaming or we will gut ya. Look at the little one.” Ellie took one look at the strangers and gave a wail.

Ridan yanked Ellie from Veronica and put a hand over her mouth. “She’s worth more alive but if she keeps screaming like that, her corpse is still worth money.”

Veronica was crying, “Don’t hurt her! Let me go!”

Sven growled at her, “Didn’t I tell you to keep your mouth shut?” He pulled out a knife and cut the girl’s throat. Her scream died in her throat with a gurgle. He opened the nearest door and tossed the girl’s body in. “Now…no loose ends. Let’s go before someone finds us.”

“Too late.” Morgana’s voice came from behind them. She stood in the center of the corridor with her hands behind her back.

“It’s another girlie.” Ridan said, grinning and holding Ellie still. There were tear tracks and muffled cries coming from her mouth. “And this one is prettier.”

Morgana was still cloaked in shadows. “I think you have something that doesn’t belong to you. Give her back to me and I might let you live.” The woman was infuriated at the men who dared to hurt her niece. She felt the anger rise to the surface like an old friend. They would pay for it with their lives. She crept closer, dancing on her bare feet until she was a pace or two away from them.

The two men laughed, “And you will be thinking you will get her from me? Little girlie?”

“Oh yes.” Morgana leapt into action, using her speed to her advantage as she grabbed the sword from the one holding Ellie rather easily. She used his surprise again to her advantage to run him through with the blade. These bandits were sloppy and sluggish. Whoever hired them must have been an idiot. Or they severely underestimated women. The man fell to the ground and Ellie fell out of his arms onto the floor. The princess looked dazed but she had landed on her bottom on the ground and at first glance had sustained no injuries. The other man snarled and drew his own weapon to slash at her. Morgana parried him and made a stab at his midsection. She thought she heard a grunt and she whirled around to pick up the baby to run with her when she felt a searing pain rip through her side and she let out a cry of pain. 

#$#$#$

At the first clash of swords, Merlin ran down the corridor and saw Morgana with a sword, fighting off what looked like an entertainer while another lay on the ground next to a small form. Merlin saw her turn her back to pick up what looked like little Ellie but before he could warn her, the other man recovered quickly and slashed at her side, “Morgana!” 

Sven pulled back for another blow, his sword wet with her blood and heard the scream when he saw a dark haired man in common clothes. He would take care of this loose end too and then check on his brother. The woman was still on her knees and he could see the dark red stain growing bigger on her side. So this was the sorceress Morgana? He grinned and returned his attention to the girl. No wonder the Sarrum held her so easily. What sorceress does not use magic to her advantage?

Merlin did not expect the scene before him as he rounded the corner and it took a moment after calling her name to assess everything. The unknown man was raising his arm to deliver another blow and Merlin threw him back with a wave of power. The man hit the wall with a thick thud and a crack. It took another few seconds for him to run over both of the girls on the ground. Morgana looked up while she pressed her hand over her wound to stop the bleeding and the sorceress had never been happier to see Merlin, “Take her back to her parents. Tell them what happened.”

“Where is the girl?” Veronica was nowhere to be found. He looked down at Ellie and found no apparent wounds, but she looked frightened.

“What girl?” Morgana asked, confused.

“The girl that was taking Ellie to you room.” Merlin moved Morgana’s hand for a brief moment and palpated the wound softly. Morgana flinched back from his touch and he kissed her forehead before standing back up. Morgana pushed him away with her hand not covered in blood, uncomfortable with the show of affection that he gave to her. 

“I don’t know. I heard them talking…” she hissed in pain. Morgana pressed her hand to the wound and it had been a stupid move turning her back on the enemy, but she was worried for the little girl in front of her. 

“Stay here. Don’t move. Keep pressure on it. I will take her back and come back for you.”

“Is he dead?”

Merlin got up to check, “No, unconscious.”

“Why didn’t you kill him?” 

“We need to find out what he is doing here. Don’t move, please.” Merlin scooped up the girl and cuddled her closer as he ran back to the Feast hall. He was looking her over for wounds as he disappeared around the corner.

Merlin made his way back to the hall, the sounds and smells of the feast permeated the hall. Ellie was strangely quiet on the way back. “Hey, sweetheart, give me a smile.” He started to tickle her on the way up and she giggled, “That a girl.” Leon was standing guard outside of the door and gave him a surprised look when he saw Ellie. 

“What are you doing back here? What happened to your hand?” 

“No time to explain. Take Ellie and give her to her parents. There was an attack in the castle and one of them is still alive down the corridor and to the right a few hallways. By the supply closet. Morgana stopped them. I have to get back to her. She’s wounded. I’m taking her to Gaius.” Merlin passed Ellie to Leon and he nodded. 

“Is the princess hurt?”

“Not that I can tell. Just tell them to bring her to Gaius as well if they think that she may be injured. Thank you.” Merlin turned around and ran back down the corridor to get back to Morgana.

$%$%$%

Morgana sat next to the wall and took deep breaths. Each inhale and exhale burned uncomfortably as though a hot poker was being jabbed into her side. She tried to lean over and see more of the wound but could not see through the blood. She decided that she didn’t want to stay put like Merlin had told her to and stood up while a wave of dizziness collided into her. Morgana put her free hand on the wall in front of her and heard the clash of swords. She pushed off of the wall and felt blood run down her side. It was warm and sticky and her wound was on fire. 

Morgana pushed off of the wall tried to walk down the hall. It was then that she heard the footfalls coming down the corridor and also when her vision grew even fuzzier and she dropped her weapon. She felt a pair of arms catch her then darkness overwhelmed her. 

#@#@@#@

Merlin caught Morgana before she hit the ground. “Stubborn woman,” he mumbled to himself. Her hand was covered in blood and he soon found out why. Her dress was slashed on her side and there was a rather nasty looking cut that was seeping blood. Merlin ripped off his scarf and pressed it to her wound. Morgana shifted in pain but he didn’t stop trying to keep the bleeding down. 

He laid Morgana flat on the ground before picking her up bridal style and standing up. Merlin set off for Gaius. He kept Morgana’s head on his shoulder and one hand keeping pressure on her wound. It didn’t seem very deep but it was hard to tell with the dark corridor and torchlight.

$#$#$#

Gaius was startled from reading by his door being shut rather firmly. His gaze landed on Merlin carrying an unconscious Morgana. The physician made his way over to where he was laying her on the cot. 

“What happened?”

Merlin removed his bloody scarf and threw it on the ground near them. “She was injured.”

Gaius took a look at the wound, “It’s too deep to be a cut, Merlin. Get me some warm water, washcloths, bandages, antiseptic and needle and thread.”

“Needle and thread?”

“I won’t know until I clean it up a bit. Now, do as I say.”

Merlin gathered up the supplies as Gaius was ripping her dress open to expose more of the wound. “Will she be alright?”

“She’s lost quite a bit of blood but the wound looks clean. If I can get the bleeding to stop she should be fine.” Merlin dipped the washcloths in the warm water and handed them to Gaius. His mentor then proceeded to wipe and wash off the wound. Morgana grimaced in pain as he cleaned the wound. “It looks fine. The blade only skimmed her. That was what it was, correct? 

“Some men had tried to kidnap Ellie. Morgana stopped one of them and I stopped the other.”

“Are you sure? And is she alright?”

“I was hoping you could answer that question.” Merlin turned to see Arthur and Gwen standing at Gaius’s door with Ellie in Gwen’s arms.

“Arthur, Gwen. Bring her over here.” Gaius gestured to the table nearest him. 

“Is Morgana alright?” Gwen came over to sit Ellie on the table.

“She should be alright. Merlin, could you start stitching her up?”

“Does she need stitches?” Merlin swallowed the sudden lump in his throat.

“You had better do them quickly, Merlin, before she wakes.” Gaius handed him the threaded needle. “Remember to make them small and keep the wound edges close together.”

Merlin swallowed again, his mouth dry, but knelt down next to the bed. Arthur came over, “Can I help?”

“Are your hands clean?”

“No.”

“Wash them. You can keep her wound closed.”

Arthur rolled up his sleeves and washed his hands quickly in the basin while Merlin dipped a finger in the antiseptic and smeared it over, around and inside the wound. Morgana grimaced again. He came back over. “Tell me what to do.”

Merlin pushed the wound edges together, “Hold it here. As even as you can.” Arthur’s hands replaced Merlin’s. He looked at his friend, “Why are you helping me?”

“She saved my daughter’s life. The least I can do is help you treat her.” 

Merlin took another deep breath and pressed the needle firmly into pale skin, then out and back in. He watched the thread follow his path with unease.

“What did you do to the one who was still alive?” Merlin glanced back at Arthur. 

“He’s in the dungeon.”

“What are you going to do to him?”

“Execute him after I find out who sent him and why they were interested in my daughter.”

“Good.” The dark and vicious word came out before he could stop it. 

Arthur shot him an incredulous look, “That was rather bloodthirsty of you.” 

Before Merlin could offer a reply Gaius came over, “She’s fine, if a little tired and frightened. Merlin, you did an excellent job on the stitches.” Merlin pulled another through and started to tie it off. 

Arthur took his hands off of the wound and stood. “Thank you, Gaius.”

“Of course, Arthur. Now I suggest you all get some rest. I suspect the feast was over when all this occurred.”

“My soldiers were clearing out the hall.”

“Are you still intending on continuing her celebration tomorrow?”

“Yes. We think so. Do you think we shouldn’t?” Gwen asked Gaius, while picking up her daughter.

“I think you should sleep on it.”

“Yes, Gaius. Thank you.”

“It was no problem at all, Gwen.” Arthur led his wife and daughter from Gaius’s chambers and shut the door behind him.

“Do you think that was the end of it?”

“I think that whoever sent these assassins will most likely send another.” 

“I agree.” Merlin wrapped the bandage around Morgana’s side. “How long do you think she will be unconscious?”

“I’m not sure. She lost quite a bit of blood and she must have been in a lot of pain. A few hours at most but I will prepare her a potion for the pain and to help her rest longer.” He rummaged through his supplies and quickly concocted a pale orange drink that he laid on the table. Merlin paid little attention to the ingredients but knew how it was to be given.

“I will stay with her until she wakes up.”

Gaius gave him a measured look, “Be careful, Merlin.”

“I know. I know. You can take my bed if you want. I can sleep out here.”

“No, that’s quite alright. I will sleep out here as well.”

“Good night, Gaius.” 

“Good night, Merlin.” Gaius turned and walked over to the candles and torches and extinguished each one as Merlin got more comfortable in the chair next to the bed. While Gaius wasn’t looking he stroked Morgana’s cheek with the back of his fingers and she leaned into the soft caress. Morgana would not be happy when she awoke for many reasons. So Merlin merely watched her and waited listening to her breathe and the rise and fall of her chest. 

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might give you another chapter tomorrow. If I feel like it. If not there will be one out sometime next week. I have to do another read of my book. Which now, miraculously, has a title but I won' t reveal that til closer to the release date.
> 
> I am currently looking at a mid to late July release. So stay tuned!


	28. Chapter 27

XxOxX

Morgana opened her eyes and was greeted by darkness while the faint smell of herbs tickled her nose. At once she knew that she was not in her own bed, but it was still a familiar place. She tried to sit up and was beset with a sharp pain in her side that caused her to gasp. The pain triggered the memory of the attack…she had been injured while stopping the kidnapping of her niece. Merlin had intervened with magic. She looked around the darkness and found that she was indeed in the physician’s chambers in the bed she had been taken to at the beginning of her imprisonment. Only this time there was a form next to her sleeping in a chair. Merlin was snoring softly beside her; his hand was resting next to her form like he had been touching her before drifting off to sleep. He did come back for her and brought her here. At once a warm feeling crept from the center of her chest but she stamped it down. The man was making things increasingly more complicated for her. He wasn’t the only one though as everyone else treated her with kindness as well. It would be much easier to hate them if they treated her like a damned prisoner instead of a friend.

Morgana reached down with her hand and felt her side, probing it gently. The wound throbbed in response and she felt bandages as well as the faint bumps of stitches. She wasn’t wearing the dress she had on from the night before and wondered briefly who had undressed her to put on the short tunic and breeches. The sorceress tried to sit up again and the bed creaked. Merlin’s eyes came open and landed on her. The blue orbs met her green ones and he instantly moved from his seat to kneel next to the bed. “You should stay still. You lost a lot of blood.” He said softly.

“I’m fine.”

“No you aren’t, but I know you are going to be stubborn.” Merlin whispered a spell and a light came to life atop his palm. He held the light close to Morgana’s side and looked it over. She was still bleeding from the wound but the dark red stain did not worry Merlin overmuch. He knew that she would still be bleeding from the trauma despite the stiches as the wound would have to heal from the inside out and he would need to keep an eye on it to make sure that infection did not set in. 

“I’m not stubborn,” At his look of ‘oh really’ she sighed, “Well I may be stubborn but I’m still fine. I want to go back to my room.”

“Not until morning.” He gently pushed her back down and she relented without much of a struggle, mostly because it hurt her to sit up.

“Is Ellie okay?”

“She’s fine, if a little shaken. The girl had quite a full day, don’t you think?”

Morgana smiled, “Good. I’m glad she is alright.”

“You could have let them take her. Why didn’t you?”

Morgana’s brow furrowed as she tried to come up with an answer, but instead shrugged and instantly regretted it as the pain intensified in her side. “I don’t know.”

“I think you do. I think you care about her. I think you love her.”

“No. It’s not that. It’s definitely not that. If anyone is going to kidnap and kill her it will be me, not some cut rate assassin.” Morgana asserted, although it was indeed a lie.

Merlin just smiled and got up from the floor, “Whatever you say.”

“Why did you save me then? Why not merely let him finish the job that he started?” She gestured to her side with a small wave of her hand. 

Merlin shrugged his shoulders and turned away from her to reach another set of bandages. “It was the right thing to do.” He turned back to her with the clean bandages in hand. “I’m going to brace your wound again and wrap you tighter. Are you able to sit up?” Her state of undress didn't bother him and Morgana found that interesting.

Morgana lifted herself up despite the constant pain in her side so he could wrap her again. She tried not to think about the warmth and strength of his palms as he held her still and tended to her wound. It was relatively easy as each pass of his hand with the white bandage hurt worse than the last. “What’s a little blood between the two of us. We’ve shared a little more than that haven’t we? I thought what we shared a week ago was special.” She teased him, but secretly she wanted to hear him admit to her what he thought about it.

Merlin blushed and finished wrapping her, “I wouldn’t have called it special.” He mumbled and shifted uncomfortably. 

Morgana couldn’t help the smirk that graced her features. He was embarrassed and that was adorable and it made her heart feel lighter, “You’re blushing.”

“No I’m not.” He argued, “You need your rest. You lost a lot of blood and it’s making you see things.” He added quickly and took a seat back on his chair while Morgana lowered herself back down.

“Sweet little Merlin is embarrassed by our playtime.” She kept teasing him, thoroughly enjoying herself. 

“Shhhh. Gaius is sleeping.” He cast a worried look over at the physician who was still sleeping soundly. 

“I have nothing to hide, Merlin.” She told him, but lowered her voice. “You, on the other hand, do.”

Merlin used his fingers and ran them through his hair, a habit that he had cultivated. “I just don’t understand it.”

“What?”

“This…lust…this crazed obsession that I have with you. I mean you were always beautiful, stunning even, kind and compassionate and I was attracted to you then. There weren’t many men who weren’t. But it had never been like this. I have this urge to possess you and it’s driving me mad.” The huskiness of his tone sparked a flash of heat in her belly despite her insistent pain.

She, however, was in no position to give into her bodies’ desire with her blood loss and weakness and especially her pain. And gods help her…she wanted to. “I don’t know either.” Her heartbeat was getting faster.

“I think you do. I think you did something to me….a long time ago.” Merlin leaned closer to her while still in the chair. 

“Maybe it’s only a coincidence. Maybe you already felt this way about me and didn’t know it.” Morgana was loathe to tell him about the hovel and the formorrah.

“I don’t think so. But what do you suggest?”

“I suggest that you kiss me and I will tell you whatever you think you want to know.” She challenged him, confident that he would back down. He was getting closer and closer to her and her hormones were roaring to life. 

“Deal.” Much to both Merlin and Morgana’s surprise he answered her. Morgana tried to sit up again and hissed in pain. Merlin’s hands gently grasped her shoulders and exerted pressure to keep her still and nearly horizontal. He was leaning over her and looking at her with a curiously intense stare. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

There was that husky note in his voice again. Their gazes locked for a few moments and Merlin leaned over Morgana. Their lips inched closer and closed by the second until they were separated by a mere breath. 

They stayed like that for much more time than she should have in Morgana’s opinion and she was about to reach up and pull him down to her but then he brushed those lips of his gently against hers. She relaxed her body while she sought more contact. Merlin had one palm still resting on her shoulder to keep her from moving while he teased them both with feather light caresses.

Morgana tried to bring him closer but movement only made her wound throb and sent sharp pains arcing through her side. But she was so preoccupied with that he was doing that it didn’t really bother her. Merlin pulled back again, their lips a finger width apart, “Tell me, Morgana. Tell me what I want to know.” Merlin knew that he was playing a game that he knew very little about.

The very fact that she was responding to him told him that she was craving him too. That this attraction was not one sided. Either that or she was acting, but Merlin sincerely doubted that. Someone who had been raped did not act and feign attraction like this. 

“What?” Morgana blinked and tried to focus on his features.

He brought his lips down and continued to tease her. “If you want it you have to tell me.”

Morgana let out a small whine and struggled in his grasp. She winced at the pain. Merlin saw the wince and decided not to do what he intended, “Stop moving, Morgana, you’ll tear the stitches I put in and I doubt you will want me to have to put more in.”

Morgana stilled and opened her yes. With a whiny tone she hissed, “Well if you would just kiss me then I wouldn’t have to.” 

Merlin chuckled softly at her tone and pulled back. His eyes landed on her bandaged side and his stomach twisted into a knot at the red stain that decorated the second set of bandages. He sighed and used a knife that was on the table next to the bed to cut the bandages. “It looks like you tore your stiches after all.” 

“Well if you would have just kissed me instead of trying to seduce me for information then you wouldn’t have this problem now would you?” She snarled at him and arched her eyebrow at him.

Merlin groused, “Well if you tried to do it then why couldn’t I?” her next reaction surprised him enough that he nearly cut into her skin again in shock. 

She laughed. Morgana Pendragon laughed at him and winced when she took another breath. 

“You aren’t mad that I tried to do that to you?” Merlin was rather confused at this sudden turn of mood and hurriedly looked at Gaius to make sure that he was still sleeping. 

Morgana smiled, “Oh, Merlin. Your attempt at seduction was cute and I am rather proud of you to try such underhanded methods to get what you wanted. Looks like I’m rubbing off on you.” 

Merlin blushed, “Well that wasn’t what I was trying to do.”

“Good, because subterfuge doesn’t suit you at all. Stick to what you know.” Merlin pulled the bandages back with a wet sound and she had in fact torn her skin in a few places. “Ouch.” Morgana commented as she also examined the wound. Merlin sighed and tried to get up before Morgana put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. “Couldn’t you heal this?”

“I’m not that skilled at healing. Even if I did and could then there would be a lot of questions from the wrong kind of people don’t you think? How could you possibly be healed when you are the only magic user in the castle?”

“Fine.” Morgana lifted her hand from his shoulder and he stood to retrieve a few items. He gathered needle and thread, clean water, and a salve that would numb the area. First he washed the slash gently and patted it dry before applying the numbing salve and threading the needle. Merlin used the needle and thread on her wound again and Morgana watched his hands silently, as if in deep thought. He wasn’t nearly as nervous this time and Morgana barely winced with pain at the needle punctures due to the numbing agent. After he was done Merlin smeared an anti-infective paste on it and rebound the wound. 

“No more moving.” Merlin chided her. 

“Kiss me now.”

Merlin leaned over and his lips met hers in a chaste and quick kiss. “Does that please you, Mi’lady?”

Morgana sighed and closed her eyes tightly before telling Merlin something that shocked him to his core, “When I took you into my hovel I put a formorrah in your neck, which you knew about. There was not merely one, but two and with the second I had you on a mission to kill Arthur. What you don’t remember about it with the first I took advantage of you.” She rushed through the last sentence, trying to sound as neutral as possibly. 

Merlin’s smile faded and he blinked several times, quite speechless, “What?”

“I used the Formorrah to fuck you in my hovel.”

“No you didn’t.” The argument was reflexive. Merlin didn’t remember having sex with her. He would have definitely remembered if they had.

“We did. A few times in fact.”

“I would remember if we had done that, Morgana.” He was still confused.

“The Formorrah can cause some memory loss. But we did.”

Merlin was silent, images and thoughts running rampant in his head along with a building anger. So this was her fault. This obsession. She must have cast some sort of enchantment on him. “So it is your fault then.” A slow revelation built.

“What is my fault exactly?” 

“That you didn’t have anything to do with our insane attraction because now it makes sense. You did something to me.” The stirrings of anger flared to life beneath his breast.

“That’s nonsense. I wouldn’t have needed to. I took you and used you and I was done with you.”

“Good to know.” Merlin’s anger was only getting hotter. 

“Look, I’m not sorry for what I did to you but I didn’t enchant you or seduce you or anything like that. I used you once and that was it. Whatever you think I did to you, I didn’t. I shouldn’t have even told you about it. I was being nice. I won’t let it happen again if you accuse me of something I didn’t do.”

“You’ve lied before.”

“Alright then,” she hissed, “Believe what you want. But answer me this. If I enchanted you then why is it that I also feel this pull towards you? I think you did something to me and made me weak for you.” Merlin pulled back from her.

“So you had sex with me without my knowing then? You practically did to me what those soldiers and Sarrum did to you.” After the words left his mouth he knew that he shouldn’t have said them. She stiffened and glared at him with hate in her eyes.

“The Formorrah controls it’s bearer but I assure you, your actions were all your own. Now get out. I don’t want you here anymore.” When Merlin didn’t move she yelled at him, “GO!” And Gaius stirred in his bed while Merlin stalked back to his room and although he wanted to slam the door he shut it quietly but firmly. He was just starting to trust her again. To like her and she had to tell him that. Then she had a gall to lie to him again. _What if she didn’t?_ It didn’t matter. Or did it? Merlin stalked over to his bed and took off his clothes before getting under the covers. It would be a long time before sleep would calm him. 

$#$# 

Morgana was furious and resisted the urge to hit something. One, as it would cause her more pain and two, because it would solve nothing. If she had to choose what she would hit it would be Merlin’s face. How dare he accuse her of rape? He had enjoyed it. He had wanted it too. But maybe she shouldn’t have told him. She didn’t want that dragon to have one up on her. As it was she was exhausted and weak and her head was pounding and her heart felt like it was racing out of her chest. Morgana tried to fight the sleep that was demanding her consciousness but lost the battle a few minutes after Merlin had gone into his room. What filled her head that night were not her usual nightmares but ones that were new but no less damning to her sanity. 

$#$#$#

Merlin awoke to the bright light of sunup flooding his room. Woke up was perhaps the wrong word though it did describe the way his eyes opened. But rest had evaded him despite his exhaustion. What she had told him. It all made sense now. His dreams, the ones of him and her. They were true or based off of a memory. She had used him, like a toy, and thrown him away afterward. It was infuriating and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to speak to her this morning. But Gaius would be expecting him and so he had to put on some sort of face for his teacher and embrace the day. 

Morgana would be out there and he didn’t know what to think about that. He was angry, furious but with it came betrayal and confusion. He should be angrier that she did that to him…but even as he was upset it was sort of a relief to know that he hadn’t been going mad dreaming of her. Even if she was telling the truth that she had done nothing more to him there was still some sort of magical connection between them. It had to be magical, because what else could it be? The dragon wouldn’t answer him. He would have to find out for himself.

He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Merlin used the basin of fresh cold water to wash his face, neck and forearms. He pulled on his clothes and halted at the door. When he pressed his ear to the cool wood he heard muffled conversation from the other room. _Here goes nothing._ Merlin opened his door to see Gaius looking over Morgana’s stitches in the light of the dawn. “You will have to stay here for another day before going back to your room. You lost a lot of blood and you look rather pale. I will make you something to replenish you. Ah. There’s Merlin. I’m surprised you went back to you room.”

“I told him to go, Gaius. I was fine.”

“You did not speak gently to him, Morgana. You shouted.”

“What?” Merlin asked, suddenly terrified that Gaius had heard the entire conversation. He would never recover from the embarrassment. 

“Morgana woke me up with her yelling. You both are always arguing about something or another. And you should know better than to upset a patient. It impedes their recovery. Now, Arthur wanted to see you in the dungeons in about 30 minutes.”

“I’m sorry Gaius. Did he say why?”

“No. But I think it has something to do with the prisoner that is down there. Morgana killed the other one.”

“Thank you, Gauis. I’ll go after I eat.”

“Hello, Merlin.” Morgana ventured while Gaius was wrapping her torso with another fresh bandage. 

“Morgana.” The response was short and clipped and she knew that he was still upset but it would take a little bit of time for him to warm up to her again. Gaius finished the wrap and she lay back down.

“Now you rest here. And I will make you some blood soup. It will help you recover.”

“Blood soup?” She questioned and looked over at Merlin for an answer and he looked away at that moment.

“Oh yes. It is good for those who have lost quite a bit of blood. Women after childbirth drink it, those who have had amputations, soldiers who have had major blood loss.” Gaius was rummaging through the various potions he had in his stock.

Merlin listened with amusement. The one time he had tried blood soup he had nearly wretched into a chamber pot. It was disgusting and it made him less angry at her to have to suffer through it. Merlin took a couple pieces of cheese, an apple and a hunk of bread to the table while watching the exchange from the corner of his eye. 

“But what is in it?”

“Oh a little of this and a little of that. Foods that help with blood production.”

Morgana eyed both of the men warily. “I don’t think I want it.”

“Well, unfortunately, Morgana you need it or else you might not recover as quickly as you should. It’s not poison. So don’t worry about that.” Gaius started to mix several things in a bowl. Merlin knew from experience that beef liver, spinach, beetroot juice, beans, and oats were mixed and folded into a bowl with water and the thick soup that came out of it was utterly rank and he nearly lost the food in his mouth when he saw the wide eyed look on Morgana’s face. Gaius put the mixture over the stove and set it to heat up. He finished his own breakfast and washed his hands and face again before sitting down at the table. Gaius was just finishing up the soup and he ladled it into a bowl. The stuff was a dark red and green and mush and when he brought it over to Morgana she eyed the bowl like it was going to spring up and attack her. 

“What’s in it?”

“Things to make you well. Now eat up.” He put the bowl into Morgana’s hands, “I think you can feed yourself can’t you? If not I can…”

“No. No. No. I can do it.” She put the mixture up to her nose and made a face. Merlin took this opportunity to start for the door so he didn’t make a fool of himself in front of her. Merlin opened the door to the hall and had just started to close it when he heard several coughs and hacks, “THIS IS DISGUSTING!” 

Merlin shut the door and just started laughing on the way to the dungeon. He should have waited to see her face. 

The dungeon was even colder than the rest of the castle this time of year, which made sense as it was down the stairs and layered with stone but today the temperature was due to the cool rage of the King as he stared at the prisoner chained to the wall. Sven stared back with an equally cold stare as the two faced off. Merlin closed the door behind him and Arthur’s eyes flickered over to his servant and friend who took up station behind his king. Sven looked at Merlin, “You are an awful scrawny thing to have done that to me, boy.”

Arthur clasped his hands around his back, “I will ask you again. Who hired you?”

“You thinkin’ you will be getting me to talk do yeh? Not after what you did to me brother.” Sven snarled out. 

“I think you will. I think you will be begging me to let you tell me in the end. When you are starving and thirsty and in so much pain you will want to die. That is what I do to people who threaten my family and my kingdom.” Arthur was his father’s son in the way he protected the nation from threats and Uther’s blood was hot in his son’s veins today. 

“I’ve heard of you, soft king. You don’t have the will of your father in this. Someone who lets the likes of that bitch into his home. I hope I killed ‘er.” 

“No such luck, I’m afraid. Your brother is dead and you are here alone with no hope of escape. If you cooperate your death will be swift, if you don’t…” he let the threat hang in the air. 

Sven smiled, yellow teeth sickening in the torchlight, “Do your worst, play king. Cause I ain’t talkin’.” 

Arthur gestured for the guards who turned him around and chained him to the wall with his back facing them. Merlin knew Arthur was serious about this. He never reverted to his father’s old methods of getting information. This was a side of his friend that he had never seen. Another man held a whip in his hand and looked to Arthur, who nodded but had moved his hands to cross over his chest. The king shifted his weight side to side as if uncomfortable with his role as torturer. He looked over to Melrin who nodded at him. “Begin.” The whip rose and fell on the captive’s skin. The sound was sharp and loud in the dungeon and Merlin watched on as 10 lashes were given. 

“Play king. You will have to do better than that.” 

Arthur turned to the man with the whip, “Continue until he’s willing to talk or night has fallen. Either way report back to me. Come on, Merlin.” Merlin turned and winced as the whip cracked over skin. He opened the door and let Arthur through first then followed with the sound of whipping echoing through the small enclave. 

“I don’t like torture.” Arthur told him as they started to walk. 

“Neither do I. Why do it so early?”

“I want answers. Because if one assassin is sent there will likely be more. I kept trying to think of enemies that I had but they have been mostly defeated in one way or another. I have to keep my family safe. We have another baby on the way and if I can’t keep one daughter safe then how will I keep another child safe, as well as Gwen?”

Merlin knew his friend’s worries. He had the same worries when Ellie was born, “You don’t have to do it alone. You have so many people who are as devoted to Gwen and Ellie as they are to you. We just have to be more careful.”

“It’s like I step on eggshells. Everything I do affects everyone else. I don’t just have my family to take care of. I have everyone in the realm to take care of. You, the knights, my soldiers, everyone. It’s overwhelming sometimes.”

“And that is why you have your advisors and Gwen.”

Arthur looked at him and a grin tugged at his lips, “Sometimes I think you are wiser that you let on.”

“Who, me?” Merlin replied with a grin.

$#$#$#

Morgana choked down the last of the rotten concoction that Gaius had made her drink. She shivered disgust and nearly threw up the entire contents of her stomach. The only thing that stopped her was that her side would hurt if she did. The entire thing was mush that tasted like metal and grass with an oaty texture. She put the bowl down and took the water that Gaius offered. After she had drank the entire cup it did nothing to erase the taste in her mouth. “That was vile. Do you actually make people drink that?”

“All the time. It should help your healing process greatly.” Gaius took the bowl with a smile and there was a knock at the door. “Come in.” 

The door opened to reveal Gwen carrying Ellie on her hip. She smiled at Gaius and walked…or rather waddled to Morgana. The girl in her arms squealed and said, “‘Gana!” Gwen put her down and she toddled a few steps to the side of Morgana’s bed. 

Morgana smiled down at the little girl and up at her friend, “What are you doing here?”

“Ellie missed you so we decided to come and see you. After all, you did save her life.”

“I couldn’t let her get hurt.”

“I know.” Gwen lowered herself down into the chair next to the bed. She saw the bowl on the table and visibly recoiled from the dark red paste that was left inside of it. “You fed her that vile stuff?”

“I fed it to you as well.” Gaius reminded her as he sorted through his potions.

“It was awful when I had it too.” Gwen told her. 

“I thought it was something he made up just for me.”

Gwen laughed and looked at her with an intense gaze, “Last night you did something that few others would have done and succeeded. After Arthur is done with the prisoner in the basement I was going to talk to him about loosening the guard that we have on you, allow you more time to roam.”

“But I didn’t do enough to get this thing off my neck.”

“I already know he won’t budge on it.”

“What if I told you that it is going to kill me?”

“What do you mean?”

“The last person who had this collar on died within a year, they got progressively weaker until the collar killed them.”

“I know that Arthur won’t let it come to that but you know how he is. He is stubborn. I think it’s passed down by blood. Ellie’s got it, you’ve got it. I won’t let it come to that. You know that, Morgana.”

“I know.” She did know that Gwen wouldn’t want her dead. Even after everything she had done to her and that seemed like eons ago. 

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. I don't know why I published this chapter the first time and without an entire rewrite which it might have needed I wouldn't have been able to fix it. As it stands this is semi sort of a fillerish chapter. Hopefully you all liked it. Let me know! My muse loves those comments! I might do another this weekend as I finish up my 3rd round on my book. But we shall see!


	29. Chapter 28

XxOxX

It had been two weeks since the near kidnapping and the castle had gone back to normal. Aithusa had come back for the week and gone again but Morgana had not seen the little dragon as she had been confined to bed and no amount of begging on her part changed that. Morgana was allowed short walks and used that time to visit Ellie and Gwen. The wound on her side was healing slowly and still pained her when she walked more than a few minutes at a time. She had learned from Merlin in a short conversation that her dragon had gone with Kilgarrah. Although Morgana was irritated that he took Aithusa without Morgana even knowing about it she couldn’t summon the appropriate amount of anger to deal with him. Merlin still wouldn’t speak more than a few words to her at a time and she was worried that he might never forgive her for using him. She was tempted to apologize but it would have been an empty gesture as she wasn’t sorry. She was regretful about the outcome now, but those few hours had been some of the best of her life and she refused to apologize for it. He was due back anytime to take her for a walk to help her regain her strength, something Gaius had roped him into, and it was usually an awkward and strained affair. They would speak little and when they did it wasn’t about anything of substance. Today would be different. 

Morgana was lying in her bed reading a book when a knock on the door caught her attention. The door then opened to reveal Merlin, looking tense and agitated, “I’m here.” 

“I thought we could take a walk through the cloisters.” Morgana offered, trying to breach the gap between them.

“Fine.” Merlin agreed and Morgana got up from the bed to walk over to him, wincing only slightly at the brief flash of pain the action caused. He offered her his arm like a gentleman should and she took it with no hesitation.

They started walking and like days previous the awkwardness between them began closing in. Instead of the cloisters though he turned down the corridor to the underground tunnel, “The cloisters are that way.” Morgana told him, confused as to why they were going a different direction.

“I know. We aren’t going to the cloisters.”

“Then where are we going?” 

“You’ll see.” He told her with the hint of a smile.

“I don’t want to see. I want to know.” She tried pulling out of his grip but the weakness on her right side prevented her from moving against him overmuch. 

“Trust me.” 

“The last time I did that I got a skin full of poison.” Morgana meant it as a joke…well mostly but Merlin stiffened and looked away from her. 

“I suppose that will be something you will always hold above my head then. I don’t know what more I can say to you other than the fact that I am truly sorry for that.” He muttered agitatedly.

“I know.”

“I’m still frustrated and upset with you for your deception but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about our situation.”

“And?”

“I don’t know. I still have no idea. I mean….you stole my free will and used me for your own ends. It doesn’t matter if I enjoyed myself or not, you still did it without my consent or knowledge and that bothers me.” 

“I wish I could say that I was sorry.” At his confused glance she amended her statement, “ What I mean is I could say it but I wouldn’t mean it. An empty apology is no apology at all.”

“I would still like to hear it.”

“I’m sorry for what I did.” She offered. 

Merlin looked at her and sighed, “You are right. An empty one is meaningless.” They reached the entrance to the caves below, “Were you even thinking of me or was I just someone to warm your bed?”

“I’m not some whore that just picks her bedmates at random. It was Arthur, then you in my hovel, then Helios because that was what he wanted from me.”

“Why him?” Merlin wasn’t jealous. Not in the least bit and not why he wanted to know.

“My sister took Cenred to her bed and so it only made sense to me to do so as well. Would it help to know that you were the one I enjoyed the most?” she offered while hoping that it would cool is ire with her.

Merlin looked back at her with surprise as they descended the stairs slowly, “Really?”

“Yes.” She smiled at him. “By far.” She saw Merlin’s cheek twitch with a repressed smile and resisted the urge to roll her eyes just barely. “Now you are going to be insufferable.”

“I’m not Arthur. He’s the insufferable one.” Merlin laughed and Morgana joined him. 

“As true as that may be you care about him and he cares for you.” She winced and nearly tripped down the stairs. Merlin steadied her with gentle hands and she pushed him away. She didn’t need help from anyone.

Merlin looked back at Morgana who was rubbing her wrists gently, feeling the small scars that peppered the fragile skin there. The torchlight barely illuminated the corridor but he knew what she was doing. It wasn’t often that he got to see her wrists in the light but he knew that she had scars from her captivity. It wasn’t something that Merlin liked to be reminded of but he knew that she was anxious and it helped her cope. “Aithusa wants see you. She misses you.”

 

“I’ve missed her too.” They hit the last step and Morgana wanted to run out to the dragon but was unable to move quickly enough. “Aithusa! Come to me, sweet one.” There was a cry of delight and the rustle of wings then a large white shape charged up the corridor. The metallic sound of the chain was absent. Aithusa nearly knocked into Morgana when Merlin snapped something at her in Draconic and she stopped. The white dragon approached Morgana cautiously and Morgana held out her hand. Warm breath coated her hand and she noticed that Aithusa had grown since she had last saw the dragon and it delighted Morgana to no end. Aithusa’s snout bumped Morgana’s hand and Morgana moved closer to the dragon, wrapped her arms around her white neck and buried her face into the warm skin. 

Merlin watched the exchange from behind them and a smile tugged at his lips. They were so gentle with each other. He knew that it would have been a crime to separate them. Morgana broke from Aithusa and looked back at Merlin, “Thank you.” Then she winced and held her side.

The dragon looked at her with alarm and sniffed at her side then shot a look at Merlin of alarm and it was slightly accusatory, _“Why hurt?”_

“I didn’t do it!” Merlin held up his hands in placation.

 _“Who? Why not heal?”_ she asked him…or rather accused him.

“It was a bad man who wanted to kill Ellie. You remember Ellie.”

The dragon let out a menacing growl, _“Only fledgling. No hurt!_

Morgana was near rigid with shock. Aithusa was speaking in near full sentences and the woman could have cried with happiness. “That’s right, sweet one.” 

_“Heal.”_ The dragon brought her magic to bear and blew on the wound with a healing breath. 

Morgana felt the pain diminish rapidly and the skin and muscle weave back together until she couldn’t even feel it anymore. 

The sorceress twisted to one side and then to the other and smiled, “Thank you.” The dragon chirped happily and turned around in the tunnel to go back to the cavern. Morgana turned back to Merlin, “Is that why you brought me here? So you could have her heal me?”

Merlin wouldn’t admit that it was not his original idea to do so but said, “That was one reason. The other is that I want to make peace with you. I’m tired of constantly fighting about something all the time. You had sex with me without my permission and that is not alright. But I’ve hurt you too. I killed you.” 

Morgana smiled back at him, “Alright. I can live with that. If you will promise there will be no more secrets between us. Truly this time.” She walked after Aithusa. The dragon was sitting at the edge and watching both Merlin and Morgana with a gleam in her eye. _“Watch!”_ The dragon took off from the ledge and started to fly around the cavern doing twists and turns and backflips. Morgana watched with a mother’s pride and Merlin leaned against the cavern wall and watched them both. It delighted him to see Aithusa happy and showing off and it made his ire at Morgana even less to watch her delight in Aithua’s performance as well. Aithusa landed on the rock and gave a happy cry then bowed. Morgana clapped for her dragon and the sat down on the rock. Morgana looked back at Merlin again, “Where did she learn that?”

“Kilgarrah. He’s been teaching her many things about being a dragon.”

Morgana made a distasteful face and Merlin laughed. “Alright, Aithusa. Tell me everything.” Morgana told the dragon and she started to show them a series of images about her time away from Camelot.  
Merlin continued to watch their exchange while contemplating the many things he has had to deal with in the past few weeks. 

$#$#$#$#

“Are you sure that would be a good idea?” Gwen asked her husband while rubbing her belly. She was seven months along and the baby would be here soon. 

Arthur tossed his daughter in the air and caught her while she chanted his name, “Dada!” 

“Yes. I do.”

“But she’s worked so hard these past few months. Would it really be a good idea to expose her to that?”

“Morgana is an adult as well as my sister. She would be able to help us.”

“Or it might harm us. You can’t ask her to torture that man.”

“I’m sure she would be eager to accept, Guinevere. She wouldn’t take a slight like that if she could help it.”

“But, Arthur, I don’t want to lose her again. It’s too much of a temptation.”

“She will still have the collar on. She wouldn’t be able to escape or harm us.”

“You sound like Uther, you know, using your sister to torture that prisoner.”

“Nothing else has worked, Gwen! I’ve done it and the court torturer has taken a turn as well. All the torture in Camelot has gotten less than a sentence out of him. Are you going to wait for someone else to come and try to harm Ellie or our unborn child? I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you.” His tone was soft but fierce while blue eyes glittered with apprehension.

“You’re right.” Gwen admitted, “But I still don’t like it. Would you let her go if she did succeed? Or would you still keep her as a prisoner.”

Arthur didn’t answer her but put Ellie back down onto the floor. The girl was walking now and she toddled over to her mother and clung to her leg. “It will be fine.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I don’t know the answer.” Arthur kissed Gwen on the cheek and leaned down to place a kiss on her belly, “Don’t give your mother too much trouble.” 

“He’s sleeping right now.”

“You think it’s a boy?” Arthur caressed her belly.

“It’s one or the other. Now go. Find Morgana. She’s probably with Merlin.”

“What is up with the two of them? They’ve never been so friendly before.”

“I don’t know.” Gwen shrugged and smiled in a secret way.

Arthur looked at her suspiciously but planted a kiss on her lips and left the room. Gwen sat down in the rocking chair and Ellie toddled around the room. “Ellie, your daddy is going to have a cow when he finds out about them, you know that, right?” Ellie smiled up at her mother and nodded sagely as if she understood every word her mother said to her.

$#$#$#

Merlin was loathe to separate the two girls but he knew that they had to go back upstairs before too much longer. Aithusa had filled in Morgana on all the things that she was studying with Kilgarrah, and also that Kilgarrah was a spoilsport and he was very boring to be around. She had been learning to channel her draconic magic into specific spells and other things and he had been improving her vocabulary. “Morgana. We have to go. You can come and visit her again soon.”

“Why?” 

“They will be looking for us.”

“Let them look.” She snapped.

“Morgana. We have to leave.” He told her firmly, not backing down when she looked at him with a pout.  
Aithusa jumped over the gap and nuzzled Morgana and then sat down. She looked very deep in concentration about something. Merlin watched her snout move and she swallowed a few times before, “Bye Mama.” The voice was raw, but childlike and female and she looked at Morgana when she said it.

Merlin nearly fell over from the shock of it and Morgana only stared at the dragon, “Did you say mama?” 

Aithusa nodded and said it again, “Mama.” It was still an odd sound and warbled but understandable to those who were really listening for it.

Morgana braced herself against the wall and her green eyes were large with emotions and shock. “My Aithusa. You think that I am your mama?”

Aithusa nodded, _“Take care of me. Love you.”_

She wiped her eyes, trying to clear them of the tears that threatened to spill over. She didn’t want to look weak in front of Merlin.

Merlin turned his back, still very surprised and told her, “Five minutes. I will be waiting upstairs.” He walked down the hallway to give Morgana some privacy.

As soon as he left, Morgana slid down the wall and let her tears flow along with her happiness, “Oh Aithusa. I love you too. I love you so much. I can’t believe you spoke.”

_“Practice.”_

Morgana laughed and hugged the dragon to her and kissed her snout, “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

_“You not have light.”_

Morgana looked at her dragon strangely, “My light?”

_“Very dim. My kin help you. You are his.”_

“His? What do you mean his?”

_“He claim you.”_

“Claimed me? How?”

_“Don’t know. Only see it._

“Are you sure?”

_“Yes, mama.”_

Morgana had to hold back another set of tears, “Good. Keep doing well, my sweet one.” She wiped her eyes and took another deep breath. 

_“I will! Go see my kin.”_ Aithusa butted Morgana in the direction of the exit. _“Bye.”_

Morgana walked back up the stairs with her head filled with too many emotions to name, mostly happiness, but also confusion. Instead of finding answers she only had more and more questions. This was getting ridiculous. She saw Merlin at the top of the stairs and nodded at him. 

“Are you alright?”

“Fine. I’m fine. Did you know she could do that?”

“No, I’m as surprised as you are. But I knew that she would be able to talk.”

“She called me mama.” Morgana smiled again at the memory. She felt more energetic than she had in a while.

Merlin offered her is arm again and she looked at it before taking it and letting him lead her to her room. He opened the door and she walked through, “Thank you again.” Morgana told him before planting and quick kiss on his cheek. It was an innocent gesture that made Merlin’s heart skip a beat and grow warmer.

Merlin nodded t her and shut the door between them. He took a deep breath before heading back to Gaius. He saw Arthur down the hall and waved.

Arthur waved back, “Have you seen Morgana?”

“She’s in her room, why?”

“I need to talk to her.”

“About what?”

“A job I think she would be good at. Now, Merlin, since I have you here, could you do something for me?”

“What?” 

“Oh, don’t sound like that. It’s nothing terrible. I want you to take a few of my shirts to the seamstress. They have some tears in them and I want them repaired.”

“Oh…well yeah.” 

“Good. Thank you.” Arthur patted him on the shoulder and set off for Morgana’s room. Merlin looked back at him, still wondering what he could possibly want with Morgana. 

#@#@#@

Morgana heard a knock at the door and wondered who it could be. She put her brush down and opened the door and was surprised to find Arthur standing there. “Arthur. What…”

He walked past Morgana into her room, “I want you to do something for me.”

“And you barge into my room….again.” Morgana shut the door and faced him. “What do you want me to do?” Morgana was walking normally again and she was lucky that she had not seen Arthur much in the past couple of weeks or else he might be suspicious of her recovery.

“I’ve been torturing that man in the dungeon. The one that you had stopped from kidnapping Eliana. He has given us nothing in the past two weeks.”

“And you want me to try my hand? What makes you think I will do any better?”

“You know how to manipulate people. You were damned good at it when we were growing up and you have gotten even better at it.”

“But why me? Why torture? Why now?”

“Because I know what you are capable of.” 

Morgana laughed, “So you want me now that you can use me to your own ends? You want the darkness inside of me to do your bidding?”

“Yes.”

“That is quite the kingly decision. I didn’t think you had it in you to do the things that he did. You continue to surprise me, brother.”

“I will do what I must to protect the kingdom and my family.”

Morgana nodded and a part of her wanted to say no to him immediately. The dark part of her that craved violence which wished for her brother’s death and that wished to destroy Camelot or take it for herself wanted her to say yes. She had lost touch with it since this collar was snapped around her neck, like it was some sort of dream. “How does this benefit me?”

“What do you want?”

“To be free.”

“Not yet.”

“Then no.”

“There must be something else you want.”

Morgana thought about it for a moment. “Set Aithusa free. Let her go.”

Arthur thought about it for a moment and shook his head, “Something else.” 

“There is nothing else.”

Arthur sighed and rubbed his head, “Nothing?”

“Maybe something….A favor.”

“What is it?”

“Something that I would want at a later date, not now and when I ask you for this boon you must grant it.”

“I won’t release you.”

“That won’t be the favor I ask.”

“So I owe you a favor…and you will do what I ask of you?”

“Yes.” 

“I know I am going to regret this, but I accept your terms.”

“Excellent.” Morgana smirked and placed her hand out for Arthur to shake. When he clasped his hand to hers he pulled her closer and their faces were only an inch apart, “What are you doing with Merlin?”

“Merlin? Nothing! He’s a friend!” Morgana lied to him easily.

“He’s been around you more and more often and I don’t know what you plan but you better keep him out of it. I don’t want him to get hurt. ” His tone was threatening and Morgana stood up straighter and wrenched her hand from his.

“Don’t you do that again, Arthur Pendragon or you might not come back with a hand at all. And Merlin is an adult. He doesn’t need you to protect him.”

“Heed my words, Morgana, or you will regret it.”

She was tempted, so tempted to tell him that Merlin had magic, and that Merlin had lied to him for years, that his best friend that he loved was the very thing that he hated but she kept her mouth shut. Causing strife would not get her free any sooner and it might seal her fate. Right now, while she was angry was not the time for it. Arthur stepped back and opened the door then gestured for her to walk through it. “We are going now?”

“Yes. I want this done.”

“I have half a mind to deny you now after that treatment.”

“You would have done the same.”

“Regardless…” Morgana walked out of the room and Arthur followed her. “I don’t intend to harm him yet.”

“Good to know.”

“You’ve grown up. I didn’t know what kind of a king you would make. With Uther as your father and no mother I feared sometimes that you would be just like him.”

“It was you who made me different than him you know. You were always so strong and stood up for what you believed no matter if father was angry with you for it. You fought him tooth and nail for what you wanted, what you believed was right. And it was you that made me think about what kind of king I wanted to be.”

“Really?”

“Yes. It wasn’t just you though. Merlin, the knights, Gauis, and Gwen all had a hand in who I am today. I didn’t want to be my father. Not completely because there were things he did that I could never think of doing. He was bitter by the end and I don’t want to be consumed by bitterness and hate like he was.”

“I know.”

“We had the same views on nearly everything to do with governing but our differences were mostly about magic. When father heard the word sorcery or even suspected it he no longer listened to reason. He was single minded and so stubborn that he even put his closest friend in prison for suspecting him. It wasn’t right. I wanted to be a fairer king than him.”

“You don’t hate magic?” She was surprised.

“I don’t know what I think about it. Magic killed my father and my mother and sorcerers cause strife and despair wherever they go.”

“But magic can save people too you know there is good and bad to it like all things.”

“Father said that magic corrupts those it touches and I always thought he was right, especially after you betrayed us. I thought it was your magic that turned you against us and made you so full of hate.”

“Magic is neither good nor bad, it just is.”

“I can’t believe that.”

“Why?”

“Because if that is true and magic does not make one evil...” he stopped and turned around, “That means you killed our father and nearly destroyed Camelot of your own free will and I don’t want to believe that of my own sister.” He turned around and they descended the stairs to the dungeon. The guards opened the door and the stink of someone who was filthy, as well as the smell of blood and excrement flooded from the door, nearly causing Morgana to wretch. 

She barely held it in as they entered. The man was dirty and hanging from chains in the ceiling. His arm was broken and hung loosely at his side. He looked up and groaned out, “So the king is back then…and he’s brought me a toy.” The man focused on Morgana and snarled, “You killed me brother!” 

“Oh yes…and it was so fulfilling.” Morgana glided away from Arthur and her heart was beating faster as she looked at all the torture implements. The darkness within her soul unfurled slowly as if awakening from a deep sleep and she felt the sick excitement that torture brought as well as the sickening feeling that being tortured left someone with. Luckily for her the Sarrum had never used anything other than a whip and chains to subjugate her. Blood was dried on the floor and she stared at it. “Leave us.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Arthur.” She turned to look at him, “You don’t want to see this, trust me.”

“Guards, leave them alone. Stay outside the door and signal me when she is done.” 

“As you wish, sire.”

“Don’t kill him, Morgana.”

“Killing him would be a mercy. I want him to suffer.” Morgana looked at the instruments again and Arthur saw an unholy gleam in her eyes that made him shiver and he quickly shut the door behind him. He hoped that he was doing the right thing. 

Morgana looked at the man, “What’s your name?”

“You think you can make me talk, bitch?” He spat at her and she easily sidestepped it. Then as quick as a flash slapped him hard against the face then caressed his cheek. 

“Answer me.”

“That ‘as barely a sting.”

“We’ve only just begun.” Morgana smiled and as Sven looked into the light green depths of her eyes he felt the first inkling of fear at what he saw there. Morgana looked away and took her hand off of him. “Now, what is your name?” She turned to the table and picked up a knife. “It looks like they have been too easy on you. All those little cuts…what else have they done to you?” She looked around the room and saw the devices that had blood on them and noted the ones which were clean. “You are a tough one then…this should be fun.” She turned back around with the knife in her hand and the bright gleam of madness in her eyes.

$#$#$#

Merlin finished the chore that Arthur had given him and returned to Gauis shortly after. The physician had him help with making potions and remedies to use during the cold winter months. He complained that his arthritis made it hard to bottle during the winter and it was during these months that Merlin worried for Gaius because he wasn’t getting any younger. So the young warlock was eager to help him each and every winter since then. After the potions were done, Merlin decided to look for Arthur. It had been a couple of hours since he had run into the King in the hallway and Merlin found it odd that Arthur had not sent for him in that time.

He knocked on the door to the royal chamber before entering. He found Arthur at his desk looking over papers. The king looked up and smiled at Merlin, “What are you doing here?”

“I was wondering if you had anything else for me to do.”

“No. I can’t think of anything. Perhaps Gwen has something.”

“Wouldn’t she ask Morgana for help?”

“Morgana is indisposed at the moment.”

“With what?”

“It’s nothing that you need to concern yourself with.” Arthur sounded distracted. 

There was a knock on the door and a guard looked in, “It’s done. He’s ready.” 

Arthur stood and walked to the door. “If you want to see what Morgana has been doing, follow me.” 

%$#$#

Morgana wiped the sweat from her brow and fought the urge to vomit at the smell. There was blood everywhere. Morgana looked down at her hands and gown which were stained with dark drying flakes of lifeblood as well as fresh. The man was whimpering in the chains near her. The excitement she had felt to unleash her darker side still burned low in the wake of his suffering.

The guard walked through the door with Arthur in tow and surprisingly enough, Merlin. The newcomer stopped dead in his tracks as he took in the whole scene including Morgana’s state and the knife in her hand. She looked back at him with triumph in her gaze as well as something else that scared him.

“Tell them.” She crooned to the man in chains.

The man let out a sound of defiance but when he saw Morgana move her hand with the knife he cried out, “Sven! Name’s Sven! Get Bitch ‘way fr’m me!” 

“Tell them, now.” She ordered coldly.

“Amata. Hired me and brother. The new Sarrum. Think you killed the old one. Sent me to kill the girl or take her.”

“Why would he do that?” Arthur asked while his rested his hard gaze on the man…Sven.

Merlin was watching the amount of blood that covered the floor and from where the blood was dripping. He continued to look at her in a state of disbelief and a little bit of fear but Morgana did not meet his gaze, but she did notice the look on his face but she kept her own face impassive and cold.  
“New Sarrum is old’ Sarrum’s son.” The man groaned out.

Arthur nodded, “Thank you, Morgana. That was all I needed to know. Merlin, take her back to her chamber, guards, chain him to the wall.”

Morgana dropped the dagger in her hand and walked over to Merlin. She stared at him for a moment with something akin to a dark lust in her gaze before walking past him.

$#$#$#

Merlin had not uttered a single word to Morgana while walking her back to her room. Her pulse still raced from the excitement with the way his flesh gave beneath her knife. The madness…the one that allowed her to do the things that she had done was fading and now she was aware of the extreme measures that she had taken to extract information from that man. It was making her a little ill and that made no sense because she had been present when others had been tortured before and hadn’t reacted with revulsion. It was revulsion which was now coursing through her body.

Merlin opened the door and watched her walk into her room in front of him. He was about to close it and leave her alone when he watched her pale and rush over to the chamber pot before emptying her stomach in a rush. Merlin opened the door and crossed the room to kneel next to her. She lifted her head and he saw her wide eyes filled with an emotion that he couldn’t name. She looked at her hands again and at her dress, “I’m filthy.” She said suddenly and stood up. Merlin was ready to catch her if she fell but she steadied in a few moments.

“I’ll get you a bath.” Merlin rose to stand next to her.

“My soul is filthy.” Morgana said with such finality that he only stared at her. “Can a bath help me with that?” she snapped at him.

“Let’s get you clean.” Merlin ignored her irritation and the chilling statement and led her out the door and towards the bath room. It was only a few doors down and he knocked, when he received no answer he opened the door and led her in. 

Morgana continued to look at him strangely, “What are you doing? I saw the way you stared at me in the dungeon. You were afraid of me and you should be.” 

Merlin examined her and tried to find any signs of shock but could not. Her skin was warm and eyes were responding properly to light and movement. In fact if he were to admit such a thing she looked as if she were staring into his soul. Merlin started the fire which heated the water with a spell and used the water pump to fill the steel bowl which he placed over the open flame then placed the warm water into the tub. He repeated the action sever times while he glanced at her worriedly but she watched him with a curious gaze. 

“You never answered me, Merlin. You are afraid of me. And yet you didn’t run. You know what I am capable of and it scared you but you didn’t balk like I thought you would. I didn’t even know what I was capable of until it happened.”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you know how it felt to do that to Sven?”

“I don’t think…”

“It felt amazing. The power his pain gave to me and the way it filled me up in a way I haven’t been in months. His blood washing over my hands and his screams of agony.” She smiled again, looking very much like a dark crazed angel.

“You aren’t thinking straight, Morgana.” He poured some cool water into the bath.

“The darkness to your light.” She murmured to him.

Merlin’s gaze snapped back to her, “Where did you hear that?”

“I heard it in a dream. I am the darkness to you light. We are two halves of one whole, two sides of one coin. I believe it now, my Merlin.”

“I think you should sit down.” He told her gently.

“Stop trying to coddle me.” She snapped at him, “You think I am going insane and you may be right.” 

He was really starting to worry for her, “You should get into the bath.” He poured another round of cool water into it and when he turned back around his heart skipped a beat in his chest. She was standing right behind him with an unholy light in her ethereal eyes. 

“Thank you.” She said simply and turned around, “Could you unlace me? I will be fine on my own.” She almost sounded as she should but he almost didn’t want to leave her alone. Merlin unlaced the back of her dress and exposed the shift beneath it. She turned her head and smiled at him then turned her body around and let the dress pool around her. Merlin darted around her and fled the room before she could strip entirely before him. His steps slowed after he shut the door and he placed a hand on the cool wood with a sigh then turned away from it to slide down the door to sit. How could Arthur have asked her to do that? He must have been desperate to tempt Morgana’s sanity…He knew that his friend was a good king and a good man but doing that was stupid and for the first time in a long time he was angry at Arthur. Truly angry. He realized that Morgana didn’t have a nightgown so he rushed back to her room and chose a pale white gown with gold embroidery. He then opened the door and set the gown on the floor next to it without peering in. Morgana didn’t need him to be a lecher right now.

$#$#$#

Morgana felt warm and weightless in the water. She washed her face and hair then body in a methodical manner. The water around her darkened with grime and blood and she stared at it. It wasn’t long before she rose from the filth she sat in and started drying herself off. Torturing that man made her wonder now if she were really a monster. A monster wouldn’t feel remorse about the man that she had feelings for seeing her at her darkest. She did. She didn’t want to go out and face him but Morgana had never run from anything in her life and she wouldn’t do so now. She donned the gown that Merlin must have left next to the door then a robe that covered most of her body and opened the door. Merlin jumped up from his post and looked her over quickly. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, fine actually.” Morgana smiled at Merlin.

“You’re sure?” She looked halfway normal now.

“Quite. Thank you for doing this for me, Merlin.” Merlin led her back to her room she pulled him in with her. “Could you stay here with me for a while?”

Merlin nodded and took up his seat at her vanity while she sat down onto the bed. “You seem better now.” 

“I feel odd. The day ended opposite from where it began. From joy to torture. You must think that I am a monster.”  
“I don’t think that.”

“Why?”

“It’s because you didn’t want us to see you like that. A monster wouldn’t care what other people thought of her.”

Morgana smiled at him. “Could you stay with me tonight?”

“Why?”

“Please?” Morgana asked simply.

“If you wish it, Morgana, I will stay here tonight.” Morgana’s plea confused Merlin, but if she was reaching out then he would not shut her down.

“Thank you.”

“That man mentioned the Sarrum. The one we killed. This is why I don’t use my magic…it always ends badly no matter what my intentions were.” His confession made sense to her addled brain which must mean that she was worse off than she first assumed. 

“Revenge is a powerful motivator. It won’t matter if it was Arthur or not. He will come for us again.” Morgana told him. “I should know.”

“I know.” Merlin watched Morgana sigh and lean back in her bed and he continued to watch her with worry and the stirrings of something else. Something deeper.

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your wish is my command. Another chapter this weekend. There probably won't be another one until next week. I decided to do this instead of work on my book. So I hope you enjoyed this! More darkness and twisty turns to come. My muse is fond of reviews. She gobbles them up. 
> 
> Also. As an aside: 
> 
> LUCIFER IS GOING TO NETFLIX FOR SEASON 4! I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!


	30. Chapter 29

XxOxX

Merlin awoke and looked at his surroundings. He was confused for a brief moment until he remembered that he had taken Morgana back to her room and she had asked him to stay. They had talked for a while, but Merlin could not remember the conversation. He had fallen asleep in the chair at some point. He was unsure as to why he had awoken until he spied movement out of the corner of his eye. Merlin turned his head to the source and the first thing he saw was the waves of dark hair that belonged to Morgana. They moved as she twisted her head back and forth. Her forehead was creased and her lips were moving to words barely spoken. She was thrashing in the bed beneath the covers and he heard her whimpers from his seat. 

Merlin knew that he nightmares might bother her but he did not know how to approach and wake her without scaring her. He stood up quietly and walked over to the bed while observing the woman in front of him. “Morgana.” He spoke gently, “Morgana. Wake up.” He leaned over her and reached over to place his hand on her shoulder, “Morgana. It’s only a dream.” Her eyes flew open and landed on his face. They were clouded over with the remnants of sleep and for a second he thought everything would be alright, but then she let out a scream and shoved him away. 

“Get away from me! Don’t touch me! Please don’t hurt us!” She cried out and moved to the edge of the bed, as far away from him as possible. 

Merlin had landed on his backside and he felt the shock of pain right up his spine. He knew that he shouldn’t have touched her, “Morgana. Calm down. It’s only me, Merlin. I’m not going to hurt you.” He got up and approached her cautiously, like approaching a wild animal in a trap. 

She blinked a few times and focused on his face. The still sleepy woman took a deep breath and relaxed. “Merlin? You’re still here?”

“You asked me to stay didn’t you?”

“That’s not what I mean. You could have left after I went to sleep.” Morgana moved back to the middle of the bed, “I did not mean to wake you.” Morgana put her hand on her collar and stroked it in a soothing manner. He watched the gem in the center gleam with an unholy light that made his skin crawl.

“It’s fine.” Merlin told her, “What were you dreaming about?” He sat down on the bed next to her. 

“Nothing. It’s nothing now. I’m fine, truly.” She brushed him off. 

“Are you sure?” Merlin knew that she wasn’t fine, but he wasn’t going to force her to tell him. 

“Yes, Merlin. I truly am fine.” She took a deep breath and settled back into the bed. 

“Do you want me to stay?” 

“Do you want to stay?” 

“Only if you ask me to.” Merlin told her. He wouldn’t cling to her if she did not want him to. 

“Do what you will.” Morgana told him, because she would not beg him even though a part of her wanted to.

“I should be going then. It’s late and Gaius will wonder where I am.” Merlin pushed off of her bed and turned to leave. 

“I dreamed of him.” She said quietly. 

“Who?”

“Who do you think?” Morgana hissed. Merlin turned back around. “I hate him. I hate what he did to me.” She snarled, “He made me feel so weak, so helpless, so filthy and made Aithusa feel such pain.” She clenched her fists and closed her eyes. 

“But he’s dead now. He can’t hurt you unless you let him.”

“I don’t want to think of him, but when I dream all I can do is think about him!” 

Merlin sat back down onto the bed, “Is there nothing else you can think of as you sleep? No happy memory?”

Morgana let out a bitter laugh, “No. It’s been so long since I have had any happy memories that I don’t know how to find them anymore.”

“What about Ellie? And Aithusa? Don’t they have happy memories with you?”

“Yes. They do, but those are only moments spent in time. I had only a month with Aithusa before Sarrum. So my memories of her are still mixed with those of my captor.” 

She looked so vulnerable, so lonely and filled with sorrow that Merlin reached over with a hand and touched her shoulder. “I’m so sorry for everything that has happened to you.”

Morgana’s lips curved into a half-smile, “I know.” She leaned forward and traced a finger down his cheek, “We are forever bound by what we have done and what has happened for better or worse.”

“I know.” Merlin took his hand off of her shoulder but Morgana continued to caress his cheek while her eyes followed the path that her fingers created. The touch was gentle and Merlin found himself leaning into it ever so slightly. 

“You have happiness. I see it in your eyes, in your step, and in your heart. I see it when you talk with Arthur or Gwen or little Ellie. You have sorrow, but you don’t suffer because of it.” She traced his lips with a finger, “I want that. All I’ve ever really wanted was peace.” Her hand moved from his face to his chest and she leaned forward to place her palm flat over his heart. His heart had started to beat faster while she studied him and her palm burned against his breast. “I wanted those who used magic…who were like me to be free to do so, to not live in fear every day wondering if they will be taken from their homes and put to death for being themselves. It wasn’t fair.”

“I know. And it’s not. Force isn’t the only way to achieve your goals.”

“Well not all of us have the patience of a saint, Merlin.” She chided gently.

Merlin did not reach up to touch her, afraid that this newer/older Morgana would pull away from him so he let her continue to touch him. She lifted her hand up to his lips again and traced them with her finger. Her soft touch was enrapturing and Merlin moved forward slightly to capture the tip of her finger in his mouth and licked it. The soft sound of surprise from her lips went straight to his groin. Her eyes were wide and her cheeks were slightly flushed but she did not draw her hand away even as he sucked on her finger and drew it deeper into his mouth. She stared at his mouth and her cheeks grew an even deeper pink. Her chest was rising and falling with barely audible breaths. He took a few more gentle draws on her fingertip before pulling back and letting her hand fall. The air between them was tense and Merlin worried that he went too far, “I’m….” he had only spoken one word before Morgana closed the short distance between them and kissed him while placing a hand on his chest to steady them. It was gentle and sweet but deeper within urgency and need. 

She pulled back, “Make me forget all of the terrible things that have happened. Just for a little while.” She requested softly and Merlin could only lean forward to kiss her again and he brought his hand up to cup the back of her head and threaded his fingers through the dark silken locks. His other hand wrapped around her waist and rested at the base of her spine to keep her steady. He had moved closer so they could touch in middle of her bed on their knees. They stayed like that, just touching softly, gently, their lips meeting and pulling back then meeting again. Morgana’s unoccupied hand threaded through Merlin’s short hair and rested at the base of his skull. 

Merlin pulled back and he took in her face. Her sea green eyes were slightly unfocused and her lips were reddened and plump from their kisses. Morgana bit her lip and Merlin brought his hand around from its rest at her neck to pull it free with his thumb and ran it along her bottom lip. He saw a brief flash of mischief before she took his thumb in her mouth and licked it the same way he did with hers. He had never thought of his thumb as a particularly erotic place but when she sucked it was like there was an imaginary thread that went from his hand directly to his manhood and the organ grew and hardened with each skilled pull and swipe of her tongue. He had to pull his hand back before it got too out of hand and he nudged her to fall back against the bed. Merlin leaned down and laid his body next to hers while leaning in for another kiss. 

Morgana arched against him, needing this more than she would ever admit. She was hot and achy and wanting and she clenched her thighs together to relieve some of the ache. Merlin leaned over her and kissed her again while his hand traced down her side, brushing against her breast and the crest of her hipbone before going back up again. She put her own hand on his back and ran her nails up and down gently, enough to make him shiver above her and deepen the kiss. She felt his arousal pressing against her hip and she moved against it. The sound he made like music to her ears and she did it again. His palm squeezed her hip and he exerted pressure to keep her still. “There will be none of that, Morgana.” He whispered huskily into her ear and she shivered at the goose bumps his rough voice evoked. His hand left her hip and he used his palm to cup her breast and his thumb stroked over her nipple, causing it to harden into a peak. His eyes were riveted on that part of her and she shivered again at the intensity of his gaze.

His palm continued to massage and caress the soft flesh of her breast through the cloth of her night dress and she arched into his touch. He had moved to balance on his hip and lifted his body up off of her arm so she could touch him as well. Morgana’s hands were not idle as she ran her palms up and down his back before she moved to the front of him and ran her fingers down his chest to rest at the hem of his pants. One hand moved to rest on the side of his hip and the other started to trace the hem. She lifted her head off of the pillow and Merlin brought his head back down and kissed her again. They parted, “I can remember how you feel. Like how this drives you wild.” He moved his head and his lips descended on her neck just below her ear and she gave a keening gasp as he kissed and bit lightly on the spot he had found. She could feel him grin against her flesh and he did it again. Morgana gasped and dug her nails into his hip and rubbed her thighs together again while core throbbed and begged for relief. He pulled back and sat up from her while his eyes travelled down her nightgown. Morgana moved with him and her hands sought the bottom of his shirt and she pulled it up and over his head. Morgana admired the thin and well-toned physique of her bedmate. 

Morgana placed her palm on bare skin and he shivered in response. She exerted pressure against his chest and he took the queue to lean back against the bed and let her have control. Morgana continued to admire the pale flesh that had taken on a blush with arousal and maybe a little bit of embarrassment. She used her nails to gently trace patterns on his chest. Her nails glided over his nipples and she heard his sharp intake of breath at the motion so she repeated it. They glided down over his belly and into the sparse hair that led from his belly button to his groin. With relish she took in the way his pants tented over his erection. Morgana leaned over his body and she observed his eyes riveted on her face. When her hand glided back up to his chest she felt the lively beat of his heart and the rise and fall of his chest. She leaned her upper body down and kissed his collar bones before biting them gently. She moved lower down his body, kissing and biting and licking until she reached the top of his trousers. Merlin had made a few small noises on her journey and she was determined to make him louder as time went on. Her hands gripped onto the waist of his pants, intending on pulling them down and playing with him some more but he caught her hands in his larger ones and sat up before gently pulling her against him to mesh their upper bodies. He kissed her while his hands found the back of her gown and with a couple of tugs and the use of magic it came lose and cascaded down her upper body to pool at her hips which left her bared. 

Merlin smiled and looked her over. Her skin was pale and gleamed like porcelain in the candlelight. He used his hands and fingers to trace over all of the new flesh that was revealed to him, looking as if he had found a great treasure. His magic was running all over his body, called to the forefront by the situation he had found himself in. Morgana lay back down against the bed and watched him with her sea colored eyes that were cloudy with lust. Merlin did not waste time learning her with his hand when there was a much better way to learn her body. He leaned over her and used his mouth to kiss along her neck and shoulders before dipping down to her collar bones and the tops of her breasts, which he then used his hands on. Her breasts fit perfectly into the palms of his hands and she arched again into his touch. Merlin took the hint and began to knead them and flick his thumbs over her nipples, teasing them into even harder peaks. They were pale and full and tipped with rosy pink nipples that begged for his mouth. Not one to ignore such pleading he acquiesced and took one peak into his mouth while his hand went to work on the other. Morgana gave a moan and he felt her fingers thread into his hair and dig into his scalp. He sucked and teased her breast with his mouth and out of the corner of his eye he saw the rise and fall of her hips. He remembered everything about her now, every dream he had of her thus far and he knew that he should be embarrassed about the entire affair but it felt too right for him to do anything other than keep himself in the moment. 

He switched places and used his mouth to tease her other breast and she whimpered again. He saw her unoccupied hand rise from the bed and moved towards her hip and the juncture of her thighs and he grabbed it and lifted his head from her breast, “None of that.” 

“Please.” She whimpered. 

“Patience.” He ran his palm over her lower belly and hip and gripped the edges of her nightdress and pulled the offending piece of cloth down her body slowly, revealing her smooth thighs and small round hips until he had gotten the entire thing off and tossed it somewhere in the room. 

Merlin was without words as he stared at her, ebony hair splayed across the pillows, pale skin gleaming in the candlelight, lips red with kissing, eyes glossed over. Merlin’s manhood pushed against the cloth of his pants again as if reminding him to get to the business at hand. Morgana shivered briefly and Merlin moved up on the bed and lay out next to her on his side and brought a blanket to cover them up and shield them from the cold. This would be perfect because he would use his hands to learn her. There would be more time later for other things. He kissed her again and used his left hand to cradle her head in his palm while his right hand traveled down her body to rest at her hip. 

“Wait. I want to…” Morgana spoke up and tried to sit up. 

“Later. I want to give you something good. There will be time for me and other things later.” Merlin told her gently and she settled back into the bed. Merlin’s hand resumed its journey and ghosted over the cloth of her panties. Morgana inhaled sharply and tensed; awaiting his touch on the place she wanted it the most. 

Morgana parted her thighs for Merlin’s questing fingers and she felt him touch the inside of her thighs, tracing patterns on the warm flesh there. He was teasing her and she didn’t want to be teased. Morgana quickly and quietly moved her hand under the covers and grasped his erection through the cloth of his pants. His fingers on her thigh stilled and he gripped the flesh tightly and made a sound between a whimper and a groan. Her hand tightened its grip and she twisted her wrist to create friction and Merlin couldn’t help but buck into her grip and his fingers resumed their journey up her thigh and he pushed her panties out of the way to get at her throbbing core. She cried out as he came in contact the slickness of her core.

Merlin couldn’t believe how damp she was, how slippery and how soft and warm. Her hips undulated against his fingers to stimulate friction and her hand had dropped from his groin and gripped the sheets beside her. Her lips sought his and when he met her demands she whined and whimpered into his mouth. Their tongues met in an erotic dance of dominance and submission and he started to stroke her wet flesh deftly, moving up and down while gathering as much moisture on his two fingers as he could. 

Morgana moved her hips under his hands and used her other hand to grip his shoulder with her nails. When his fingers touched that little bundle of nerves at her apex liquid fire shot from her belly into the rest of her body as she dug her nails into his skin and cried out, “Merlin!” Her concentrated his efforts there and she gripped onto his skin for dear life. When she looked into his eyes it nearly sent her into tremors. His blue eyes were dark with want and power.

Merlin’s cock was so hard he could have felled a giant with the thing. It pulsed and throbbed and hurt and got worse ever noise she made, every movement against his fingers. He tested his fingertip at her entrance and dipped in, the wetness letting him ease his way in easily. He dipped in shallowly to test her reaction and when he met no resistance he pushed further in and started thrusting his finger in and out gently while he watched her eyes flutter and the gasps and whimpers that came from her throat were drugging. He added another finger to stretch her and continued sinking them into her easily and imagined that another part of his body was sinking into her. 

Morgana undulated her hips to take his fingers deeper, loving the way that his even this part of his body filled her and made her want more. Morgana was greedy and needy and wanted this. She wanted something good to override the bad. Merlin was so filled with light and goodness and she wanted it. The coil in her belly was winding tighter and tighter with each movement of his fingers and she started to cry out and move her head from side to side. His thumb pressed down on her bundle of nerves and she clamped her legs together to keep his hand still and cried out. Her arms and legs were quivering with unreleased energy and he pushed her thighs apart again and continued his ministrations and she fought the urge to close them again as the stimulation was nearly too much for her. “F…faster…” she told him and at once his fingers picked up the pace and the circular motion of his thumb quickened. She was nearly shaking now with tension, climbing higher and higher until she reached a plateau and she whimpered and whined with frustration, her body taut like a bowstring ready to snap.

Merlin saw the change in her and in the back of his mind; within instinct he knew that she needed something more. He bent down to her neck and latched onto that place behind her ear and sucked.   
Morgana felt the dam break and went rigid with a shriek of surprise and pleasure as the coil in her belly snapped and a flood of exquisite pleasure raced through her veins, doubled back and hit her again. She clung onto him as her anchor in the sea of warmth and lightning running from her head down to her toes and swirling around where Merlin had continued to thrust his fingers into her body. She was softly chanting his name like a mantra through her tremors and shivers of climax. His movements were gentler now, softer as he tried to prolong her orgasm. She shook and moaned and kissed his neck and any other surface of his body she could reach with her lips as she rode out the last tremors of pleasure and finally after what seemed like hours she stilled, breathing hard. Her limbs felt boneless and heavy with exhaustion and happiness. Her orgasm had been much more intense than the last time they had been together and certainly more intense than when he had been in her hovel. Merlin started to pull away from her and she lifted her hand to grab whatever part of his body was in reach. 

Merlin stilled and looked at her, flushed and warm with sparkling green eyes and a smile bursting with joy. She had been magnificent and it would never leave his mind. “What?” His tone was thin and tense. His cock was still hard enough to break a blade in two and it was nearly unbearable. He had almost come just listening to her climax and feeling the walls of her channel clench his fingers. 

“Not…done…” she told him and her questing hand grabbed the source of his pain and he almost jerked away from her. 

“This was for you. Not me. You needed it.”

“What…about…you?”

“I’ll live.” 

“No. I…want…” she tugged on it and Merlin took the hint and stripped himself of his pants and took her panties off of her with minimal help from the recovering Morgana. 

“You sure?” He wanted to help her, not hinder her with more reminders of her rape. He had to be sure.  
Morgana nodded and he moved in between her still parted legs. She sighed and relaxed, watching him with clear and eager eyes. Merlin lifted her legs to wrap around his waist and braced his body on his forearms, and at once Merlin felt her breasts against his chest, her belly flush with his while he rested against the entrance to her sex. His eyes were at her level and they looked at each other with eager anticipation. He pushed slowly and felt the warm, wet, tightness that was Morgana. She leaned her head back against the pillows and exposed her neck to him while savoring the way he filled her up perfectly. Merlin dropped his head into her neck and groaned at the feel of her squeezing him. He pulled out and thrust back in. Morgana sighed and kissed his head before moving her heavy arms around his neck and shoulders to hold him against her as he pushed and pulled in and out of her. He groaned and grunted and maybe used a little magic to stave off his climax. It would be embarrassing for him to lose his seed so quickly. 

Morgana felt that spark, the one that signaled the build to another climax and Merlin changed his angle, hitting a point in her that made her tighten up and gasp. That gasp went straight to his cock and he nearly lost it then but used a little more magic to keep under control. His power was boiling and rolling under his skin, like it was trying to seek her out and join with her. He picked up his pace and felt a tightening under his shaft and knew that even his magic wouldn’t keep him going for too much longer. His thoughts started to blur. He began to lose his rhythm and Morgana’s walls started to spasm around him, he heard his name in a broken cry from her lips and he bit down on her neck while he climaxed, “Morgana!” He cried out and heard something shatter while he spilled his seed into her warm depths, “My avaleora.” He whispered to her quietly and it sent chills down her spine. He stilled and she shivered with tremors as he soothed her with kisses to her neck and cheek, running his hands over her sides and body. He pulled out of her and twisted to the side to rest against the bed. They were both naked and intertwined under the covers, covered in sweat and other fluids and he kissed her head and ran his hands over her back in a soothing motion. Morgana’s hands also caressed his body in way they could. She nestled her head into his chest and exhaustion beckoned her to sleep almost immediately. She tried to fight it as best as she could but the mixture of the collar sapping her strength little by little and the utter limpness her climaxes brought made it nearly impossible and Merlin felt her relax as sleep claimed her. 

He couldn’t help but feel confused as he looked at the delicate and fae-like features of Morgana asleep against his chest. The sex was a bad idea, a terrible idea actually, because it always complicated things. But they would have to deal with the repercussions of their actions later. For right now, Merlin was exhausted as he admired her with sleepy eyes. What was it he had said to her? Avaleora? He drifted to sleep thinking of that single word and what it meant for them. 

$#$#$#

Gwen walked down the hall, or rather, waddled. She was on her way to Morgana’s room to see how her friend was doing. She had left her daughter with Arthur and the knights and a part of her wondered if that was such a bad idea. Gwen came to her door and knocked once, then twice and when there was no answer she thought about going back to her husband, but curiosity got the better of her and she opened the door quietly. 

The sight that greeted her made her heart nearly stop. Morgana’s head was lying on Merlin’s bare chest. Her arm was thrown across his body haphazardly and her dark hair nearly obscured his chest. They were underneath the covers for the most part but she knew that if she had lifted them up she would have found them both naked. The door creaked open further and Merlin’s eyes snapped open. His blue eyes met Gwen’s brown and he jerked the covers up over his body and the movement caused Morgana to lift her head sleepily and when she saw Gwen at the door she jumped back off of Merlin and pulled up her covers, “Gwen! What are you doing here?”

At the same time as Merlin said, “I can explain!” 

Merlin’s cheeks went as red as a tomato and Gwen blushed as well, “I came to see if you were alright, but it seems like Merlin beat me to it.”

“Ah..yes…well…” Morgana started, but she was unsure how to continue.

“Shhh. I understand and I have to say that it’s about time. I’ll leave you both to get dressed, and don’t worry, Merlin, I won’t speak a word of this to Arthur.” She winked and left the room.

Merlin dropped the sheet and tried to calm his racing heart as he looked at Morgana. She stared back at him and he suddenly felt awkward. “Well…how are you feeling?”

“Good.” Morgana nodded, “Very good.”

“Yeah. That’s good.” Merlin felt the first stirrings of his nether region as he stared at her naked body and he forced himself to look away. “Well…what do we do now?”

“I need to get dressed.”

“What about…” his hands encompassed the entire room.

“Later…I need time to think. We both need time to think.”

“Second thoughts?”

“No…no. I just…It’s hard to explain. We can figure it out together.” 

Merlin nodded, “Now where are my pants?” 

Morgana laughed and gestured to the foot of the bed, “I think you threw them there.” She moved her legs that were sticky with sweat and seed and winced with residual tenderness. “I need a bath.”

“I think we both do.” Merlin grinned at her and Morgana couldn’t help but return the smile. She felt better than she had in a while. “What did that word mean? The one that you called me?”

“Avaleora? It means fate. I think. Avaleo means fate…so fated one. Yeah…fated one. Does that make me sound like some sort of fool? I don’t know where it came from.” 

“You are such a romantic.” She rolled her eyes and got up from the bed on unsteady feet, bracing her body fully before she moved forward to her closet. 

“I don’t know where it came from.” Merlin picked up his pants and tugged them on, then his shirt and his shoes. 

“Thank you, Merlin. I needed to know that I was still human.” She told him softly and he nodded. 

“I will see you later then?”

“Yes.” Morgana nodded at him and he left the room. She let the smile fall and looked at herself in the mirror. The woman in the mirror staring back at her made her question everything. She should have never let him in…she should have told him to leave after she had tortured that man…and that had felt good, making him scream and part of her was scared by that. Now she didn’t know what to do, what to think…damn him.... She turned from the mirror and pulled on a robe and took a dress from her wardrobe and a shift and undergarments and set off for the bath room. She needed to think.

$##$#$#

Merlin walked into Gaius’s chambers and the physician looked at him with a measured look before looking back down at his book, “You were out late last night.”

Merlin suddenly felt like a teenager being caught by his parent doing something he shouldn’t have. The older man made him feel like a child a lot. “I was.”

“Well I certainly hope you got enough sleep, because you still have to do some errands for me and Arthur. He sent someone here looking for you while you weren’t here.”

“What about?”

“I have no idea. I told the messenger that you were in the tavern.”

Merlin gritted his teeth. Arthur would give him hell for that. Gaius needed to learn not to use the tavern excuse anymore. “I’m going to take a quick bath. What did you need help with?”

“I need you to pick up some things from the market for me. I will have a list for you when you get cleaned up.” Gaius gave him another measured look while he went into his room and grabbed a new set of clothes before heading out to the bath. 

$%$%$%$

Merlin knocked on the King’s door and opened it quietly. It had taken some time for him to find him throughout the castle. He tried the sparring field first, the great hall, the bedroom, then finally a guard told him that he was in the king’s study. 

Arthur looked up from his papers and gestured for Merlin to come into the room. He set the papers down and took a measured look at Merlin and for a moment the dark haired man’s heart nearly stopped. “Good Morning, Merlin. I heard you took a late night in the tavern again. Without us.” 

Merlin laughed, both in relief and the hurt look on Arthur’s face, “Oh yeah. It was fun. How is Gwen by the way?”

“Good. Excellent. This morning she went to go check on Morgana. How is she doing?” 

Embarrassment by being caught in bed with Morgana warred with agitation at Arthur when the king mentioned Morgana, “Fine, considering the circumstances. Why would you do that to her when she is so unstable as it is?”

Arthur sighed and leaned back in his chair, “I wasn’t going to. I would have broken him eventually, but I wanted to test her.”

“Test her? What for?”

“Actions speak louder than words. Everyone tells me that she is changing, becoming more like the woman she used to be. While I do believe that is mostly true, you don’t just change overnight. It takes time. More time than three months allows her.”

“So you put her in the way of temptation, madness to test her? That’s not like you, Arthur. She’s your sister.”

“I’m surprised at you, Merlin. I thought you didn’t like Morgana. And she is my sister, but she is also my enemy. I can’t just forgive her for everything and welcome her back into Camelot with open arms. She has to prove to me that she is worthy of forgiveness.”

“There were better ways.” Merlin argued.

“Those ways would have taken me too long. Gwen told me about the time limit on the collar. I needed something more concrete. I had to tempt her and see if she survives it intact. It was hard, fast and messy but it got the job done.”

“I bet Gwen was thrilled about that.” Merlin said sarcastically.

“She fought me about it for two weeks. I wanted to bring Morgana in that first night. Gwen argued that it was too soon, that she wouldn’t come back to us if she did it. And I listened to her for two weeks.”

“She has nightmares, Arthur! Nightmares about her captivity all the time. She barely sleeps at all.”

“Morgana always had bad dreams.” 

“Those were premonitions and visions of things that were to pass. There’s a bit of a difference. They were hellish visions of death and despair that haunted her after her magic really awakened. What she dreams of now with that collar on are her own memories of torment and torture at the hands of the Sarrum.”

“I didn’t know much about her capture, but if she didn’t want to do it I would not have forced her. Does she regret it then?” Arthur looked a little less sure of himself.

“No. She enjoyed hurting that man and helping Ellie and that scares me but it brought up some memories from her own torture I know. Morgana’s mind is fragile, more fragile than she knows. One spark, one setback could destroy the weeks that we have spent trying to help her.” He knew that he should keep his tone reined in but he needed Arthur to understand.

“Morgana is strong. She always had the strongest will I have ever seen. I regret it hurt her and I will make it up to her but she needed to be tested. I love my sister. I didn’t mean to make her suffer in that way. You don’t think she hates me now, do you?”

“No. Well…I mean she has a general dislike of you, but she knows you.” 

Arthur glared at Merlin, “Thank you for telling me about Morgana. I will think on it, but now I need you to muck out the stables, pick up my clothes from the seamstress and clean my armor.” 

“Yes, sire.” He told the king with an exaggerated bow and Arthur threw a pen at Merlin who dodged the projectile with a laugh.

“Go. It’ll teach you not to go to the tavern without me again!” 

Merlin fled the room, feeling much more at ease, and a little less frustrated with his King. 

$#$$#$#

When Morgana walked into the nursery to see Ellie, Gwen was sitting in the chair, stroking her belly while Ellie toddled around the room on her newly broken in legs. When she saw Morgana she rushed over to her aunt with a cry of, “Gana!” Morgana bent down to pick up the girl and spun her around. 

“You look better.” Gwen observed from her seat. 

“I feel better.” 

“I’ll bet.” She shot Morgana a coy look.

“Gwen. There are little ears in the room.”

“It must have been good last night. I could have sworn I felt the earth move a little.”

“Quiet!” Morgana chided and set her niece down on the floor. “Merlin had stayed in my room last night because I had a nightmare.”

Gwen’s face clouded over with regret, “I told him not to let you torture that man. I knew that it might hurt you. But you know him. He’s stubborn like his father.” 

“I know that better than anyone. It was truly fine. It brought up some old scars but I am alright. I was glad to do it.”

“You don’t feel different?”

“Do I feel like slaughtering you and my brother and taking the kingdom by force? No. Not at the moment.”

“So you know then?”

“I would have done the same thing if our positions were reversed. I would have to know that I could trust him. Or at least trust what I was seeing.”

“Then you could be hiding it even now.”

“I won’t lie to you. I still want the throne. I still want what I have always wanted. For my people to stop being persecuted, but maybe I don’t have to kill my brother to get it.”

“Good to hear.” Gwen pushed out of the chair and walked over to Morgana to give her a hug. “Tell me thought, if you do plan to take the throne again. I would like a little warning. I’m glad you are well, but I think I might also have Merlin to thank for that as well.”

Morgana smiled and picked up Ellie, “Let’s take a walk, shall we?”

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So. Keep in mind. I looked over the smut. And I took out alot of the really cringy stuff I wrote back in 2013. I might not have gotten it all but I tried. This week at work is going to be super busy for me. One of my co workers is out sick for a minor surgery so it will be unlikely for me to have a chapter out before the weekend.


	31. Chapter 30

XxOxX

It had been a month since the night where their relationship had taken a different turn. Merlin had continued to treat her the same way he always had when they were around other people as to not arouse suspicion because Morgana was still an enemy of Camelot and bedding her seemed a little like treason. Besides that he knew Arthur would kill one of them. Merlin wasn’t sure which of them he would go after and blame first. Morgana was his sister, but Merlin was his best friend and there must have been some sort of law against sleeping with your best friend’s sister and it was one that Merlin quite clearly broke on a regular basis. The man that Morgana had questioned had been put to death shortly after giving up his secrets and now messengers were going from Amata to Camelot on a regular schedule.

When Merlin slept in her bed, which was almost every other night, Morgana did not have nightmares. On the nights he had to sleep in his own bed he saw her the next morning with shadows under her eyes and no matter the urging that Merlin gave her to talk to him about her dreams she refused. But even when she did sleep through the night she still woke up slowly and she was lethargic throughout the day. It was starting to make those closest to her, namely Gwen and Merlin worried. 

The knights and Morgana had come to a standoffish agreement led by Gwaine. She often sparred with them and played into their banter when she was not watching Ellie or helping Gwen. Gwen had grown even larger in the past month and it had been harder for her to get around and amazingly enough Morgana was helping her, the servant on her throne. It was her condition more than anything that allowed Morgana to look past her station. 

Merlin knew there had to be a story there, but he learned not to pry. If he questioned her too much she would kick him out of her room and not speak to him for the rest of that day. In fact, the one time he had broached the subject of pregnancy she had looked at him and told him, “Worried that I will have your bastard? Well never fear, because neither of us will have to worry about that. I can’t have children.” She spoke so nonchalantly about it as if it didn’t bother her in the slightest, but he knew differently. He finally understood why she was so attached to Ellie, when all evidence should have pointed to the contrary. And it also caused a bit of melancholy that there would never be any children between them should things work out. He could make that sacrifice. He had made many more in his time in Camelot.

It was, however, frustrating the young man because he wanted to help her and she pushed him away when he got too close, like she was still protecting herself from him. Merlin couldn’t argue with her logic because if worse came to worse he would protect his king, his destiny, over the woman that he was coming to…care about deeply. He would not admit love, could not.

Aithusa had been exchanged between Morgana and Kilgarrah a few more times and each time she returned she spoke more clearly and told her mother all about her adventures. Morgana was delighted to hear about each and every word Aithusa had to say to her. He had asked Kilgarrah again about the word Avaleora and had gotten another cryptic response, “Fate is inescapable and the claim that you have on Morgana is one that will be eternal.” Of course he had not told Morgana that. It was already hard enough to get to her open up. If he told her that she was stuck with him for eternity he feared that she would run from him no matter what she felt for him.

#$$#$#

This morning Merlin was admiring Morgana’s profile in the low light of the winter dawn. She was curled against him on her side while he was on his back and was resting her head on top of his chest, secretly a favorite position of Merlin’s, because it allowed him to stroke her back and hair and admire her beauty while her soft raven black hair was spilled over his chest and arm. She nuzzled him in her sleep and he kissed her head. They should have had this between them ages ago…and with that thought the mountain of guilt that haunted him rumbled dangerously. It was his fault that her past had been what it was. He had started it. Merlin continued to caress the skin that was exposed to him. Her nightgown left her shoulders and the upper half of her back bare and it was only for the fact that Merlin was so warm and the blankets that covered the bed that she was even able to wear such things to bed. In her sleep she looked at peace, and young, and like a fae maiden. His heart felt warm and heavy when she was like this. But as he looked around the room the morning bell sounded and knew that they both had to get up and get to work. He started speaking to her in a soothing voice, coaxing her from her dreams, “Morgana. It’s time to wake up, Avaleora. The bell has sounded.” When that didn’t work her rubbed her back a little more vigorously, but when that didn’t work he started to get a little worried. It had been harder and harder to wake her up as of late. “Morgana. Wake up.” A little more stern as he shook her lightly. Finally she stirred and looked up at him sleepily from her pillow on his chest.

“What is it?”

“We have to wake up. Breakfast and work.” 

“Can’t I sleep a little more? I’m so tired.”

“When you get up you won’t be so tired.” 

“Do we have to? I was having such a good dream.”

“What about?”

Morgana hand was suddenly touching his groin through his breeches, which was already at half-mast merely from waking up beside her. He let out a breath and she smiled at him coyly despite her fatigue. “I can show you.” Merlin leaned back and she moved down the bed and disappeared under the covers. When they had sex was the only time they ever got along completely. As Morgana’s hand unwound the tie on his trousers and let them open to reveal his erection to her eyes he closed his and his magic started as a low buzz under his skin. He could almost feel her grinning as she studied him under the covers. When her warm breath touched his manhood he let out a sigh and when her lips closed around his slick head he reached under the covers and wound his fingers through her hair and rested his hands on her head, guiding her head up and down gently. She teased him at first, only encircling the tip with her tongue and sucking lightly with her mouth. He groaned and massaged her dark tresses and she grinned around his flesh. He had learned to be patient with her, to let her do what she wanted and not push her because then she would make him wait and that was never a good thing. Finally she started sucking him deeper into her mouth and still her tongue worked the bottom of his shaft while her hands started playing even further south and one encircled the base of his shaft. Gods the things she could do with that mouth and those hands. He let out another groan and resisted the urge to push his hips up, for her to take him deeper as the tension began to mount in his groin. She started a pattern, going as far down as she could then back up, back down and up, sucking and teasing and driving him mad. It finally got to the point where he couldn’t keep still anymore and thrust into her mouth gently and she allowed it, getting more eager with her attentions and he let out a few noises that he might regret later. When he felt like he couldn’t take anymore she started to hum and he cried out as his climax took him, “Morgana!” She sucked until the tension in his limbs died and she got out from under the covers and spit his seed into the bucket near the bed and then came to rest along his side again while she drew patterns onto his bare chest. He was boneless and his limbs felt heavy like they always did when she decided to give him a treat like that. Her grin was infectious and he had to smile back at her. “You are a devil woman.”

“I know.” She kissed his chest before moving away from him to the side of the bed. “And you are going to pay me back for that little treat tonight.” 

“Yes ma’am.” He nodded and she got up from the bed to look into her wardrobe. 

“You had better get going. I keep telling you to put your clothes in here for the next morning, but you keep telling me no. I can’t help but think you want to be caught.”

“Maybe.” He told her and summoned all of his strength to sit up and get to the side of the bed. He fastened his trousers back up and picked up his shirt from the floor and put it up over his head. 

$#$#$#

Gwen awoke to a sharp pain in her side that radiated to her back. Arthur was asleep in bed beside her, burrowed into the covers so that only the top of his blonde head was visible. Her daughter was in the crib next to her sleeping soundly in the dawning light. She turned back to her husband and burrowed her hands under the covers. When her cool hands met the bare skin of his chest he jackknifed off the bed and quickly uncovered himself. “God, Guinevere! Did you put those hands in ice?” He moved the covers and put them over his wife. “You could have woken me up and told me to give you the blankets.”  
Gwen knew that he was worried about her but she pushed the covers off. “It’s time to wake up and I was fine last night.”

“Good.” Arthur relaxed and kissed his wife, who eagerly responded with fervor of her own. Arthur pulled back and looked her up and down then looked at their daughter. “One last time before the baby comes?”

“We’ll have to be quick. Merlin and Morgana are due anytime.”

Arthur grinned and went to work.

$#$#$#

Merlin entered the Gaius’s chambers and got that look again. Merlin had grown used to that look and now it barely affected him. He crossed the room and locked his door behind him. It didn’t take him long to wash up and get a new set of clothes on. 

“I certainly hope you two are being careful.” The voice came from Gaius at the workbench as he looked over his glasses to Merlin.

Merlin felt the blush creeping up his face and tried to subdue it, “We are…but it’s not like we have to be. Morgana can’t have children.”

“I know.” Gaius told him, “But I meant with your heart. Be careful with your heart, Merlin.”

“Wait? You know? How could you know?”

“I can’t tell you that, Merlin.”

“But Aithusa could heal her.”

“What was wrong with Morgana was there when she was younger too.”

“And it’s none of your business.” Morgana’s voice came from the doorway. “I came to get you, Merlin.” She fled the room and Merlin followed, shutting the door behind him. 

When they were out of the room he touched her shoulder gently, “Sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry about, Merlin. It’s fine.” Her tone brooked no room for his arguments so he left it alone as they made their way to the Royal chamber. Merlin knocked three times and waited then opened the door. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw Arthur and Gwen cuddling on the bed. “Morning, Arthur!” Morgana opened up the curtains and Arthur sat up with Gwen. 

“No. Not morning. Morning means I have to do things.”

“Kingly things.” Merlin added and pulled out some clothes for Arthur to wear. 

Morgana also was pulling out a dress for Gwen and after setting it on the bed she helped Gwen out of the bed. She noticed that Gwen was breathing hard and a thin sheen of sweat glistened on her face. “Are you alright?” She asked quietly.

Gwen nodded and gave Morgana that secret smile, Morgana nodded and returned one of her own.   
There was a knock at the door and Merlin went to answer it and nodded, then turned to Arthur, “The courier has just returned.”

“Tell him to meet me in my study in five minutes.” Arthur responded and Merlin relayed the message then went back to Arthur, who had finished dressing himself. He walked over to Gwen and gave her a kiss before going out the door to the hall. Merlin followed his friend and left the two women alone.   
As Arthur and Merlin left another pain shot through Gwen and she gritted her teeth. Morgana noticed Gwen’s sudden tension, “What is it?”

“Nothing.” She gasped out, “Just a little preparation contraction. I had them all the time at the end of my pregnancy with Ellie.” 

“Are you sure? Does Arthur know?”

“Gods no. He is already worried enough about me. You should have seen him when I went into labor with her. He was practically crawling up the walls with nerves. He doesn’t need to know about this. In fact, Gaius, Merlin and I decided not to even tell him when I go into labor until it’s almost time for me to push.” 

“Is he really that bad?”

“You have no idea.” She straightened and took a deep breath. “Can you draw me a bath, please? My back aches quite a bit.” 

Morgana nodded and left the room to get some water. 

Gwen looked over at her daughter in the crib and smiled at her sweet little face. Ellie could sleep through practically anything. “Eliana. Wake up, beautiful.” She stood up and stroked her daughter’s face before leaning over and picking her up out of the crib. Ellie blinked and looked around blearily. “You are going to take a bath with mama.”

“Mama?” She blinked again and nuzzled her face into Gwen’s neck sleepily. Gwen had been thrilled when her daughter had finally said mama last week. She sat back down on the bed and the pain fired up in her side again. 

$$#$#$#

Even after the bath, Gwen felt terrible. Her side was pulling and she felt an odd sort of soreness come from her belly. Morgana had finally decided that she needed to see Gaius and that is how Gwen found herself nearly flat on her back in the birthing room of the castle. It was a room that had been closed off from the time that Arthur had been born up until a month before Ellie was born. The bed was designed for an easy labor and there was a basin built into the wall with a cupboard filled with blankets and everything a laboring woman needed. Morgana was holding Ellie in her arms and the girl was playing with the silver collar around Morgana’s neck. Gaius helped Gwen put her feet in the stirrups and washed his hands with a special soap and used a special towel to dry off. “The soap is so that he doesn’t give me an infection by checking my progress.” Gwen told Morgana after seeing her quizzical look. 

“Now comes the unpleasant part. Relax.” Gaius rubbed lubricant onto his fingers and put them up Gwen’s dress. She instantly shied from his touch and winced in pain as Gaius checked her cervix. Gwen’s face scrunched up in pain and she gave a small whimper, “You are dilating. At least a 2, maybe a 3. Your water hasn’t broken yet though.” Gaius took his hand out and cleaned it. 

“What? Does this mean I’m in labor?”

“No. Not necessarily. As long as your water is intact you should be fine. It’s been 8 months. It’s still too early. There are some women that are dilated like that for weeks until they give birth. You should be fine. Just send Morgana if the pain gets any worse or if your water does break. You know what to do after that.” Gaius patted Gwen’s shoulder and helped her down from the stirrups. “I can give you something for the cramping pain for now but it should get better with time and rest.” 

“Ellie wasn’t nearly this difficult. It was an easy pregnancy. I went into labor around the day I was due and I was only in labor for a few hours.”

“Every child is different. Now. Get some rest.”

“Yes Gaius.” Gwen stepped down from the bed and settled her weight on her feet. Just as she was about to take a step forward she felt moisture pour down her leg and heard the splash of liquid below her. 

“Gaius…” She looked down at the puddle of water at her feet and froze. 

The physician turned around and also looked at the puddle at Gwen’s feet, “Well this certainly changes our plans. Morgana, go and get Merlin, and if he’s with Arthur don’t tell the King anything. He should be in his study, Correct?” Gwen nodded and Gaius went to grab a birthing gown from the closet and Morgana fled the room with Ellie in her arms and terror in her heart. She had only attended one other birth and that child had died, and left its mother heartbroken. That child was too early as well.

It did not take long for Morgana to find Arthur’s study, even while carrying Ellie. She knocked twice on the door and it opened to reveal Merlin and an angry Arthur. “Gaius needs you.” 

Merlin nodded and turned back to Arthur, “Gaius needs me. Will you be alright?”

“Yes, Yes, Merlin. I’m sitting here trying to deal with a child. The new Sarrum of Amata is a teenager! A teenager running a kingdom.” He resumed pacing and grumbling as Merlin fled the room. Ellie reached for Merlin and Morgana passed her to him. Merlin made a face at her and she started babbling to him. He started gnawing on her neck while they walked and she giggled. 

“So why does Gaius need me?”

“Gwen’s water broke.” Saying the words made it even more concrete. The Queen was about to give birth again.

Merlin stopped dead in his tracks, “What?”

“Her water broke. She is going to have the baby, Merlin. Gaius is with her now.” 

“Arthur is going to go absolutely mad about this. Is she alright?”

“She’s in pain, but otherwise fine.” They made their way quickly through the castle halls and walked into the birthing room. Gwen had changed clothes into a long white cotton gown and was lying on the bed. She smiled at Merlin and Morgana and Gaius looked up at Merlin, “You know what to do.” 

Merlin nodded and he took Morgana with him to gather the supplies they would need.

$%$%$%

Merlin and Morgana had filled up several basins with clean water and brought towels as well as Gaius’s birthing kit. Gwen’s contractions had grown in severity and duration and gotten closer in the few hours since her water broke. Merlin had left the room many times to get more tools and tend to Arthur while keeping him out of the loop. Morgana had passed Ellie off to the head cook who promised to watch her in the nursery. The woman had many grandchildren and she had watched Ellie a few other times when Belinda had been sick and while Morgana was injured. 

The baby was still not fully engaged into Gwen’s pelvis but she was almost fully dilated and ready to push. Gaius had given the order to get Arthur to Merlin a few moments ago and the man fled the room to bring his friend in for his wife.

“I’m surprised Merlin is here tending to you.” Morgana commented to Gwen, watching the woman breath steadily through the pain. Gwen didn’t cry or scream, but merely took the entire birth with a calm reserve.

“Why?” Gwen huffed through another contraction. Morgana wiped off her friend’s forehead with a damp washcloth. Morgana had been tending to her the entire time, giving her small sips of water and wiping her head as well as holding her hand through contractions. It was like all of her old feelings for Gwen were rising to the surface in the midst of this event.

“He’s a man. Men don’t do well with these sorts of things.”

Gwen laughed, “He helped with Ellie. He was even there to take her from Gaius. That man has seen it all.”

“Did he want to? Help that is.”

“Merlin is an excellent apprentice and he would make an excellent physician now. He’s attended many births with me.” Gaius told them from his place by the table with his tools. 

“He’s a good friend and a good man. He’s not even afraid to baby sit. I expect you both to be a nanny to my newest one too.” She told Morgana with a smile and the sorceress smiled back, her heart felt light and she was actually happy here with her friend talking about her new baby. Gwen knew about her inability to have children as well and was more than happy to share her children with Morgana. 

“Is Arthur going to be in here?” Morgana took Gwen’s hand as another contraction hit her and the olive skinned woman took several deep breaths and her brow scrunched in pain.

“Yes.” She hissed out as the contraction ebbed.

“Really? I heard that he fainted before.” 

“I know that it is not common practice for the man to be in the delivery room but I wanted him here.” Gwen gritted out as another contraction hit her. They were getting harder and faster and Gwen took another deep breath.

The doors suddenly swung open to reveal a particularly pale Arthur and Merlin following him, “Was anyone going to tell me that my wife was in labor any time soon?”

“I didn’t want you to worry.” Gwen turned her head to look over at him as her contraction ended.

“My Gwen…I don’t care if I worry. It’s my job.” Morgana moved from her seat and Arthur took it. He looked into his wife’s eyes and kissed her, “I love you.” He stroked her cheek and she looked at him like he was her world, even as another contraction hit her and made her brow furrow and tears come to her eyes. 

Merlin watched the exchange and then looked at Morgana who was equally as spellbound by it. “I feel like I need to push, Gaius.” Gwen looked away from her husband and back down to Gaius. 

Gaius nodded moved back to his position between her stirruped legs. He used his clean hand to feel up to her cervix, “You can push.” Gaius pulled his hand out and wiped it off. Gwen gritted her teeth against another contraction and pushed herself up. Arthur stood up and held her steady while rubbing her back and whispering words of encouragement in her ear. Merlin also crossed the room and got the towels and blankets ready for the baby. Morgana stood on the other side of Gwen and held her hand, secretly terrified. Gwen bore down and pushed through a contraction, then pushed again with the next. On the third push she suddenly cried out in agony and fell to the side against Arthur. 

He brushed her hair back and she put her hand on her belly and cried out again, “Something’s wrong.”  
Gaius placed his fingers back in to check on the baby and when he pulled his hand out it was covered in bright red blood. He quickly wiped his hand off before anyone else could see and looked up at Gwen, “I need you to push. Now.” 

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Arthur asked. 

Gwen got back up and pushed again and this time more blood came with the push and a fresh round of agony. 

Morgana stared at the blood with a slow dawning horror, as did Merlin. A little blood was normal with birth, but the amount of blood that was coming from Gwen was definitely bad. There was something very wrong. Morgana helped sit Gwen back up, “Come on, you have to push. Don’t you want to meet the little one?”

Gwen tried to push again and could only muster a weak effort. Blood was quickly soaking the floor and the bottom of the birthing dress, like a sea of red. Merlin abandoned his post and stood beside Morgana, trying to help the Queen give birth. She tried to push again and couldn’t, “I can’t push…I can’t.” She fell against Arthur while growing pale. Gwen tried to keep herself up but couldn’t find the strength as she grew even paler. 

“Gauis! What’s wrong? What’s happening?” Arthur yelled. 

“She’s bleeding out. I don’t know what’s wrong. She’s got to push and get this baby out or they will both die.” 

Morgana quickly had a sense of déjà vu and looked down at her friend then back up as an epiphany hit her. It was risky and stupid but she had to try, “Release me.” 

Arthur looked at her as if not comprehending, “What?”

“Get this collar off of me, brother. I can save her.” Morgana gestured to Gwen, who looked even worse in the seconds it took to speak to Arthur. 

Merlin looked at his friend who looked so lost then back at Morgana. Was this a trick? 

“With magic? No, my mother died because of magic.” Arthur held Gwen closer to him, terror poured from his skin in waves and he stared back at Morgana.

“Gwen is going to die. Your baby is going to die unless someone does something. I can save her. You know I can.”

“She’s right, Arthur. Gwen is going to die unless we can do something.” Gaius looked at Gwen who had lost consciousness as the blood puddle grew.

“I can’t trust you. Why would you help me when you want the throne? Wouldn’t it be easier if she died here?” Arthur stroked his unconscious wife’s hair and held her closer.

“Yes it would.” Morgana told him the truth. It was better than coming up with a lie. “It would be so much easier to destroy you with her dead. I want to save her.”

“Merlin? What should I do?” Arthur looked across the bed to his best friend and Merlin stared back, torn between wanting to tell him no, because it was too dangerous and yes, because he didn’t want to have to reveal his magic to Arthur this way.

“Do what you think is right. Morgana probably has the power to save her.” Merlin told his friend, even as every instinct in his body told him that this was a bad idea. 

The siblings stared at each other across the birthing bed. Blue-grey eyes met sea green as they assessed each other and met in a silent challenge. Arthur looked away and pulled out a knife. He laid Gwen back down on the bed and sliced open his palm, then placed it against the jewel on the collar, smearing blood over Morgana’s neck and chest as he dropped his hand. “Save my wife.” He begged. Merlin recoiled from the sight of Arthur’s blood on her neck. It was as if every nightmare he had ever had about her came true. 

For a moment nothing happened, then the gem in the center pulsed and there was a click as the collar came undone and fell from her neck onto the ground with a clank. Morgana stood there as her magic came racing back. She clutched her head even as she felt herself grow stronger , the lethargy that plagued her the past few months disappeared and left her better than she had ever been. And Morgana suddenly had what she wanted for these few weeks. She could leave here now with her magic and leave Gwen to die here on the birthing bed. But something stopped her, something that had developed over the past few months made her stop from leaving, made her want to save her competitor for the throne. She could leave and let Gwen and this baby die. It would be her fault entirely. She saw it as clearly as if she were dreaming her visions. 

Morgana would leave and Gwen would die here, leaving Arthur a hollow shell of the man he used to be and no amount of love and friendship would be able to save him, even his own daughter’s. He would become just like Uther, bitter and filled with hate, unable to show even Ellie his love and affection like he used to. He would be a hard king and would rule with an iron fist. He would blame Morgana for Gwen’s death and hunt her until she was dead, kill Aithusa, Merlin would never be able to tell Arthur who he was, because the man he would become would order his death. Ellie would grow up without her father’s love, looking just like the wife who died here today and she would end up exactly like Arthur, vying for her father’s love and affection that he would never really be capable of giving to her. In the span of seconds Morgana knew that if she left, things would only get worse for her kind. Even if she killed Arthur, which Merlin would never allow, even if it meant revealing his gift to his friend. 

She was brought out of her brief train of thought by a hand on her wrist. Gaius’s hand was covered with Gwen’s lifeblood, “Do it, Morgana.” He released her hand and left the bloody handprint. This should have been her greatest triumph. To leave them to die, to rot, but she couldn’t. She had both her brother’s and his wife’s blood on her body and yet it brought her no satisfaction. 

Morgana looked up at Arthur, “Stand back.” Arthur stepped back from his wife and watched as Morgana started a chant. The words were unintelligible and soft, even Merlin could not understand her as she spoke old words of healing. Morgana had never been strong at healing, her sister telling her that she was missing something integral to being a great healer, but today the power flowed through her, strong and steady. The chant was soft and evoked feelings of home, of love and of kindness. Her eyes were golden as she chanted over Gwen’s prone form. The energy in the room gathered and coalesced in Morgana’s hands and they emitted a soft blue light over Gwen, and a soft breeze picked up in the room and she continued to chant, closing her eyes and feeling the power flow through her. Gaius watched with fascination. He never knew that Morgana of all people would have this kind of ability, the ability to heal like this. 

Merlin felt the ebb and flow of the power that flowed from Morgana to Gwen, repairing the damage to her uterus and filling her body back up with blood that she lost. He stared at Morgana with awe and fascination. Gaius had told him that the best healers could not be filled with hate, with darkness because healing came from light and love. According to destiny and fate, Morgana should never have been able to access this power.

Arthur watched his sister with fear, but also with a childlike wonder as he watched the soft kind of magic come from her. It was nothing like the fire and destruction he had previously seen. This magic was kind and gentle. He never knew his sister who only courted destruction could do something like this. 

Gwen’s color started rapidly improving and she opened her eyes and took some deep steady breaths. Morgana’s hands dropped and the glow faded, along with the chant. Morgana opened her eyes and smiled at them all before her eyes rolled back into her head and she went down. Merlin was quick to catch her before she hit the ground. Using that much magic after not having it for so long was foolish of her. He picked her up moved her to the spare cot in the back of the room. He laid her gently down against the wall then moved back to Gwen. Arthur was holding here closely and crying, muttering words of gratitude. Gwen however looked confused, “What happened?” 

“You were dying, bleeding and Arthur took Morgana’s collar off so she could save you.” Merlin spoke softly to her and she looked even more confused.

“She saved me? Morgana saved me?” Gwen looked over her shoulder at the prone form of Morgana then back again quickly at Gaius as another contraction hit her.

“We can all celebrate after you have this baby. Now Gwen, push.” Gaius smiled up at the couple and Gwen nodded, using her newfound strength to give a couple of strong pushes. “Excellent. Now one more push to get the head out.” Gaius held the child’s head in his palm and used a finger to clean out the infant’s mouth of mucous, “Now another push. Gently.” Gwen bore down again and pushed the infant’s torso out. Merlin was watching the birth with eager anticipation, and Arthur was trying to peek over the gown to see the baby as well. “One more push. That’s it. And we have a girl! Another girl!”  
Merlin passed Gaius a towel and he started to dry off the baby and gave it a firm swat. The infant started crying immediately, giving a fresh, healthy wail. Gaius held the child while he clamped and cut the cord, then handed the infant wrapped in cloth to Gwen. The infant was small but pink and healthy. “A girl. Ellie has a little sister. She’s perfect isn’t she?” Gwen cooed at the pink, pale infant with dark curly hair. The newborn blinked and looked at Gwen with wide blue eyes. 

“Beautiful, just like her mother.” Arthur also cooed at the infant and traced her cheek with his finger. They were both instantly spellbound by the new life in Gwen’s arms. His heart was beating so hard in his chest he feared that he might faint. So much had happened in the span of minutes but without Morgana his wife and new daughter would have died. He had to thank her properly and turned back to the cot, but it was empty, “Merlin. Didn’t you put Morgana down back there?”

Merlin, who had been smiling at them all, looked confused and walked around the bed. He saw the door ajar and instantly his smile faded, “She’s gone.” 

$#$#$#

Morgana tore through the castle, upset, angry, hopeful and confused. She had her magic back. She felt it hum just below the surface and used it to make her body invisible to those around her. She had seen the child the tiny girl and heard her first cries and knew that she had to leave. Everything she had worked for…everything she had wanted…it was all a mess now. They brought her here and wanted to change her…to make her better and gave her love and affection and treated her like a human being…like a friend and now she didn’t know what she wanted. She still wanted the throne. As the firstborn it was her right…but it didn’t seem so important now. Morgana was still preoccupied with her thoughts and almost ran into a middle aged woman holding Ellie. The little girl was smiling and giggling and suddenly looked up and at Morgana as if the child could see through her disguise and the smile got bigger. The sorceress knew why she had saved Gwen, aside from the feelings of affection she felt for the woman. It was because of this tiny little girl that had wormed her way to Morgana’s heart. And she was suddenly tempted… tempted to take the girl with her. To run away from Camelot, from the confusion but as they passed she realized that would be a mistake. She would already be hunted for leaving she didn’t need to compound it by taking a child along with her.

It was a coward’s choice, running instead of facing her brother and Gwen and…Merlin again, but she would not be held here any longer like a prisoner or like a charity. The one thing she regretted is that she would be unable to take Aithusa with her, but she would have her dragon daughter again soon, of that she promised herself. She was retreating to fight another day not running. Not running away from these people that made her quest for vengeance seem nothing but a madwoman’s game. 

She used her power to open the doors to the castle and stepped out into the fresh cool air of winter as the sun was starting to descend over the horizon. The guards seemed puzzled over the door but she kept pushing forward. Luckily this morning she had put on shoes otherwise the frosty ground would have half frozen her feet. She had no cloak, only the dress she wore, but she would find more clothes. She had to get out of here before the bell sounded, before she would have to use her magic to flee instead of stealth. It was then she heard it, “Morgana!” Merlin’s voice carried to her ears. 

She knew that he would be using his magical sight to try and find her, and it would break her cover so she quickened her pace and saw Gwen’s father’s house, then used her power to unlock the home and hide within. Morgana’s heart was beating in a staccato and she tried to best to calm it. Those darker urges had come back with her magic and her power to get them done. She was here in Camelot…they trusted her…she should stay and kill them while they slept, Gwen, Arthur, their new baby…..Ellie…no not Ellie. She wouldn’t kill Ellie. She would raise her, use a legitimate heir to rule through, blame her parent’s deaths on another foe. It was as she was lost in thought that the hairs on the back of her neck stood up and she whipped around to find Merlin staring at her from two feet away. He was being cautious, as well he should. 

“Morgana, come back to the castle with me. Arthur and Gwen want to speak with you.” He spoke softly and slowly, as if she were a deer and would run with the slightest sharp movement or loud noise, and he would be right. 

“No. I’m not going back. I have to leave, Merlin.” 

“You don’t have to leave. They trust you now. You could live here freely; you could change things, Morgana. Just come back with me.” He extended his hand to her.

“I can’t. I hate it here. I hate the memories and the oppression and the stain that Uther has left here with his hate. I can’t be here. I can’t.” She was crying now, tears making tracks down her face, but she wasn’t sad or happy, she was panicked and anxious and the worst part about it was that she wanted to take his hand, for him to make everything okay. It was a weakness and Morgana couldn’t have a weakness, not while those around her wanted her death. 

“You can change that. Please, Morgana. Arthur and Gwen have named the baby. They want to tell you. Ellie would miss you if you left.” He was begging her now. She heard it in his voice and she started to extend her hand. 

“Why hasn’t the alarm bell sounded?”

“Because I told Arthur I would bring you back. He trusts that you won’t hurt anyone.” Merlin kept staring at Morgana; his eyes flickered to her neck and hand, where the blood was drying against her ivory skin. 

“He shouldn’t. He shouldn’t trust me or love me. Why? Why should I come back, sit in the castle day in and day out and do nothing? I can’t be you! I can’t just wait for things to happen. Even now the thoughts I have about my brother’s family would make you cringe.” She reached for the door handle and Merlin edged closer. 

“Because…”

“Because what? Why are you being so kind to me when all I have done is hurt you! It doesn’t make sense! I used you, put that Formorrah into your neck and raped you! I caused you and Arthur so much pain! I enchanted Gwen to love Lancelot, to destroy them so she wouldn’t take my throne! And no one else knows. I brought Lancelot back as a shade, a shell of his former self! Your best friend! You should hate me! Why aren’t you using your power to subdue me? You could easily choke me or bind me. Why haven’t you?”

“I wanted to give you a choice.” Merlin felt that low blow from Morgana deep in his heart at the news of Lancelot, but that would not deter him. “There is still some good left in you. Love in your heart. I don’t want to force you to come back. But I can’t allow you to hurt Arthur and Gwen.”

“Just let me go.” 

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you, Morgana. I love you! I fought it and fought it and I don’t want to see you go.”

“I….I can’t, Merlin.” Merlin reached up to touch her and there was only a split second warning before her eyes glowed gold and he was flung back into the table and chairs. He landed with a crash but before he lost consciousness he heard, “I’m sorry, my….” Then darkness took him.

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. There's that. I'm off on the 4th so I might get a chapter up then. Maybe sooner depending on how good I feel and how motivated I am. I'll be working on a short Loki/Reader thing too. Cause that man is delicious.


	32. Chapter 31

XxOxX

“I’m sorry, my cópenere.” She watched as his eyes closed and she put her hand on the door, intending to pull it open and flee into the night but Morgana just looked down at the prone form of Merlin. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she was shaking from panic. Had he really just told her that he loved her? Actually loved her? Morgana brought a shaking hand up to her throat and felt the drying blood there. Her gaze took him in amongst the rubble and he wasn’t moving. Had she killed him? Morgana crossed the room and knelt next to him. She saw the rise and fall of his chest and upon closer inspection she noticed a gash on his forehead. 

Morgana shouldn’t have thrown him. There were gentler ways to handle him and she should have used them, but the combination of her growing panic and his confession had made her emotions run higher than usual. She reached a hand for his head intending on healing the gash before she fled. The alarm bells weren’t ringing which would work to her advantage, but someone might have heard the noise from their scuffle. Before she touched his skin she stopped. This was foolish. She needed to move. 

Now, before they caught her. Ignoring her common sense and her mounting panic as she stared at his face she put a hand on his bare skin and instantly a low hum started under her skin. Morgana jerked in surprise but didn’t remove her hand. The buzz wasn’t unpleasant, merely odd. She chanted softly and quickly and her magic flowed down her arm and into Merlin. For a moment everything was calm, but then through the connection that she forged between them a wave of power slammed into her hand and up her arm. His magic flowed into her like it had been starving. With the heady power that flowed up her arm it brought with it first a sense of arousal, then a sense of contentment. It took all of one single second for her to yank her hand back and stumble backwards. Even though the connection was broken she still felt it in her arm. Morgana shook her head and fled out the door. She ran down the road and hid behind buildings and in alleyways. The city gate was nearing her sight and she smiled. She brought her magic to bear and strode out into the open; tossing the guards away from the gate and throwing the doors open as she fled into the night. 

She threw on a guise of shadow and air and sped into the forest, away from Merlin and his beautiful, kind eyes and his hand extended in kindness and love. This wasn’t the life she wanted. She didn’t need him. He was the reason she had to run in the first place. If he had only helped her to begin with…Even as her mind spoke these words her heart shouted in protest. They were all in her way, all of them. But she couldn’t go back to where she felt so stifled, with people looking at her like she was diseased, and shrinking back from her magic with fear and ignorance. She should have brought him with her, converted him to her cause instead of having him so loyal to those who would seem him executed merely for being born with magical ability. Morgana resisted the urge to run back to him. He was still breathing with she left and he would still be breathing now. But she didn’t want him breathing. He betrayed her, betrayed her kind, served the man who would see him dead, didn’t help her when she needed him most of all. He was the reason that she was exiled like this. If it hadn’t been for him….then she wouldn’t…

Wouldn’t have what? Known happiness for a little while, felt the warmth of another human being next to her at night? Known pleasure at his hands? Had someone to confide in? Even if she never really did confide anything that she dreamed of to him. He had told her the truth about himself and answered any question she asked. He had helped her in the castle and did sweet things for her. He touched her like she was a priceless treasure instead of some sort of monster and that more than anything else hammered at her conscience and her heart. 

$%$%$%

Merlin came awake groggily at the sound of the alarm bells chiming. He was alone in the dark house amidst the rubble of the destroyed table and chairs. Wood surrounded him and as he lifted his head a sharp pain arced through his temple and he put his head back down onto the ground. He tried to remember how he got here and when it clicked he sat up, causing his vision to black in and out. Morgana! Where was Morgana? He told her that he loved her and by the look on her face she wasn’t prepared for that confession yet. Merlin didn’t even really know where it came from. He certainly felt caring feelings for her, felt more than just merely liking her….The only person he had ever liked remotely was Freya and that hadn’t gone well. And even as he thought of her name, her face; his heart started to hurt and he started to feel angry at both her and at his own actions. It was stupid of him, to tell her how he felt about her but he did it anyway. Did he really think that it would change her mind? His declaration of his feelings of love for the woman who should be his mortal enemy chased her away. 

He told her he loved her and he had gotten thrown across the room by a cornered and unstable sorceress. He should have known better. Merlin stood up despite the aches and pains that it caused because he had to get back to Arthur. The servant had no idea how long exactly he had been unconscious but it was long enough that Arthur and Gwen had gotten worried about him and sounded the bells. He turned back to the table and murmured a spell to fix the table and watched at the pieces came back together and in seconds a newly repaired table stood before him. 

He started back to the castle, using his gifts to ease the aches and pains and give him more stamina and cease the pounding in his head, but nothing he did would ease the growing feeling of heartache. She was gone and she might never come back. She might have been using him this whole time and he might have fallen for it again. Somewhere in his mind and heart there was a shout of denial and the memory crept up on him, what had she said to him before she fled? Merlin tried to remember as the guards saw him and helped him up the stairs, seeing the blood on his face. They accompanied him to the royal chamber and he knocked twice before entering. 

Gwen was lying on the bed with her newest daughter as her firstborn watched the new arrival warily. The look on Ellie’s face brought a smile to his face and another flash of pain, because Morgana would have been laughing as well. Gwen looked up at him and concern lined her features as she took in his state. “Merlin! What happened to you! You’re bleeding!” She moved to get up from the bed but Merlin waved her down. He didn’t want her to strain herself so quickly after giving birth. Gaius looked at him from near Gwen and crossed the room to examine his head.

Arthur who was across the room, looking out the window came to his side and looked him over, “What happened?”

Another sharp pain in his chest, and he resisted the urge to rub at his heart, “I found Morgana and tried to convince her to come back with me, that you wouldn’t hurt her or imprison her. She looked like she wanted to come back with me, but she threw me into a wall with her magic and fled.”

“I know. She fled through the main gate with little opposition. I have my knights searching the countryside for her.”

“She would be long gone from here by now, Arthur.” Gaius told him and nodded satisfactorily to himself after he examined Merlin, “You should live, but watch that head of yours. You took quite a knock to it.”

“Where would she go?” Arthur asked his friend gently, noticing that Merlin was taking Morgana’s departure seriously he put a hand on his shoulder, “It wasn’t your fault. I doubt any of us could have changed her mind once it was made up. Don’t take it personally.”

“I don’t know where she would have gone.” Merlin noticed Gwen staring at him with a mix of sadness and sympathy because she knew about his relationship with Morgana. 

“Do you think she will come back?” This time from Gwen as the infant started to whine a little bit. Gwen’s only concern was for Morgana’s safety. 

“And do you think she will bring an army with her?” Arthur intoned as well.

“Arthur! She’s your sister. You should be more worried about her and less about an army. She made a sacrifice. And she is probably scared and confused and needs our help. She saved my life and she could have just let me die.”

“I know that.” Arthur went to the bed and sat down next to his wife, and used a finger to caress his infant daughter’s cheek, “But I have you and Eliana and little Meighan to protect.” 

“Meighan?” Merlin asked as he got closer to the bed and the family that sat upon it.

“Yes! It starts with an M like Morgana and it means Strong One. We had thought naming her after Arthur’s mother, but after Morgana saved me, we decided on a different name.” Gwen handed the baby to Merlin. He took the tiny little baby gently into his arms and he looked down at the tiny face and the dark hair and felt his heart warm at the sight of another child that was the perfect blend of mother and father. Merlin thought to that Morgana would have loved her like she loves Ellie. 

“Gana? Gana?” Their eldest child had crawled over to sit between her parents and started looking around for Morgana and she started to whine when Morgana did not appear. Gwen took the girl and sat her on her lap. 

Merlin continued to stare at the innocent face in his arms and felt Gwen place a hand on his harm, “Everything will be alright, Merlin.” Her chocolate brown eyes pierced through his and he nodded.  
Arthur got up from the bed, “I will be right back.” 

“Merlin, come straight to my chambers. I want to make sure I get a good look at you. Gwen, I will be back in the morning to check on your bleeding.”

“Thank you, Gaius.” Gwen told him as both her husband and the physician exited the room, leaving them alone.

“What happened?” She asked Merlin seriously, her dark brown eyes searching his face.

“I….I told her that I loved her…and she tossed me back like a sack of potatoes. You should have seen the look of horror on her face. Gods I’m an idiot.” He sat down on the bed cradling the babe in his arms. 

Ellie escaped her mother’s grasp and crawled to the middle of the bed, clearly not trusting the newest member of her family. Gwen scooted forward and wrapped her arms around Merlin and gave him a hug, “You aren’t an idiot, Merlin. A lot of things happened today. She was scared and on edge. I’m sure she will come back to you.” 

“How could you be sure?”

“Because she loves you too. She just doesn’t know it yet.” Gwen kissed his cheek, “Everything will work out.” 

“I know. Here, take her back. I’m sure you are tired and it’s late. I should be going.” Merlin handed the tiny bundle back to Gwen and she took her newest daughter…Meighan back and held her to her breast while Ellie watched the exchange with narrowed eyes, like she was silently plotting how to get rid of the tiny creature that is taking her mother’s attention away from her. The door opened to reveal Arthur, who noticed the look that Ellie was giving to the new baby and snatched her up from her seat on the bed and started to tickle the toddler. Merlin smiled at the exchange and crept from the room back to his and Gaius’s rooms.

When he opened the door Gaius immediately got up and hugged him, “I am glad you are alright.” Gaius inspected his scalp, “What happened?”

“Morgana’s gone. She ran and I found her in Gwen’s old house. I tried to get her to come back with me. I held out my hand to her and told her that everything was going to be alright. That she wouldn’t be kept prisoner anymore. That I loved her and I didn’t want her to go and she used her magic and knocked me out and fled. I thought that….never mind. I was obviously wrong.”

“Merlin….”

“You never liked her. You kept telling me not to get involved. You kept warning me away and I didn’t want to listen to you. I thought that if…” Merlin shrugged out of Gaius’s space and walked around the room, “I thought she might love me too. It sounds stupid and childish to act like this but she felt something for me and even as she did she left! She used her power and threw me against a table after I told her that I loved her. I shouldn’t have even gone after her. She hated it here and she should. We kept her prisoner, tortured her, used her, and kept her from her magic. No wonder why she ran.” Merlin stopped pacing, “I’m going to go to bed.” 

Gaius tried to say something else to Merlin but he blocked it out and opened the door to his room, then shut it firmly and locked it then rested his body against the door and took several deep breaths in and out. Under the sadness and loneliness was anger, anger at her for running and not facing him, anger at himself for even revealing that much of his feelings for her to destroy. Anger at the situation, at the fact that he couldn’t remember what she told him. The fact that he was worried that she was in danger, worried that Aithusa would not take this news well, and he was worried that she would just revert back to her old self, the self that didn’t care about anyone but Morgana. Merlin shrugged out of his clothes and lay down in bed. Maybe sleep would help his head, his heart and his soul, but only time would tell.

$#$#$#$#

Morgana looked around and was surprised at her surroundings. She had been so preoccupied with her thoughts that her magic had taken her to the forest. It was an unfamiliar place and Morgana had to quickly assess her surroundings and scanned the area for people. Finding it empty she sat down under a tree, breathing hard with exertion and sweating from her panic despite the cold.

She shouldn’t have saved Gwen; she should have just run, taken Ellie with her….no that was wrong. Gwen didn’t deserve to die… or did she? She took my throne…she took my brother…she took the life I was supposed to have. But would I have really wanted my brother? Would I have really wanted that life? I could have changed things…I tried to change things and only met with opposition. 

Morgause…Morgause would know what to tell her. Morgause wouldn’t have fallen for the man who killed her once, wouldn’t have shared his bed, and wouldn’t have….what had she done? But Morguase was dead…slaughtered by her hand and sentenced to death by the man that shared her bed. She was sick of running, hiding, scavenging, destroying….Peace wouldn’t be so bad…peace over torture, over submission and…..why did her heart hurt? 

“Because I love you, Morgana!” Merlin’s words echoed through her head, rattling her to the core, sending a shock through her heart. Did he love her? Gods the look in his eyes when she threw him back….that was a mistake, but his confession had chilled her to the bone because some part of her felt the same way, wanted to take his hand and wanted to go back to bed with him and forget the world, but how could she trust him completely, let alone make it work between them? How could she be so weak as to want his love? 

Exhaustion battered at her consciousness and she got up. Morgana had used up too much of her magic in such a short time period and magic took energy. She had healed Gwen and her infant from near death. The sorceress wondered briefly what she had named the infant but it didn’t matter because she wasn’t going back there. Then she had used her magic to cloak her and teleport her here…wherever here was. Another sharp pain in the center of her chest as well as the chill of the night urged her to get up and find shelter… Where was her Aithusa? Now that she had her magic back her bond with the dragon was strong again and she felt for the presence of her surrogate daughter in the back of her mind. It was faint…too far away to do much with and she cursed because her Aithusa would go back to Merlin and Morgana might never see her again. 

The sound carried through the silent forest and she started to realize that for the first time in a long time she was completely alone and it was unsettling. Even while in Camelot she was surrounded by people, loving her or hating her, there were others that shared the plight of humanity alongside her. Here she was completely by herself, no person or animal in sight. She trudged forward and stumbled, catching her fall against a tree and at the sight of her blood covered hand she jerked back and examined the handprint of Gwen’s lifeblood on her ivory skin. Gwen would have died without her…should have died. The more Morgana stared at the blood the more torn she became. The part of her that wanted vengeance, wanted blood rejoiced at the sight of the red stain on her skin. The part of her that wanted peace, wanted love….recoiled at the sight of the blood and both sides of her psyche were warring with one another again…like they used to before Morgause helped her and after Merlin had poisoned her.

Morgana quickly realized that with each second that she was out in the open the temperature was dropping. Tiny droplet of snow had started touching her hands and face and she used her magic to quicken her pace, looking for any kind of cave or shelter she could use to her advantage. Her belly rumbled with hunger. She had forgotten to eat today…or rather she wasn’t hungry. She had not eaten well for two weeks now and she regretted just ignoring her body’s needs now. Exposure was not the way that Morgana Le Fay Pendragon would die this night. 

$$#$#$#

Merlin was tired but he hadn’t slept he had however began to feel, cold, alone and hungry. He got up from his bed and opened the door to the main room. Everything was dark and Gaius was snoring on his bed. Merlin picked up an apple and bit into it, trying to satisfy the hunger that had come to him swiftly. The fire was still roaring strongly in the fireplace and he used it to warm his skin. Lying in bed had brought with it a calm that Merlin was going to use to his advantage. Now that the events weren’t so fresh in his mind he started to think of what he was going to do now. Morgana was alone somewhere and was going to run until she felt safe. Where would she go and how long would it take her to get back here, either in peace of or in war? He sat at in a chair and the flames flickered, creating shadows on his skin. Would she go all the way to Odin’s land or would she stay in this kingdom? Would she go back to Cenred’s old kingdom? Or the Isle of the Blessed? Was she even really gone? She would try to get Aithusa at the earliest opportunity and if Aithusa was here he could lure her back…..Wait…what was he thinking? Lure her back? Like she was some sort of prize? That wasn’t what he needed to do. He loved her and she ran from him and he needed to wait for her to come back, but a part of him had already decided that she wasn’t going to come back no matter what. He understood why she ran, but it didn’t hurt him any less that she did after all they had shared?

 _And what was that? A bed, your bodies? Did she ever really let you into her mind, let you soothe her nightmares?_ You were only a means to an end. Merlin shook his head to clear out his mind. Morgana would have never let him share her bed if he were merely a means to an end. If she only wanted sex from him he never would have spent the night with her. She never would have told him the things that she did. She wouldn’t have pleasured him merely because she wanted to do something nice for him. The sex would have been filled with passion…it would have been hard and fast without feeling, without the tenderness that caring entailed. _She used you before, now that you remember. She used you for sex. For her own pleasure and threw you out to kill Arthur._

That still stung a little, but Merlin had since gotten over that slight, because he knew Morgana, knew her better than she knew herself sometimes. 

$#$#$#

Morgana could barely feel her fingers, even with the tiny flame between them. Her arms were chilled to the bone and she finally saw a cave, and started making her way to it. Hopefully it was empty or at least something she could easily kill or frighten off. 

Morgana entered the cave. It was no warmer in here than the outside, but at least it would suffice for shelter from the weather. She brought sticks from the outside into the cave and used the flame between her hands to light the small bonfire. She sat down against the wall and tried to fight the sleep that was battering at her mind. She stared into the fire and the flames danced before her eyes, hypnotic and warm before she lost consciousness. 

%$%$%

Nicoletta brushed her hair back from her face and pulled her cloak tighter. A lone deer was brushing at the light smattering of snow on the ground. This would be an excellent meal and she would be able to trade it to the druids for some supplies. She notched her bow with an arrow and brought it to bear. It took only a moment after she released the arrow for the deer to drop to the ground; the arrow was planted right between its eyes. She jogged over and inspected the deer before she pulled the arrow free. A light to her right caught her eye. It was coming from a small cave and so, being naturally a little curious as to why there might be a fire in the cave she crept through the wood while keeping an eye on her deer. Animals were damned opportunistic in the winter months and would steal her kills from her if she got distracted. She notched another arrow and crept to the front of the cave and brought it to bear, “Who’s there?” She called out then looked around and dropped her bow onto the ground at the sight of the woman leaning against the cave face. The fire was burning brightly but her lips were bluish and her skin was pale. Her long dark hair fell over her bare shoulders….what sort of person came out in this weather without proper clothes on? She bent down to check her pulse and tried to shake the woman awake, “You need to get up. It’s freezing out here.” It was then that she noticed the blood on her neck and chest. Was it hers? Or someone else’s? Was this woman a killer? “I’ll be back. Don’t die.” 

Nicoletta picked her bow back up then placed it over her head and placed the arrow in her quiver. She jogged back over to the deer and used her power to increase her strength and speed to hurry back to the druids that were camped nearby. 

%$%$%$

Despite the fact that Merlin was in a warm building, with the fire directly onto his skin he kept getting colder and colder and hungrier and hungrier. He had eaten a loaf of bread and had gotten dressed again and brought a blanket to sit in front of the fire. He rubbed his arms until his skin was superhot, but even after a few moments it started to cool again. He got up again and shrugged off the blanket. 

It would be pointless to try to go back to his bed to sleep. He would just toss and turn so he went for a walk down the corridors of the castle. That was how Merlin found himself in front of Morgana’s door. He opened it up and looked around. The bed was still mussed from the morning activities and he took a deep breath in and out, as he looked at the bed they shared. He wouldn’t wallow in misery. This was the only night he would do this. Merlin was not some lovesick boy, he wouldn’t settle into misery. He had too much to do, too much at stake to just hide away but he climbed into the bed that he shared with Morgana only the night before. His skin was growing colder still as if someone or something was taking all of his body heat. Regardless as to his temperature, sleep claimed his tired mind almost immediately as he breathed in her delicate scent. 

$%$%$

Nicoletta brought the men back with her to the cave and the youngest of them instantly recognized the woman on the cave wall, “Morgana!” The curly haired young man was instantly at her side, “Morgana!” He felt her skin and turned back to Nicoletta, “We need to get her back.” The man felt her cheeks and skin of her neck, “She’s warm, but her lips are blue.” He took of his cloak and wrapped the woman’s shoulders with it. 

“Who is she?”

“Morgana Pendragon. She’s….important to me. She was my friend.”

“Morgana….Pendragon?! What is she doing out here?”

“I don’t know. You three go back to the camp and tell the healer that we will need her.” He lifted the woman up in his arms and she murmured something too low for Nicoletta to understand. 

He brushed her hair away from her face and pulled her closer. “Come on.” They started back to the camp, while Nicoletta wondered what the hell was going on.

“What did she say?”

“A name.”

“Whose?”

“No one important.” He told her as they began the trek back to the camp. The young man silently wondered why Morgana was out here alone with a dress on…and whose blood covered her hand and neck. She was thin and cold and pale and her aura was a sick sort of dark green. Something terrible had happened to her and he was going to find out what it was. 

$#$#$#

Morgana awoke to the smell of herbs and she blinked awake and realized that her belly was no longer an empty pit of hunger and her body was warm despite the cold. She was no longer in the cave, instead when she opened her eyes she was greeted by the top of a tent and she instantly tensed. She took a deep breath and was about to utter a spell when a familiar face entered her vision. She let out the breath in surprise and stared at the chilling blue eyes and smile of someone she hadn’t seen in years but made her smile. “Hello Morgana.”

“Mordred…” she sighed out, “Where am I?” She looked on the young man fondly. He had grown up, but to her he was still the same little boy he was so long ago. 

“You are in our camp. We found you in a cave. You were freezing to death.”

“I….”

“It’s alright. I just wanted to let you know that you are safe here. We can talk later when there is more light outside.” Mordred told her, “Just rest. Don’t worry. I will take good care of you.” He gave her a drink of water laced with a sleeping draught and watched as her eyes closed and she fell into a deep sleep. Mordred stroked her cheek and looked down at her. Her soul was at war with itself. He could see it right before his eyes. She was also bonded to someone and his aura ran only up the side of one arm. He could see it on her mind, and with his second sight…Emrys. She had murmured his common name in her sleep like a lover would do. Why had she left him…or had he forsaken her? And had she found out about his power? Why had there been blood on her body yet no sign of a wound…and why did her aura feel so sickly, as if she had been ill for some time? It was as if she had been dying but no signs of disease were present. It was the answers to these questions that the young man craved. Mordred covered her back up and left the tent. He found Nicoletta butchering the deer. 

She looked up at him, her dark brown eyes even darker in the darkness of the camp, “She going to live?”

“Yes. Thank you for finding her.”

“Who is she to you?”

“A friend.”

“I see. Well that woman was held captive in Amata. News of her capture was the reason I left that land. If he could capture a priestess then he would be able to capture me rather easily.”

“What else do you know?”

“Not much. I fled here and met you. Essetir seemed like a better place to be than Amata, even with the civil war.” She wiped her blade on her pants then looked up at Mordred, “She killed a lot of people, you know.”

“They probably deserved it.” 

“Maybe.” She looked around the camp, “I have what I need. The deer should stay good in the cold. I’m going to head out.” 

“Be careful.”

Nicoletta rolled her eyes at him, “I’ve been doing this a lot longer than you think. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.” She trotted off into the darkness and Mordred went back to the tent and lay out on a spare fur. The warm campfire sunk into his muscles and bones as he stared at the sleeping form that was Morgana and fell asleep and dreamed of blood, death and despair. 

$#$#$#

Morgana came awake to the smell of a cooking fire and the feeling of emptiness. Her mouth watered and she sat up. For a moment she was confused at her surroundings but then she remembered what happened last night. She looked around wildly before she saw Mordred step into the tent with a steaming bowl of stew in his hands. “Good morning. I thought I would bring you some food. You must be hungry.”

Morgana took the stew with a smile and Mordred sat across from her as she ate, “Thank you.” The young man was a calming presence and Morgana craved calm. It was better than her dreams filled with blood and anger and hate and lust and death.

“You’re welcome.” He nodded, “It’s been a long time.”

“Too long. I’ve missed you. I thought about coming for you one day.”

“You did?” Mordred’s eager eyes shone brightly, such a beautiful blue.

“Oh yes.” Morgana looked away from Mordred and the memories that his blue eyes brought to her.   
Blue eyes flashed in her mind, a hand extended to her and a smile filled with warmth. She shook her head to rid herself of the memory, but she kept seeing him. 

“Are you alright? You look….strained.”

“I’m fine. I’m just thinking.” 

“You don’t have to be afraid here. You are safe with us.”

Morgana looked up from her stew and at Mordred, “I can’t stay here, Mordred.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t belong here.”

“You do. You were going to stay with me once a long time ago.”

“That was a long time ago. I was another person.”

“You are still the same person. Maybe fate has brought you here for a reason.” 

“I’m done with fate...” She set the bowl down, “Fate has no hold over me anymore,” A memory sparked to life unbidden, _‘My precious Aveleora...’ Merlin leaned over her and continued to thrust into her warm body, making Morgana moan as he told her, ‘All mine.’_ Morgana pulled her mind from the memory and the confusion that it caused her. It warred with the image of him in her latest dream, the one covered in blood, craving her death. 

“But you have only just arrived. Stay with us a few days. Please.” 

At that moment the young man in front of her was a boy again and she sighed, “A few days only.”

“Excellent! I will introduce you to the village elders. Come.” He held out his hand to her and she stared at it and reached up slowly to take it. His palm felt warm in her hand and he hauled her up. He stepped back from the entrance and gestured her forward. Morgana looked at the boy and went out into the druid camp. This was the world that she might have been a part of if things had been different for her. 

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst awaaaaaayyyyyyyy! 
> 
> Also. There will most likely be another chapter this weekend. Comments are the key. :)


	33. Chapter 32

XxOxX

“No Elise you have to feel the magic flow through you. Don’t try to grab at it like a toy. Think of it as more like the lake or ocean when it ebbs and flows. Now try again.” Morgana was kneeling in front of five children and two teenagers as she watch them create little lights in their hands. She took the little girl’s hands in hers and looked at her, “Forbearnon.” Between their palms, Morgana’s bright light took up residence and the little five year old girl grinned and took the it from her teacher. Morgana looked back over her shoulder at the parents of the children at her lesson.

She stood up and looked at her other pupils, “The lesson is over, children. I will see you tomorrow.” The other children scattered and Elise gave back the light globe before scampering off to her parents. 

Mordred leaned against a tree trunk as he watched the entire thing. He always watched in a way that was ever vigilant and overprotective. It was rather adorable of him to try to protect her, when if push came to shove her powers greatly exceeded his and she would be the one protecting him. Morgana walked over to him, “What did you think?” 

“They love you.”

“I meant about the lesson you silly boy.”

“They are eager to learn and you are an excellent teacher. I’ve told you this before, last week in fact when you first took the job.”

“I couldn’t very well sit here in silence and take from all of you. I wanted to be doing something.”

“Everything is freely given.”

Morgana pegged him with a stare and rolled her eyes, “Nothing is ever free, Mordred.”

Morgana looked around the camp, which had grown bigger in the last week. There were over twice as many druids in this place than there had been before and Mordred did not know why. Morgana had the entire area under a protection spell that would alarm if anyone crossed the threshold. Her role also included being the unofficial protector of the druids for the moment.

At first she was only going to stay for a few days, but then a few days turned into a week, which turned into two, which turned into the month that she had stayed with this clan. The elder helped her meditate and learn to focus her desire for violence inward instead of it manifesting outwardly with rages and tears and angry words at those who did not deserve it. 

Mordred helped with the crushing loneliness she felt, as well as the depression. Morgana lost everyone and everything she ever loved or cared for. She had been lied to, drugged, poisoned, raped, tortured and it had finally caught up with her. All the years of her mental torment manifested in the one month that she had been with the druids. Mordred held her as she cried and she talked to him about everything…well almost everything. She hadn’t mentioned Merlin to him, ever, although they spoke of him often. 

Mordred looked at her, “You need to stop tormenting yourself, Morgana.” He pushed off of the tree and looked past Morgana, waved and looked back at her, “I will be back.” He walked past her and she turned to see him walk toward a friend of his. She smiled at him and turned away to walk back to her tent.  
Morgana walked into her tent and looked at the scrying bowl. One peek…one little peek on everything wouldn’t hurt. It would have to be quick or else she would get caught. Morgana whispered the words that Morgause had taught her and the water rippled and a scene was revealed to her eyes. 

$%#$%$%

Merlin picked up Ellie, who was screaming and throwing a tantrum. She shrieked and Merlin put a hand on the back of her head, “Shhhhh. It’s naptime.” The little girl rubbed her eyes. 

“No.” She pouted and tried to squirm out of his grasp. 

Merlin sat down in the rocker and held her to him so she couldn’t get away and started to rock her. It was then that the hair on the back of his neck rose, like he was being watched. It was a familiar feeling now. He knew who is was and he had learned just to ignore her. Ellie however was still fighting him. Gwen had gone to court with Arthur and had left Ellie and Meighan in the nursery with him. The month old infant was asleep in her crib and the noise Ellie was making had not bothered her. He offered to babysit for the hour or so that Gwen would be away and at the moment he was regretting the decision. 

Ellie continued to cry and he kept rocking her and stroking her hair. A few moments later she quieted and Merlin looked down at her while a melody ran through his head and he was certain that he was only hearing a fraction of it, because it was being directed at the child in his arms. The sound was soft, as if someone was humming a lullaby and the presence near him became stronger. The girl murmured sleepily, “Gana.” And she snuggled into Merlin before her breathing deepened and she relaxed against him. Children were more open to magic than their parents are. They can often see and hear a presence far more easily than even those who were born with magic. 

He felt a finger caress his cheek, “Hello Morgana.” At once the touch ceased and he felt the eyes pull back and disappear. Merlin continued to rock the toddler in his arms and sighed. This was the 5th time this week that she visited him, but he didn’t think that Morgana was aiming to see him, rather the little girl in his arms. 

Gwen had confided in him in the past week or so that sometimes for a few minutes a day she felt like she was being watched. She was quick to tell him that the eyes didn’t feel malicious, merely present and watchful and only when she was with Ellie. Morgana couldn’t let go of the little girl and it was one thing that Merlin was counting on. Morgana would be back for Ellie if nothing else. 

Not that Merlin had much time to think about Morgana these past few weeks. He was always busy from sunup to sundown. He constantly performed his chores for Arthur, from mucking out the stables to cleaning his and Gwen’s chambers so when he bedded down for the night he was too tired to think of anything but sleep. His dreams, however, told another story. He often dreamed of her, sights, smells and sounds. He dreamed memories that he knew were hers and he dreamed of memories that were his. Merlin, though, did not know where she had gone or how she was doing or anything else about her unless she was feeling extreme emotions. By extreme what he usually felt was anger.

 

Gaius and Gwen and Arthur and even the knights had tried to talk to him about Morgana and he had brushed all of them off, or changed the subject so he would not have to think about her. His sadness had morphed into a strange kind of anger at her. And it hadn’t started until two weeks ago when he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up and eyes on his body as he lay in Morgana’s bed one night. At first it was only eyes, and then he smelled her….and knew that Morgana was scrying him, spying on him. He often pretended to be asleep and he could feel her touch him with ghostly hands. It was never sexual. She would touch his chest or his cheek or arms and stroke him softly as if she missed him. When he would try to talk to her she would disappear. It frustrated him, because she was being a coward to him and Morgana wasn’t a coward. If she missed him so much why had she not tried to contact him or come back to Camelot? Why did she hide from him and only come to him when she thought he was asleep, like she had an addiction that she was trying to hide. 

Merlin put the girl in her crib and looked over at tiny Meighan. The newest Pendragon was quiet and still slept nearly all day. She was still very small for a month old baby and wrapped in a warm purple blanket. Her aura was still a dark purple and Ellie’s he found out was a strong red. Merlin sat down in the chair and hoped that Gwen would be back soon because if he was alone to think then he would start thinking and never stop. He rubbed his throbbing arm and stretched it out. His right arm had started hurting him just after Morgana left. Gaius had looked at it and told him that there was nothing wrong with it that he could see and it left Merlin with more questions than answers. 

#$#$#

Morgana pulled back from the scrying pool just as Mordred walking through the tent flap and stopped. He glared at her and the bowl, “What are you doing?”

“Nothing.”

“You were looking in on them again weren’t you?” 

“Yes. But it was only Ellie. I miss her so much.” Morgana told him as he sat down next to her.

“And Merlin.”

“How would you know?”

“The look on your face. You always look like that when you’ve seen him. I know you, Morgana. And you know what I have told you about your bond with him. You have to resist the urge to see him. It is the only way you will be free of him, you know that.”

Morgana nodded, “I know. I know. I try to not look, but my arm starts to hurt and I have to see him. I feel him all the time and I dream his memories. It is difficult to distance myself from him and it shouldn’t be. I should be focusing on the fact that he lied to me, poisoned me, and betrayed his kind. He took away my free will, my choice and my freedom in other ways. The chain of love is still a chain just the same.”

“You don’t have to hate him. You just have to forget him. The only way to lessen the bond he built between the two of you is to ignore him.” Mordred held his hand out for the bowl, “I know you want to see them, but you are here now, you need to leave that life behind if you ever want peace.”

Morgana handed him the scrying bowl and sighed while he left the tent, Mordred had told her all about the bond that he saw between her and Merlin. It was a soul bond, he had told her. Two beings whose destiny is intertwined often have soul bonds. The bonds are different for different people and can mean very different things. He had claimed her as his probably without realizing what he had done. There were three steps to the bonding process for druids. The first was the claiming, where the male or female would place his or her mark on the intended mate and they would share a telepathic bond, some feelings, and memories. Mordred had not told her about the second and third parts and Morgana hadn’t wanted to know. 

At first she was infuriated at him for chaining her to him and making it nearly impossible to move on. She was bound to him like no other and it wasn’t even her choice. The memories, the feelings were all involuntary. She missed him, her arm ached when she hadn’t seen him in a long while and her treacherous body was always at a low level of arousal, all unfortunate side effects. She had learned to deal with the symptoms and had ignored him for the most part. But she was still plagued by the need to see him, to smell him and taste him. She hadn’t ever been dependent on anyone like this and she hated it. Hated him and wanted him….

She smiled at Mordred as he returned to the tent. Her little Mordred was all grown up and he still treated her like an elder sister or mother figure and she still treated him like the little 8 year old boy he had been. He was an eager student and a bright young man and he was teaching her about the druid way which included nightly gatherings around the campfire for an old tale from the clan elders which Morgana enjoyed for the most part. The only stories she did not enjoy were those about the great Emrys. Even thinking his name sent shivers down her spine and made her heart beat faster with fear. They spoke of him like he were a hero, but she knew that he was to be her doom and all the stories in the world would not change that.

#$#$#

It was some time later before Gwen returned from Court, “Hello Gwen. How was your morning?”

“It was…interesting.” She said absently, “Arthur wants to speak with you about something. He’s in the meeting room.” 

Merlin handed her Meighan and she gave him a weak smile, “Is everything okay?”

“Yes. Well…yes and no. There have been reports of druids near the border with Essetir.”

“So? The druids are a peaceful people.”

“There are reports of magic being used and nearly 100 druids in one camp.”

Merlin was surprised at that. There were usually no more than a few druids in one camp at a time. It kept them safe and under Uther’s radar to be split up into tiny groups, especially living here in Albion. “Why?”

“No one knows, but they are camped near Ealdor.”

“Ealdor is in Essetir and King Lot still allows magic in his kingdom. They never bothered us.”

“There are reports…of a new arrival. Of a woman with long dark hair, pale skin, and green eyes.”

The hair on Merlin’s arms stood up, “That could be anyone?”

“But it’s quite a coincidence, don’t you think?”

“What does Arthur think?”

“You know what he thinks. You should go to him. The knights are giving their reports from the border. You’ll miss it if you stay here.” Gwen shooed him out of the room with a half-smile. 

Merlin walked down to the throne room with many thoughts running through his head, each worse than the last. It could be merely a coincidence that someone described Morgana…or she could be with them now and Merlin had no idea what she would plan with them….and if she was with the druids then she might find out his other name. 

Dragoon nearly took the life out of her both times she encountered him. She called him Emrys, his other name and it was the old man that she feared. Even if she did know his other name not many knew that Merlin was his birth name. It was a small comfort. He knocked three times on the door and walked in to find Leon, Gwaine, Pericival and two newer knights named Lionell and Tristram. They had recently been invited into the inner circle by Gwaine and Arthur after an incident. Merlin didn’t know the specifics but the two men were identical twins of one of the noble familes in Albion. They were both red haired and blue eyed and would be hard to tell apart if not for the scar on Tristram’s cheek. 

The knights and Arthur looked up at Merlin at once and Arthur gestured him over. “Go on, Leon.”  
There was a map spread out on the table detailing the lands that were ruled over by Arthur as well as Annis, Lot, the new Sarrum, Odin and a few others. Leon pointed to a place near the border. “Reports from the farming villages near the border report druids entering their towns and leaving just as quickly. They are gathering near the border of Essetir and Camelot. The people are not afraid of the druids; they just find it odd that so many of them are in one place, especially with the laws against magic in our land.”

“Did they say how many?”

“No, only that there were rumored to be at least 3 clans in the camp. No one had counted the druids or gotten close to where they are staying. I did not either, your highness.”

“I understand. But this could mean many different things. The druids are a peaceful people. I know that and I have upheld my promise to the druid spirit by treating the druids better than my father. They are still not allowed in the city, but I do not hunt them like animals. We should not rush into anything.”

“But what about the reports of Morgana being in the area?” Percival spoke up.

“We don’t know that for certain. It could be any number of women.”

“It would be irresponsible of us to not at least go to the area and explore the rumors. If only to prove them false.” Leon counseled. 

“But who would go? We shouldn’t take a large force, just in case. We don’t want to seem threatening to the druids. I would not want it to turn into a bloodbath.” 

“What of Lot? Would he find a small force near his lands threatening?” Tristram spoke up.

“He might, which is why only a small force can go. No more than five people and we would need to travel lightly and quietly.”

“You should not go, Arthur. What if it is Morgana? It would be the perfect time to kill you.”

“We shouldn’t jump to conclusions yet, Sir Leon. Morgana could have killed us a long time ago. I do not think she would do it now.”

Merlin watched the exchange, not offering any advice or counsel, merely observing. When Arthur turned to him he shrugged, “It would be nice to pay my mother a visit too. But I agree with Leon. You shouldn’t go.”

“Because of the rumor of Morgana’s presence?”

“No, because you are king and you shouldn’t be risking yourself at all.”

“I know. I know. But I was thinking of maybe changing some things…about the laws my father set regarding druids and magic. I need to see them for myself. They are my people and they deserve to be treated with respect, not hunted like animals for merely being what they are.”

It was like everything Merlin ever wanted was coming true all at once. “Really?” He tried not to sound surprised and failed.

“Of course, Merlin. I have yet to fulfill my promise to that druid boy’s spirit. This might be just the push I needed.”

Merlin fought the urge to smile. Maybe this would be good. Maybe Arthur would make new laws and maybe their destiny would be fulfilled. Excitement took root in his chest at the prospect. Maybe he could tell Arthur who he really was. What he really was. No more secrets, no more lies… He was brought out of his daydream by Arthur’s voice.

“Merlin! Pay attention. I need you to ready my armor…” Arthur rattled off some more commands and Merlin nodded. “Now, who is willing to stay here? I don’t want to take all of you, just in case something happens while I am away. It should take no longer than a week to get to the border, speak with the druids and come back.”

“I can stay behind.” Tristram offered. 

“As can I.” Leon also replied. 

“As you wish. The rest of you will meet me in front of the castle tomorrow morning. It will be a long ride.”

&*&*&**

Morgana stalked from the Elder’s tent and her anger started to grow. How dare they tell her that she had to leave after everything that she had done for them? It was too dangerous to have her at the gathering. She would draw too much attention to the clans. It was a special ceremony to celebrate the coming spring and coming year. There were whispers they said, that there would be a Druid King and Queen crowned this year. Morgana had never heard of a Druid king. 

A hand on her shoulder made her spin around and she nearly sent the blue eyed young man into a tree. Mordred jerked back at the look in her eyes, “I take it the meeting didn’t go well.”

“That is an understatement. Don’t be afraid. I wouldn’t hurt you.” Mordred relaxed and they fell into step together.

“So what happened?”

“They want me to leave for a month. I would be free to come back after that but they don’t want me here for their celebration.”

“Why?”

“They think I would bring trouble to them. I am too well known for too many things to be welcomed here during the celebration.”

“What celebration?”

“They are going to announce it tonight and by that time I need to be gone.” 

“You could stay here, defy them.”

“I could destroy them and even now the voice at the back of my head is screaming for their blood, but my darkness does not rule me. I control it.”

“I can go with you.” They stepped into her tent and shut the flap.

“No. I will be fine alone. I will go to my old home in the forest and stay there. If the Elder’s believe it to be best I will leave them.”

“I’m coming.”

Morgana smiled and cupped his cheek and kissed his forehead and he brushed her away, “No. You will stay here, celebrate. I wouldn’t want you to miss such a large event. The children are being taken away from the camp tomorrow and they will sit out the month as well.”

“I don’t want to celebrate, not when they are being unfair to you. You have healed out people, kept the children engaged and helped out when asked. They don’t have a right to send you away merely because there might be trouble.”

“Oh my little Mordred…I will be fine. One day those elders will be dead and maybe then you can be an elder and make all the rules. But for now I am going to leave tonight. Now, go back to your tent and I will talk to you later tonight.” 

Mordred nodded angrily and got up. After he left she laid back onto the pallet that she called her bed and started to meditate, relaxing her muscles and centering her mind to drive back the anger.

$#$#$#

Merlin lay out on the large bed and many thoughts coursed through his mind. He looked up at the canopy of the bed and around the stone room. The sheets still smelled of Morgana and it calmed him. Coming to her bed always calmed him and he thought about how hypocritical he was being about Morgana. Here he was still lying in her bed, smelling her sheets and he was upset about her teasing him with her presence even if it was only her mind. Neither of them seemed to be doing a good job letting one another go, but even though it was frustrating at least it wasn’t just him that was clinging. He shouldn’t have told her that he loved her. It was too early for love and he had only scarcely been in love one time and she had been killed by Arthur. He and Morgana would forever be joined, that was what the dragon said. Something told Merlin that Kilgarrah had never meant they should be joined in this way, craving and desiring and caring and hating. 

The hair on the back of his neck stood up and goose bumps erupted on his skin. He didn’t dare open his eyes as he felt Morgana’s presence near him. Gods he was pathetic. The light, ghostly touches came next. He felt her fingers caress his temple down to his cheek, then across his chest. Her touch left the skin briefly cold. She stroked over his arms, this time, palms down, feeling even more of his skin. He felt her mind as well, her current mood. She was frustrated, and happy but also very sad. He felt her anger and agitation though, felt her darkness, her need for destruction even as it warred with her other feelings. 

_“Cópenere.”_ Morgana’s voice drifted through his mind, filled with sadness.

“Avaleora.” He told her aloud, and immediately regretted opening his mouth while she pulled back, “Wait! Stop running from me! I only want to talk to you.”

Morgana’s presence stopped, _“I don’t want to talk to you. I hate the way you make me feel. I hate the connection we have. I hate the fact that I want to be at your side all the time. It’s not me! I’ve never been dependent on anyone like this and it’s driving me mad. I can’t do it. You claimed me and took away my free will. My will to choose with your selfishness!”_

This time he did not use his mouth to speak and instead his mind. _“That was never what I wanted. I don’t know what I did. Maybe we can reverse it. I don’t want you to be unhappy.”_

_“Short of death I am stuck with you. I want you to remember that.”_

_“You don’t have to come back. You don’t have to see me at all.”_

_“I know Merlin.”_ Her consciousness whispered through his mind then pulled back, leaving him alone again. He stared up at the canopy for a long while before sleep took him.

$#$#$

Morgana pulled back from the pool she had used to scry. Her hands were shaking and she was sweating with fear and exertion. Stretching her mind that far was still difficult for her but each day she practiced she got better and better at it. After she pulled back the part of her that was his shrieked in anger, and demanded that she talk to him again, demanded that she go back to him and finish what they started and Morgana refused to be controlled like that. If they completed their ritual it would bind her to him forever. Her free will would be taken away, her only existence for him. A slave to her own mind, own body, all for him. She felt her magic under her skin with her irritation and the water in front of her rolled with her agitation. The tree’s quivered and the rock shuddered beneath her. She drew her cloak around her tighter and went back to her temporary campsite. Morgana left the boy without a goodbye, because he would try to convince her to stay. She smiled to herself about Mordred. He had grown into a good man, far too good and loyal to her and it put him in danger. She lay down and closed her eyes after she cast a spell to hide her trail from any eyes who wanted to follow her. 

#$#$#$# (Next morning)

Merlin sat astride his horse next to the knights as Arthur kissed his wife goodbye, as well as his daughters and mounted his horse. “Move out.” They kicked their horses into a slow gallop and left the city. 

$%$%$

Morgana opened the door to her hovel and instantly she smelled fresh earth and pine. The windows had overgrown and only a few jars of reagents were still on the shelves. Her bed, the table, even the candle she had burned before leaving for Camelot was still there. She placed the small bag of provisions on the table and sat down in the chair. A brief flash of magic and the kindling inside the fireplace roared to life, illuminating the tiny space. She sat in front of the fire, warming her hands and the utter loneliness of this place started seeping through her pores. How had she stayed here for the time she had? This place was so dark, so depressing and hopeless. At the time she had no company, no human contact save Agravaine. 

Thinking his name made her shiver with disgust. The man hadn’t hid his desire of her body in all the time she knew him. His hands on her skin made her want to vomit every time. How had she waited for news? Plotted and schemed with plans that never worked. She stood up and walked over to the bed. She traced the smooth wood. Never worked because of Merlin she hated him and she wanted him. Maybe she would have him again. Capture him and tie him up to this old rickety bed and punish him for every slight he ever gave her. Her fingers curled and a smirk graced her lips. She would make him beg…but not until she gained control of the part of her that was his. Only then…only then would she have fun.   
Morgana moved to the bookshelf and pulled down a very old book of spells. 

_‘Sister, this is a very special book. It has been in the possession of the High Priestesses of the Old Religion for many many generations. Now it will be yours. Learn from it.’_ Morgana heard Morgause’s voice drift through her mind as she held the book to her breast. The ache in her chest was palpable. She missed her sister. The only person that made her feel normal, feel accepted for who exactly she was, taught her about her power and encouraged her throughout the time she had known her. Morgana had been the one to drive the knife into her chest. Her sister had wanted to die, had wanted to stop her suffering and although it had been a mercy killing, it was still Morgana that had to carry the burden of her murder forever in her heart and soul like a large, black stain. 

$%$%$

They road hard through the countryside and didn’t stop until several hours into the day by a stream. The knights dismounted and filled up their water skins while the horses eagerly drank from the running water. Merlin followed Arthur up the stream as he filled up his water skin and washed his face off. He moved around in his chainmail and sighed. 

“Why is it so important for you to do this?”

“You mean, come myself?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know. I just want to meet them if I can, talk to them. They are my people after all.” 

“Your father didn’t think so.”

“Well my father was wrong about a lot of things.”

“What if Morgana is there?”

“Then she is there. She doesn’t have to speak to us and we don’t have to speak to her. I am not making this journey for her. But if she is there then I have some things I want to tell her.” Arthur got back up, “Alright men. Mount up. I want to get there by sundown. We’ll make camp not far from where they are and make our trek up to them in the morning.” Merlin followed him back to the rest of them and they mounted up. He followed his king and master as they galloped towards his people. 

^%^%^

The night was uneventful, but fun. Gwaine and Percival lit off jokes…well it was mostly Gwaine while Lionell laughed and shared some of his brother’s embarrassing stories. There was nothing like sitting around the campfire with friends. The morning was quick as they re-armored and set off for the druids. It was only a few minutes before Merlin felt a strange shifting in his bones as they passed a tree line like passing through spider webs. He thought it odd, but Arthur kept going, “I see the fires. Approach slowly. Do not make any sudden movements.” 

$%$%$%$

Mordred’s head snapped up as Morgana’s wards lit off warning sirens in his head. People who did not bear the druid mark had gone past Morgana’s wards. This was not good. Mordred stood up and ran to the elder’s tents. He burst in and at once was met with hard stares of the 8 clan elders. “What is the meaning of this?”

“Intruders have breached Morgana’s wards. They are not druids.”

“We do not turn anyone away. They are probably only travelers looking for shelter and food.”

“And what if they aren’t’? What if they mean us harm? We are in Camelot’s lands. You know how they have treated us in the past.”

“We are a peaceful people. Those who come to our camps and clans know that they will receive safe haven. Mothers leave their children with us to learn ways of peace.”

“And that is how we die.”

“Leave us, Mordred. You are young and filled with fire but do now have wisdom. Leave us to handle this.” His clan leader told him. Her voice was soft and filled with patience. 

“But Ysira…”

“Go. We have to prepare for the rituals.” Another male told him and he turned heal and left the tent. These people felt like intruders, not those seeking safe haven, and one of them felt familiar to him. 

$%$%$%

Arthur crested the hill and dismounted. Several children were running through the camp and stopped when they spied him. They turned tail and ran into the tented area. The adults took one look at their red cloaks and a few women screamed. At once the camp was alive with noise and running, “They’ve come for us!” 

Merlin spied a young man with dark hair and blue eyes who stood at the edge of the camp like a challenge. He took a long look at Merlin before he heard, _“Hello, Emrys.”_

“Mordred.” Merlin whispered and Arthur turned his head to look at him.

“Mordred?”

“Hello, Arthur. It’s been a long time since we have seen each other.”

“It has. You were about this tall.” Arthur held up his hand to the middle of his chest. “You’ve certainly grown up.”

“Why are you here?”

“I’ve come to speak with those who are in charge of these people.”

“Speak or kill?”

“You know me better than that.”

“Do I? I know that Camelot soldiers slaughtered my people once.”

“Those were my father’s orders.”

“Are you not your father’s son?”

“I am my own king and my own man. I only wish to know your business in my kingdom.”

“You must leave your weapons there at your feet. Weapons are not allowed at the gathering.”

“As you wish.”

Gwaine cleared his throat, “You sure that’s a good idea?” He asked Arthur quietly and Merlin felt the same way. Merlin kept his eyes on Mordred, watching the young man warily.

_“What are you doing here, Emrys? Have you come for her?”_

_“Her?”_

_“Morgana.”_

_“You know where she is?”_

_“She was here with me. It was a low thing you did to her, chaining her to you like that.”_

_“I didn’t mean to.”_

_“Of that I am certain.”_

_“Where did she go?”_

_“I won’t tell you. She’s trying to forget you. We are her people now.”_

“No, but, I want to show them that I mean no harm. Did you see the look on the children’s faces when they saw us? The children are taught to fear the red cloaks you know.” Arthur told him as he unhooked his scabbard and dropped his sword to the ground. The other knights followed suit. “Now may we enter?”

“Wait there. I will inform the elders that you are here.” Mordred walked out of sight.

“This is going well, don’t you think?” Arthur smiled back at them.

“Yes… very well.” Merlin groused. What was Mordred hiding about Morgana? Were they involved? What sort of bond did they have now with him being an adult? Had she taken another lover? Anger flared to life strong and hot at the thought of another man touching Morgana. His magic was writhing against his skin like a snake and he knew that his eyes were most likely gold. He turned his head and took several deep, quiet, calming breaths. Morgana was his and his alone. He would make sure that the boy knew that.

Mordred returned, “You may enter the camp. Enjoy our hospitality. The elders will see you in the largest tent, Arthur.” 

“Thank you, Mordred.” Arthur trekked up the hill, followed by his men. As Merlin passed Mordred they locked eyes and shared a heated gaze before Merlin broke it off to follow Arthur to the tent. He took up residence outside the tent as several people looked at him. He heard the name Emrys whispered among the adults in quiet tones. 

Merlin continued to stare at Mordred and the young man stared back with challenge in his eyes. This visit promised to be interesting. 

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. So I didn't realize quite how long I had been away from this story. I've been busy with being overworked and with a plot bunny I needed to get out. As well as a new game to play. But here it is. Hopefully back on a semi-regular schedule but I am also going on vacation so there won't likely be another update until next week. 
> 
> But if you have a mind for it you can visit my new story which was originally going to be a few chapters of PWP which turned into an actual story. It's a Loki/Reader fic pre-Thor. :) 
> 
> Hope you had a good read!


	34. Chapter 33

Merlin sat down near a campfire and the knights followed. They gathered around him and looked around at the druids nearest them, who quickly fled. 

“Well this is damned depressing.” Gwaine sighed as he stared at the girls who glanced back at them warily. 

“What?” Lionell asked.

“They’re all afraid of us. I mean look at them.” He gestured to the women and children who had taken up residence as far away from them as possible.

“The knights of Camelot do kill them after all. It’s to be expected.” Lionell responded. “But it’s different to see them now, to actually feel their fear and look at them.”

“You think Arthur’s okay in there?” Percival asked, looking back at the tent. 

“I’m sure he’s fine.” Merlin said. 

“I wouldn’t be too sure of that.” A voice came from behind them. “The elders will probably ring him out to dry.” Merlin saw Mordred walk into the campfire light and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Morded, right? I’m Gwaine.” Gwaine held out his hand to the young man and Mordred took it with a grin. 

“Yeah.”

“So you think Arthur won’t be able to handle them?” Lionell asked, leaning forward. “I’m Lionell by the way.”

“Not a chance. They are old and crafty and hard to outwit.” Mordred chuckled.

“I’m Percival. So why aren’t you afraid of us?” Percival asked obviously curious about the newcomer.

“I know Arthur. He’s a good man and he saved my life once with Merlin’s help.” Mordred shrugged, “I have no reason to be afraid of you.”

“So you are the druid boy.” Lionell nodded, “I heard a lot about that incident.”

“I would imagine so. The King’s ward hiding a little druid boy in her bedchamber right under his very nose. It would be gossip worthy.” Mordred chuckled. 

“I like you, Mordred. Sit with us.” Gwaine looked around the camp and Mordred sat down. He leaned in, “Does this place have any ale?”

“No ale.” Mordred shook his head sadly.

“What about the girls? Any chance they will come and talk to us?”

“Gwaine!” Lionell chuckled, “Do you ever think of anything else?”

“When there are a bunch of beautiful girls around? Why would I?” He gestured in a grand motion around them. 

Mordred looked around, “I will see what I can do.” 

Gwaine gave him a grin in reply.

“We won’t be staying here long.” Merlin told the Knight.

“I think you will. The elders will insist on it. And we will keep a close eye on the lot of you.” Mordred stared at Merlin and Merlin back at him. 

“So tell us about the druids then.” Gwaine broke the tension between them.

“Why?”

“Why not?”

“I can’t just tell you about us, because it would be like asking about your people. They aren’t grouped into one category. The only thing that makes us different from you is this,” he tugged his shirt over to one side revealing his tattoo, “And our magic and some of us don’t have magic, they just prefer to live like us, close with nature and in peace. No one bothers to actually ask about us or observe our traditions. They merely believe what they wish to about us. When in truth we are no different from you.”

“So what’s all this about anyway?” Gwaine gestured to the numerous tents and people around them.

“It’s a celebration. This particular one happens once every 50 years, but we have celebrations like it every year.”

“What’s so special about this one?”

“Well, I have no idea about this one. It’s something that will be revealed to us at the height of the ceremony, or to the elders rather. It’s something that can change our people forever.”

“Sounds like fun. How long does it last?”

“A week in all. It’s a celebration of new life and the ending of winter and the long death.”

“So what do you do in this celebration?”

“We drink and eat and celebrate life. The children aren’t allowed to be in the camp when it happens.”

“Now that sounds like a party.”

“We aren’t staying.” Merlin chuckled. 

“It’s also a time to find a mate. Many marriages happen just after the celebration.” Mordred’s eyes crept back to Merlin. “The magic makes it nearly impossible to resist a mate.” 

“I want to mate.” Gwaine grumbled. 

“Not now you won’t.” Arthur spoke from behind them. “But we will be staying just outside the camp for tonight.”

“What did they say?” Lionell asked his king.

“A lot of things. Now you all should go back down to where we left our weapons and start setting up camp. I will be back soon.” 

“I don’t think you should go out by yourself, Arthur.” Merlin responded. 

“I will be fine, Merlin. I’m not going very far, but if you wish to accompany me you can.” Arthur did not wait for his reply; he merely turned around and headed for the forest. Merlin stood up and followed him while the other three and Mordred walked down the hill to set up the camp. 

$#$#$#

Merlin followed Arthur in silence for a few minutes until Arthur suddenly broke the silence of the forest, “Am I a good king?”

Merlin nearly tripped over a tree root, “Of course you are.”

“Tell me the truth, Merlin. Am I a good king? A fair and just king that loves his people?”

“I think so. Why?”

“They are my people too aren’t they? The druids I mean.”

“The ones that live here are.”

“But I do not treat them with respect or kindness. I treat them better than my father did by ignoring them, but they still suffer.”

“Why are you thinking about this?”

“Because they brought it up. They are constantly hunted for being what they are and if they are in my kingdom I should protect them. They made a mockery of my round table where no one was greater and all men were equal when sitting at it. They told me that I was following in my father’s much larger footsteps like a child.”

“You have only just begun your reign.”

“And what have I really done with it? Brought peace? Hardly. Morgana was the only real threat and she was locked away elsewhere for the majority of my reign. That was the only real reason for peace in the land. I haven’t done much that has been monumental or legendary.”

“You don’t need to be monumental or legendary to be a good king.”

“But I do. Every great king does.”

“Are you really worried about that? Arthur you have a great destiny ahead of you.”

Arthur stopped and turned around. He looked curiously at Merlin, “That’s what they told me, but they wouldn’t tell me how or why.” Arthur looked up at the darkening sky, “We should get back. I have a lot to think about.”

“How long are we staying?”

“Two days. They wanted me to stay two days. So that I could learn about the druids and their ways before I blindly hate them. Their words, not mine.”

Merlin followed Arthur in silence again, “Did they tell you anything else?”

“Morgana was here. She just left yesterday as if she knew we were coming.”

“Are you going to try to look for her?”

“No. She is probably long gone by now.” 

Merlin didn’t think so, but he wasn’t going to tell Arthur that. He had a feeling that Mordred knew exactly where she was and that irked him more than he thought it should. 

$%$%$%

After they got back to camp they found Mordred sitting around the campfire with the knights laughing and telling stories. Merlin and Arthur joined them and that is what they did for the remainder of the night. A young brunette girl with large blue eyes and pale skin introduced herself to the knights as Lilly and Gwaine immediately started flirting with her. At first she was very adamant about not talking to him but as the day went on she found herself sitting on his lap laughing with the rest of the knights and Mordred. It went on like that until nightfall and Lilly had gone back to her family with Mordred.   
They went to sleep without much ado and Merlin offered to take the first watch. 

It wasn’t until about an hour into it that he heard a noise and turned around to find Mordred staring at him. _“Walk with me, Emrys.”_

_“I don’t use that name here.”_

_“You might not but it is your name regardless.”_

_“What do you want?”_

_“To talk with you, much like the elders of the clan talked to Arthur. They judged him and found him worthy. Now I will judge you.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because I wish to. Do I need another reason?”_

_“Fine.”_ Merlin stood up from his post and crept quietly to Mordred, who gestured for him to lead. They walked in silence until the camp was barely within sight when Merlin stopped. “What is all this about?” 

“Morgana.”

The way he said her name set his teeth on edge. “What about her?”

“You sound so agitated, Emrys.”

“Stop calling me that. It’s not my name.”

“Morgana doesn’t call you Emrys either. Why is that?”

“She doesn’t know me by that name.”

“But she does know it. She’s terrified of the name, of you, but when I ask her about Emrys she tells me he is her destiny and her doom and that he is an old man with a staff and a white beard that she sees in her visions, her nightmares. Why would she tell me that instead of giving me your face?”

“Why haven’t you told her that I am Emrys then if you know me?”

“I don’t know. I should though it’s never come up. And I doubt that she would really believe me, as much as she loves me. Morgana would never believe that you were Emrys unless you told her.”

“Anything else you want to say to me?” Merlin asked snappishly.

“Why did you bond to her?”

“I didn’t…or rather I didn’t mean to.” He answered quickly, “That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“You bonded to her by accident? Do you even love her?”

Merlin looked away into the woods, “I don’t know. I thought I did, but maybe it was just passion. Regardless I didn’t come here for her. I came here to serve my king.”

“So you didn’t come here for Morgana?”

“No. I didn’t. So you and she can do whatever it is you have been doing. I won’t interfere.” Merlin replied bitterly.

“Why? Don’t you want her?” Mordred had to smile to himself at Merlin’s unneeded jealousy.

“What kind of a question is that? Of course I want her, but I’m not going to hold her to me against her will. She’s been held like that too much and too often and I’ve hurt her and betrayed her and I understand why she ran away from me. I wouldn’t want to be with me either if I had been through what she had. Like you said. I’m her doom and it’s better if she stayed away from me and Camelot. She already hates me so it shouldn’t be hard. The only reason she is staying around me is because of this bond. But it’s not complete is it? She could learn to ignore it.”

“She could, just as you could. But…”

“Why am I being so reasonable? Because there is someone out there better for her than me. Someone who’s name isn’t Emrys. Now, I am going back to camp, Mordred. Don’t get too comfortable around the knights. Arthur will want to get out of here as soon as he can.” Merlin told him matter-of-factly and turned around to walk back to camp, leaving a bewildered Mordred in his wake. 

After he got back to camp he was surprised to see Arthur awake and watching him. “You look angry. What were you and Mordred talking about?”

“Nothing important.” Merlin tried to pull back his anger. The emotion had become a black pit that had grown ever wider and larger since Morgana had left. He hadn’t thought much about it and hadn’t wanted to until now as it had grabbed his attention. 

He didn’t see Arthur get up or get close to him until he was right there in Merlin’s vision. “Tell me.”

“Morgana.”

Surprise flitted through his features and his blue-grey eyes widened in surprise, “Why?”

“He thought something that I didn’t. Like I said, it was nothing important.”

“Is that why he took you away from camp? You’ve been depressing ever since she left and I kept wondering why because you two had never been that close.” Arthur paused seemingly to collect himself, “But you two were, weren’t you? It’s why you took it so badly when she left. You think you hid it well, but we’ve known each other a while. I’ve learned to read you. You can’t keep a secret from me.”

Merlin couldn’t help the grin that tugged at his lips, “She was my friend, that’s all.”

Arthur looked at him dubiously, “I’ll take the next watch.” Merlin nodded and lay down in bed. The black pit had shrunk somewhat while talking to Arthur and he closed his eyes to sleep. 

$%$%$%$

Morgana sighed peacefully as a hand carefully stroked her hair and caressed her face. She was lying in a field of flowers with her head on the stomach of her husband. She felt his every breath with the rise and fall of her head. It was sunny outside and not a hint of rain to come. 

It was then that she heard a child’s shrill laughter and instinctively knew whose it was, although she couldn’t put a name to the child at that moment. Morgana sat up and looked across the field at a little dark haired boy whose smile reminded her of someone. She turned back to her husband and saw no one and nothing when only a moment ago he had been lying with her. She blinked and the sky had turned from clear blue to dark grey and lightning swam through the clouds and turned her head to find the child when she heard the scream. 

Morgana wasted no time as she stood up and ran through the field toward the place where she last saw the child. She called his name and called when she heard another scream and tore off for that direction. Her heart pounded in her chest with fear and adrenaline and she made her way through the forest. All of the sudden without missing a beat or step she was in a dead clearing, the trees and grass brown and white with decay and death and in the center was the little boy with his round face and pale skin and dark thick hair. He looked like he was sleeping if not for the blood surrounding him and the wound on his neck that stretched from ear to ear. Morgana gave a shriek of despair and ran to the boy in the middle of the dead wood and picked him up to hold to her breast, wailing with heartbreak. She looked up to see her husband, looking equally as distraught before she saw the blade of a sword sticking out of his chest. 

Morgana shrieked anew as he fell with a surprised look on his face to reveal the face of her tormentor. “You’re dead! I killed you!” 

“I’ve come back just for you, my dear.” He told her with a smile before she awoke, bolting upright with a scream of fear, covered in sweat and tears running down her face. The boy-her son. He was dead and her husband... Morgana grabbed the bucket just in time for her to vomit into it. Her son had been covered in blood. After Morgana was done retching she put the bucket down with shaky hands and ran them through her sweat soaked hair. He was here…he was back and he was going to kill her son. For about ten minutes that was the only thought running through her head until she felt a calming presence in her mind. She had no son, she would never have a son, and she wasn’t married and the Sarrum was dead. She chanted the mantra in her head a few times before her hands stopped shaking and her heart stopped pounding. It was at this time she missed Merlin more than she ever had before. He would have woken her before she screamed and he would have held her until the tremors stopped. It was a moment of weakness but she didn’t care as she stood up on shaky legs and stripped before going outside to find her pond to soak in. The cool air felt good on her sweaty skin and she felt the cool and soft earth beneath her feet pulsed with life while she walked to her bathing spot.

#$$%$#

Merlin came awake with a gasp and an overwhelming fear rushed through him. He knew at once that it was Morgana, but he also knew that she was in no danger from her fear. It was probably only a nightmare, but still he sent a calming presence through the bond and gradually it relaxed until he couldn’t feel it anymore.

He rose and fed the horses then started cooking the meal before he woke the rest of the knights up. 

After taking care of Arthur and asking his permission to leave he took a horse and headed for Ealdor.   
It took him roughly an hour to cross into the town and he spotted his mother easily working in the new soil of her garden.   
Hunith looked up from her gardening and saw her son. She instantly dropped her garden tools and ran up to embrace him as he slid down from the horse, “Merlin! I’m so glad to see you!” She pulled back and looked around, “He let you have a day off?”

“No, never. He’s about an hour’s ride from here where the druids’ are camped.” 

Hunith’s eyes went wide, “Tell me he didn’t…”

“NO! No! He didn’t. He’s just visiting them. He let me come over here for the day because I missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too. Come inside. I’ll make you something to eat.”

“No. You don’t have to. I thought I would help you work in the garden.”

“You came here to help me work on the garden?”

“No, but I just saw you doing it and thought you might like the help.” 

Hunith gave him a look but said nothing as she walked back to the garden. Merlin picked up the hoe and started digging into the soil. “Who is she then?”

Merlin almost missed the dirt and hit his foot, “What?”

“This girl that you have on your mind?”

“I don’t have a girl on my mind?”

“Don’t lie to your mother. Only women put that distant look in a man’s eyes. You might never have mentioned it and I would still know because I’m your mother. Now out with it.”

“You won’t like it.”

“Try me.”

“It’s Morgana.” Merlin nearly fell over laughing at the look on his mother’s face. 

“What? Morgana? As in the old King’s ward? The one who did all those terrible things? My son, what have you gotten yourself into? I heard that Arthur captured her.”

“Trouble, like always.”

“You were always one for trouble. It moved towards you and you could never escape it fast enough. Tell me about her then?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Did you come here to talk with your mother or make excuses?”

Merlin sighed and started with his story. “About 4 years ago…”

&*&*&*&

Mordred took the satchel from Lilly and put in in his bag to give to Morgana. He knew that she wouldn’t want to see him yet, but he had to warn her about the current developments. His mental connection with her wouldn’t stretch as far as he wanted it to and Lilly had wanted him to give her the bag of herbs if he was going out there. 

Lilly went back to see the knights and started her own flirting with Gwaine and she was more than capable of taking him on in her own right. That man didn’t know what he was getting into. 

Mordred put his bag over his head and set out for Morgana’s hut. He had found it ages ago but had only just learned that it had once belonged to her and it would be stupid of her not to take advantage of it now. 

A pair of blue-grey eyes watched him leave with interest before he turned back to the druid men he had been talking to. 

^%^%

It had taken him hours to tell his story, leaving out the worst bits and Hunith had made him lunch and listened, occasionally ask a question or two but she watched him and his facial expressions very carefully. “… And she left after that. She’s here now. I can feel her close by and I don’t know what to do about it.”

Hunith sat back and regarded her son with a smile, “You should go after her.”

“What?”

“Go after her. If what you say about her is true and from what I had seen of the woman, then you shouldn’t let this opportunity slip through your fingers.”

“But what if it’s only the spell?”

“But what if it isn’t? What if this is your one chance and you miss it because you are too afraid or too kind to take it?”

“But what if she doesn’t want to?”

“At least you tried. What was that name for her again?”

“Avaleora. It means fated one in the dragon tongue.”

“Your father called me Nevaleora. He told me it meant beloved one.” Hunith said quietly.

“It does.” He reached across the table and put his larger hand over her smaller one. “Did he bond with you?”

“No, although he told me about it. There are four steps in all, the claiming, the mating, the bonding, and the joining. He didn’t tell me anything else but their names, so I cannot offer you any advice except that this may be the only time you reach happiness and if it’s not at least you can say that you tried if nothing else. Love is never something that should be left to chance. Now, let me send you with something for your trip back, because it’s been a few hours and Arthur is likely to be worried about you.” Hunith stood up then collected an apple and a piece of cheese and wrapped them up before handing them to Merlin. He placed the fruit in his bag and gave his mother a hug and kiss on the cheek before leaving the house. He mounted up and waved to her as he kicked his horse into a gallop and headed back to the druid camp.

#$#$#$

Merlin reached the camp and Gwaine was the first to practically drag him off of his horse. “Merlin! Merlin! You’ve got to try this stuff. It’s amazing.” He pushed a cup into his hands. “Now! Now! Do it now!” 

Merlin looked at Gwaine with wide eyes and rather than fight him about it, he lifted the mug to his lips and took two swallows of the incredibly sweet drink. There was an instant buzz in his ears as the blood rushed to his head. “Woah.” He shook his head and looked at Gwaine. “How much of this have you had?”

“One cup. And I feel great! Lionell had some…and Percy! Wow! I feel like I can go all night.” 

“You better.” A brunette came up to him…Lilly was her name. “Get back over here. I’m not done with you yet.” She dragged him back over to the rest of the knights where they were talking with some more young women. 

Merlin looked around the camp and noticed the absence of children. The energy of the entire place was high and excited and there was a cup in nearly everyone’s hand. They were all drinking and laughing like they were drunk, but there was no alcohol in this drink. Merlin took another sip and he felt a low buzz start in his hands. Merlin spotted Arthur and walked towards him. There was no drink in his hand and Merlin found that to be curious. “Why don’t you have one of these?”

“Not allowed to. Clan leaders cannot drink it. They drink something different.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, Merlin. They just do, but by the look of it….I don’t think I want to. It acts just like ale, but I don’t like it. Maybe you shouldn’t drink it either.” He said just as Merlin took another drink and the vibrating sensation traveled down his arm. 

“I’ll be fine. Hey, where’s Mordred?”

“Gone. He left to collect herbs or something. He should be back soon.”

$%$%$%$

Morgana looked up from her book at the knock on the door. Who could possibly be knocking on her door of all places? She got up from her bed on still wobbly legs and answered it to find a familiar face smiling at her. “Mordred, you shouldn’t be here. I told you to enjoy the festivities.”

“I couldn’t do it without you. But it hasn’t really started yet anyway. Lilly wanted me to bring you this.” He handed her the bag and she took it and set it on the table before stepping out of her hovel into the fresh air. 

“Thank you. She’s such a sweet girl.” 

“I also wanted to see how you were doing.”

“I had a nightmare last night…”

“What about?” They started walking through the forest. 

“I was in a field, happy, with my husband. I knew he was my husband…and I heard a child. He was mine and he was beautiful. It ended with my son in the middle of a dead wood with his throat slit and blood pooled around him. And my husband killed by the Sarrum and I watched him die--.” Morgana’s hands had started shaking and Mordred stopped them and moved in front of her. He took her shoulders and enveloped her in a hug. He quickly released her and they continued walking.

“It was only a dream.” 

“What if it was more than that?”

“Well, did it feel like a vision?”

“No. Visions are more concrete, they feel almost too real. This one felt real but it lacked something.”

“Plain dreams can mean something too.”

“Like what? I’m going to have a husband?”

“Who was he? Merlin?” Mordred asked jokingly.

“No.” Morgana lied easily, “Someone else. I can’t remember now.”

“Good, because I doubt that he will ever make it that far.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I talked with him last night?”

“How? Why?”

“Arthur came to the camp with a few knights. He said he came in peace and so far he has. Merlin was with him. When I asked him about you he said that he wasn’t interested in being with you.”

Morgana would never admit how much that shocked and hurt her, “Why not?” The question came out a little indignant but it couldn’t have been helped.

“He was being noble about it. Said he wouldn’t cage you and that he should leave you alone. He also thought that we were lovers.” Mordred grinned at her cheekily. 

Morgana laughed, “Why would he think that?”

“Because men are naturally jealous animals. He assumed that you had moved on I suppose though I did nothing to tell him otherwise.” He gave her a cheeky grin.

“Then he is a fool. I’m not some whore that goes tramping from place to place, man to man. I thought he knew that.” The laughter was gone now and in its place was anger. 

“I don’t think he thinks that, Morgana. But he will leave soon anyway, back to Camelot with Arthur and an absence of magic.”

“I know. I know. But you should be getting back now. I don’t want you to miss the festivities.”

“What if you have another nightmare, or a vision? My mind-speak cannot reach that far.”

“I will be fine. I’ve done it before and I can do it again. Do not worry so much about me.” Morgana turned them around and they headed back for her hovel in silence. 

When they reached her door she kissed his cheek and gave him another hug, “Be careful. And after it’s over tell me how it went, alright?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He turned and started jogging for the druid camp, running nimbly through the trees.   
Morgana opened up her door and picked the satchel up off of her table. She rummaged around in it and her hand touched a cool crystal vial. Morgana picked it up and a dark pink liquid swirled around the glass vial, looking rather tempting. She uncorked it and inhaled the aroma. A very sweet scent hit her nose and overwhelmed it as she put the lid back onto it. Morgana set the strange potion down and took out a few of the well pressed herbs. These would do wonderfully for her tea. 

Despite what Mordred had said to her about Merlin, she doubted that he would stay away from her and doubted that he really meant what he said. Well…he probably meant it now, but men were fickle sometimes and she had felt him in her mind this morning to soothe her nightmare. They weren’t done with each other yet. 

&^&^&^

Merlin watched Mordred enter the camp and took another drink of the sweet liquid. His skin had warmed and tingled and he felt wonderful. He narrowed his eyes at Mordred and walked over to him, bringing a cup of liquid to the man. Mordred saw him and stopped then took the cup from his hands, “Thank you, Merlin.” Mordred tilted back the cup and took a swallow. He shivered and made a face at the sweetness, “What the hell is this?”

“The ceremony drink and you missed a big part of it today. It’s only just beginning.” Merlin took another drink, “Where did you go?”

“Just out for a walk to scout the area. It took me longer than I thought.”

“I see. Well come back with us, enjoy the festivities!” Merlin hooked an arm around his shoulders and let him away. He turned back to the path that Mordred had taken and his eyes glowed as he marked it with his magic. He had gone to see her, which Merlin was sure of, and he would do the same. 

XxOxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been so spotty with this fic. I had a mini mental breakdown about my job but its better now. And my Loki/Reader fic has my muse rather occupied. Not to mention my new Pillars of Eternity 2 game. Though now I'm stuck at a game ending bug. Boo. Hopefully my updating schedule gets better. But a nudge every so often wouldn't be bad either.


End file.
